After The Happily Ever After
by RobinCullen05
Summary: Bella and Edward are married with a child. Bella has all she ever wanted, but sometimes life gets in the way of our fairy tale.Can Bella and Edward survive the hardships that lay ahead? AH/cannon pairings. S. Meyer owns all things Twilight
1. Chapter 1

_Here we go again_, I thought to myself. My family had once again gathered at my house for our traditional Sunday night dinners. The men were outside gathered around the grill, as was the routine, while Alice, Rose and myself were gathered in the kitchen fixing side dishes and talking about our day to day. This was our life. We might not have all been blood but we were what each other had.

"I can't believe how fast Ayden is growing" Alice gushed over mine and Edward's three year old son.

"I know, I wish I could just slow it down for a little while" I answered her with a sad smile. Rose of course being Rose wouldn't have any of my sullen attitude today.

"oh come on Bella, you're moodiness is really getting to be a drag, You've got to cheer up girl." Rose lectured me in an upbeat tone that didn't quite suite her normal attitude. Maybe her pregnancy had finally dulled her normally jagged exterior.

"Damn it! Will this freakin kid lay off my damn bladder for five minutes". Ok, maybe not.

Rose was in her seventh month of pregnancy and did not care for it. I had loved being pregnant. But not our Rosalie, she was never one to sugar coat and she didn't tip toe around how she felt about being pregnant. I knew she would make a great mother when the time came, but for now she miserable and that was hard for me to watch.

"So Bella, tell me what's going on." Alice politely demanded after Rosalie excused herself to make yet another trip to the bathroom.

"What do you want me to say Alice, You know how things are for me right now."

"I just get the feeling, you're not telling me everything, I know you Bella. You know I know you, so let's just cut the crap and you tell me what's up." Damn unrelenting pixie.

"Alice…I just…I don't know how to talk about this…"

Just then Edward came through the sliding glass doors of our patio for a spatula. It hadn't gone unnoticed by him that our conversation ended when he came in. He quietly found what he was looking for and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

Once he left I gave Alice a look that she knew meant to drop it. Rosalie returned a few minutes later and we fell back into easy conversation about work and children.

***********************************************************************

The three of us had known each other for what felt like forever. Alice and I had known each other since our freshman year of college. We were dorm mates from day one until graduation. Rose joined us our sophomore year and stayed with us until her junior year when her and my brother Emmett got married and moved out of the dorms into a small apartment.

While rooming together, at the University of Washington, I met Alice's brother Edward. He was a year older than us and so far out of my league, it was ridiculous. Alice had been insistent on the fact that we were meant to be together. She told me that I had to marry Edward because she was going to marry Jasper and it would just be 'so perfect!'

Jasper had been Edward's best friend since they were kids. Alice had been hiding a very big crush on him since the first time he kissed a scrape she had on her knee at the age of six. Jasper was clueless, until one day Alice made her feelings completely known by stomping toward him in the dining hall, grabbing a fist full of his blonde locks and pulling his lips down to hers. After he finished kissing her back she looked him in the eye and said 'you've kept me waiting for a long time', before she turned and marched out of that dorm cafeteria with her held high. Edward and I had stood in shock.

Edward had slowly became my friend thanks to Alice's constant need to push us toward one another. I still don't know why he asked me out but I knew it had to be some sick joke. So I refused him on five separate occasions. But the boy was persistent. What little will power I had was quickly diminished on a group camping trip when I watched him throw a football around shirtless. He thought I was just playing hard to get. HA, if I had known he was sincere I would have thrown his sister out of our room and done things that would make Jenna Jameson blush the first time he asked me out.

We dated all through college and married the summer after I graduated. I insisted on waiting just to stick to some plan I had made for myself in junior high. Plans… What a joke. The path we're on now was never part of the plan when I said 'I do' in our peaceful meadow.

The years following graduation our little group was busy with weddings, parties, loss, disappointments, and too many laughs to count. Edward's years in med-school were hard but we were young and had the idea that as long as we loved each other we could make it through anything. I now wonder if that's true. Looking back nothing seems like it was all that hard. Our lives were easy then, even with being young, married, busy and broke life was perfect.

Well as perfect as it could have been without my Ayden. There is no such thing as perfect, without my son. That boy is definitely going to be trouble. He is my little Edward with his messy bronze hair and emerald eyes. He's also like his father in the sense that he has a way of getting whatever he wants by smiling that crooked grin. Most days Ayden is the only thing keeping me on this side of the crazy line, without him I know I would have hurdled that sucker sometime in the past year.

The girls knew, to an extent, what I had been going through, but at the same time they had no idea how bad things have become. I knew I would have to tell them eventually but the idea was almost as scary as the situation I found myself in. Something would have to change and very soon. I couldn't continue to live a lie. But to admit it to my two best friends meant I would have to admit it to myself, and that had proved to be an impossible task.

I couldn't help but long for the days when my whole life was before me, and I was living my happily ever after. That's the thing about fairy tales; they always end with the prince and princess riding off into the sunset. Why doesn't anyone ever warn you about what happens after that happily ever after moment?

**AN: Ok this is my first attempt at writing fanfic. I hate to sound too insecure but let me know if anyone wants me to continue this story. The next chapters will be much longer than this one. I know it left with several questions but all will be revealed soon. Anyway please review and be gentle. **


	2. Crumbling

Chapter 2

Crumbling

The evening was finally over and I was relieved to finally feel my mask slip away. It had become exhausting to keep up the appearance that everything was fine. Everything was not fine.

I stepped into Ayden's room to check on him one last time before I went to bed. He had fallen asleep without putting up much of a fight. Ayden and Alice's daughter Rosalyn Marie had spent the evening playing in the yard, granting Alice and myself each a night of peace in our respective homes. Rosalyn was four going on seventeen and had so much of Alice's energy that even my poor son was sometimes unable to keep up with her.

"Are you going to bed now?" Edward asked, pulling my gaze away from Ayden.

"I'll be there a little while". I responded, though I didn't really have a valid reason for not going to bed now. Edward exhaled loudly. He knew my avoidance techniques by now, they were nothing new.

Most nights I would try to busy myself with tedious chores that could have easily been put off until morning. I would go to great lengths to avoid the awkwardness that now filled our once busy bedroom.

The nights were always the hardest. If we both found ourselves in bed awake the silence would become deafening. One of those silences filled with everything that should have been said, or was said wrong, or had been said two thousand times. We were almost having the same conversation again when it was silent. We both knew how the other felt and what they would say to rebuttal our points.

I can't blame Edward for this, he did nothing wrong. Sometimes things happen and you can't control them. He will never admit that our situation is my fault but I know it is. I don't need him to try and coddle me anymore. I have accepted that I have broken what we have. My only question is whether or not it can be fixed.

In the beginning I thought if Edward could forgive me we could move on. But instead he refused to acknowledge that I was at fault. He kept saying we couldn't have done anything. Ha, there are a million tiny moments I could have changed in that day, a million decisions that could have altered the course that I was on. But what happened, well it happened and now here we are.

I can't read the look in his eyes while he watches me walk into the room.

"You're early" he says without emotion. Everything lately had been without emotion. He's a great actor. When were around our family he acts carefree. At work he's his old cocky self. He even has Ayden fooled. He doesn't look at him quite the same. He still has the same love for him, if not more than before _it_ happened but you can see hurt in his eyes each time Ayden does something new.

"I cleaned the kitchen" I answered politely cold.

"Fine, goodnight I love you"

"Goodnight"

As I got settled under the sheets I felt Edward's foot come to meet mine. I slowly slid it away.

When we were younger we would get into heated arguments about things that now seem trivial. We would fight with the same passion we had in the bedroom. We are and were both as stubborn as could be. The idea of saying the words "I'm wrong" was not something either of us entertained at the time. And we never valued the 'don't go to bed angry' rule. We would stomp our way into bed slamming doors as we passed. While we both laid in bed angry, one of us would slide our foot over to the others. It was like an unspoken peace offering, sometimes a truce, sometimes and admittance of fault. But as long as our feet found each other, we would wake up in each other's arms. In hindsight it probably wasn't the best way to fix problems in a relationship, but you knew at that point you were still on the same team.

In the past team would have been the perfect word to describe us. Obviously husband and wife, best friends, and lovers worked too, but team seemed to fit us to a tee. If I was lacking in an area Edward would pick up the slack. We worked out everything together. We each played our positions and had or roles down pat by the time Ayden came along. I found juggling my job as a teacher and being a mother considerably easier than expected, with Edward by my side. He was ideal. He would take Ayden to doctor's appointments, or cook when I had papers to grade, and about once a week the two of them would go to the park just so I could have a half an hour to do whatever I wanted. He was the perfect teammate.

"I can't do this anymore" Edward said with defeat while tossing in the bed.

I knew this was coming. It happens almost every Sunday or whenever we are around our family.

"I know, I hate lying to them too."

"I hate lying to myself more" he mumbled so low, I'm not sure it was meant to be heard.

"We'll tell them." I said with what little conviction I could muster.

Edward sat up strait in the bed with force. The sheets bunched together at his waist. Despite everything he is still the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

"What exactly do we tell them, Bella?" He demanded. "How can I tell them what's going on with this, if I don't even know!" He was angry now, he had every right.

And I was glad. I have been wanting him to get angry with me for over a year now. It's about time. I was going to push his buttons.

"Hmm I don't know Edward, you're so good at trying to fix everything and knowing exactly how everyone _should_ feel, why don't you tell me what's going on with us!"

"What is that supposed to mean" he questioned in restrained anger.

"You know good and well what I mean." "I'm sorry Edward if I can't handle things quite as well as you can. I'm sorry if I can't pretend our life is normal. It isn't…not anymore" I whispered the end like the words were illegal. With Edward they were.

He refused to talk about it after that first month. I can't blame him. He probably did it to keep his blame for me to himself. He had always been the suffer in silence type. But now he made everyone else join him in his delusion.

Around the house we all knew what words or topics were off limits. And everyone followed suit. I don't know if they did this to appease Edward or if they thought they were helping me. The only one who ever slipped up was Ayden. Everyone else had perfected the dance they did around the subject, while Ayden was too young to understand why he couldn't discuss certain things.

I looked over to see Edward pinching the bridge of his nose. He did this whenever things were tense. I knew I had about thirty seconds before he shut down. I knew him inside and out but what came out of his mouth next had me floored.

"I've got the apartment, just let me know when you're ready for me to leave." He said in a long sigh as we rolled over, turning his back to me.

I probably used more force than necessary when I jerked his should toward me, effectively rolling him on his back.

"You what?" I tried to say it without the shock and horror in my voice but I failed miserably.

"I've-got-the-apart" He began to draw out before I cut him off.

"I heard what you said, and quit patronizing me. What do you mean you have an apartment?"

He took a long breath before he answered me.

"You do not have a right to be upset about this"

I opened my mouth to speak but he raised a finger to make me pause and began again.

"Was it not you who said we needed some time apart? Was it not you mentioned _me _moving out? And so now you get to sit here and act blindsided. This was not my idea."

I couldn't speak. He was right. That cocky, arrogant, lease signing bastard was right.

"Fine, I'm having lunch with the girls tomorrow I'll tell them then, you can talk to the guys or…I can...whatever."

I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. Hell it wasn't what I wanted to say. Truth be told, I wanted to beg him to stay, tell him we would work this out, that we could be us again. We could be that couple who would sit out under the stars and talk could for hours. I wanted to tell him we could go back. Back to when we couldn't go ten minutes without feeling the others touch. I wanted us to go back to the couple who would cheer for their Alma mater at football games and sing cheesy songs at the top of their lungs on road trips. This was what I wanted to say, but I couldn't, because I didn't know if we could be that couple ever again.

How could we be us, when I was no longer me? I was no longer the smart, fun girl I had been in college. Nor was I the got it together working mother I had been a little over a year ago. Truth be told, I didn't know who I was. Most people would probably have recovered by now, but not me. Nope for some reason I haven't been able to shake the problems that have came our way and now I'm losing my marriage because I'm too weak to move on.

I can hear as Edward's breathing steadies and I know he is finally asleep. I know I'm far from the sweet numbness that sleep offers. So I stare at the ceiling and fight back the tears that I know are inevitable. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I'm not concerned about how Alice will take the news, even though Edward is her brother she has continually proved herself to be a loyal friend in whatever battles we have engaged in before.

Rosalie however is not always as understanding. She loves me I know that, and we have a relationship that is very close yet indefinable. However after _it_ happened Alice was content to lay with me while I cried and just be there for me. Rosalie, however, took a more….hands on approach.

"_Isabella Marie Cullen! Get your ass out of that bed now." She yelled with authority. _

"_Fuck off, Rosalie" I mumbled. But I had no such luck. _

_She grabbed me by my hair in one hand and took my elbow in her other and drug me to my bathroom. She grunted something about 'no sister in law of hers ending up grown into their bed and being cut from their house' whatever the hell that is supposed to mean! She then shoved me into the bathtub with force resembling Emmett's rather than her own. _

_She immediately turned the water on. I gasped loudly as the initial cold water hit my face. Before I knew what was happening Rosalie hopped into the shower fully clothed with a leg on each side of my hip. I was dumbfounded as she took the shampoo and began washing my hair. While the water soaked my pajamas, I began to cry. I cried harder than I had since it had happened. I wasn't numb anymore and it hurt. But at least I knew I wasn't alone when Rosalie wrapped her arms around me and I noticed tears streak down her face. After just a few minutes she pulled herself up to her knees and said "Thank God, the smell of you was about to make me gag." Even in hell I couldn't help but smile._

Rosalie would be unrelenting tomorrow, insisting that we work things out immediately and refusing to allow me to give up. Sometimes I was thankful because I needed this, other times I wanted to punch her in her perfect nose.

Well that was tomorrow and I would deal with it. Right now I had to sleep and pray that I haven't messed things up so badly that we can't fix them.


	3. Questions

**A/N: I just wanted to say a great big thank you to: Flora73, Lindsay, and Just Me. Thank you for the reviews ya'll are great! ( I know I said ya'll sorry) To anyone reading there is wedge of lemon in here if it offends you I am sorrry but the story is rated M. If you want to skip over it then just ignore what's in italics. It isn't absolutly vital to the plot of the full story, but it does play a decent roll in the chapter.**

Chapter 3

Questions

I woke up at six a.m. and instinctively reached across the bed for Edward. I still did this even morning though I knew he would already be gone. Edward had taken to going to the gym on a more regular basis. I didn't really mind, it made things easier to deal with. When he was gone I felt like I could breathe without the threat of stepping on a minefield.

I poured myself into the shower, and let the hot water message away the tension in my neck. I went to turn off the water and laughed softly to myself when the knob didn't want to turn to the right. That was the result of the first morning we woke up in this house.

_I climbed into the shower to wash the 'I just had sex' look. Edward and I had spent ALL of last night breaking in our new home. We had christened nearly every room in the house. Nearly. As I heard the click of the door knob I knew why he was here. I decided to play coy and act completely innocent even though my body let me know I needed him the moment the door creaked open. _

_I closed my eyes and continued rub my suds filled loofah all over my chest. I hummed a song to myself as I heard the shower curtain draw open slightly and felt my skin react to the cool air. As I continued trailing the loofah across my stomach and breast I felt Edward's hands wrap around mine and take the loofah out of my soapy hand. _

"_I think you missed a spot"' he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver through out my entire body._

_He left a trail of suds down my back as he nibbled on my earlobe. Ok baby two can play at this game! I grabbed the loofah from his hand and pressed my back against him. "Oh baby you're right I did miss a spot, my ankles." I bent straight down rubbing my ass on his hard cock. _

_He let out a throaty moan, and turned me to meet his lips. "That my beautiful Bella is going to get you into trouble"_

"_Oh I'm sorry was that inappropriate?" I questioned in the most innocent voice I could squeak out. _

_Before he could answer I grabbed my left ankle and brought it up to my hip._

_He looked I me questioningly, until I extended my ankle strait up above my head and rested my foot against the shower wall. I tried to hide how surprised I was that I could still do that, it had been years since I had set foot in a dance studio. The look on his face made the strain in my hamstring all the more worth it. He looked at me as though he was a predator and I was his prey. Edward let out a moan before placing a kiss on my calf. He ran his lips from my calf to my knee then up my thigh. Each kiss making me crave him even more. Before I knew it his mouth reached its desired destination. And I called out his name. He had been on his knees by this time giving me a beautiful view of his back and his toned arms since his hand were holding on tightly to my hips. The things his tongue can do never cease to amaze me. Although at this moment I'm greedy, I need more, I need all of him._

"_Edward" I beg. _

"_What is love, what do you want?"He asks in that sexy velvet voice._

"_I need you, now." I breathe._

"_Your wish, my command" he says with that 'do me' wink. _

_He slowly runs his hand up my thigh toward my calf and lowers my leg down to the ground. Edward stands up in all his Greek god glory and I realize I have forgotten to breathe by staring at his toned chest and stomach. _

"_See something you like?" He laughs._

"_mmm hmmm" is the only response I can manage. But it seems to be enough because he wraps my legs around his waist and fills me in one swift motion. _

"_God Isabella" he groans at the sensation. The only time I like my full name being used is by Edward and only in the most intimate of moments, and damn does this qualify .After finding our perfect rhythm and having his lips worship ever inch of me he can reach I know I'm not far from the edge. _

"_Fuck Bella". And neither is he. His thrusts become stronger as I feel my walls tighten around him. The look on his face tells me he is right there with me. The tingling sensation over takes my body as I feel that familiar feeling in my stomach. And then before I can react, I feel the fireworks, both mine and his. I'm no longer in control of my body as we come together. _

_The only problem with this is my body thrusts forward against my will, causing Edward to lose his balance. He falls to the shower floor but not before Edward's shoulder collides with the hot water tap. We instantly burst into laughter kissing in complete bliss. Then all of sudden we realize his shoulder turned off the hot water._

"_Oh shit" he exclaims as we frantically jump out of the tub and freezing water. We lean against the vanity as we try and calm down from our laughter. Then before I know it Edward picks me up and sets me beside the sink so we can begin round two._

We never got the tap fixed because we loved that memory too much. It was a great morning.

I had lost myself in that memory when I heard three loud knocks on the bathroom door.

"Bella, hurry up I need to use the shower before work."

I was furious. Unjustifiably furious, but I was furious none the less. How dare he interrupt that memory with his now ever present sorry attitude?

I wrapped a towel around my hair and body and stepped out of the bathroom. He looked at me with a guarded expression, like he didn't want me to really see him. Is that who we are now? Fine!

I looked at him and trying to hide my irrational anger I told him "You need to fix that damn hot water tap before you move out." I saw him nod once out of the corner of my eye, but he didn't vocalize his thoughts. I couldn't bare to see his face. I knew the guilt would be even more overwhelming if I saw his face.

Edward walked into the bathroom and shut the door softly.

Damn it, why couldn't he slam it! If he slammed the door he was mad at me. But by the way he shut it I knew he was upset, but it was with himself. That is far worse. It seems like a lot to infer from the force used to close a door, but when you've been with someone as long as we've been together you see the meanings behind small gestures.

We had perfected marriage, or so we thought. He knew that I wasn't one to wake up easily and the only way to get me out of bed without feeling my wrath was to have a cup of coffee on my nightstand, two sugars, two French vanilla creamers. Every morning when Edward woke up he would make the coffee and bring it to me while waking me up with soft kisses on every inch of my face. I knew that when he was restless or needed to be comforted all I had to do was lay his head on my lap and run my fingers through his gorgeous hair. This was a dance you perfect over time. Words were not needed anymore we seemed to get by without having to communicate, which now I realize may have led us to where we are now.

I sifted through my closet and found a school acceptable outfit and threw my hair into a messy bun. I looked decent at best, broken at worst. It was amazing how my outward appearance always seemed to reflect my emotions.

I threw on some mascara and went to wake up my angel.

"Ayden, rise and shine my little gum drop". He giggled and opened his eyes. It always made him smile when I woke him up in that cheesy tone. It was what my mother used to tell me, when I was a child. He was a lot more receptive to it then I had been.

Ayden climbed out of his big boy bed and headed into the kitchen. I lifted him into his chair and began preparing him breakfast.

"Where daddy?" Ayden inquired.

"He's in the shower baby, he'll be down soon"

"Oh tay" he chimed as he began chewing on his banana.

Edward came down the stairs looking serious and defeated.

"I'll call the plumber to fix the bathroom on my lunch break" he mumbled.

"Edward…you don't have to, it's fine"

His eyes certainly turned angry as he jerked his body to face me.  
"Why Bella, Why shouldn't I."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fix the damn tub!" I just stared at him in disbelief; clearly this was now about more than just the faucet.

"Um…I was just" I didn't know how to respond.

"No Bella, you can't keep flip flopping over what you want. You wanted the damn faucet fixed well it'll be fixed. You're wish my command remember?" Now he had hidden his hurt behind his arrogance.

"Fine your right, have the bathroom fixed by this weekend." I yelled. Before I realized my tone Ayden began crying.

Edward went to pick him up and shot me a dirty look in the process.

"Why'd you make mommy mad?" Ayden questioned with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Ayden I didn't mean to" he didn't look at me when he said this so I knew it was only for Ayden's benefit.

"Hey buddy, how about after I get off work we go outside and play baseball, how does that sound?" Ayden nodded his head vigorously, before Edward kissed his forehead and set him back in the chair.

My husband turned to walk out the door without as much as a goodbye. This was the first time in our entire marriage that this had ever happened.

After I lost my mom, I had always been very careful of how I leave things with people. For the simple reason that you never know when the last time you see someone will be the last time. He knew very well how I felt about this and yet he left. I'm not sure if he was so mad he didn't think about it or if he did it just to piss me off. To be honest I'm not sure which is worse. I felt myself begin to tear up, but shut it off quickly. I picked up Ayden and took him to go get cleaned up.

Once we were ready I placed him in his booster seat checking that the straps were secure. When we pulled into Rosalie's Ayden let out a cheer of "yay Osy's" I would have tried to correct him but today it was too cute and I needed cute.

Rosalie had been a God send to me and Alice She kept Ayden and Rosalyn while me and Alice worked. Rose had always been a go getter in the world of mechanical engineering but once she got pregnant she decided to slow down and just do a little work from home. She was truly milking this pregnancy for all it's worth, but it gets me free responsible child care so who am I to judge. Ayden loved his auntie Rosy and couldn't get enough of playing with his cousin and talking to Rose's stomach.

"Hey babe, you look like shit." Rose said, she was nothing if not honest.

"Thanks Rose love you too." I scoffed.

"So do you think you can get Alice to come here on her lunch break I was kind of hoping to talk to the two of you together, and a restaurant would be a pain.

"Yeah I'll give her a call, everything alright?"

"Thanks, I talk to you about it at lunch." I said quickly giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Bye Ayden, I love you"

"Bye love you too mommy" my angel yelled as he ran into Rose's house.

I got in my car and waved bye to Rose. As I drove down the road a sad Clapton song came on that I just couldn't listen to today so I shut off the radio and drove to the school in silence. I was so nervous to tell the girls about Edward and I because I knew this would affect them as well. We had all been one unit for so long. What do you do when your friend's marriage ends? Will they have to choose sides? Will Edward and I be able to patch this up before they have to? Will they hate me? Will they hate him? Will they blame us or her? There were so many questions that only time would give me the answers to.

**A/N: Ok guys let me know what you think, you will find out what is going on but it probably won't be for another two chapters. Please, Please review and let me know what you think. It really does encourage me to update knowing that someone is wanting to read it. **

** -Robin**


	4. Oz

**A/N: I just wanted to thank those of you who have reviewed. You guys are awesome. **

**I know some of you have expressed some concerns about this story and I wanted to address them. Things will be rocky for our Bella and Edward for a while. Life is rarely as easy as we hoped. Please keep in mind that I am a firm believer in an E&B happy ending and that is how this story will end, but there will be bumps along the way.**

** I hope you enjoy this chapter. Ok on with the story.**

**Obvioiusly I don't own Twilight, That would be the wonderful Stephanie Meyers.**

Chapter 4

Oz

My morning classes seemed to drag on. I was in no mood for the attitudes of my freshman today. If I heard one more child ask me why they needed to learn this 'crap' I was going to lose it. My response to them would not sit well with our principal. "Why do you have to read classic literature…hmm so you don't grow up to become under read, closed minded idiots." Or I could just answer with the always popular "because I said so".

Most days I would joke with my class and handle their sarcastic comments with even more sarcasm. But lately I had become more and more withdrawn from our banter and interactions.

This had not gone unnoticed by my students. My lack of enthusiasm had negatively affected their own ambition in the world of literature. I wanted nothing more than for noon to roll around. I had lunch and then my off period so I wouldn't have to return to school until 1:50.

The more I thought of my impending lunch date the more I realized that a lunch break session was not the best time to get into such a deep subject matter. Oh well, too late now. The bell rang dismissing my class, and I gathered up my belongings and headed towards my car.

As I sat in the driver seat as I tried my hardest to summon up all my strength to face the terrible twosome. Alice and Rosalie were great but they could be a little much to deal with. They were always a tad overbearing.

I've seen Alice nearly disown me based on a poor shoe decision. How was she going to handle something so important? I know she will disagree with my actions but in the end she will support me. I hope. I was going into the lion's den, and I was not prepared.

I needed courage, and brains, hell I needed an all inclusive trip to Oz.

I knew where I could find all these things. I knew who could give me courage, who could give some insight, and who had my heart.

As I picked up the phone to dial the familiar number I could only hope that he would step out from behind his curtain long enough for me to see the man I knew.

I listened to the dial tone and waited while unconsciously holding my breath.

"Bella?"

I exhaled and felt relief wash over me in this moment. He answered, after he just left without a word this morning he actually answered.

"Hello…Bella?"

Right, crap. "Hi..."

Hi? Hi? Is that all I could say to him?

"Bella what did you need? I am at work, you know."

"No you're not. You're on your lunch break. You are probably sitting in your car eating a turkey sandwich listening to led zeppelin."

"…I am not" he replied like a kid who had been caught.

"Fine a ham sandwich then, but don't try and tell me you're working"

He sighed loudly "is this why you called just to tell me what I'm doing? Or did you call because you can't work up the nerve to tell your best friends that you're kicking your husband out of the house."

UGH! "I'm not the one who had a secret apartment lined up"

"Come on Bella I'm not the one who mentioned separating, I want to work on this, not give up."

Oh how dare he say that to me after this long?

"I am not trying to give up… you know what Edward I don't want to fight right now I need your help."

"Now you want help, from me, why couldn't you say that when-"

I interrupted him before he could upset me anymore. This was not my plan when I dialed his number. I really didn't want to get into everything before I had to go face the girls. I needed to appear somewhat composed when I spoke to them.

"Edward, please, I just need my best friend right now. Can you do that? Can we just put everything else aside for five minutes, so I can have my friend who always knows what to say to me?"

There was a long pause, and then I heard Edward draw in a deep breath.

"Ok, what's wrong?" Edward finally responded.

I almost smiled. He wasn't as good at being angry with me as I was at him. And when I needed his advice he was always right there to listen.

That thought made my next sentence all the harder to choke out.

"How do I do this Edward? How do I tell my sisters that my husband and I are separating? It's not like they are just my friends. Alice is your sister and Rose loves you as if you were her brother."

There was another silence before I heard Edward's voice again.

"Bella as your friend, I'd say that despite how close you all are, don't worry about how this affects them. This is about your marriage. I also know you well enough to know that you're focusing on their possible pain as a way to distract yourself from your own."

I didn't say a word. I just waited to see if he would continue. If I was being honest with myself I just needed to hear his voice as much as possible.

"As your husband, and the man who knows you better than you know yourself, I have to tell you something else. Despite my attitude this morning, I do love you. We will figure this out. My heart is yours and only yours. We will survive this."

I was so shocked by his vulnerability that I couldn't respond for a moment. I knew I had to say something quickly before he put his wall back up and became once again impenetrable.

So I said the only thing that was in my now fuzzy head.

"How, Edward? How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have to be Mrs. Cullen, I don't have a choice….I love you."

Then the line went dead. I wasn't mad at him for hanging up. I knew how much it took for him to open up like that to me. He used to be an open book where I was concerned, but it seems once I shut myself off, he followed suit.

Something else that he said grabbed my attention, Mrs. Cullen. I didn't know if I was prepared to not be that anymore. So much of me was tied up in being her that I didn't know who I was without that title. Mrs. Edward Cullen.

I lifted my head off the steering wheel and began the short trip to Rosalie's.

*****

"Mommy!" Ayden yelled, as I walked into Rose's foyer.

"Hey baby" I laughed, picking him up and kissing his cheeks.

"Time go home, mommy?"

"No sweetheart, not yet." I couldn't help but smile when I held him. I knew it wouldn't be too long before he'd be too big for me to hold like this.

"I'm in the kitchen Bella" Rose called.

I put Ayden down and watched as my little heartbreaker ran off to play.

I was always amazed at the size and beauty of this house. My brother had done quite well for himself, not that Rose hadn't worked her butt off just as much. Between, their money and her taste, their home was one of the most gorgeous places I had ever been in.

I strolled into the kitchen to see Rose making garden salads. I laughed to myself. The woman was not a chef. If a meal involved the oven she was at a total loss. It's amazing her and Emmett survived since neither could boil water.

"Where's Alice?" I asked pulling out the salad dressing from the fridge.

"She got held up at work. One of her suppliers sent her three hundred yards of faux leather instead of the silk she ordered for her new line. She is an angry sprite today."

I laughed at the image in my head, of Alice yelling on the phone about not designing clothes for a vegetarian dominatrix.

"Oh well, I guess I can wait and talk to you both later" I asked hopeful.

Rose shot me a 'don't even think about it look'.

"Fine." I sighed.

"ithinkmeandEdwardareseperating. I blurted out in one breath.

Wow way to cut right to the chase, Bella. I thought to myself.

Rose stared at me blinking, while I dropped my head in my hands.

"No you're not." She said it as though it was common knowledge.

"Yes, we are. Edward already has an apartment ready to go. "

"I said No!" she yelled.

Now it was my turn to stare shocked. Did she just say that to me?

"You can't, you just can't…" Her voice began to crack. I knew she wouldn't shed a tear. But the emotion in her voice was enough to make me want to. I didn't know what to tell her.

For the hundredth time today I found myself speechless. I had expected her to tell me I was being stupid, but to talk to me as if she was a mother scolding a child. Really?

"Bella, you and Edward, you guys are so perfect for each other. It's always been the two of you. How…Why…Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

She finally grasped the implications of what I said and pulled me into a tight hug.

"You've...got...to...stop…working…out…with…Emmett!" I gasped, before she finally released me from her death grip.

"Sorry" she mumbled, handing me my salad.

"So why, I mean did he do something?" Rose asked this was the part of the conversation I had been dreading.

Rose voiced her question with as much confusion as it deserved. Edward had always been as close to the model partner as you can get. I had no delusions of perfection however. He could be broody, jealous, overly protective and sometimes just a general pain in the ass. I knew this but he was also the most decent human being I have ever met.

The girls were always so jealous when we'd arrive at our dorms to see vases of roses or lilies. He had always been considerate and loving. I could see how Rosalie couldn't understand why we had made this choice. Honestly, I couldn't either, yet here we were.

He had always been a great man, the kind you dream about finding. He was always so strong and brave.

Edward was, however, ill equipped to deal with a problem that he couldn't fix. I knew when everything happened that he felt like a failure. When everything happened he refused to deal with his own pain and focused on how to get me better. When he couldn't, he took it hard.

He saw me pushing him away and after a while he faded back, thinking that is what I needed. By the time I was ready to talk to him and needed him. I found him talking to her.

That hurt more than I can describe. He hadn't slept with someone else, or even kissed another female, but when I heard him and the intimate details of our marriage he was sharing with her, I felt more betrayal than I have ever known.

It was a slap in the face and what little progress I was making was snatched away. I became angry. I wanted to yell and throw things at him but the guilt I felt wouldn't allow that. I felt guilty because I had made him feel like I was unavailable to him. I've never told Edward that. He still doesn't know how bad his actions affected me. I was already in a dark place but to have my teammate leaning on someone else for support was a difficult pill to swallow. Especially when she was one of the small decisions that led to my loss.

I don't blame her, I blame me, but she is still in the scene that plays through my mind when I think about that day, then to find that she was the one comforting my husband. I have to swallow the anger that boils up at the thought.

Everyone knew the basics of what Edward and I had been through. But we had never gone into details about the events leading up to the incident or what happened after. At least I didn't tell anyone. I don't think Edward would, well I think _she_ might know a little more than I'm comfortable with. At this point though, it's neither here nor there. If I was going to tell Rose the truth, I might as well tell the whole truth. I have wanted to talk to someone about everything for so long but felt like I'd be violating Edward's trust the same way he violated mine. It made sense in the beginning but now I saw no reason to try and hide what was going on.

"Ok, um well I guess all our problems started a year ago. That's when everything started to fall apart." I began.

**A/N: Ok as promised the next chapter will go into the whole story. I probably won't be able to update quite as frequently as I have been, but i'm hoping to have the next chapter up sometime Thursday. I was curious to see if anyone wants me to do a chapter in EPOV. Let me know what you think. This was going to be strictly BPOV but the more I write I wonder if Edward needs his turn to say what's going on. As always please, please review. Let me know what you think. **


	5. The Accident: Part 1

**A/N: Okay as promised you get to find out what happened to Edward and Bella. I had to divide it into two parts because it was getting really long. I want to thank those of you who reviewed, you guys are truly amazing. Ok i'll let you read now.**

**Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight. **

Chapter 5

The accident: Part 1

After my lunch with Rosalie I found it impossible to focus on anything else. During our garden salads I had laid everything out on the table. Rose listened and didn't interrupt while I told her everything that has been going on between Edward and me.

By the time I had finished my story it was time for me to head back to work. Rosalie didn't offer any advice or give her opinion. She just told me everything would be ok and she loved me. I knew as soon as everything sunk in her quiet side would fade away.

I was proven right as I walked into Rose's house to pick up Ayden. Rose was sitting at the table with two cups of coffee, clearly waiting on me.

I looked around for Ayden, but couldn't spot him.

"What have you done with my son, Rose?" I asked in mock concern.

She rolled her eyes and pointed towards her guest room. I made my way down the hall and opened her guestroom door. Ayden and Rosalyn were on the floor watching cartoons.

"Hey Kids" I called. Both Rosalyn and Ayden jumped up to hug me. I told Ayden we would be leaving soon, but I left him to play while I went to check on Rose.

"So…" I called out as I approached the table.

"Should you be drinking coffee?"

"It's decaf."She responded almost timidly. What? Since when has Rose ever been timid?

"Bella I have something to say." She said with conviction.

"Okay…shoot."

"I think you and Edward need to separate for a while."

"Yeah, that is pretty much the plan as of right now. I mean it's not ideal but I feel li-"

"I'm not finished" Rosalie interrupted my rant.

"I also think that you need to talk to someone, a professional."

"Rosalie, we tried that remember we went to one session. Edward wouldn't talk the entire hour and then he refused to go back." I rolled my eyes at her, she already knew this, why bring it up again?

"Bella I wasn't talking about Edward. I mean if he would go, great, but you need to go see someone despite what decision he chooses to make." Rose said with as much calmness as possible.

"What exactly are you trying to say, Rose? Are you implying that the problems in my marriage are strictly my fault? That I'm the one in need of help? I tried when we went to the marriage counselor, he didn't. How can I fix my marriage on my own, Rose?"

I was getting more defensive with every word I spoke and I knew I needed to stop talking now. I didn't want Rosalie to have to take a lot of misplaced anger. But damn, I was mad.

"Rosalie, how in the hell can you put this on me? I don't understand where you get off tell—"

"Bella just shut up for a minute, please." Rose said raising her voice above my own.

"I'm not talking about fixing the two of you right now. I'm not even talking about your relationship. I'm talking about you going to someone to deal with what happened to Hannah."

I felt my eyes start to water and I tried to stand as tall as possible when I looked at Rose.

"I have dealt with it." I said but my shaking voice seemed to express the antithesis of my words.

"No Bella, you haven't. Tell me what she looked like Bella?"

I just stared at her. Unable or unwilling to speak, I'm not sure which. I felt my vision begin to blur from the tears I refused to let fall.

"Leave me alone, Rose" I said trying to sound as strong as possible. I was not going to take this. I came to her for help and support and this is what I get. She knows I'm upset and yet here she is just trying to piss me off.

"Isabella, tell me what Hannah looked like?" What color were her eyes, Bells?"

"Rosalie… leave me alone" I drew out slowly, maintaining eye contact.

"I will just as soon as you tell me what your daughter looked like."

I just stared at her. She knew exactly what she had looked like.

"I have a picture if you need to see it, do you want to see a picture, Bella?

I felt the color drain from my face as my stomach tightened into knots.

"Shut up Rose!"

"See, you haven't dealt with this, it's been nearly a year and you can't talk about her. You have to move passed this if you plan on having your life back."

"Well I'm glad that's so easy for you to say Rose. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to get Ayden and head home."

That is what I did. I half expected her to call me before I made it home to apologize, but the phone never rang.

I was so angry at her and yet part of me knew I had no right to be. Rose had been…harsh. Hell, she had been a bitch, but she had a point. How am I supposed to help my relationship with Edward heal when I can't heal myself? We couldn't keep going on like this. Something had to change. I only hoped we could survive the drastic measures that lie ahead of us.

Edward got home from work at seven o'clock, as he did every day. I had dinner on the table when he walked in the door, again, just like every day. And like every other day we ate in silence, with the exception of a few 'pass the salts' and thank yous.

After dinner I watched as Edward picked up Ayden and the two headed into the back yard with their gloves and an old baseball.

I couldn't help but stare out the patio doors and watch my son and his father playing catch. Looking at the two of them together they looked like an advertisement for father and son bonding.

I watched as Edward took a baseball cap from his back pocket and placed it on Ayden's head. The smile that Ayden let shine was so full of pride that I couldn't help but smile. Even at three he seemed to grasp adult contest. The cap Edward gave him was old and worn. I recognized it from the pictures of Edward playing little league as a child.

I continued to watch the two toss the ball around for about a half hour. Edward then brought Ayden in and made his way toward the hall.

"Here, I'll give him a bath and put him to bed." I said reaching for Ayden's hand.

"No, let me…please." He said in a voice that was almost a whisper.

I simply nodded and watched the two head down the hall. I knew why Edward wanted so much time with Ayden and I couldn't blame him. We both knew it was time to call a spade and spade and face the facts. Things weren't working and he was going to be moving out.

I knew that more than anything else not seeing Ayden every morning and every night would kill Edward. No matter what faults I might find in him, he was an amazing father. Even though he had a full and busy career he always made time for Ayden. He was amazing when it came to his son. Ayden was a momma's boy without a doubt. He ran to me when he was hurt or scared, but the joy that radiated from him when he was with Edward was unmatchable.

I went to bed while Edward finished getting our child tucked in. Normally we would put him in bed together but I wanted to give Edward his time with him.

I was almost asleep when I heard the door open and light shine in. I felt the opposite side of the bed sink in slightly as Edward got comfortable.

"I'm off this weekend so I figured I'll move some of my stuff over then"

I inhaled sharply. I knew we were going to do this soon, but now it seemed too real.

"Edward is this…are we…Is this the right choice?"

"I don't know, but I don't know what else to do. I know you're not happy now, and I want you to be happy." Edward said, still staring at the ceiling.

"I feel like if I stay here we're never going to get any perspective and things are just going to get worse, I'm not giving up on us. I'm doing this for us." Edward spoke these words as though he had been repeating them in his own head repeatedly. It sounded more like a mantra he was saying to himself then to me.

I didn't respond and he didn't say anything else. I knew we were both awake, but what was left to say?

Instead of talking, I just stared at the wall and tried to figure out how I had allowed my life to get so out of control.

_I remembered the morning when everything ended with perfect clarity. It was a beautiful day and I woke up to little hands squishing my cheeks._

_I kept my eyes closed and pretended to sleep. _

"_Boo!" I said as I opened my eyes wide_

_Ayden jumped back and began giggling wildly. I picked up my baby boy and pulled him onto the bed. I began tickling his belly as he laughed even harder. _

"_Mommy, daddy said beckfast. We make pamcakes" Ayden got out between his fits of laughter. I gathered from his broken sentences that Edward had pancakes ready in the kitchen. I picked up my baby boy and headed into the kitchen where the most beautiful sight awaited me. Edward stood in our kitchen pulling bacon out of skillet. He was wearing nothing but his pajama pants that hung low enough to show off those glorious pelvic v muscles. Mmm mmm mmm my man was gorgeous. The smell of bacon and the sounds of Edward singing an old Bob Segar song filled the kitchen. _

"_Good morning beautiful" Edward whispered kissing my cheek. Then he bent down and placed a soft kiss on my stomach and said good morning to Hannah. _

_I was almost seven months pregnant and couldn't be happier. Hannah Renee would be here soon and our little family would be complete. _

"_I have the day off today, I was thinking maybe we could take Ayden to the park." Edward questioned, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. _

"_Sure, that sounds great!" I replied. _

"_Then I was thinking that maybe tonight we could take Ayden to his Uncle Emmett's while I take my lovely wife out to a beautiful dinner."_

"_Oh Edward, that sounds absolutely perfect. I'll call Emmet! Thank you, baby."_

_Then as though my words of joy willed it to happen, Edward's damn pager went off. I rolled my eyes and said o'well to my perfect day._

_Edward sighed loudly and went to call the hospital. I ignored his call and focused on Ayden eating his applesauce and eggs. _

"_I'm sorry love. Tanya called in so now they're short- handed in the E.R." Edward began before I cut him off.  
"Its fine Edward, I knew what I was getting into when I married you. This is nothing new, and nothing I won't get over" I said trying to give him a smile._

"_I don't deserve you, Love" he replied before leaving the kitchen to go get dressed. I began picking up the kitchen, no longer all that hungry. _

"_I'll try my best to be home in time for us to make the dinner reservations I made for us." Edward said while pinning on his hospital badge. _

"_Sounds good" I replied trying not to get my hopes up._

_Edward walked over and kissed Ayden on the head. He then placed another kiss to my stomach and finally let his lips find mine. _

"_Take care of our family while I'm gone, I love you"_

"_I love you too." I smiled against his lips when he kissed me for the second time. _

_I spent the next several hours playing with Ayden and cleaning house. I couldn't wait to see Edward again. He had been working so hard lately, I knew he needed this day off, but he was never one to leave his fellow doctors in need of help._

_After I had cleaned up every inch of my home I decided I needed some entertainment until dinner with Edward. _

_I picked up the phone and dialed Alice. It was a Saturday so I knew she would be home or shopping. The phone rang twice before I heard her overly chipper voice chime._

"_Hello Bella"_

"_Hi Alice, got plans for today?"_

"_Nothing really, why you want to hang out? I'm dying to see my nephew."_

"_Sounds great, Ali you want to come over to my place?_

"_Yep, see you in….twenty minutes." She said with a little too much pep as she hung up._

_Alice was true to her word as always and walked into my house twenty minutes later._

"_Oh my gosh, Bella look at what I got for Hannah last week. She is going to absolutely love it" Alice gushed as she bounded through my door. _

"_Alice calm down, how is she going to love it? She won't even know what it is." I laughed as I picked up the adorable pink dress. _

"_Of course she will! This one will have her aunt's sense of style." Alice said as if I had offended her. _

_Just then Ayden came running into the living room. "Aunt Awy!" He yelled throwing himself in her arms. Alice picked him up as we made our way to the patio to have an iced tea. We sat outside and talked for over an hour before my phone began to ring. _

"_Hello Honey." I said in a sugary sweet voice._

"_Hey Bella… Um it doesn't look like I'm going to be getting out of here tonight. I'm so sorry love. I'm going on break in about thirty minutes I'll give you a call then. I got to go. I love you._

"_I love you too." I tried to say before I heard the dial tone. _

"_What's a matter, Bella?" Alice asked with concern._

"_Nothing" I muttered trying to keep from crying. Damn pregnancy hormones. _

"_Your stupid brother has to work so we won't make our anniversary dinner." I said in a weak voice._

"_Oh sweetie, I'm sorry." Alice said pulling me into a hug. I was expecting her to laugh at me. She normally found my out of control hormones to be hilarious._

"_Mommy sad?" Ayden asked his eyes almost tearing up. _

"_No baby mommy's fine."_

_I felt his little hands hold on to my stomach as kissed the top of it. "Love, sister" He said with hope in his voice, he then looked up at me with expectant eyes. I gave him the big smile I knew he was expecting. _

_He had taken to doing this when I had morning sickness. I knew Hannah would be girl from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Ayden had somehow gotten it in his head on his own that it was a she. The first time he told his sister he loved her through my stomach it was so sweet, I picked him up and showered his face with kisses. He still does this whenever I'm sad or sick. _

"_Alice can you do me a favor and watch Ayden for a little while. If Edward can't go to dinner I'll bring dinner to him. _

"_Sure thing" Alice said. _

_I said my goodbyes and quickly grabbed my purse. I made a quick stop to a drive thru. It wasn't the gourmet meal I'm sure Edward had planned but desperate times called for desperate measures. _

_I began to walk through the cold halls of the hospital in search of my husband. I came across my father-in-law the chief of medicine first. _

"_Bella!" I heard Carlisle call me. _

"_Carlisle" I sighed while wrapping him in the best hug I could manage. _

"_How is my granddaughter doing?" he asked with a proud smile. _

"_She's hungry" I laughed. "That's actually why I'm here. Have you seen Edward?"_

"_I just saw him headed toward the break room actually. It's on the second floor. If any of the nurses give you a hard time about being in their just tell them to take it up with me." Carlisle said with a grin.  
"Thanks you're the best." I said as I made my way down to the break room._

_I was not prepared for what I saw when I arrived. My husband was sitting in a chair at the table. Meanwhile there sat Tanya on top of the table in front of him. She was leaned in close whispering something in his ear. I couldn't see his face because the cow's head was blocking my view. The last thing I saw was her bring a hand up into his messy bronze locks. Oh hell no. I dropped the to-go bags and began to run down the hall, you really couldn't call it running it was more of a fast waddle. _

_I heard Edward's voice call to me, but I couldn't turn around._

"_Bella! Wait, Calm down! This isn't what it looks like." I ignored his statement as I made my way to my car. I pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the street. I needed to get home. I needed to think. I needed to calm down. _

_My eyes were filling with tears as I replayed what had just happened. How could he do this? What was going on?_

_And then through my tears I had an epiphany. I was married to Edward Cullen. He wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me. To doubt him would be to doubt myself. He hadn't done anything, I was positive of that. I needed to talk to him. I picked up my phone as I switched lanes. It rang once before I heard his voice. _

"_Bella"_

_Then all I heard was the sound of bending metal and screeching tires. Everything went black. _

_I opened my eyes to find that I was on a stretcher being rushed into what appeared to be an operating room. _

_There were doctors and nurses trying to talk to me, and let me know what was going on but all I could think of was my baby. Oh God my baby. How could I have been so stupid! If she doesn't make it, oh God what have I done. The tears wouldn't stop as I felt body go numb. I looked up to saddest greenest eyes I have ever seen. Edward was by my side throughout the entire c-section. _

_I didn't get to hold her in my arms. _

_As soon as she was out she was placed in an incubator. Because her immune system was so weak we couldn't touch her directly. The doctors told us the first twenty four hours would be the most critical. _

_I sat._

_I sat for twenty-one hours and thirty-four minutes. _

_I wasn't supposed to leave my room. I had just had surgery and had a broken arm and three broken ribs. Carlisle told my doctors to leave me alone. _

_So I sat in the neo-natal intensive care unit for over twenty-one hours, just holding the hand of my little girl with my gloved fingers. _

_Edward sat beside me for most of that time. All our family came in and told us how beautiful she was. Rosalie got a picture. I hoped it would be the first of many pictures of her, but it would prove to be her first and only snap shot. _

_Right before she took her last breath, she opened her eyes and looked directly at me. I stared at the chocolate pools of her eyes until she closed them. _

_At that moment I couldn't cry. I was numb. I made my way back to my room and stared into space. I had lost my child. I had seen her, touched her, loved her, and lost her. _

_I heard Edward talking to someone outside of my room on the phone.  
His voice was weak as he spoke. _

"_Hello, this is Edward Cullen. Yes. My vehicle was involved in an accident. Yes. Our claim number is 113939B."_

_The insurance company, of course Edward would be practical even in a time like this. _

"_Well that's kind of difficult to know for sure." I heard Edward say in an irritated voice. _

"_Well yes. I understand. Yes, according to the police records the accident was my wife's fault."_

_That was all I needed to hear. _

**A/N: Okay, don't hate me. I had to do it. This is the hurdle of Edward and Bella's relationship. The next chapter will pick up right where this one left off. What happens after the accident is almost as important as the accident itself. **

**Please take a few seconds and hit that review button. Let me know what you think.**


	6. The Accident: Part 2

**A/N: Okay of course I want to send some love to my amazing reviewers. You guys are truly what is keeping these updates coming so quickly. I just finished writing this chapter at two a.m. I had to get it out A.S.A.P because I received a couple of reviews that were to sweet, and I'm a pushover. So here you go, enjoy, and I'll catch you at the bottom!**

**Stephanie Meyers owns twilight, I don't.**

Chapter 6

The Accident

Part 2

_I stayed in the hospital for the rest of the day. The minutes ticked slowly by. I was released the next morning. Edward drove me home and we rode in silence. As we pulled into the house Edward made his first attempt to speak to me since Hannah had died. _

"_Bella, love, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say." He said. I watched as the tears ran down his face. He went to grab my hand but I jerked it away and stepped out of the car. _

_I couldn't handle him touching me. He was going to leave. I knew it. I had cost him his daughter. Hannah was gone because of me. I didn't deserve his touch. _

_I slowly made my way to our bedroom with Edward trailing behind me. I saw the pink dress Alice had bought resting on the coach. It hadn't been moved since the moment she brought it over. _

_I walked past the nursery room door. I couldn't go in there. I knew what it looked like. A sea of pinks and browns on the walls. Hannah's name cut out in wooden letter hanging from ribbon above her crib. A crib she would never sleep in. A new the white rocking chair was sitting in the corner. The same one my mother had rocked me to sleep in. Hannah would never see that rocking chair, or rock her own children in it. _

_I still couldn't cry. The numbness seemed to be a permanent fixture in my life now. _

_I stepped into my bedroom and climbed under the covers without bothering to change out of the sweats Alice had brought me. _

_Edward climbed in next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I knew I didn't deserve this and I should stop him but I needed this now. _

"_Bella, I know this isn't the time but I want you to know that absolutely nothing happened with Tanya. I would never…I didn't even know she was going to show up there…"_

_I placed my hand across his lips to stop his rambling. If I hadn't already come to my own realization that he would forever be faithful the look in his eyes now would have convinced me. _

"_Edward, you don't have to explain. I know you wouldn't. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I could see the conflict in his eyes. I knew he wanted to talk but decided to grant me my wish instead. _

_I fell asleep thanks to my pain medication. My dreams about what had happened caused me to wake up screaming." _

_Edward rushed through our bedroom door frantically. _

"_Are you okay, are you hurt?"_

"_It wasn't just a dream; it was real, wasn't it!" I demanded. _

_Edward quickly moved to the bed and scooped me up into his arms. He rocked me back and forth, while I shook violently and tearlessly in his arms. He kept telling me he loved me and he was sorry. Why? Why was he sorry?_

"_Edward, I killed her, I killed our daughter. I'm so sorry Edward, God I'm so sorry"_

_He grabbed my chin firmly and turned my head until my eyes were locked with his. _

"_No, Bella!" He said in a voice that was foreign to me._

"_You will not blame yourself, it was an accident, and it wasn't your fault!" If I didn't know him better his tone would have frightened me. _

"_Edward, I was driving. The wreck was my fault, if I had paid more attention…"_

"_You were upset, upset because of me and my stupidity. You're not to blame." He said this as though he blamed himself. How could he. He didn't drive the car. He wasn't the one not paying attention."_

"_Don't you see Edward, if I had just taken the time"_

"_And if had not went to work, or if I had chased after you all the way to the parking lot, We can't what if this Bella. Hannah's gone." His voice broke on the end as I saw a single tear roll down his cheek._

_I was envious of that tear. I wanted to feel this. I wanted to let the pain overtake me because that's what I deserved but I couldn't cry, I couldn't feel. I felt fear when I woke up but not the heartbreak that I knew was hiding somewhere inside._

_Once I had calmed down I settled into a state of numbness that even Pink Floyd wouldn't grasp. I found myself drifting out of consciousness until I was snapped back to reality by a doorbell. _

_Edward must have seen the question in my eyes because he spoke quickly._

"_That's Emmett, I asked him to stay with you while I went to pick up Ayden."_

_Again Edward read my expression instantly and answered my silent question. _

"_Alice offered to keep Ayden, she thought maybe you'd need time to…rest"_

_I simply nodded._

_God I had to be the worst mother in the world. Not only did I lose my daughter but I had no idea where my son was while I stayed in bed and wallowed in my own pain. How was I going to explain to a child who was barely two that his baby sister wouldn't be coming home like we said? _

_Edward kissed my cheek and went to get the doorbell. _

_Emmett came into my bedroom quietly not a minute later. _

_He climbed into my bed quietly. _

"_How are you feeling, Bells?"_

_I just looked at him and shrugged._

"_Right, stupid question." He said with regret. _

_I shrugged again._

_Emmett pulled me into a delicate hug. I wasn't sure Emmett had ever hugged anybody gently. He normally squeezed the life out of me every time. _

"_You know Hannah is with mom now. I bet she is getting smothered in hugs and kisses right now."_

_I didn't answer, I just stared at the ceiling. I knew his words were meant to help but all they did was remind me of what I would never get to do. I never thought I'd be jealous of the deceased but right now I wished that I was in heaven, or wherever you go, with my daughter. Who envies the dead? _

_I stayed in Emmett's hug until Edward returned. Emmett had always been my protector before Edward came along and there was a safety there. But it wasn't enough. _

_Emmett got up to leave when Edward and Ayden came in. I watched Emmett embrace Edward and hang on to him longer than ever before. He ruffled Ayden's unruly hair and left without another word. _

"_Mommy!" Ayden cheered as he ran towards the bed. _

_Edward picked him up and placed him on the bed, knowing I couldn't because of the stitches and broken bones. _

"_Mommy?" Ayden questioned when he saw my face. _

_I tried to smile, but clearly he didn't buy it. Before I knew what he was doing, his little hands lightly grazed my now smaller stomach and kissed it._

"_Love, sister" He said proudly. I didn't want to break down, but at that moment control wasn't an option. My body was instantly wracked with violent sobs against my will. _

"_I sorry mommy, I sorry" Ayden said quickly in a scared voice." _

_I wanted to stop crying, I knew I was scaring him. This thought just sent me even more over the edge. I've failed both my children now. _

_Edward quickly swept Ayden up into his arms and shot me a look I couldn't decipher before he left the room with our now crying son. _

_I sobbed for the next three hours straight. I cried alone in my room and allowed the emptiness I felt to overcome me. I cried myself into a deep sleep._

_I awoke and could feel the sun from the window on my eyelids. It seemed so wrong that the sun which rarely shines in Washington was shining today. It should be grey and raining. I didn't need a happy sky, I wanted rain and dreariness I wanted the sun to understand it had no right to shine today. How dare it be bright out. _

_I sighed heavily in frustration and opened my eyes. Alice was lying in my bed watching television. _

"_Where's Edward?"_

"_He's fixing Ayden lunch." Alice said in a voice that was to calm and sweet to fit her exuberant personality. _

_We sat in silence for a few minutes while Alice watched the end of Reservoir Dogs. That was Alice, you'd pick her as a romantic comedy type girl, but truly her favorite were violent cult classics. _

_Once it was over she rolled onto her side and looked at me. I knew she wasn't going speak first. _

"_She's gone Alice" I said as the water works began again. _

"_I know sweetie." She said with tears welling up in her big doe eyes. She pulled me close to her and I rested my head on her stomach._

_I don't know how long I laid there crying while she stroked my hair, but during that time I realized this pain wouldn't end anytime soon if it ever did. _

******************************************************************************

I remember the next month in bits and pieces.

Edward and I both took a sabbatical from work. I had to deal with my loss and Edward had to take care of myself and Ayden. He took on a lot of responsibility during the first two weeks. Ayden rarely ventured into our room. I felt like I had failed both of the men I loved. Not only had I taken Hannah away but I had also taken their wife and mother away.

Our friends helped with Ayden when Edward went back to work. Alice laid with me nearly daily. We never spoke about Hannah again after that first time. She would lay with me silently or talk about trivial matters like clothes and shoes to pass the time.

Rose had came by a few times but spent more time with Ayden and Edward than me. I didn't blame her, I wasn't good company. Edward and I slowly quit talking. I assume his feelings towards me weren't anything he wanted to deal with. Edward had been back at work for nearly two weeks, when Rose decided she had had enough of my new relationship with my mattress.

I realize now I owe a lot to her. She forced me to at least try. After we got out of the shower I knew what I had to do. I needed to talk to my husband. I climbed into my new car that I had yet to drive and made my way to the hospital. I could feel the emotions bubbling up as the sense of déjà vu hit me. I fought against it with all I had.

As I began walking to the nurse station to ask about Edward's where abouts, I saw him talking Tanya. I heard every word he said. He was talking about Hannah. He used her name. I wasn't allowed to say her name. The one time I had brought her up, after my break down with Ayden, he had left the room saying he didn't want to talk about it. He then asked Tanya what he was supposed to do. He was asking her for help. Asking for advice regarding our family, my family. I went straight home without saying a word to him. When he arrived home, we had the first fight we'd had in months.

**********************************************************************************

"_Have a nice day at work?" I questioned as soon as his foot hit the carpet._

"_You're up." He said in a detached manner. _

"_Tell me something Edward, Exactly what does a wife say to her husband when he seeks comfort from another woman?"_

"_What are you talking about?" he said in a bored manner._

"_I'm talking about you running your mouth to that blonde whore about our personal, private business Edward!" I yelled, though it came out more as a cry. _

"_Oh so you're spying on me now?"_

"_No, I'm not! Although maybe I should because every time I go to the hospital you always seem to be with your fucking groupie."_

"_THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON WITH ME AND TANYA!" He yelled while slamming his fist on the living room door. _

"_Why Edward, Why can you talk to her and not me?" I said when I was able to steady my breathing. _

"_You, talk to you?" "Where the fuck have you been, Bella?"_

"_I've been here! I haven't left this damn house!"_

_He laughed without any trace of humor or sincerity._

"_Oh really you've been here. Okay Bella, what book does Ayden want read to him at night?"_

"_Goodnight, moon__" I responded with conviction._

"_Wrong, For the past three weeks he hasn't wanted any book besides __Brown Bear, Brown Bear__. You know why? Because he finally mastered all his colors and he likes to point them out before I read them." Edward said in anger. _

"_Oh and you were right, your dad and Sue are dating. They finally went public with their relationship, almost four weeks ago. Did you know that?"_

_I stared at him without a response._

"_Exactly Bella, you expect me to talk to you, you're not even here. I don't know where my wife is but if you see her could you let her know that I'm looking for her?!"_

"_Fuck you, Edward!" I said as I grabbed the nearest object and chunked it at the wall._

"_You didn't do it, Edward! You don't know the guilt and then, you have to make me feel worse, fuck you!"_

_I saw his eyes and the regret he suffered from his words._

"_Bella I know how bad you're hurting. You lost your daughter, of course its going-"_

"_OUR DAUGHTER, EDWARD OUR DAUGHTER!" I yelled as I stormed off to find Rose and Ayden. I knew I shouldn't be yelling but I just felt like he had been disconnecting himself from what had happened and him referring to her as my daughter set me off. _

"_Bella." Rose said cautiously as I picked up Ayden. _

"_Please don't Rose, Thank you for watching Ayden, I'll call you tomorrow."_

_Rose nodded and left quietly._

_*******************************************************************************_

That was the last fight me and Edward had about Hannah or anything else, until the other night. We never solved anything or brought it up again. We did try therapy the one time, but we got more out during that one fight then we did paying two hundred dollars an hour to a stranger.  
Things did change after that first fight however. I realized Ayden didn't deserve what he had been forced to deal with. I vowed from that day forward to push aside everything else to be the best mother to him I could be. I didn't spend another day in bed, although I can't say that I had ever gotten back to normal.

Ayden welcomed me back into his heart as though nothing had ever happened. I can't say the same for Edward. That is how we got here.

We both failed each other after we lost our daughter. Maybe if we had handled it differently, worked as the team we had always been, then maybe we wouldn't be hanging on by a thread.

As I look at the man lying next to me. The man who is set to leave our home by the weekend, I can't help but wonder what we do now?

**A/N: Okay guys, I hoped you enjoyed the chapter. (well as much as one can enjoy a chapter such as this). The next chapter will bring us moving forward again. Oh I plan to post an EPOV in regards to what happened with Tanya. you got the just of it in this chapter, but i got the impression alot of you want details about the evil shrew. I won't post it as a chapter. But as a new story, that i'll use for extras. I'll let you know when i have that up. **

**Alright I did my part, now it's your turn. Hit that green button and let me know what you're thinking.**


	7. Telling Alice

**A/N: Ok this took me a little longer to get out than usual, partly because of work, and partly because FF wouldn't allow me to upload it. Thanks to all my reviewers, you guys rock! Here is the new chapter. Enjoy!**

**Stephanie Meyers owns twilight.**

Chapter 7

Telling Alice

I woke up that morning in an empty bed as was my routine. I went about my morning in the usual fashion. I got Ayden up and dressed. We ate breakfast and then loaded ourselves into the car. I dropped him off at Rose's without any conversation taking place between the two of us.

I wasn't angry at her anymore, but the weight of our last conversation hung heavy on my shoulders. I could barely look her in the eye as I left my son with her. I didn't know how she felt. Was she angry? Did she feel guilty? There was too much said and too much left unsaid during our last meeting for me to bother with small talk. It would have been fake and forced.

Rosalie would not have tolerated that. She could be a lot of things towards me, sometimes harsh, sometimes overbearing, but never fake. I would pay her the same courtesy and only really have a conversation with her when I was ready to be sincere.

My classes went by fairly quickly and I found myself dreading going home.

I had promised weeks ago that I would keep Rosalyn for Alice tonight. She and Jasper had plans for a night out on the town. It was a school night but Jasper was leaving tomorrow for a Psychology workshop in Oregon and would be gone for a week. They had kept Ayden for Edward and I many nights, so there had been no question about whether or not I would watch her.

I was now heavily regretting my hasty decision. I loved my niece dearly but I was dreading facing her mother.

I wasn't sure if Alice had heard about mine and Edward's impending separation. I'm sure she probably knew by now. Edward had met up with the guys and told them what was going on. I didn't ask him for details about their conversation because I had no desire to hear their thoughts on the matter at the present time.

Emmett hadn't called me to speak about it and I wasn't sure what to make of that. Considering Jasper was fully informed, there was a great possibility Alice had found out. If he hadn't told her Rose might have.

The only thing that gave me hope that my friend was still in the dark was the fact that she hadn't mentioned it on the phone this morning. She had called me to confirm that I would be keeping Rosalyn for the night. She hadn't said anything about Edward or acted like she knew anything so I was hoping I could be the one to explain things.

I didn't want to tell her, but I felt it would be better coming from me than anyone else.

I picked up Ayden and headed home. I watched the clock waiting for five to roll around. I paced my living room like a death row inmate about to take his final walk.

I was pulled from my worry when I heard my front door swing open. We never knocked at each other's houses anymore. We were all very comfortable with each other and it was never a big deal. I only knocked at Emmett and Rosalie's because I was afraid of what I might see if I didn't.

"Auntie Bella" Rosalyn cheered, slamming into my legs before I could even register the fact that she was there.

"Hey baby" I said while rubbing her back.

She apparently had received enough attention from me and went to join Ayden who was coloring in the living room.

"Hey Alice, I don't know why you didn't just let me take her home from Rosalie's, It would have saved you a trip."

"Come on Bella, I had to take Rosalyn home to change, she'd been wearing the same outfit all day."

I tried to hide the eye roll that was always produced from her unique logic.

"Of course Rosalyn couldn't wear the same outfit all day, what was I thinking?" I said sarcastically.

"Besides I missed lunch with you this week, so I figured we could catch up now before mine and Jasper's date tonight." She said, ignoring my previous comment.

We made our way to the kitchen table and sat down to begin what I knew would be a painful discussion. I was quickly losing faith my knowledge that she'd be unbiased and supportive.

'She's going to throw a fit, she's going to yell, she's going to hate me, and Oh God she's going to hit me!' I thought frantically to myself.

"So what did you want to talk about the other day? Oh I know you've finally decided to redecorate your kitchen. Thank God! These white walls have got to go. I know you're scared but we have to make a bold decision about the color. You could maybe go with a deep burgundy or a bright yellow."

She had gotten all of this out in what could only be one breathe. I sat there slightly stunned by her derailed train of thought.

"Alice I'm not redecorating the kitchen. I-"

"Bella you have to." She begged effectively stunting my courage that I had just found.

"I know it sounds like a daunting task, but I promise you it will be soo much fun!" She said in a chipper voice.

"Alice, I didn't want to talk to you about interior design. There is something else. Have you heard yet that Edward and I are taking a break from one another?" I asked in a meek voice.

"Oh yeah that, I heard" she said nonchalantly.

"Now, how do you feel about granite counter tops?" She continued while sizing up my counter space with narrowed eyes.

"Alice?"

"Overdone? Hmm, maybe you're right. Well I'm sure we can come up with something fabulous." I couldn't fathom what was going on in her head.

"Alice." I said in a firm voice, demanding her attention. I swear my teenaged students pay attention better than she does.

"What?"

"Alice, Your brother and I are separating."

Alice rolled her eyes in what appeared to be exasperation. "Oh come on Bells, no you're not. Now do you have a measuring tape?"

"Um, Alice I'm pretty sure we are. Edward is moving into his new apartment this weekend." I said in a serious yet calm tone.

Alice began to laugh like I had just told some great joke.

I was clearly missing the punch line.

"Oh get serious Bella. That will never work. We have Sunday night dinner with the family here this weekend. You know, just like last weekend and the weekend before that." She said as though she was talking to someone who had recently suffered head trauma.

"How are we supposed to all get together for dinner if Edward is in some apartment? That makes no sense."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. I was beginning to be concerned for her mental stability.

"We couldn't possibly cook two separate dinners on Sunday. Some of us do have jobs to get to on Monday morning. Yeah I just don't see how that can work. It really would just be a major inconvenience. Sorry, but you've got to start using your head a little more Bella." She patted the top of my head like I was a small child as she glided past me to go say goodbye to Rosalyn.

I sat in a cloud of confusion, wondering what had just happened.

I was pulled out of my unfocused thoughts when Alice pranced her way back into the kitchen.

"Okay well she's all set. I'll just pick her up from Rose's tomorrow, and I'll see you on Sunday if not sooner."

"Thanks for watching her Bells, love you."

I could only nod my head as I sat bewildered.

Alice walked out of the house in her merry fashion and I shook my head to attempt to decipher what had just happened. Well I suppose I'll just have to try again tomorrow. Maybe Edward needs to talk to her.

As I tried to decide how to make my second attempt to speak to my sister-in-law in more productive than the first I heard a faint knock on the door.

I opened the door to see Alice. She was standing on my door step, dripping wet from the endless Seattle rain. She had the remains of her mascara and eyeliner streaked down her cheeks from the tears that continued to fall. She sniffed and wiped her eyes before I opened my arms and she took my unspoken invitation.

I held onto her while she cried. After a few minutes I moved us to the porch swing. She rested her head on my shoulder while my tears fell in their vain attempt to keep up with hers.

I hadn't expected to be the one doing the comforting, but in an odd way I was content with this situation. As Edward had told me earlier it was easier for me to focus on my friends' pain rather than my own.

Did he always have to be right?

I'm not sure how long we sat in silence before I realized the kids were in the house alone, and she realized she needed to meet Jasper.

We gave each other one final hug and said goodbye.

Before Alice got in her car she asked me a question that I didn't want to answer.

"Bella, are you sure?" She said in a tone that let me know she was afraid to ask.

I responded with the truth.

"No, Aly I'm not sure." I said with sincerity.

She simply nodded.

"I just don't want you to do anything you will regret."

I nodded back. The gesture, however, was far too simple for the weight of her words.

She gave me a sad smile and a lot to think about.

For most of the evening my thoughts centered around her warning of regrets.

Regret was a funny thing. I had always believed that there should be no such thing as regret. In my youth I had felt that you learn from every mistake and regret is nothing more than wasted energy. However as I have experienced more and more of life's challenges I find myself filled with more regret than I ever expected to possess.

I don't regret getting pregnant with Hannah. Despite the severe effects it has had on my emotional state, and the heavy toll it has taken on my marriage, as a woman I can't regret conceiving my baby girl. I was there when that beautiful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out.

I do, however, regret the way I handled things afterwards. If I could go back, I would try harder to be the mother my son deserved. I would allow my friends to be there for me and help me, and in turn be a better friend to them. More importantly, I would cling to my marriage with as much force as I possessed, and I would demand more of myself than what I put forth. I have my fair share of regrets.

I only hope I don't live to regret the decision of allowing Edward to leave.

**A/N: I just wanted to let you all know that I posted and EPOV about what really happened with tanya. It's in a story entitled "Extras - After the Happily Ever After". It just seemed to me I could keep this story flowing more smoothly if I did it that way. I will continue to post little tid bits that you guys want to read in that 'story'.**

**I also semi-quoted a line from one of my favorite movies. Doubt anyone will catch it, but if you do then let me know. : )**

**Alright guys, please put me out of my nervous misery and hit review. I'm dying to hear what you all thought. **

**-Robin**


	8. Beautiful Avodiance

**A/N: I just wanted to Thank those of you who reviewed the last chapter. Like I've said before you guys are amazing! A special Kudos to Edward's-a-beefcake and twilightlvr1 for catching my small Steel Magnolias tribute last week. I'll leave you to read the chapter now. Enjoy. **

**Sadly I don't own Twilight, that honor goes to the amazing Stephanie Meyer. **

Chapter 8

Beautiful Avoidance

The rest of the week moved fairly quickly as it was now Thursday. Edward would be spending his last night in our home on Friday. I had spent the past few days ignoring that fact. I wasn't very good at this however, so I recruited help in the form of Alice.

I had actually called Alice to see if she wanted to go shopping. I regretted the request almost instantly. Obviously being Alice, she was more than willing to go on an impromptu shopping trip. She had sworn that a little retail therapy was all I needed to turn things around, yeah and all she needed was a cat scan.

'Maybe the two of you should finally sit down and talk to Jasper' Alice brought up again as we made our way into yet another overpriced boutique.

"Alice you know how we feel about that. Jasper is great at what he does but it would be too weird.' I said exhausted by the subject.

She opened her mouth to protest, but wasn't able to speak before I opened my mouth.

"No, Ally, I don't want Jasper being put in that position and I know Edward wouldn't feel comfortable with it either.'

She sighed in defeat as we made our way to where the shoes were.

Jasper was a great psychiatrist, but he was our friend first. He had offered to help when Hannah died but the idea had made my stomach turn into a heap of knots. I didn't like the idea of him knowing every intimate detail of my marriage. Sure the girls and I talked about almost everything but it was a completely different situation.

Jasper had always done his best to not 'shrink' any of us without our permission. I know he observed more than he let on but that was just who he was.

"I just don't see what you think this is going to accomplish Bella. If you want to work on your relationship you have to do it together. How can you do that when you're not together? She questioned.

"Look, all I know for sure is that we've tried everything I can think of and yet here we are. Maybe some time apart will give us both a chance to think and re-evaluate what we are doing." I was getting really tired of explaining something I didn't fully understand. Everyone was asking if I was making the right choice, but the way I saw it there was no other choice.

I might have been the one to mention the idea of taking a break, but it was Edward who had taken the idea and ran with it. He had gotten his place, he had set the deadline, and he was leaving. When I had first mentioned the idea I could tell he wasn't happy about it, but next thing I know he's moving full speed ahead. I didn't know what his thought process was and I didn't know how to feel about his decisions.

"Are you going to try therapy?"

"What's the point? I can watch him clam up and scowl from the comfort of my couch. It's the only channel I'm picking up right now." I said dryly.

"That's not what I mean. Bella…I talked to Rose."

Oh great, I wonder if all my friends are out to fit me for a strait jacket or if it's just these two.

"And?" I said even though I truly didn't want to hear her next sentence.

"Well she told me about your last,um, conversation…"

"And?"

"Bella she thinks, well we think that maybe you should be seeing someone, maybe not a full blown psychiatrist but maybe a grief counselor or some sort of support group…"

"Enough, Alice I'm not depressed anymore! I'm over that. I know what depression is, I've lived it but I'm not there anymore. I get up, go to work take care of Ayden. I really don't need this right now. If I would have known I was going to be facing the firing squad I wouldn't have come out this evening. Now we will drop this, I need a friend not a therapist; can you just do that for me Alice?"

"Fine." She said in a quiet. The sadness that showed in her eyes almost made me want to apology for ripping her head off. Almost.

We finished the rest of our shopping trip in peace, our conversation focused on topics much less important as we made our way through racks of designer clothing.

Alice and I were pulled out of our celebrity gossip by my cell phone. It was Edward.

"Hello?" I questioned hesitantly.

"Bella, are you still shopping with Alice?" He answered without any salutation.

"Yeah I'll probably be a couple more hours, did you need something?" I asked, having no idea why he had called, and even less of a clue about his urgent tone.

" No…well yes…I'm going to have to work this weekend after all…So I'm going to have to finish packing my stuff and loading my stuff tonight. Jasper took Ayden with him and Rosalyn. I was hoping maybe…I don't know? "

I waited silently for him to start making some sense

"So you'll be home in a few hours?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you soon…Bye"

"Bye" We both said our farewells in the most uncomfortable tone we've ever spoken to each other in.

Edward and I had been so comfortable with each other for so long that our conversation left me feeling like I was a stranger to him. Maybe I was. Hell, who am I kidding, of course I was, I was a stranger to myself how could I not be to him.

I turned to see Alice placing her phone back in her oversized coach. She turned to me and had a confused expression.

"Apparently I'm watching Ayden tonight?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

"Apparently. If it's a problem I can just take him home, honestly I'm not really sure why he isn't staying at home tonight. It's not like Edward to let him leave when it's his last real night at home."

"This is Edward's last night? What happened to this weekend?" She said with the slightest bit of accusation in her tone.

"He has to work. Do you want me to pick up Ayden from your place?"

"No let him stay, it's probably better. I think we should go ahead and leave now though." Alice muttered looking deep in thought.

"What was that Mrs. Whitlock? Are you cutting a shopping trip short?" I exaggerated my surprise for dramatic effect. She simply rolled her eyes and headed toward the parking lot.

We climbed into our respective cars, and I let my mind wonder as I drove home. I thought of the beginning of mine and Edward's marriage. I thought of Ayden's birth and the stress of being new parents. I contemplated how Rosalie would look as a brunette. I thought about everything except what I was driving home to, my last night with my husband.

I pulled into our drive way and turned off the car. I must have sat there for nearly five minutes working up the nerve to go in and face the consequences of my past actions.

I got out of the car and slowly trudged my way up the cobblestone walkway and exhaled as I reached for the door.

I was not prepared for what waited for me on the other side.

Edward was sitting on our living room floor surrounded by card board boxes. His arm was propped up on one and he was resting his head on that hand. He stared completely at the television without acknowledging my entrance.

The sound of Pachelbel's cannon filled the living room.

My face came into view on our large television and I couldn't speak as I realized what he was doing.

"You looked so beautiful, I forgot everyone else in the room." He said in a low voice I knew he meant for me to hear.

"Well lucky for us your sister was the maid of honor from hell, and forced me to look good." I responded not knowing what to say.

He laughed lightly.

"You would have looked beautiful no matter what, your eyes had a light in them that kept everyone mesmerized and Alice had no hand in that." He offered finally looking at me.

I blushed and looked back to the video. My heart sped up as I saw Edward in his tuxedo staring down the aisle at me in my dress.

"You didn't look so bad yourself Edward." I said downplaying his obviously perfect form.

He smiled slightly and kept watching our wedding. We watched the entire video without another word. I could feel a little of our comfortable nature in that moment. I needed to talk to him. We had so much to say. We needed to define what would be happening from here on out. Were we going to try and see each other one on one. Would Ayden be over at Edward's frequently or would Edward be spending time with him here? We had to figure out what our intentions were. I had to get some answers.

"Edward? What are we-"

"Bella please, not tonight. For one night let's just not worry about anything." He said in a sad and pleading tone.

I nodded once and began sifting through the boxes on the floor. I looked through some of the pictures Edward had begun packing. I tried to bury my irritation at the fact that he was taking some of my photos.

"Oh my god, Edward do you remember what happened about two seconds after this picture was taken?"

I held up one of the photos that had the six of us standing on a raft. We had just finished white water rafting and tossed the camera to someone ashore to snap a picture. We had been told not stand up in the raft, but we were young and knew everything. The guys stood and the girls were perched on their backs.

"Hey, we would have been fine if your giant oaf of a brother hadn't decided to perch his foot on the edge, posing like he's Captain Morgan." Edward said once he got a good look at the photo. We both laughed remembering how all six of us came to wind up in the freezing water. It felt nice to laugh with Edward again.

"Hey I was thinking about ordering a pizza, you hungry?

"Yeah, I can cook though if you want." I offered, though I really just wanted to stay here on our living room floor with him.

"No, pizza will be fine. Give me just a minute." Edward left to call the pizza place. I looked through the pictures of us Edward had stashed in the box. I couldn't help but smile, we were so happy and carefree or maybe young and naïve is more fitting. I'm not really sure.

Edward joined me back on the floor and we spent the next half hour reminiscing and laughing about some of the wilder events in our youth. We were interrupted by the pizza delivery boy knocking on our door. I got up to grab the pizza while Edward continued packing up some of his movies.

After I paid for the pizza, I heard Edward speak with the excitement of a child. "Bella, come here you have to see this."

I raced toward him and when I saw what was in his hand I couldn't contain my laughter.  
Edward was persistent. "Bella we have to watch this!" he was sounding more and more like a child. I was now laughing loudly at the grown man pouting in front of me holding a dusty copy of Jay and Silent Bob strike back. Edward and I had watched that movie religiously throughout college and I agreed to watch it now.

Edward jumped and headed toward the kitchen when I nodded my approval. He came back with two beers and some napkins. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he hadn't gotten plates. Plates weren't something we used on our weekly movie nights before Ayden. We ate the pizza out of the box and drank the beer out of the bottle. I'm not sure when it is that these things start changing.

The rest of the evening was spent laughing with each other and competing over he perform Jay's rap perfectly. Once our movie ended we began to pick up the boxes that we had finished packing and loaded them into Edward's Volvo.

As we both climbed into bed I couldn't help but think about how bittersweet tonight had been. I knew nothing was fixed and we had swept everything under the rug for one evening but it felt good to get small glimpse at us again. Tomorrow the real world would rear its head but tonight we had just been Edward and Bella and let everything else go.

I surprised myself when I scooted closer to Edward and rested my head on what I had named long ago 'my spot'.

As I laid my head between Edward's chest and shoulder and he wrapped both his arms around me, and pulled me tightly into his side, and we fell into a deep sleep.

I awoke the next morning in an empty bed. I found a note on Edward's pillow.

_You looked so peaceful I couldn't stand to wake you._

_Call me and we will sort out everything._

_Thank you for giving me last night._

_Look after my heart, I've left it with you._

_-Edward_

I waited for the tears. I waited for the feeling of devastation. Much to my surprise they never came. Instead I felt something I hadn't experienced in a long time.

I felt hope.

**A/N: Okay I hoped you guys enjoyed that. I know it may seem odd and not like the rest of the story, but I felt like they both needed to be with each other for a while without everything else going on. (and quite frankly I needed it too.) I have received a lot of questions regarding how Edward could have ran to tanya after everything that happened. All will be explained. I'm not sure yet if it will be in this story or just as an extra, so be sure you have the 'extra's' story on alert as well. **

**Alright, now if you all could do me a huge favor and let me what you thought of this chapter, I'd truly appreciate it. **

**Good, bad, or ugly review and let me know what you think. **


	9. Brown eyed girl

**A/N: I cannot express how much I adore all those of you who reviewed. You are fantastic. I'll let you get on with the story, just one quick thing first. **

**Warning: If you were one of the many who have wrote me about tearing up during different chapters, you might want to get the tissues ready. This chapter gets kind of intense and is the only one so far that I have cried while writing. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns twilight, I don't. **

Chapter 9

Brown eyed girl

I had been feeling pretty good this morning. After last night I just felt like Edward had been right, we would make it through this. I knew it wouldn't be easy and it wouldn't be fixed over night but we _would_ survive this. I hadn't called Edward yet. I had wanted to, but I also wanted to keep my decent mood in tact.

I was picking up my living room when I realized that it was nearly one and it was time for me to go pick up Ayden.

_Oh no, I have to pick up Ayden._ How am I going to explain to him that Edward isn't here? He won't understand. It's not like this makes any sense to me yet, how will he understand? What am I supposed to do? I picked up my phone and quickly dialed the number I knew by heart.

"Hello, Bella."

"Edward, I need your help. What am I supposed to tell Ayden? I have to pick him up in a half hour. He's going to be so confused. He'll probably be scarred for life. What if he thinks this is his fault. How often is he going to get to see you? What happens if he thinks you don't care about him? What if he blames me?"

"Whoa, slow down love. First of all he's three, I don't think he understands the concepts of blame or fault. He won't be scarred for life. Things won't be like this for…long." Edward said calmly."

"Alright, well what about the other stuff. What are we going to tell him? How often are you going to see him?"

"Um about that, I don't know how comfortable you'll be with this but I had an idea."

"Do share." I was truly curious now that my comfort was being called into question.

Edward exhaled into the phone. "What if, a few nights during the week, I come over when I get off work, just like I normally would? I'll be there for about two hours and I can put him to bed, then I'll go ho…here."

My heart would have broken to hear him call his new place home, but clearly he didn't want to.

"That sounds alright, I guess. What about the weekends?"

"Well I'm usually off on Sundays, can…can I come get him on Sundays?"

His voice cracked and I almost broke down. Edward was never weak and I had maybe seen him cry three times in all the years we've been married. I knew how much this was going to hurt him. Ayden was everything to him.

"Sure, he'll like that." I said fighting back my own tears. "Bye, Edward" I said before I hung up the phone. I didn't wait to hear him respond because I couldn't. It would kill me to hear him say 'I love you' and it would kill me if he didn't. So I hung up.

I forced a smile on my face as I made my way into Alice's house to pick up my son.  
"Hey little man" I tried to sound upbeat, but clearly Jasper and Alice could see through it right away.

"Bella, do you want to talk?"Jasper questioned cautiously. I knew why he was asking and Alice didn't miss the glare I shot her.

"Thanks, but no thanks Jasper." He nodded and moved in to hug me. "I tried to tell her, but you know how she gets" he whispered in my ear. I stifled the laugh that threatened to emerge and gave a slight eye roll that only he could see.

He smiled in return. "But you know if you ever need anyone, off the clock of course, we're here." He said in a serious tone.

"I know Jazz that means a lot."

"Are you ready to go big guy?" I took Ayden's hand and we headed out. I didn't care to stick around anymore. I'm trying to tough this mess out but everyone keeps trying to bring it up. Sometimes things just need to be left alone.

I am fully aware of the situation I'm in. I don't understand everyone's constant need to make me talk about it. Sometimes things just need to be left alone, so they can work themselves out. I don't know what can be gained from harping on this. I lost my child, and I've forced my husband away. Focusing on it won't change anything.

I probably have Rosalie to blame. She had to push me the other day and imply that I hadn't dealt with _her _death. I spent a month locked away in the cave that I could now refer to as my bedroom. How long did she expect me to stay in there? Of course I had dealt with it.

If it wasn't bad enough that she pushed so hard, she now had to get Alice and Jasper to hop on the 'Let's confront Bella daily' bandwagon. She still hasn't apologized and that hurts.

I had fixed dinner for Ayden and I, and we ate quietly. After dinner I got up and put the leftovers in a Tupperware container for Edward to take for his lunch tomorrow.

'_Damn it!'_ I muttered throwing the leftovers Tupperware and all in the trash can with more force than necessary. He's not here. I won't be making his lunch for tomorrow.

He won't be kissing me on the cheek, thanking me with complete sincerity, despite the fact that I did this every night. He won't be doing this because he's not here.

I felt a rage boil inside me that I knew probably wasn't justified but I couldn't help it. _He left_. He knew how much I needed him and he left! I might have proposed the idea, but he didn't even put up a fight. The Edward I had once known would have fought with me tooth and nail to stay by my side. If he loved me, as much as he frequently declared, how could he just walk out?

My mind was telling me to calm down and that I was being irrational. I became more angry thinking this, because that was exactly what Edward would say if he were here.

Who uses the word irrational when crazy will do? Edward Cullen, that's who would use five dollar words when simpler ones would do.

I paced my kitchen floor trying to calm my nerves. I wanted a drink badly. I laughed out loud and without the slightest trace of humor, when I realized Edward had drank the last beer out of the six pack at the end our movie, _that son of a bitch_.

I realized now that I had to calm down. I had just cursed Edward mentally for drinking something I really didn't even want. Get a grip Bella.

I stood in my kitchen trying to stop, breathe and count to three. I had seen it on a public service announcement as a child. Doesn't work worth a damn.

Seeing my son sleeping peacefully on the sofa, however, did calm my nerves. I picked him up and carried him to bed. He must have played hard today at Alice's. He had been so quiet tonight. I'm so happy that I was able to avoid the discussion about his dad for one night.

I tucked him into bed and kissed his cheeks before closing his door and heading down the hall. I froze dead in my tracks when I noticed the door to Hannah's room was open.

Ayden must have played in the hallway while I was attacking my Tupperware. I didn't know what to do. I stood in the hallway afraid to take another step. My plan was to quickly walk past the room and shut the door without looking in.

My body however had different plans.

I felt my feet moving me toward the room against my will. My hand reached out and slowly pushed open the door. What am I doing? I can't do this!

Fear consumed my mind, but my body walked boldly into the room. My eyes were assaulted by the girly colors that covered the walls. I felt my hands begin to shake. I wanted nothing more than to turn and run but my feet were planted firmly in the lush carpet. My arm reached out and closed the door behind me.

I took in every detail of the room my daughter would never see. On the dresser was a framed picture from my sonogram. I stared at it as my eyes began to moisten with restrained tears. I moved to the beautiful crib that my husband had slept in as a child. Esme had found it again shortly after Ayden was too old for a crib and promised it would go to our next child. Edward had spent hours sanding and staining it for my baby girl.

I felt pure hatred now as I stared at it. For once I didn't know who the hatred was directed towards, and that made it all the more difficult to take. My fingers trailed the patchwork quilt that was positioned perfectly over the railing of the crib, picking up a thin layer of dust as they went.

My mother had made that quilt when I was a child. She had kept all my baby clothes that were decently cute and stitched every square from them. One of the few typical 'mother' skills she had was sewing. When I found it buried in her closet as a teenager, she told me one day I would give it to my daughter.

She lied.

My daughter would never see this quilt.

She fucking lied to me.

I would never get to swaddle her in the beautiful gift from her grandmother. I would never get to make her the quilt I had planned on. I was so angry. I didn't know why but right now I was angry at my mother. Tears were now rolling steadily down my face.

"_Damn it!"_ I yelled. I was shocked when the words came out with so much force. I was thankful my son slept so hard. I had never worried about whether or not Ayden would be woken up by Hannah's new born crying. I knew he'd sleep through it.

I had never gotten the chance to find out if I was right. Ayden never got to have his sister. He _deserved _to have her. He already loved her before he ever met her.

He would have been an amazing big brother. I could see him teaching her to catch a ball, holding her when she cried over her first break up, being overly protective of her, and sneaking out to pick her up from her first high school party so Edward and I wouldn't find out what she had been up to. All the things my brother had done for me.

God he deserved the chance to do all of those things! Emmett would have taught him how to fill that role. Now there was no Hannah. No little sister.

I couldn't control the sobs that caused my entire body to shake. _"WHY!"_ I yelled toward the empty crib that mocked me simply by existing. My teeth clenched and my vision was completely blurred. I felt my stomach begin to respond to the intensity of my tears, but I fought against the nausea.

I hated everything. It wasn't fair! _"IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!" _My angry words bred more rage and I reached up above the crib. I gripped the wooden H from her name that hung above that perfect crib.

I ripped it down with all my force, tearing the pink ribbon along the nail that held it there, in one swift movement. I flung the handmade letter at the wall causing the paint to chip. I began feverishly ripping letter after letter down and throwing them wherever my arms decided. I could barely see where they went through my unfocused eyes. I heard my sobs ripping through the normally silent room. I shouted every profanity under the sun with each letter I threw.

As I hurled the last letter with all the strength I could manage, I heard a thud and the sound of shattering glass. I knew what had broken, and my body collapsed on the floor.

I struggled for breath through my sobbing and drug myself toward the shattered picture frame on the floor. I reached it and propped myself against the antique dresser. My fingers were pricked by shards of glass as I fought to get the glossy photo of my then unborn daughter out of the newly destroyed frame. I wasn't fazed by the tiny drops of blood that would normally make me sick. I didn't care.

I held the photo to my chest and continued crying. I cried for everything that she would never get the chance to do. I cried for what my family had lost. I cried for my mistakes.

I couldn't do this alone, not now.

I dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed the number I needed.

'Please pick up, please.'

"Bella?" a sleepy voice answered.

"Her eyes were brown Rosalie, Hannah's eyes were brown." I managed to get out through my shaky and horse voice.

"I'm on my way Bella, I'll be right there."

I closed my phone and wrapped my arms around my stomach while I waited.

**A/N: Trust me, I know how horrible I am, but this had to happen. Bella has kept to much burried for too long. She needed to hit rock bottom before she could begin to fix anything. She still hsa some serious isses regarding Edward to work out, but this was a huge step in the right direction. **

**PLEASE READ- Ok I know I had originally only wanted to do BPOV, but the more I write the more Edward gets in my head. I'm really wanting to start maybe alternating POV's more frequently in this story. Let me know what you think becuase i'm kind of torn. Do you want to get regular EPOVs or do you want me to stick to strictly BPOV and toss an occasional Edward view into the 'extras' story? Let's vote on it, and i follow ya'll's lead. VOTE NOW!**

**Please review. I really really would love to hear what you all think about this chapter.**


	10. Temporary

**A/N: My last chapter got the most reviews thus far. I can't thank those of you who stepped out to review for the first time enough, it means so much. And to my loyal reviews, you guys are inspiring! Thank you all so much. To prove my gratitude, you get your wish. This chapter is in Edward's POV! His thoughts might seem slightly chaotic and that is completely intentional. Enjoy!**

Chapter 10

Temporary

EPOV

I sat staring at the unopened boxes cluttering the small living room. They sat taunting me, full of useless things that I could care less about. I couldn't unpack yet. I had slowly pulled out a few things as I had needed them, but refused to actually unload any boxes completely.

To unpack those boxes would be an acceptance of my current situation. I couldn't accept this, I wouldn't.

_This is only temporary. _

That had become my mantra all day while I carried my possessions up the stairwell. It had kept me moving with each step I made.

My apartment was just a few miles from my home. It was nestled on a busy street and starkly contrasted the suburban neighborhood where my family was.

The walls were bare and the emptiness mirrored my own feelings at the moment. I had what the realtor had called a 'deck' but really it was a fire escape landing. My deck and patio at home were far more welcoming. There was one bedroom and one bath. I had contemplated getting a two bedroom apartment for Ayden to have his own room. My hope had kept me from the two bedroom, the hope that this wouldn't last for long and a second room wouldn't be necessary. If things didn't change soon I could always alter my lease for the two bedroom. No, I couldn't think this way.

'_This is only temporary.'_

I suppose this apartment is nice enough, but it isn't home. Bella is home, Ayden is home, but these four walls are not my home.

I sat on the small couch in my pre-furnished apartment and tried not to call her. I longed to hear her voice. Well in actuality I longed to hear a voice that she no longer possessed.

Everything about Bella was different now. She didn't speak the same way, she didn't dress the same way, on the rare occasion she did laugh it was nothing more than a hollow shell of the laughter that had always brought a smile to my face. Everything about her was a faint shadow of her former self, but God I'd take that over not having her at all any day of the week.

I knew when we lost Hannah things would be hard for a while, but I didn't expect her to push me away. I wanted to cling to her with all my might but she didn't want me. I know a great deal of this could rest on my shoulders, not could, does.

I felt like I had done the best I could at the time but she didn't want me. I couldn't help her. How could I not be able to help my own wife? I lost my daughter too. I should have been there crying with her, but I thought she needed me to be strong. I should have tried to snap her out of her avoidance, but I think I waited too long.

I knew how much I was to blame but I couldn't change the past. There are so many ways that I screwed up. When she really began to slip from my grasp and barricade herself in our bed, I didn't know what to do. I felt so many things. I felt my heart break for her; I wished more than anything I could turn back time. I felt helpless. I'm so ashamed to admit that I felt jealousy. She spent a month in near isolation trying to cope with Hannah's death. She left me no choice but to suck it up and take care of our life.

I was angry about that fact and even angrier that I felt that way. She had taken care of our son and me for so much longer than a month. Who was I to complain about filling a role that she had filled for so long?

I was angry that I had lost my chance to mourn my daughter. I had to take care of Ayden and life's other necessities while she was able to miss Hannah. I had to explain to my small child how he would never get to meet his sister while she stayed locked away from reality.

I could have taken all that and more if she had just talked to me. I felt betrayed by the way she wouldn't open up to me. My other half was gone.

What's hurts the most is knowing that I could have possibly gotten it all back. Bella got out of the house, she got dressed, she came to see me, and what did she get to find?

She saw me with Tanya, again. It wasn't everything she thought it was, but I still messed up and I only made it worse when I went home. I still am not sure how Bella heard that conversation, but I wish things had been different.

"_Edward?" Tanya's shrill voice called out. _

"_What do you want Tanya?" I was not in the best mood today, and I had grown tired of her bimbo like tendencies. _

"_Jesus Eddie, What crawled up in you and died?"_

_I couldn't suppress the eye roll and irritated growl that came out. _

"_Don't call me Eddie, and what is it that you need Tanya?" I was growing more and more annoyed and my tone would have alerted an intelligent person to this. _

"_Well, I was just coming by to see if you've seen Mr. Flennigan's chart. I can't seem to find it anywhere."_

_I looked up to the wall, where we kept the charts, and scoffed. _

"_Tanya, where do you think we keep patient charts? I can see Mr. Flennigan's from here. Now can you please leave and allow me to do something productive?"_

"_Eddie, what's wrong with you?" She said in a sugary sweet voice, the way cough medicine was sweet. Disgusting. _

"_Nothing Tanya, now will you just leave me the hell alone!" I felt remorseful instantly, not that she didn't deserve my harsh words, but I had been taught better. _

"_Well I don't know what's got you so damn grouchy, you need to just get over it already!" She spat loudly._

_I felt myself snap, and the damn broke on my restraint. "Get over it?" I demanded._

"_Tell me how am I supposed to get over this, Tanya! I lost my daughter, and now I'm losing my wife. I have a son who doesn't understand why mommy won't get out of bed and cried when he kissed her stomach. To top everything off there isn't a fucking thing I can do to fix any of it!" I felt myself begin to break. "So why don't you tell me what it is I'm supposed to do."_

_I didn't hear a response._

"_God, my whole family is falling apart. I miss Hannah, I miss my wife, how do I save us? I said more to myself than anyone who was listening._

"_Why did this have to happen to us? Bella didn't deserve this. We didn't deserve this, Hannah never did anything wrong in her short life, she never had the opportunity. What am I supposed to do?"_

"_Um, well maybe it's time to move on." Tanya said in a voice I couldn't decipher. I had forgotten she was even there. _

_I looked at her with warranted disgust and walked away._

I've never been sure how much of that conversation Bella had heard but it didn't matter, I had failed. I should have had the guts to say all of these things to her without worrying about the consequences. At the time I thought it would only hurt her, but now I'm not so sure.

I stayed lying on that couch thinking of my life. So many times we focus on what is lacking in our lives. I can remember many times since Bella and I had been married that I would wish for something to be different.

I never wished to change anything regarding my Bella, just minor details of our life. In med school I had longed to be through with classes. At times I had wanted a better house or more vacation time. Things always seem difficult during the time but when you look back you realize what you had.

I used to get upset over trivial matters. Now I realized how great my life had been. I had a great home, a loving wife, and a beautiful son that I went home to every night. Now what did I have, a one bedroom apartment and a family I'm not there to take care of.

I threw myself off the couch, trying to end my emotional pity party with a physical gesture.

"_This is only temporary"_ I told myself once again.

I normally don't condone feeling sorry for one's self, but my moping had brought about a sudden realization. I had to do whatever I could to get my Bella back. First, I had to work on myself, and then I would be good enough for her.

I picked up the phone a pressed each button with a new sense of conviction.

"Hello?" I heard the suppressed southern drawl and breathed a sigh of relief that he had answered.

"Hey, I think I'm ready for that phone number."

**A/N: Okay I'm really nervous to hear what you guys think of my first EPOV! I'm sort of on the fence about it, because it pulled me out of my comfort zone. So please let me know what you think.**

** I will NOT withhold any regular chapters to get reviews, I hate when authors do that to me. HOWEVER If i recieve at least fifteen reviews I will add an interesting 'EXTRA' from Rosalie's POV on the night of Bella's break down as a reward to my wonderful readers. It will not interfer with the posting of the next regular chapter, it's just a lil bonus chapter!**

**After looking back over my last chapters I realize I'm in desperate need of a beta. If there are any good Betas out there who are interested, let me know. **

**If you want to see a bonus in Rosalie's POV- please. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	11. Shopping Trips and Cheerios

**A/N: As always, a big thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter. You guys are more awesome than the New Moon trailer. Thank you!**

**Oh guess what... Stephanie Meyer STILL owns all things Twilight. **

Chapter 11

Shopping Trips and Cheerios

I woke up to the horrendous beeping of my alarm clock. The ringing was entirely unwanted. I couldn't find it in myself to make my feet hit the floor.

That is until I smelt the all too familiar scent of coffee brewing. It is amazing how a smell can draw you out of a king sized pillow top mattress. Only coffee and bacon had that power over me.

I drug myself out of bed to face the day. Memories of last night flooded my mind. I wasn't sure how I felt about it all. On one hand I felt somewhat renewed. It was almost freeing to have finally broken down about the loss of Hannah. I felt like I had been carrying around a huge lie and I had finally let the truth come out. It was an ugly truth, but it was now out.

I realize now that Rosalie had been right, I hadn't dealt with losing my daughter properly, if at all. I now felt like I had been doing my daughter a disservice by blocking her memory out.

On the other hand, I so much pain that it was difficult to breathe. I missed her more than I had the past twelve months. It seems odd to miss someone that you had never got the chance to know, but I did. The ache resounded deep within me and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I made myself get up because I refused to deal with this by blocking out the world. I had done that once before, that's why I'm here now. I knew that I still needed to work on things, I was far from healed. The ache in my heart reminded me of that.

I longed to see my husband and talk to him. I missed him also. My thoughts drifted to him, and all I could focus on was how I wanted to open myself up to him.

It took so much restraint to not pick up my phone and call him. I knew he was at work and I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone. He would take the call and make time for me, I was sure of that, but he deserved more than a phone call.

I knew he couldn't make this all better, like he used to do with my problems, but we had lost so much time and I had a lot of explaining to do. I wanted to tell him about last night. I wasn't sure he'd understand it, but knowing him he would. Even if he didn't understand, he always tried.

He has barely been gone a day and I needed him. Everything felt off without him here. Even if our relationship had faltered over the past year my need to have him close had not. I had barely been away from him at all and yet I felt like he had been gone for so long. I wondered to myself if it was pathetic or if it was how love was supposed to be. Maybe it was a little of both.

I made my way to the kitchen and heard the sweet sound of Ayden's laughter. The smile that came across my face made me sigh. He was so much like his father. In the past Edward's laughter or crooked grin could always make me smile no matter the situation.

I could hear Rose giggling without restraint and I wondered what those two were up too.

I knew Rosalie was still here. She had stayed with me all night. She truly was great when she wanted to be. I felt seriously guilty for keeping her from her own bed last night, but she had refused to leave me alone.

I walked into the dining room and saw Rosalie and Ayden tossing cheerios at one another. Rosalie had a huge smile on her face and Ayden was giggling hysterically.

"What on earth have you two done to my dining room?" I asked in mock anger.

Rosalie looked at me and winked at Ayden before nailing me in between the eyes with a Cheerio. She gave me a sheepish grin and looked to my son who was now laughing even harder.

"Traitors" I mumbled and rolled my eyes walking toward the table. A hot cup of black coffee was sitting there waiting for me. I picked it up and walked into my kitchen to fix it accordingly.

"I'm not Edward. You're going to have to ruin it all by yourself." She said not breaking her interaction with Ayden.

It was typical Rosalie to drink her coffee like a man. It was nice to see how she didn't tip toe around me. Last night she had been so sweet, and comforting, but Rosalie knew today I wouldn't want to be coddled. I assume it was because she is the same way.

She refuses to be treated like she's weak or about to break, no matter the circumstances.

Rosalie had been through her own troubles with a guy back in college. He decided against her will to take things to 'the next level.' She pressed charges and refused to discuss it further.

For two weeks she walked around like nothing had happened. She would get angry whenever anyone tried to see if she was doing all right. Then finally one night she broke down when a random guy looked at her wrong. She cried with me and Alice the entire night. The next morning she went and joined a kick boxing class and never spoke of it again. It might not be healthy but it was Rosalie.

I was so grateful that she would act as though last night didn't happen. She wouldn't push the subject or force me to go into all of the details of my meltdown. She had been there for me when I needed her, even after our minor altercation she came over as soon as I called her.

Rosalie had sat with me on the floor to Hannah's room for hours simply holding me and crying with me. I have no clue what time it was when I made it to bed but judging by the exhaustion that consumed my entire body it must have been well into the morning.

I was extremely blessed when it came to friends. Despite whatever was going on I knew my friends would be there for both Edward and myself. They were amazing that way.

"Go, get dressed Ayden, we have to make it to my place to see Rosalyn." Rosalie said in a sweet voice that was strictly reserved for children.

Ayden jumped down from his chair and headed toward his room. I knew that I would have to go help him get dressed in a second but I figured Rosalie had something she wanted to say.

"Rose, I just wanted to thank you for-"

"Don't Bella." She cut me off. "It's what friends do. Forget about it." Rose said like nothing had happened.

"Just the same, thank you." I said simply.

"Whatever, it's no big deal. So I called Angela and she's going to keep Ayden and Rosalyn for the afternoon. Me, you, and Alice are going out today."

I should have known there was something up, why else would she be taking Ayden on a Saturday. It felt wrong to leave Ayden with someone else when his dad wasn't getting to see him, but I'm sure Edward was working and Angela has been begging me to let her keep him again.

Angela was our school secretary and made the place function. I knew she would take care of him. I wasn't the least bit surprised that Rosalie would call her. The two had met at a party Edward and I had thrown and hit it off instantly.

I was slightly surprised by that considering they were polar opposites. Angela was sweet and docile. She was very lady like and extremely caring. Rosalie was well, Rosalie. Angela had hung out with all of us many times. Her and her fiancé Ben fit right in.

"I guess there isn't any point in my fighting you on this is there?"

Rose rolled her eyes and ignored me. She began picking up the countless cheerios that now littered every surface of my floor and table, as I made my way to get myself ready.

I took a quick shower and threw on an old rock tee and some jeans. I wasn't out to impress today. Alice would have a fit but I couldn't care less. After I got Ayden dressed we made our way to my now clean kitchen.

"Okay we have to go by my place to drop little man off and Alice is going to meet us there with Rosalyn."

"Fine, so what are we doing today?"

"Well, Alice is under the impression that you need some serious retail therapy, and who am I to challenge the little pixie."

I couldn't hold back the groan that escaped my lips. Why was I grateful for my friends again?

We arrived at Rosalie's quickly and I made my way to the couch immediately. I was going to get in as much sitting time as possible before this all day shop-a-thon.

Emmett came into the living room and plopped down beside me without an ounce of grace. He gave me a sad smile.

"How are you doing, Bells?" He questioned in a tone full of unwanted sympathy.

"I'm fine, Em so what are you doing today?" Wondering why his lazy butt couldn't babysit his niece and nephew for a few hours.

"Oh Jasper and I are going to head over to see E-…Ellen… Yeah, my friend Ellen, great guy."

I couldn't help but laugh at him, he never had been good at lying to me, but this was pathetic.

"It's okay if you go see Edward; he's your family too." I said hoping it came out as sincere as I meant for it to.

Emmett wrapped both his arms around me and I almost instantly felt better. He always had been a great brother.

"Alright well I better go" Emmett kissed me on the forehead before going to say his goodbyes to everyone else.

I liked that he was being overly nice but I was kind of hoping he would put me in a headlock and grind his knuckles against my scalp.

It wouldn't be pleasant and I'd probably knee him in the thigh like always but at least it would be normal. I was longing for something to seem normal again.

Alice showed up shortly after Emmett left and ran to me giving me the tightest hug she could manage.

"Big mouth" I mouthed to Rosalie over Alice's shoulder.

She simply shrugged her shoulders and walked off to get cleaned up.

My girls were great but neither could keep their mouth shut to save their lives. I'm sure she had to tell her something since we were all getting together today but I'd rather not deal with Alice's sympathetic glances.

"Are you alright?" she questioned with concern.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I just kind of had to deal with everything." I told her honestly.

"Well…I hate to sound like a broken record, but…are you going to see anybody about everything?" Alice questioned nervously.

I didn't know the answer to that. Was I going to? It was clear to me now that I had not dealt with Hannah's death the right way, but did I need therapy?

"I'm not sure Aly. I'm just going to try to take this day by day. I might possibly, but right now I'm just trying to figure out what I need. Does that make sense?

"Yep. So, are you ready to shop?" She said with too much enthusiasm for my liking.

An hour later we were at the mall making our way through racks of shoes. Rosalie had wanted to visit every shoe store possible. I'm pretty sure it was her way of having to avoid looking at clothes she couldn't wear anymore.

She hadn't taken too kindly to the idea of maternity clothes. It was really pretty ridiculous considering that she looked amazing in whatever she wore. She was still, however, very adamant about the lack of style offered to pregnant women.

She said every time she went into a maternity store she was bombarded with tops she swore Lucy Ricardo had worn while pregnant with little Ricky.

She was currently begging Alice to create a maternity line for the modern women.

As I listened to her complain about her pregnancy I wondered if I would ever experience that again. Did I even want to? I quickly pushed the thought from my head. It was a loaded question that had far too many variables.

"Ladies, I'm going to head to the bookstore, I'll give you a call in a few and meet up with you."

"Okay" They answered in unison not looking up from the pair of red stilettos they were gawking.

I headed to the book store and began sifting through the classics section. I was hoping something I hadn't read would jump out at me. I read through all the titles recounting the stories in my head. It always felt like visiting home again.

I saw the copy of "_Of Mice and Men" _I had read it many times but I found myself thinking of how relevant the quote on the inside was.

I was lost in my thoughts until I felt a warm hand cover my eyes.

I was just about to scream before I heard a deep, familiar voice in my ear.

"Guess who"

**A/N: All right I can't wait to hear what you think. REVIEW!**


	12. Black and Blue

**A/N: A big thank you to those of you who reviewed last chapter. I really appreciate it. Okay on with the story.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

Chapter 12

Black and Blue

BPOV

I tore the large hand away from my eyes and turned to meet a broad chest. I quickly looked up to the huge smile of my old best friend.

"Jacob!" I cried, throwing my arms around him.

Jacob Black had been my best friend throughout my childhood. Our dads were best friends, so we were friends by default. I had very few childhood memories that he wasn't in. Jacob had been my partner in crime and was like a brother to me.

"How have you been honey?" Jacob questioned while wrapping his arms around me.

"Oh, I've been okay, what about you?" I said trying to pull the attention away from me.

His entire face lit up when he smiled his signature grin. "Well…um" he said sheepishly.

"I'm engaged!" His grin grew even wider.

"Oh wow, Jake that's great!" I said throwing my arms around his large frame. I couldn't be happier for my friend. I couldn't wait to tell Edward. Edward had always thought that Jake had a thing for me.

Their relationship had been a little rocky in the beginning. Edward thought Jake wanted me for himself, and Jake thought Edward wasn't good enough. At some point along the way they had reached some type of understanding. They would still pick at each other but it was in a much more lighthearted way.

"Yeah Vanessa is amazing, Bells, you will love her." He said beaming with pride.

We made our way to the sofas that were tucked in the corner of the bookstore and continued talking about our lives. I didn't go into all the details of mine and Edward's separation, it wasn't his business. I did mention that we were taking a few steps back right now. Jake seemed genuinely sympathetic. I invited him to our place for Sunday dinner tomorrow with the family.

I did not want to have this get together considering everything that was going on, but Alice had insisted we couldn't break tradition. She said that if we skipped our Sunday night tradition once we would never get it back.

Whatever, if she insisted on having everyone over at my place I was going to invite Jacob.

I wanted him to get to see everyone, but I also knew that if Jacob was there then the conversations wouldn't focus on me and Edward. There was also never an awkward silence when Jake and Rosalie were in the same room. Those two never tired of irritating each other. It was actually very comical to watch.

I learned about Jake's new life in Oregon with Vanessa. She would be at dinner tomorrow and I couldn't wait to meet her.

Jacob Black had come back to town to take care of his dad. Billy's health had taken a turn for the worst. I made a mental note to get out and see Billy soon.

I'm not sure how long we were talking before we were interrupted by my cell phone ringing.

"It's Alice."

"Of course" Jacob smiled as I answered my phone.

"Hey, Alice guess who I'm sitting with."

"_Who?"_ She questioned with way to much enthusiasm.

"Jacob." I said simply while Jacob laughed quietly to himself.

"_Oh my gosh, Jacob Black? Did you invite him for dinner tomorrow night?_" Jacob now laughed louder having heard her shrieking through my phone.

Alice and Jacob had always gotten along well. I could hear Rosalie groan in the background. I guess some things never changed.

"Of course I did Alice. Were you guys ready to go?"

"_Yeah we're going to head out. You have your car here, so I'm going to take Rose home. Do you care if I keep my nephew tonight?_ "She said in one breath.

"Sorry Alice, Edward is taking Ayden tomorrow so I need him to be at home."

"_Fine, but I want to keep him tomorrow night after the dinner."_ Alice persisted.

I'm not sure why she wanted to babysit so badly but of course what Alice wants, Alice gets.

"Sure Alice. I'll pick up Ayden from Rose on my way home. I'm about to get out of here too."

"_All right, love you. I'll see you tomorrow_."

"Love you too Alice, bye." I said closing my phone.

"I see she hasn't changed much" Jacob smiled.

"Nope, not at all." I laughed.

"Well I'd better get home. I'm going to see you tomorrow, right? I questioned though I already knew Jacob would never miss a meal I cooked.

"Absolutely"

Jacob wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head before we went our separate ways.

*****

On the ride back home my mind began to wander. Shopping and visiting with Jacob had distracted me temporarily from whatever this feeling was. I still hadn't identified it. How could one feel devastation and relief at the same time? Was there even a word for this emotion?

I also felt so alone. There was no one I knew who could possibly understand what I felt. I had carried her for months. She was a part of me. How could anyone grasp that without living it?

I needed to pull myself out of my overwhelming pity. Now wasn't the time to get emotional.

I pushed play on the c.d. player in my car. No bothering to see what disc was inside.

The sounds of country music filled my car.

'It must be one Jasper had left in here'. I thought while I barely listened to the first couple of songs.

I found myself staring out the windshield not paying much attention when a few sad chords caught my ear.

'Of course' I thought sarcastically. Why wouldn't it be a sad song? The lyrics that followed grabbed my attention completely while I began to listen intently.

_Here we are  
What is left of a husband and a wife with four good kids  
Who have a way of gettin on with their lives  
I'm not old but I'm getting a whole lot older every day  
It's too late to keep from goin' crazy  
I got to get away _.

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time

Our boys are strong the spittin image of you when you were young  
I hope someday they can see past what you have become  
I remember every time I said I'd never leave  
What I can't live with is memories of the way you used to be

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time

Twenty years have came and went since I walked out of your door  
I never quite made it back to the one I was before  
And God it hurts me to think of you  
For the light in your eyes was gone sometimes  
I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone

The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time

As the lyrics sunk in I had to pull my car over to the side of the road. My vision was filled with unshed tears and regret now outshined my previous, unknown emotion.

How could I not realize how stupid I had been? I took all this pain on myself and shut everyone else out. How could I not understand that Edward was in just as much pain as I've been in?

Hell, he was probably hurting worse. Edward had not only lost his daughter but his wife. Now I had managed to drive him to an apartment across town away from his son and his life.

I found myself crying again for the second time in two days.

I knew he wasn't without some fault where our problems were concerned but I'm the one who cut him out. I never once asked how he was coping with everything.

I never even asked if he was doing alright.

We still had so much to work out but I needed to let him in before anything would progress. I needed to change something soon. I didn't want this to be my life. I did not want to be this person I had become.

I had to call him now. I tried to steady my fingers as I pulled his name up in my contact list.

The phone rang and I held my breath waiting to hear his voice.

"Bella? Is everything alright?" He asked in a worried tone.

"No, Edward it's not" I managed to say through my tears.

"Calm down, love. Tell me what's wrong?" He said trying to sound calm. His shaky voice betrayed his intentions.

"I've screwed up so bad. I'm so sorry. I miss you." I blubbered.

I could hear Edward sigh. I wasn't sure if it was from relief or frustration.

"Bella…"

"Edward we really need to talk. There is so much I need to say."

"Do you want me to come by tonight. Just let me get rid of the guys and I'll come over to the house." He said very quickly.

I wanted to speak to him tonight but it would be better if we had more time to talk. I also wanted just a little time to get my head on straight. Everything had been coming at me so quickly that I needed a little while to try and make sense of all the thoughts going through my head.

"I still have to go pick up Ayden, and get him into bed, it's getting late." I said wishing I had just let Alice keep Ayden tonight.

"Can we talk tomorrow? Maybe you could come by a little earlier to pick up Ayden?" I questioned hopefully.

"Of course, love. I was going to come by around ten, how about we make it eight?"

"That sounds great. I'll see you then. Oh, and Edward…"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I love you." I said, hoping that he could hear my sincerity and seriousness.

"I love you, Bella, nothing will change that." He said with conviction.

I pulled back on the road and continued my trip to Rosalie's.

When I picked up Ayden I hugged him as tightly as I could. I had a lot to make up for. I knew he was young and so his memory wasn't that strong, but mine was. I would make sure he would never know another time in his life when his mother was distant. Hopefully soon his world would be back to normal.

After we arrived home I got Ayden bathed and in bed. I curled up with him and a children's book. I read him the simple words of Dr. Seuss until his little eyelids ran out of fight. I kissed his forehead and climbed out of his bed careful not to make any extreme movements.

As I made my way to the door I heard his sleepy voice ask me the one question I had been dreading.

"Mommy, when is daddy coming home?" He mumbled with his eyes still closed.

"Daddy will be here soon, sweetheart" I whispered as I turned off the lights.

I didn't know how soon was soon but I really hoped I hadn't lied to him. Edward would be here in the morning and with any luck we would have a better grasp of where to go from here once we talked.

I drug my feet toward my empty bedroom and layed in the darkness. My mind was full of everything I wanted, no needed, to share with Edward. I let my thoughts drift to what I needed to say as I felt myself begin to drift off to sleep.

**A/N: Sorry to end the chapter there but E&B's conversation was taking way to long to include in this chapter. **

**If anyone is interested the song in this chapter was Tim Mcgraw's 'Angry all the Time'. Completely depressing but it seemed to fit well with their situation. **

**Okay before everyone asks, Jacob will not be any type of love interest for Bella. These two have enough on their plate. No affairs. Bella is finally seeing that she has some serious issues to work out with her relationship and with herself. She's not over anything yet, but things are progressing. **

**Oh and I have one tiny request. The reviews went down drastically last chapter, you guys let me know if anyone is still reading this story. **

**Review, review, review! ( please : D )**


	13. Early Morning Talk

**A/N: You guys are incredible! Last chapter recieved the second most reviews so far! I figured instead of replying to all of them I'd get you a chapter with a little E&B communication. Hope you enjoy it! Meet me at the bottom for a little AN. **

**S. Meyers owns all things twilight. **

Chapter 13

Early Morning Talk

I sprang from my bed before my alarm clock had the chance to rudely wake me. Today was Sunday. I had butterflies in my stomach from the moment my feet touched the floor. I wasn't sure if I was anxious with anticipation or nervous with dread.

So much was going to happen today. It would be the first Sunday dinner since mine and Edward's separation. I wasn't sure how the family was going to react to the change. Would we all pretend like nothing was different or would our current situation be a group wide discussion? I wasn't sure which scenario would be more awkward.

Alice had let me know earlier in the week that Jasper's conference had been rescheduled, so it would be the entire family plus Jacob. Vanessa would also be attending, just a little later.

More important than our Sunday night ritual was the conversation Edward and I were supposed to have today. I really wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to say to him. I needed him to know what I had been going through the past couple days.

He needed to know that I recognize my mistakes. He needed to know I was sorry. I needed something from him to. I'm just not sure what that is yet.

I eagerly made my way to the shower, hoping to ease away my nerves with the hot water. All the shower did was give me more time to think.

I felt like I was seeing Edward for the first time. I even did a deep conditioning treatment on my hair while in the shower. Why, I have no clue. I wanted to look nice. It's not like I had any real reason to go the extra mile for someone who wouldn't be sharing my bed, but I tried anyway.

I wrapped my towel around me and stepped into the bedroom to gather my clothes.

I picked up the cup of hot coffee that was on the nightstand and headed toward my walk in closet. I shuffled through all the worn t-shirts and jeans looking for something that said 'I'm surviving, but I wish you were here.' Quite a bit to ask from an outfit but that's what I wanted. I decided on my best pair of jeans and sapphire top that Edward loved on me. I tossed the clothes on my bed and began looking for shoes. _Why am I so nervous? He's my husband. It's just a talk._

I took a sip of the coffee then nearly spit it out when I realized what I was drinking.

_Edward's here. _

I hadn't expected him to be here this early. He must be taking care of Ayden. I wasn't thinking about how odd it was that my son hadn't busted in here this morning, although it is early.

_Well so much for doing my hair and make-up. _I thought as I wrapped my old robe around myself and headed towards the kitchen.

I didn't make it that far before a mess of bronze hair caught my eye through the crack of Ayden's door. I quietly pushed it open to see Edward sitting on our son's bed. Ayden was still asleep and Edward was just sitting peacefully rubbing his head.

As I pushed the door open a little more it caught Edward's attention. He looked at me and his expression mirrored my feelings. His eyes held pain, regret and the smallest bit of hope. I knew the feeling well. We just stared at each other for a moment before I decided to break the silence.

'You wake him up and your ass is mine." I whispered. It felt so fake to try and make a joke, but depending on what today brought it might be my only chance to get a smile out of him.

Edward smiled, but it wasn't my smile. His lips slightly turned up and he didn't bother to show any teeth. Normally his smile would show all the way to his eyes. Before we became 'this' couple my empty threat would have triggered a crude or at least smart remark from Edward. Not anymore.

I felt guilty because I had taken his fun and cheerful nature from him. I will do my best to make sure that he gets it back.

Edward slowly rose from his spot on the bed and walked towards me. We stood in the hallway silently as he quietly shut Ayden's door and turned to face me.

"Thank you for the coffee. Do you want to go sit on the deck?" Edward nodded and we headed out toward the patio.

"So…" We said at the same time.

"You go first." He said as we set down on the porch swing.

I wasn't sure where to begin. At one point I had a million thoughts racing through my head about everything that needed to be said, yet now I was drawing a complete blank. How do you begin a conversation that had really been building for a year? I began the only place I knew to begin.

"When Hannah died I lost myself." I took a deep breath and tried to keep going.

I could hear Edward inhale sharply. I don't think he expected me to begin this way. I kept going while keeping my eyes focused on the mug in my hands.

"I pushed everyone away. I didn't consider your pain. I never gave it that much thought. I was selfish. I was angry, and I was confused. I drove you away and I accept that I did that.

I paused, I didn't want to say what was to come next but if I was going to open up to him I was going to do it completely.

"I know I was wrong but…how could you go to someone else for comfort. I felt so betrayed."

Edward interrupted my rambling "Bella, I-"

"No please, just let me get all this out while I can." I looked up at him and he nodded hesitantly.

"I know there is nothing going on between you and that woman, but I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. You should have said those things to me. I'm your wife. She's not even a real friend. You didn't talk to Emmett or Jasper you went to this woman who you knew had a thing for you. I mean hell Edward how am I supposed to feel about that?" I needed to calm down. I was getting angry again and that is not what this conversation was supposed to be about.

"I don't know why I reacted the way I did to everything. I guess I just wasn't prepared to handle something like that. How could I be?" This past year has been a living hell. I thought I was dealing with everything and I just realized the other night that I hadn't really dealt with any of it."

I fought against the tears that were beginning to fall. I looked up at Edward and could see the confusion plastered across his face.

"The other night I went into Hannah's room." My voice began to crack and I could no longer fight back the tears.

"God, Edward how could I have been so blind. I had tried to forget that she even existed. What kind of mother does that?" Edward scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest.

"She was so little, why did this have to happen to us?"

"I don't know baby." He whispered into my hair.

"Everything's so different now. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't recognize this person." I said while staining Edward's shirt with my tears.

"I need you Edward. I need you to help me get through this. Everything feels so fresh. I need you _here _with me. Ayden needs you. I was so stupid I don't know why I did the things I did but I was wrong and I need you here.

"Bella..." Edward said in a cautious tone.

"Bella, I can't move back, not right now."

_What?_

"Wha…why?" I stuttered.

"If I move back now, I think things would just go back to how we were, and God that terrifies me. I need to know that when I come back we will be us again. It took all my strength to leave once, I can't do it again."

"But, I'm dealing with this now, I'm trying…"

"I know baby, and I'm so proud of you. But after what you've told me I feel like maybe my leaving was the catalyst to make you deal with everything. I think if we have a little more time…"

I was enraged. I shoved his arms off of me and stood up without thinking.

"Fuck that Edward!" I said raising my voice higher than was needed.

"I open myself up to you. I basically beg to have you back and you tell me no. Are you serious?" I yelled.

"Calm down, Bella" Edward pleaded.

"I will do no such thing. Your place is here. Do you not want me anymore?" I asked in a strain voice. This was really a question I didn't want the answer too.

Edward looked at me with disgust. "Damn it, how can you even ask me that? I'm doing this for us. We both need to work on things. We are so comfortable together that I don't think we'll fix anything before we fall back into our same routine." Edward said trying not to yell.

I didn't know what to say. He might have made a little sense, but this is not what I had planned.

Edward, I don't know if I can do this without you." I whispered.

Edward got off the swing and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"I promise you Bella, I will be here with you every step of the way. I might not be sleeping here every night but I will be there for you whenever you need me. Baby I will get us back to where we were. I will not lose you." He said with passion.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung tightly to him. He moved us back to the bench wiped away my remaining tears.

"Bella, I've decided to start seeing someone." He said calmly while staring at our now entwined fingers.

_What the hell? _I tried to form words but I couldn't. I felt my world began to crumble and my stomach begin to turn. I was going to be sick. I couldn't form any coherent thoughts.

Edward looked up at me with a hopeful expression. His face fell instantly when he met my eyes.

"Oh shit, no,no,no. Not like that, Bella, never like that. I'm going to start seeing a psychiatrist." He rushed out, while tightening his hold on me.

I was finally able to breathe. He was going to see a psychiatrist. Oh thank heavens. Wait, what?

"You're going to do what?"

"I'm going to see a therapist." He said slowly. I just stared. _Why now?_

"Why? I mean what made you decide to do this now?"

"Bella, I know how much responsibility you're taking for our situation. But you were not alone. I failed you Bella. There are so many things I should have done differently. I still haven't dealt with everything properly."

I guess he made sense.

"I was actually hoping that maybe…If I decide to stick with this…do you think you could maybe start going with me? He asked looking at his feet.

Edward didn't like to look weak, and this was the closest he would probably get to asking for help.

"I think that would be great Edward" I said quietly.

"love, we will find our way back. I have no doubt." He said this with so much sincerity that any doubts I may have had were washed away.

"I know, Edward, I know.

He let out a deep breath and stood up reaching for my hand. I never wanted to release my fingers from his.

"Let's go get Ayden ready. I'm going to take him to the lake for a little while." Edward said all tension gone from his voice.

We got Ayden dressed and he couldn't have been more excited to see his daddy. He gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek before my two favorite men made their way to the lake.

After I finished doing my hair and make-up I went downstairs to begin prep work for tonight's dinner. I found myself smiling the entire time.

Tonight would be…interesting.

**A/N: Okay I know some of you will really like what happend between the two, and some of you will hate me. I'm convinced of this because I had VERY mixed emotions about this chaper. I tried to walk a fine line between unnaturally rushing them back together and just being plain cruel by increasing their pain. I HOPE I came to a nice middle ground. **

**I wanted to include all of Sunday in one chapter, but if I did that you wouldn't have had an update until probably Tuesday. I didn't want all of you to have to wait that long. **

**Things are just starting to get fun, because now I get the fun task of bringing these two back together. : D**

**I'm seriously anxious to know what you guys think. This was a really important chapter and I can't wait to find out what you thought of it.**

**Good, bad, or ugly, REVIEW and let me hear it!**


	14. Moving Forward

**A/N: Okay guys, I didn't think I'd be able to get a chapter out to you this weekend but my boyfriend got a bad case of swimmer's ear so we had to cut our plans short yesterday. Sucks for him, but his pain is your gain I guess. So here's the next chapter, a tad fluffier than normal but I figured we could use a break from so much drama. I also wanted to thank all of the reviewers from last chapter. You guys definetly helped in getting this chapter out this weekend. see you at the bottom.**

**S. Meyers owns all things Twilight. **

Chapter 14

Moving Forward

"Daddy, where we go now?" Ayden questioned from the backseat. We had spent several hours at the lake and were on our way home. I hadn't felt this content in a long time.

"Yes son, were going home." The words were so simple yet the magnitude of them hit me like a ton of bricks. We're going home. I couldn't wait until I would be home for good.

It took every fiber of strength I possessed to look into Bella's big brown eyes and tell her I couldn't move back in. I wanted nothing more than to be back in that house. It hadn't even been a full week but I felt like I had lost a part of myself. It makes sense. Bella is a part of me, without her how can I feel like myself. I knew that I made the right choice, I just wish it didn't feel so wrong.

I pulled into our driveway to see several cars. Apparently everyone was already here. I got Ayden out of his booster seat and we made our way into the house.

As I opened the door every head turned and the place fell silent.

'_Great, real subtle guys' _I thought to myself.

"Hey, Edward" Bella said before walking over toward Ayden.

"Bella…" I mumbled while noticing that everyone was trying to act like they weren't paying attention to us.

"I'm going to go get Ayden in the bath real quick, before we get dinner ready." Bella replied while glaring around the living room.

Bella left with Ayden and Jacob stood up and walked toward me. I didn't know he was going to be having dinner with us.

"Edward" He said glaring coldly at me.

"Jacob" I replied while narrowing my eyes.

We stood glaring at each other for a minute before Jacob broke and smiled, pulling me into a one armed hug.

"It's been to long man, how have you been doing?" He questioned with a knowing look that irritated me a little.

"I've been alright." I lied; I wasn't going to discuss everything tonight with anyone.

"What have you been up to, Jacob?" I tried to divert his attention quickly.

"Well, I'd like you to meet my fiancé, this is Vanessa Wolfe." He gestured to the woman who was now standing at his side. I had never seen him grin so widely.

"Yeah Edward, Jacob finally found someone to scratch his belly, isn't that great." Rosalie said in a bored tone, not looking up from her nails she was filing.

I expected Vanessa to at least be annoyed at Rosalie's unfriendly attitude. To my surprise she just reached up and scratched behind Jacob's ear. "Only when he's a good boy, isn't that right Jake?" she said in a voice you'd only talk to a baby or a puppy with.

I swear I saw Rosalie fighting back a smile.

Jacob just gave his fiancé a look that clearly said 'Et tu, Brute" but it was obvious he couldn't be the least bit mad at her. Despite the fact that we had become friends overtime, I still felt relieved to see him finally taken with someone besides my wife.

I introduced myself to Vanessa, and said hello to the rest of my family before heading toward the kitchen to grab a beer.

As I stood in the kitchen with my longneck bottle, my mind raced. I wondered how long things would be this way. I had my first therapy session on Tuesday. I was extremely nervous about it. I'm not really big on the idea of talking about all my problems with some stranger. It didn't go so well last time. I was determined that this time I would try to be more open to the possibilities. Something had to give. I couldn't keep going this way and have my life back. I was jarred from my thoughts by Emmett's gruff voice.

"Edward, come help me check the charcoal." Emmett said in an unusual tone.

_What? Since when does he need help checking coals?_

"Um, Alright" I mumbled.

"Emmett" I heard Jasper say in a warning voice.

"Let's go." Emmett demanded walking out the back door onto my deck, completely ignoring Jasper. We stepped outside and headed toward the grill.

"So, what's the deal Em?" He was acting really strange. I've rarely seen him this serious.

"What the hell, Edward?" He nearly shouted.

"I came over early to try and talk some sense into my sister, to tell her to let you move back in, and what do I find out?" He said while glaring at me.

_Oh…this isn't going to go over well. _

"Well the thing is Emm-"

"I find out that she asked you to come back." He said interrupting me.

"I was finally able to drag the story out of her. She asked you to move back in and you said no. So again I'll ask _what the hell man_." He yelled.

"Look Emmett, we both have things we need to work on. I think it would be easier if we didn't place ourselves in the position to get-"I was interrupted once again.

"Oh save the crap. She is your wife. You have responsibilities here. You have a responsibility to take care of you family!" Emmett shouted while throwing his hands up in the air.

Now, it was my turn to get mad.

"I am well aware of my responsibilities! Don't you dare try to imply that I'm neglecting my family. It's none of your damn business, and you don't know shit about it!" I said in a tone I barely recognized as my own.

Emmett laughed without any trace of humor.

"It's none of my business? That's rich. She's my sister. Besides if you had been taking care of your responsibilities Rosalie wouldn't have been over here all night with Bella when she finally broke down. Rosalie didn't mind being there for her and neither do I, but you should have been here.

"Edward, I need you to go check on Ayden." I heard Bella's voice sound hard and cold as she stepped through the patio doors. She spoke to me but never took her eyes off of Emmett.

I brushed past her and headed inside. I was slightly relieved for the interruption because I really had no clue how to respond to what Emmett had just told me. Bella had called Rose to be there for her. She hadn't called me. I felt…hurt and inadequate. She had told me she finally faced Hannah's death but she didn't tell me Rose was with her through it. Why couldn't she have come to me? I had been waiting on her to talk to me for a year and she turns to Rosalie when I'm her husband…

Oh.

_Oh._

How could I have been so stupid? I didn't even realize how my strongly actions affected her. I wanted to run and apologize to her for ever discussing anything with Tanya, but she was a little busy.

I stood and watched out the window as my Bella lectured her brother. If the context of the lecture wasn't so serious it would have been quite funny to witness.

Emmett's broad form towered over Bella's petite frame. I watched as Emmett stared at the ground nodding and Bella flared her arms. He looked like a child being scolded by a parent. I wanted to go out there and try and calm her down but I knew better. I had tried to interrupt her and calm her down once when she and Alice were having an argument. It did not end well for me.

Bella was generally a very docile person but when she did get mad you had better stay out of her way.

"You know, I'd like to say I taught her how to handle him like that, but I imagine she's been able to have that affect on him since they were kids." Rose said coming up from behind me.

"I'd imagine you're right." I laughed.

"Don't pay any attention to him. He's just trying to look out for her. You're his best friend and it's hard for him to see how you're both hurting and not be able to do anything about. He actually pays more attention then he lets on."

I nodded and looked to see Bella and Emmett come inside.

Bella walked up to me and wrapped her slender arms around my torso. I was surprised at first but quickly returned her tight embrace. It felt so good to be in her arms again.

"I'm sorry about Emmett." She whispered.

"Its fine, love. He was just looking out for you. I should have expected it." I told her truthfully.

We broke apart and began conversations with the family.

We talked for about an hour before we all gathered around the table. Dinner was fairly uneventful. We ate and talked avoiding any serious conversations. I was relieved to avoid any discussions about my marriage. I did however; receive a few sympathetic glances from my sister.

I couldn't wait until I could put this chapter of my life behind me. After dessert our guests slowly made their way home. Me and Bella were left with a sleeping Ayden.

I picked up my son and carried him to his bed. Bella came into the room and took my hand.

"When do you start therapy?" Bella asked quietly.

"I have my first session on Tuesday." I said taking her hand in mine.

"Do you think maybe you'd like to come over for dinner on Tuesday, after you get finished?"

I was a little shocked that she would ask that. Of course there was only one answer I could imagine.

"I would love to." She smiled at me and I wanted so badly to kiss her. I knew it would probably be rushing into things but my body craved hers. I took her chin softly in my hand and lightly kissed her forehead.

We didn't say anything and I was grateful. I didn't want to ruin the moment. I got up from Ayden's bed and made my way home. I was nervous of what Tuesday would bring, but I could not be more content with how things were progressing. With any luck I would soon be back where I belong.

**A/N: Okay I know it's not my best work, but I had a little bit of writers block going on. I'm going to the lake for the weekend, because that's what you do in Texas when it's 102 degrees.**

**I would LOVE to come back and find that we've hit the 100 review mark. So please REVIEW! Oh and please forgive me for any typos or mistakes in this chapter I was in a rush to get it out. **

**Reviews make me smile, now hit the green button. : D**


	15. Mondays and Meatloaf

**A/N: I want to thank you all for reviewing! You guys are great. We fell just short of 100, but I have no doubts that you all will reach it this time. **

**Songs I was feeling when i wrote this chapter:**

**Runaway, Linkin Park----Bella**

**Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, version by Clapton, Beck, and SRV---Edward**

**Alright guys, Enjoy. Remember Stephanie owns Twilight, I don't. **

Chapter 15

Mondays and Meatloaf

Does anyone really like Mondays? I know I don't. I feel like today is just another day I have to wait through, before my life will begin again. Everything seems to be on hold. I have zoned out through most of my classes.

I've pretty much just given my students time to catch up on the readings I'm sure they didn't do for their homework this weekend. Mondays were bad for everyone.

I'm sitting in my last class of the day contemplating my weekend. I had expected to probably fight with Edward but I found myself fighting with my brother as well. I still don't understand what makes him think he had any right to interfere in my life.

Then again, I should have expected this to happen. Emmett has always had a way of acting like I needed someone to look after me. I don't think he has ever felt I was strong enough to stand up for myself. I know that I am strong enough to deal with this, but maybe I'm not smart enough to handle everything on my own.

I keep hearing Rosalie's voice in my head telling me that I need to get help.

Wouldn't that be admitting that I'm incapable of handling my own life?

Even with things progressing between Edward and me, I feel like it's a two steps forward one step back process. The closer I get to fixing things with Edward the harder things become for me. I feel like I'm treading water trying to keep from sinking. Fixing my marriage means facing things I'd rather avoid. I'll do it for him, but it is so draining.

I really want to get away. A vacation sounds like a great idea. I should head to the beach, or maybe a nice cabin in the mountains. Who would I take is the hard part of planning a hypothetical vacation.

Rosalie would see me getting away as avoidance. She'd probably be right.

Alice would be on board for a vacation but I know that what we consider relaxing would be two separate things.

I couldn't take Edward with me because then we would just be focusing on our problems. Oh well, I guess I'll have to put those ideas on hold.

My mind drifts to happier thoughts as I drown out the gossiping of my louder students. I keep thinking of all the times Edward and I touched this weekend. For such innocent and juvenile gestures they play through my mind in a slow suggestive way.

We only achieved a weak percentage of the physical contact I longed for, but it had been enough to get me through today. I had felt that familiar electricity when he had kissed my head. I won't deny that it hurt that he had apparently not felt comfortable enough to press his lips to mine. I would be patient and let him move at his own pace, but it still hurt just a little.

We had been together for years and yet things were moving as though we had just started dating. I guess this is what happens when you push someone away. You shove them all the way back to square one. We have a child together; couldn't he skip just a couple of steps?

I still feel angry at the situation. If I could just know why, maybe then I could begin to fix things. Why, did we have to travel down this road? Why couldn't things have worked out the way they were supposed to? We were so happy.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I hoped it was Edward. I needed to know he was thinking about me too. I slowly drew it out and brought it under my desk, as to avoid whining from my class who couldn't have their phones.

_Billy is having tests run in Seattle over night, mind if I hang out with you for a little bit this evening?_

_Jacob_

I smiled to myself. I was a little disappointed it wasn't Edward, but I was relieved I wouldn't have to face my empty home alone. Not that Ayden didn't keep me occupied, but he wasn't much of a conversationalist.

_Of course, now what is it you want me to cook? _

_-Bella_

I laughed and almost got myself caught when I read his reply.

_Ouch, I'm hurt. You think that's the only reason I coming over…could you make meat loaf? No one can make a loaf of meat like you can. : )_

The kid still hasn't changed. I wondered if maybe I should let Edward know he would be hanging out with me tonight. I decided that it wasn't important. Edward trusted me and on the rare occasions Jake had visited before it had never been an issue.

_Dinner is six. I'll be home by 4._

The rest of the day drug on and it was finally time for me to go home. I headed to Rosalie's to pick up my boy and chatted a little longer than I had planned. It felt nice to have a conversation with he that wasn't revolving my issues. We talked about the baby and the work she had done on the nursery.

I finally made it home just in time to see Jacob pull in behind me.

"Hey, how's it going?" he questioned taking Ayden out of my arms.

"I've had worse days." I said truthfully.

I fumbled for my keys in my oversized purse and let us into the house. Ayden ran off to get some toy to show Jacob.

"So I didn't really get a chance to talk to you alone at dinner last night. What do you think of Vanessa?" Jacob asked hesitantly.

"She's great, I really like her. Where is she tonight anyway?" I asked while pulling out the ingredients I would need for dinner. I poured Jacob a glass of tea and handed it to him while he answered me.

"She had to go back to Oregon for a few days for a presentation at work. She should be back on Friday." You could see how proud he was of her whenever he spoke.

We were interrupted by the sound of little feet coming running onto the tile.

"Ayden, I said no running in the house." I half-heartedly scolded.

"Play baeball?" He asked Jacob, holding up Edward's worn baseball like it was a treasure, ignoring me completely.

"Sure, Kiddo" Jacob chuckled before taking his hand.

"Dinner will be ready in a little while, don't get to dirty." I called, hoping one of them would listen to me. After I got all of my ingredients mixed I place my meat loaf in the oven, and began picking up the house.

I cleaned up the downstairs bathroom and sprinkled some comet in the tub and let it sit. I remember how relieved I felt the other day when I realized Edward had never went through with his plan of calling someone to fix the upstairs tub. That was one memory I didn't want to let go.

I made my way back to the kitchen and started fixing some side dishes after washing up. I had just finished peeling potatoes when my phone rang. I hit talk without even looking to see who it was.

"Hello, love" said a familiar velvety voice.

"Hello to you too, what's going on?" I was a little surprised that he was calling me.

"Nothing, I just needed to hear your voice. Tell me about your day." He sounded exhausted.

"Well nothing overly excited. I made it through another day at work. Now I'm here fixing meatloaf."

" Mmm, sounds good, where's Ayden? He questioned with a yawn.

"He's outside playing baseball with Jake." I told him.

I heard Edward suck in a sharp breath and he didn't say anything right away.

"Edward, you still there? Are you mad?" I didn't know why he would be. He knew there was nothing going on with me and Jacob, but his tone implied otherwise.

"No, I'm not mad." He said slowly as though he was trying to convince himself rather than me.

"Then what's the problem?" I was getting confused.

"It's just hard, that's all. That's my life. I should be there playing catch with my son. I should be to have dinner with the two of you. Not Jacob." He said. I could tell he was trying to fight back any emotions but he was failing.

"Edward you're the one who said you didn't want to rush back into things. You know I want you back here. I just"

"I know Bella. It's not your fault. It's just hard to picture it."

I didn't really know how to respond. I felt very guilty though I wasn't sure why.

"I love you, Bella. I'll call you later alright." He said quietly.

"I love you too, bye." I said equally as quiet.

I missed him so much, and I loved that he called just to see how my day was. He hadn't done that in forever. I understood his feelings completely. Edward would always play with Ayden so I could cook dinner in peace. On more than one occasion he would finish with Ayden and come into the kitchen.

I always loved how he would come up behind me and kiss my neck while holding onto my hips. Then he would turn on the radio and spin me away from whatever it was I was preparing so he could twirl me around the kitchen. It was routine and never surprising but it was perfect.

I continued making dinner until the boys came in and Jacob was covered in mud.

"What did you do?" I asked Jake. Ayden the three year old was completely clean.

"I had to dive for a ball." He said sheepishly.

"Oh really, was the game on the line?" I said sarcastically.

"Go clean up, use the upstairs bathroom. I'm cleaning the downstairs tub." I finished rolling my eyes at him.

Jake just laughed and headed up to shower. It was about ten minutes later. That all hell broke loose.

I heard my door bell ding, just as I watched Ayden fall and hit his head on the coffee table. I knew he was more shocked than hurt. I quickly picked him up and went to open the door, trying to calm him.

"Hello dear" Said the warm voice of my mother in law.

"Esme, Carlisle…wow I wasn't expecting you. Is everything okay?" I said raising my voice over my screaming child. I tried bouncing him on my hip but he wasn't quieting down.

"Of course, Bella. We were just in your neck of the woods and wanted to come by and surprise you and Edward? Is he home from his shift yet?" Carlisle questioned while the two of them stepped into the house.

_What? Oh Edward you're a dead man. I can't believe he was going to put this all on me to tell his parents. _

"Want daddy." Ayden cried interrupting my rushed thoughts.

Just then my phone rang. I held up a finger to Carlisle and Esme.

"Hold on, this is Edward now." I said as calmly as I could while I read the screen.

"Bella, it's me."

"Edward… guess who is standing in our living room, wondering where you are?" I said trying to keep my frustrations directed strictly at him and not my In-laws.

I didn't get to hear his reply as Jacob came walking down the stair. He was half dressed in just his jeans running a towel through his now wet hair.

_This can't look !_

"Bella, your shower's hot water knob was kind of sticking, don't worry I went ahead and fixed it for you." He got out before he noticed Carlisle and Esme standing with their mouths slightly open.

_He did what?!_

"Bella? Bella!" I heard Edward call through my phone.

"Hold on, just a minute Edward." I got out before the alarm on my stove went off reminding me of the dinner I was supposed to be cooking.

"Bella?" questioned Edward, Jacob, and Esme in unison. Carlisle might have spoke to but I couldn't hear him over my screaming toddler and oven alarm.

Oh man, I could use that vacation right now.

**A/N: Okay things got a little hectic. So how do you think Esme and Carlisle will take the news...or a half naked Jacob. lol. **

**I need some help from all of you. This involves a little teaser so if you don't want to know it don't read on to the next line.**

**I need y'all to help me out with a song. I need a song that perhaps two people could dance to. *wink, wink*. For the purposes of plot It needs to be AT LEAST 6 or 7 years old. I love most genres so nothing is off limits. Give me your best suggestions. **

**Please REVIEW!**


	16. Dating Again

**A/N: You guys are AWESOME! The last chapter got twice as many reviews as the one before it! A huge thank you to all who reviewed. You also gave me some great song suggestions. I tried like hell to come up with some way to include all of them but somehow nothing seemed logical. : )**

**I am holding on to a few of the songs for a couple ideas in later chapters. So keep an eye out for your suggestions. I loved the diverse taste in music. Well I should probably let you do what you came here to do, Enjoy.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all the twilight charachters...I just torture them a little. **

Chapter 16

Dating again

"Okay everyone, hold on one second." I said in an authoritative tone.

Everyone fell silent except for Ayden who could really care less about my rant.

"Jacob, take him upstairs for me and try to calm him down." I said while handing off my son. Jake took him and quietly turned to take Ayden to his room.

"And for God's sake put a shirt on." I yelled toward his back and heard him laugh.

"Edward here, talk to your parents for a minute." I didn't give him time to answer before I handed the phone to Carlisle, and went to pull dinner out of the oven. I took great solace in the few minutes it took to do that. It was the calm before the storm I knew was about to occur. I hovered much longer than necessary in the kitchen basking in the silence.

A hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. I turned to face the sad eyes of Esme. She pulled me into a hug and I was instantly fighting back tears.

_Wait, why am I crying?_

It must be stress, or pms, or some mom superpower she possesses, who knows? I pulled away a minute later and tried not to look her in the eye. She must be upset with me in some way. How could she not be? I had broken her son's marriage and hadn't told her about it. Although the last part I blame on Edward. To make matters worse she comes over to find a bare-chested man walking through my house. She had met Jacob as my friend on more than one occasion, but I wasn't sure if that would hurt or help the credibility of my truthful story. I hated the idea that I had disappointed her. Esme was the closest thing I had to a mother, her approval meant a lot.

"Why don't we go sit outside and talk?" Esme said, finally breaking the silence.

"Oh, well um…I really need to feed Ayden, it's getting late." I did not want to be alone with her right now. I was a coward.

"Carlisle can handle his grandson for a few minutes, let's go outside." I wasn't getting out of this. I slowly walked toward the patio door and took a seat.

"How are you doing Bella?" She questioned in a sad tone. Maybe she wasn't angry.

"I've been better."

"How long have you and Edward been separated?" She questioned while looking at the sky.

"Not even a full week, but it feels like longer." I sighed.

"Yeah, it usually does." I looked at her questioningly. She must have seen the confusion in my eyes because after she turned and looked at me she took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Carlisle and I nearly got divorced once before Edward was born."

I just stared at her, not caring that my mouth was surely hanging wide open.

Esme just laughed quietly. "Don't look so surprised Bella. You didn't think our relationship was perfect did you?"

Yes. I kind of had been under that impression. The two fit together like nothing I had ever seen. I don't believe I have seen them argue once in all the years I had known them. Of course I thought they had a perfect marriage.

"Uh yeah, I sort of did." I blushed.

"What happened…If you don't mind me asking?" I said quietly. I really hoped I wasn't overstepping some invisible boundary but I was extremely curious.

Esme looked down and absentmindedly played with her wedding band.

"I was pregnant once before Edward. I lost him." She spoke slowly. I just sat in silence trying to keep all the feelings that wanted to emerge buried.

"Carlisle was the one who delivered him. Things didn't work out how they were supposed to." I could tell she was giving me a shorthand version but I was somewhat thankful. I didn't know if I could handle all of the terrible details right now.

"I had a lot of misplaced anger, and it almost cost me my husband." She looked up at me and I couldn't find words.

I felt so bad for her and Carlisle. I was shocked that I had never heard this story.

_Why haven't I heard this story before?_

She knew what I had been through. Didn't she think that _maybe _it would have been nice to have someone to talk to who could understand the type of hell I'd been in? Maybe I could have had someone around who could have helped me make since of everything. I couldn't hide the frustration in my voice when I finally got the nerve to speak.

"Why didn't you tell me this…sooner? You knew, you knew…" I don't know what I was trying to say, I only knew that I was hurt.

Esme reached over and took my hand.

"Bella, when everything first happened you shut Edward out. I didn't want you to come to me for help through this. As much as I wanted to be there for you, I really wanted you to go to Edward. I wanted him to be the one you leaned on. Looking back it might not have been the best way to go, but it's what I thought was best then." She explained everything so calmly. I still felt that she was wrong, but I could see her reasoning.

"So how did you and Carlisle fix everything?" I changed the subject.

"Through time and talking, maybe a little bit of arguing…and some making up." She smiled. I couldn't hide the blush that rose to my cheeks.

"Bella, Cullen men are a lot of things but they aren't mind readers." I simply nodded in understanding. I had expected Edward to understand a lot, while explaining nothing.

"You're right." I submitted.

"Of course I am dear." She laughed.

"Now about the wet, shirtless man running man around your house…"

"Oh God Esme, that isn't what it looks like. Jacob was just-"

Esme waved her hand in the air in a nonchalant manner. "Please, Bella I know you better than to think something like that. I was just wondering where I could get one." She winked and we both broke out laughing.

After our laughter died down we headed inside to find the men already seated around the table. A plate was prepared for both Esme and myself. Thankfully I had cooked enough food to feed a small army.

"Bella, I'm sorry Edward didn't tell us about everything sooner. It put you in an unfair and uncomfortable situation." Carlisle stated with mild aggravation at his son.

I wasn't sure how to respond. "Oh, well it's over now."

"I hope the two of you work everything out soon." He said glancing at Ayden who was eating blissfully unaware of the events around him.

"I'm sure we will Carlisle, I'm sure we will."

EPOV

I woke up Tuesday feeling like a complete ass. I was supposed to spend the evening with Bella tonight and now I wasn't sure how well that was going to go.

I had such high expectations for the evening, but now I was worried it would just end up in an argument. She did have a right to be angry. I had avoided telling my dad about our separation and had in turn fed her to the sharks. She was not going to be happy. I only hoped that she would be forgiving by the time I made it over there tonight.

I wanted nothing more than to spend a carefree evening with her and our son. I didn't really have a game plan in mind regarding our dinner. I did, however, decide that I would let things progress naturally. If it felt right to touch her or kiss her, I would. I wouldn't restrain myself as I had done when I saw her on Sunday.

I made my way to work and breezed through my day. My mind was only on Bella. I tried not to think about yesterday or the past in general. It was time we began focusing on what lay ahead. I felt more nervous than I had in a long time. A good nervous, but I was nervous none the less.

The only fear I had was of my therapy session this afternoon. Jasper had told me repeatedly that I needed to 'open myself up to process'. I'm not sure exactly what he meant, but it seemed like I would have to relinquish some control and that was scared me. I kept the thoughts of therapy at bay throughout work and focused on where I would be after. Once work was finished I changed clothes and headed toward this 'doctor's' office.

I made my way inside and headed toward the receptionist's desk.

"I have an appointment for Edward Cullen." I said trying not to sound like I didn't want to be here.

The blonde looked up from her paper work and smiled. "Well hello, I'm Lauren." She said, while batting her fake eyelashes.

"Okay…" What am I supposed to say?

"Is the doctor ready to see me?" I asked getting a little impatient.

"It'll be just a minute, so what are you here for?" She asked in a sickeningly flirtatious voice. I was not in the mood to deal with this now.

"I'm a rageaholic. " I said not looking up from the paperwork she had handed me.

"Oh how fascinating." She cooed leaning closer. What an idiot. I handed her the paperwork and took a seat in one of the uncomfortable office chairs. After a few minutes the doctor stepped out and called my name.

I made my way into her office and waited for her to begin talking. "So Edward, what brings you in today?"

I spent the next hour telling her the details of my family and my current situation. It was somewhat easier than I had anticipated. Dr. Brown didn't ask a lot of questions. I was prepared to be bombarded with stereotypical 'how does that make you feel?' and 'Why do you think that is?' but they never came.

The entire experience was less stressful than I had been prepared for it to be. I was relieved but I also felt like I had wasted my time. If I wasn't going to be challenged how could anything change? I wasn't going to give up just yet, but I was slightly disheartened. I pushed all thoughts of my therapy aside as I drove to my house. I stopped by the florist on the way home and picked up a vase of lilies for Bella.

I realized about half way there that I was smiling for no apparent reason. I could not stop. I felt my heart begin to pound as I pulled into the familiar driveway.

I slowly made my way up to the door and opened it with just a little hesitation. I wasn't sure what the protocol was for entering the house you own but don't currently live in. I could have knocked but it just felt…wrong.

BPOV

My day had been filled with anticipation. I had spent most of the time counting down the hours until I could see Edward. Although I had been a little upset at him about the situation with his parents, I couldn't find it in myself to care right now. I hadn't had any real alone time with him in what felt like forever, I wasn't going to ruin tonight by fighting over trivial things.

As soon as I got home I began picking up the house. I dusted Edward's old piano, he would never have let it get as dusty as it is right now. I also spent an hour playing with Ayden. He was getting so big. I couldn't wait to see who he would grow up to be, but at the same time I wanted him to stay my baby forever. After I became overly nostalgic playing with Ayden I went to prepare dinner.

I had decided on keeping it simple so I would have more time with Edward. I quickly got things going for Spaghetti and went back to Ayden. We were sitting on the living room floor coloring when I heard the front door open.

I glanced over the couch and saw a sexy mess of bronze hair. He looked around for a split second before our eyes met. He smiled at me and I almost laughed out loud. It wasn't the half smile I had grown accustomed to over the past year. He was smiling his signature crooked grin, my grin. I hopped off the floor before I knew what I was doing and tried not to run at him.

With all my strength I kept myself from a full sprint. I walked toward him and we never broke eye contact. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my cheek. At that moment I didn't feel any of the weight of our problems. We stood there for a few moments before Ayden ran over and tugged on the leg of Edward's pants.

"Up daddy,up!" I stepped out of the way and laughed as our son demanded attention from his father.

Edward bent down and scooped him up. "Hey buddy, how are you?" he asked kissing his forehead. Edward reached out and handed me the flowers I hadn't noticed he was holding.

"Thank you." I whispered. He simply nodded his smile still in place.

I smiled at the two and went to finish dinner. I knew we should probably use this time to discuss our relationship, but I was so sick of talking about it. I just wanted to be with him. I hope he felt the same way.

I could hear the boys playing in the living room and was so happy to have the familiar noise back in our home. Ayden hadn't really noticed yet that things were very different but he never seemed to be quite as happy when Edward was around.

I was distracted by garlic bread when I heard the stereo in the kitchen turn on. I shut my eyes as I heard the opening chords of 'When a man loves a women'. Percy Sledge's voice filled the house. My thoughts were flooded with memories of my wedding. This had been one of the songs that we had danced to.

I could feel Edward behind me but I didn't turn to see him. I simply shut my eyes and tried to steady my already erratic breathing.

_Please touch me._

My heart picked up a little as I felt him get closer. I sighed in contentment when I felt his fingertips ghost over the fabric across my ribs. His hands slid down to my hips and squeezed gently while pulling me closer to him.

My mind was telling me that this was wrong and we should be talking, but I quickly shut it up as I felt his soft lips graze the base of my neck.

_Stupid mind, doesn't even know what I need. _

My head feel back on his shoulder, granting him better access. Edward trailed kisses along my neck and shoulder without ever saying a word. I felt his hands move from my hips and reach my hands.

Edward gently spun me around before pulling me into him and resting his left hand on the small of my back. I layed my head on his chest and let him lead me around the kitchen. It was hard to believe that there had once been a time when we first started dating that I refused to dance with this man.

We continued moving to the music even after the song ended. I couldn't remember when the last time I had been this happy was. Edward took the smallest step back and brought his hand to my cheek. His thumb grazed my cheek bone and his eyes were on my lips.

_Please kiss me. _

He answered my unspoken request and brought his lips to mine. The gently nature of the kiss didn't last long before I felt myself deepen the kiss and run my fingers through his soft hair. We continued to kiss until we broke apart for air.

"That was…" I had no clue what that was.

"Yeah, I know." He stated faintly out of breath.

We didn't speak about anything overly serious for the rest of the evening. The three of us ate dinner as a family before Edward got up to give Ayden a bath.  
I sat on the couch and waited for Edward to return from saying goodnight. He came in after a few minutes and surprised me when he sat down on the couch. I had expected him to head back to his apartment right away.

"Do you want to watch a movie with me before I go?" he asked casually.

"Uh, yeah that sounds good." He picked out a movie and we sat a comfortable distance apart. Edward had other plans. After a few minutes he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his chest and shortly after I began to drift off to sleep.

**A/N: I have no guesses as to what you all are going to think of this chapter. I can't wait to find out. **

**A friend and I were having a discussion/debate about the greatest Edward moments in the twilight saga. Do any of you have any favorite Edward scenes that are unique? By unique I mean not 'the lion and the lamb' or the metor speech. Just curious. **

**Review and let me know what you thoughts. I'm dying to know how everyone feels about Esme, therapy, the kiss, everything.**


	17. Broken Notes

**A/N: Okay guys I fail at life. Sorry about the wait. I had to work a lot this week and spent the weekend skydiving and me and the boyfriend had to ride our motorcycle in a toy run for the children's charity we are board members of. Not a good excuse I know but the week wore me out. You're reviews were fantastic you guys never stop amazing me. A special nod to twilightlvr1 and Ilovemylittle boys. Both of your reviews were used in this story, in a way. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns twilight...still. **

Chapter 17

Broken Notes

I was slowly being pulled from my dream by the distant sound of music. I instantly noticed I was far too comfortable to be on the couch where I had fallen asleep. I pried my eyes open to find that I was tucked in to my own bed. Edward must have carried me in here, because I have no memory of coming in here on my own. I was flooded with memories of last night. Dancing with Edward and the kiss we shared had felt so natural and authentic to who we were. I longed to have that connection back in my daily life.

I sat up to get ready for my day when I looked at my clock I was surprised to find it was just a little after midnight. Before I was able to decide on whether or not to get out of bed I heard the music that I had forgotten about in my sleepy haze. I put my feet on the floor and made my way toward the sound of piano keys. I hadn't heard Edward play in a long time. Before we lost her he would play all the time, after that it became a rare occasion. When he did play it was usually a mess of angry and broken notes.

I hovered in the hallway silently peaking into the room where Edward's piano was. He was sitting at the bench his eyes closed. I could tell he was trying to be quiet with his playing to avoid waking me. I was even more positive of this when he began whispering the words to the song he was playing, instead of using his beautiful voice to its full potential. I let the lyrics sink in as I sat quietly. I was pretty sure I had heard this song before but I don't think I had ever listened to it until now. I fought back tears when I heard what he was singing.  
_  
__Tell me what I have to do tonight  
Cause I__'__d do anything to make it right  
Let__'__s be us again  
Sorry for the way I lost my head  
I don__'__t know why I said the things I said  
Let__'__s be us again _

_  
Here I stand,  
With everything to lose and all I know is I don__'__t wanna ever see the end  
Baby please I'm reaching out for you  
Won__'__t you open up your heart and let me come back in  
Let__'__s be us again _

_  
Look at me, I__'__m way past pride  
Isn__'__t there some way that we can try to be us again  
Even if it takes awhile ill wait right here until I see that smile  
That says we're us again _

_  
And here I stand with everything to lose and all I know is I don__'__t ever wanna see the end  
Baby please I m reaching out for you won't u open up your heart and let me come back in  
Lets be us again _

_  
Baby, baby what would I do_

_Can't imagine life without you _

_  
Here I stand with everything to lose and all I know is I don__'__t wanna ever see the end  
Baby please I__'__m reaching out for you won't you open up your heart and let me come back in  
Here I am I m reaching out for you so wont u open up your heart and let me come back in  
Lets be us again  
Ohhh let__'__s be us again_

By the time he finished playing I was in tears. Edward's musical taste always reflected his mood. To hear him place something like that made me feel terrible. He was broken and I had helped to cause it. I tried to hide my sniffling but Edward heard me and turned around to find me sitting cross legged on the floor. I must have looked pathetic but he gave me a sad smile and motioned for me to come sit next to him.

"I'm sorry love, did I wake you?"

"No." I lied. I could tell from his skeptical glance he didn't buy it but he let it go.

"I thought you would have let by now." I questioned.

He looked up from beneath his lashes like a child who had gotten caught sneaking cookies before dinner. I couldn't help but smile at how cute he was.

"I was going to but, I hadn't played in a long time and I just had to play for a minute."

He then looked down and pressed a few more keys."Ok that's a lie." He mumbled.

"What's a lie?" I questioned confused.

"I'm not still here just to play. I was having a hard time making myself leave. I actually cleaned the living room and reorganized the entertainment center, just to keep busy." He said quickly.

"I was going to go soon. I just wanted to hang out for a little while longer. I've missed this place."

My heart was breaking listening to him, but I didn't know what to do. I would love to have him back here all the time, but he'd already shot that idea down. I know he was right to do so, but when is the right time for us to go back to how we were? How am I supposed to know what the right move is? At some point would some green light go off telling us we could move forward? Am I supposed to wait on some sign? I have no clue what we are supposed to do.

On one hand I felt like we rushed into this separation, on the hand it feels like we delayed our breaking point entirely too long.

"Edward, I'm so confused?" I said quietly. "I feel like we've already lost a year of our lives together. How are we supposed to reconnect and find ourselves again if we're never together anymore? I need to know that we're still an us."

"I think I caught a glimpse of us at dinner tonight." he smiled.

"I know, but we can't keep going because we see a glimpse of ourselves every now and then. That's not a marriage." I said frustrated at the situation.

"I think we need to start putting more work into this. I have already gained the perspective I was looking for and I think maybe you have to, but now it's time to start rebuilding." He said calmly.

I agreed but I didn't know what he wanted to do. "How do you suggest we do that?"

"I was thinking that maybe…we could start dating." He said not taking his eyes off the piano.

"Dating? What do you mean?" We hadn't gone out on a date in a long time. We did before we were married, but once Ayden came around we were content to just stay at home with him most nights. We would do things for the occasional birthday and anniversary but life happened and kept us busy.

"What if every Saturday we go out, just the two of us? I'll still be stopping by regularly to see Ayden but it would be nice if once a week we could spend some time together just the two of us. We could get my parents to watch him and it'll give us some time to get to know each other again."

"I think that would be nice." I said. It was the understatement of the damn year. I was already looking forward to Saturday. Of course, a part of me was also nervous, I knew a lot of talking would occur and that meant there was a potential for this to blow up in our faces. There was only one way to find out.

"So, Saturday we'll go out." I said trying to hide the nerves that were fighting to appear.

"It feels weird doesn't it?" he said with a soft laugh.

I laughed with him. "Just a little bit, to start dating again. It feels like we have to start over."

"Well, to an extent I think we do. Have you given any thought to maybe seeing some type of professional to help with everything? Normally I wouldn't advocate telling our problems to a stranger but I don't think we have a lot to overcome."

I could see the hesitation in his eyes, and I knew he hated to bring it up.

"Well your mother gave me the name of a support group at dinner the other night. It's a group of women who have lost children. I never thought I'd need to do something like this but I think maybe I'll give it a try." I said honestly.

"I think that's great, love. Perhaps once you are able to talk openly about everything that happened you can join me at therapy and we can help figure everything about."

"Wow, I can't believe you're able to talk about this so openly. You've never been able to handle a problem you couldn't find the solution to. Now here you are talking about getting help in regards to us. I'm really surprised." I said in one mangled breath.

"Bella I've felt like I'd lost everything. Once you've been through that you'll do anything to get it back."

I was amazed by how much he had changed in just a short time. I was also the tiniest bit jealous. Edward had been the one who wouldn't tolerate us even speaking about Hannah or about therapy, now here he was encouraging me to go to therapy so I could talk about her. It felt so surreal.

We talked for a little while longer about a lot of things. It felt so nice and yet a little awkward to lay everything on the line. We were both able to admit our own faults easily but it still felt like something else needed to be said. It seemed like there was some pink elephant we were both dancing around but I had no idea what it was. It was as though there was still some huge hurdle we had to jump together but I couldn't quite grasp what it was.

We planned the rest of our week and decided Edward would come over on Thursday to keep Ayden for a little while. I needed to go help Rosalie with baby shopping and it would give Edward some quality time with his son.

I had meant what I said about trying out the support group. There was just something I needed to do first. I had avoided it for so long but if I wanted to move past my loss I would have to face it head on. I only hope I'm strong enough to handle it.

**A/N: For the record this was not my favorite chapter at all. I'm well aware it's a little shorter than most, but I had to try and get through this to get to the good stuff. I'm pumped about the next chapter!**

**I mentioned the 'last hurdle' that these two have to face as a couple. any guesses?**

**I loved hearing all of your favorite Edward moments, so many great opinions. FYI mine is in Eclipse after Bella punched Jacob, I loved Edward being all gentle and caring with Bella then fierce and scary with Jacob. **

**I'm half done with the next chapter, I planned on having it up by wednesday but when you guys overwhelm me with reviews, like you have in the past, I usually end up being morally forced to give you something sooner. *wink, wink* So it might be up tomorrow, who knows.**


	18. Wish You Were Here

**A/N: As always a THANK YOU to those of you who take the time out of your day to review. It doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated. I didn't get to do much replying because I was ready to hurry up and get this chapter out to you! I know I said last chapter that I was excited for this one but that doesn't mean it's a happy chapter. If you're a cryer then I suggest tissues. I didn't cry but I rarely do when I'm writing it...odd since I'm usually a major baby with stuff like this but whatever. I've rambled on long enough. Hope you enjoy.**

**Songs that got me in the mood to write this chapter**

**Tears in Heaven- Eric Clapton**

** Who you'd be today- Kenny Chesney**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all that goes with it. **

Chapter 18

Wish you were here

I knew from the moment I woke up this morning that today was going to be one of the hardest of my existence. I hadn't wanted to get out of bed. I didn't want to drop Ayden off and I damn sure hadn't wanted to go to work. I really just wanted to fast forward through this day and skip to tomorrow.

I can't remember when the last time I had felt this much resistance toward one day.

I was a complete and utter mess.

I had tried to disguise my inner emotions by putting a little bit of extra effort into my appearance. I felt like I had control over so little today and I guess I overcompensated on my hair. I went to school with every hair in place and not a wrinkle in my clothes. I looked more like a high powered attorney than a teacher whose life that was off its intended path.

I spent my classes completely submersing myself in literary conversations with my students. It kept me occupied and fascinated me. I loved hearing their opinions and helping them to read between the lines of literature. We were currently working on studying the use of satire in Swift's various works. I kept myself distracted by the students until the final bell rang and I had to face reality again.

I picked up my phone on the way to my car to confirm plans with Rosalie.

"Hey Bella." She sighed into the phone after one ring.

"Hey, Rose. You doing okay?" I questioned.

"I'll be a lot better when I become the size of one human being again?"

"It won't be long, I promise."

"Yeah yeah, so did you need something?" She said with exhaustion seeping into her voice.

"Well I was just going to see if you were still ok to watch Ayden for a couple of hours. You sound tired though, maybe I should just come pick him up. I can take care of things another day."

I should have known better.

"Nice try, Bella. You aren't going to use me as an excuse to put this off any longer. You'll be fine and I'll be fine here with Ayden. Toughen up and do what you got to do." Rosalie said in her no nonsense voice.

I knew she was right but I was really tempted to call her a bitch and chunk my phone on the pavement of the school parking lot.

Instead I let out some type of groan and gave in to my blonde haired life coach "Fine".

"Good luck sweetie. I love you." She spoke with sincerity.

"Yeah love you too." I mumbled before hanging up. If I didn't love her so much I would truly hate that woman.

I drove the necessary path against my will and fought my mind that was screaming at me to turn around. I would rather be doing anything besides this today. I knew this was an inevitable journey and I would have to make it before I could truly begin to move forward.

I would have given anything for that not to be true. As much as I hated the idea of where I was going, I loved Edward enough to do this for him. If I continued to refuse to deal then I would lose him and that I couldn't accept.

He had made it very clear what I needed to do when he told me he felt like he had lost everything and would do anything to keep that from happening. I understood what he meant completely and it made this trip all the more important.

At weighed my options carefully when deciding to do this today. If I chose to avoid this necessary pain then I would lose Edward. I would lose the years I had put into our relationship. I would never heal if I didn't come out here today and I would cost my son the family he deserved.

As I drove through the gated entrance I realized that by coming out here today I might end up costing myself what little sanity I still possessed. Even though I didn't want to be here I knew the pros outweighed the cons.

I owed it to my son to have a mom who was emotionally healthy. Edward deserved the woman he had married, and I deserved whatever closure this could bring. I also felt like what I had overlooked in the past was that my daughter deserved to be said goodbye to properly. She deserved to be mourned by her mother. Pretending that she didn't exist, although easier for me, seemed like the worst possible insult.

I parked my car on the gravel road and stepped out slowly. I focused on the sounds of the tiny rocks grinding together beneath my heels. I didn't look at where I was walking. I had only been here once but I knew precisely where I was headed. I didn't have to think twice I knew where my baby girl was.

I slowed my steps even more as I headed toward the small plot where my child lay. I didn't take my eyes off the freshly manicured grass. I sat down next to the stone that marked my daughter's short life. I didn't care about the dampness of the grass where I sat.

I sat in silence for around fifteen minutes before I raised my eyes to inspect my daughter's head stone. It was highly ironic that this was here symbolizing her life. It was the exact antithesis of everything that she was. The stone was hard. It was cold. It was strong. She had been none of these.

Her full name was spelled out in an elegant script. I held back the tears that would inevitably fall. The date I tried to avoid thinking about was written below. I was unable to fight back my tears as I read the words that were written on the bottom of the stone.

_Nature's first green is gold,_

_Her hardest hue to hold._

_Her early leaf's a flower;_

_But only so an hour._

_Then leaf subsides to leaf._

_So Eden sank to grief,_

_So dawn goes down to day._

_Nothing gold can stay._

It was morbid and untraditional but It was a clear representation of what I felt when I lost her. She was so pure and beautiful. It didn't last. The poem was the only decision I made regarding her death. Despite my haze of grief I clearly remember the day Edward and I sat in the office of the funeral home discussing the arrangements.

Edward had done all of the talking. I sat silently. I barely listened to any of the discussion. Edward had to choose the flowers and the casket and every one of the tedious details that go into a funeral. I awoke only when the manager asked what we wanted written on the head stone. I raised my eyes and mumbled the poem. Edward had looked shocked. I don't know if it was because of my choice of words or the fact that I had spoke at all. He was surprised but didn't question my wishes.

I hadn't been the hugest Frost fan but I had remembered this poem from when I read 'The Outsiders' in my teen years. It had been one of my favorite books and the beautiful words had stuck with me.

I trailed my fingers down the last line and wept. How could this happen. It was so unfair.

It felt so foreign to be here. I had avoided this place like the plague for almost a year. I didn't know what I was supposed to do or say but I knew I had to do something.

"Hello, Hannah. It's Mom." I whispered feeling a more than a little foolish.

"I'm sorry I haven't come out here sooner. I just…I didn't know how." My tears fell faster as I continued talking to the hard stone.

"I've missed you so much. It might seem strange considering I never got a chance to know you. That's my fault and I can never tell you how sorry I am. I know you would have done great things. I hope you know how loved you were. _Are_, how loved you are. Things have been a mess since you left baby. I've messed up so badly. I think about you every single day."

"There are so many things I wish I could have learned about you. You'd be walking by now. I wonder what you'd look like. Would you be a daddy's girl or my baby?

I noticed for the first time through my tears, the fresh flowers that were resting at the base of the head stone.

"I guess you've had visitors angel? I'm sorry I've been gone so long. I was lost. I think I'm finally beginning to find my way back. It's taken a long time but I finally feel like I'm taking baby steps in the right direction. I won't tell you that I'll ever get over losing you, because that would be a lie. I will never forget about you, you're a part of me. A part of me that's gone, but I can learn to deal with your passing better than I have."

"Your uncle Emmett once told me that you were in heaven getting spoiled by your granny Renee. I hope that's true. I'm sure if you two are together than you're having a ball. I wish I could be the one to hug you and kiss you but I guess if I can't then there is no one more suitable to fill the role than my mother."

I had to fight back against the anger and resentment once again. I had spent more than enough time being angry it was time to feel more than that.

The more I talked to her, the easier it became to speak freely. It was gut wrenchingly painful and yet beautifully liberating at the same time. I told her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. As much as I had fought the need to come out here now that I had I didn't want to leave.

I finally realized why people spend so much time talking to those who've passed. It's not as much for the deceased as it is to comfort those who mourn. It's therapeutic, even though we can't know for sure if the intended listener will ever hear our words.

Pulling away from the cemetery was a million times harder than driving in. I knew I couldn't stay forever and it was beginning to get dark. I pulled into the drive way of Emmett and Rose's soon after.

As soon as I stepped on the porch Rosalie pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Are you okay?" She questioned in a voice to soft to be hers.

"No." I answered honestly.

"Is there anything I can do?" Rose asked as we broke apart.

"You've done more than enough. I can't thank you for being there for me like you have, even if I have resented it at times." I said in a shallow voice.

"Yeah I know. I'm badass." Rose said simply, effectively lightening the mood. I couldn't suppress a laugh and she smiled as we walked into her house.

Ayden ran to me and I hugged him as tightly as I could. Finally realizing that despite what happened to Hannah, maybe I should spend a little less time full of resentment and a little more time being thankful for the blessings I am lucky enough to have.

When we arrived home I made a quick meal of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and spent what was left of the night playing with my son.

I selfishly let him stay up later than normally, not wanting to waste a single second with him. Truth be told I was also worried about being alone with my thoughts.

My fear was somewhat justified. After I put Ayden to sleep I went to bed and tried to no avail to block out my memories of earlier today. I felt like a wound had been reopened. I felt better and worse at the same time. It was strange to feel so relieved when really I hadn't felt this sad in a long time. I knew I was not going to allow myself to make the same mistakes twice.

Without hesitation I picked up my phone and began dialing.

**A/N: I know some of you will say it's a cliffy, I don't know... we all should know who she's calling. I know this chapter was ugly but I couldn't not have this happen. The thoughts and emotions probably seemed a little scattered or chaotic, it was intentional. I can't wait to hear how you felt about this chapter. **

**Oh just to cover my bases...**

**Nothing Gold Can Stay- Robert Frost**

**The Outsiders- S.E. Hinton**

**And Swift is the satirical genious behind 'A Modest Proposal' and Guliver's Travels**

**I kept my word and got this chapter to you on time, so show me a little love and let me hear your thoughts, please!!!!**


	19. Beneath the Stars

**A/N: I can't thank you guys enough for your reviews, and for sticking with this sometimes painfull rollercoaster. An extra huge thank you to gracecullen94 who gave me the inspiration and idea for a huge part of this chapter. Loved the idea girl. Alright enjoy this chapter. **

**S. Meyer owns twilight. **

Chapter 19

Beneath the Stars

"So who can explain what Swift uses the Yahoos to represent in 'Gulliver's Travels'?" I asked my last period class.

I was so anxious for the end of the day that I was hardly able to focus on their responses. Somehow I had managed to make it to four o'clock. I quickly left school and headed straight home. Edward would be picking up Ayden from Rose and dropping him off at his parent's house. I felt guilty for shuffling my son around this way but I needed a night with Edward more than I could express.

I had called him last night before I went to bed. I told him all of the details of my trip to the cemetery and he did what I needed him too. He listened, without giving judgment or useless remedies. I could tell he wished I had called him to come with me, even though he didn't say the words.

Honestly, I never really thought about him coming with me. It was something I needed to do for myself. I knew if he had been there I would have had a buffer between me and my emotions and it would not have been as painful. I am beginning to consider that there lies some beauty in pain.

The past few days had offered some of the more painful moments in my life, yet I finally felt as though I was alive. It wasn't a beautiful existence by any means, but right now it was just nice to rejoin the land of the living.

I saw Jasper's truck sitting in my driveway when I pulled up. That wasn't quite as strange as the fact that nobody was in it. I went to put my key in the front door, but it was already unlocked. I knew I had locked it when I left. I hesitantly made my way into the house to find no one. I was beginning to get a little nervous.

I headed toward my bedroom after I searched the rest of the house. I had called out everyone's name I could think of. I slowly pushed my bedroom door open only to be hit in the face with my own clothes.

I shook myself back to my senses in time to be pelted with a pair of jeans that came flying out of my walk-in closet.

"How can she think that this acceptable? She doesn't even have complete _outfits_!" I heard a small voice mutter to herself.

"What the hell, Alice!" I yelled causing her to jump about three feet into the air.

She turned to face me clutching her chest. "Damn, Bella are you trying to give me a heart attack!" She breathed.

"It's my house. Speaking of which how did you get in?" I said picking up the clothes that were now cluttering my floor.

"Really honey, you keep a key under your mat? Do you want to get murdered in your sleep?" She said turning back to focus on my clothing.

"Whatever Ali, why are you here?" I said while rolling my eyes at my friend.

"Well it's nice to see you too. I'm here because you are going on a date with my brother and it is painfully obvious you need my help. Judging by your lack of wardrobe we are in desperate need of a shopping trip as well."

I knew I was too happy about this evening.

"Fine, just keep it simple, okay." I had given up on fighting her a long time ago. She didn't ask for a lot and it was easier to let her have her fun than to watch her pout.

I sat down on the bed to take off my shoes and remembered that I hadn't seen Alice's car.

"Why are you in Jasper's truck? Is something wrong with the Porsche? "

Alice whipped around as though I had slapped her. "You bite your tongue Isabella Marie Cullen! My baby is just fine nestled comfortably in my garage. I'm in the truck because Edward wanted to borrow it for tonight and so I'm going to meet him here and switch vehicles with him."

"Oh…Why couldn't he have just picked it up from Jasper?" I was seriously confused by this series of events. "And why are we taking his truck anyway?" I continued my questioning.

"He could have swapped with Jasper but then how would you get ready for your date?" She answered like it was obvious. "The reasons why he needs the truck are an unknown, even to me. He just called and said he needed to borrow it for your date tonight. Now go shower so we can get to work on that hair." the tiny pixie demanded.

I hopped in the shower and frowned as I realized once again that it worked properly. Damn Jacob.

The water pelted my back and shoulders for a long time. I didn't want to get out of the warm water. When I was younger a long shower was how I was able to relieve my stress. It still worked but the problems that face me now can't exactly be washed away like those of my youth.

Eventually I wrapped a towel around my hair and one around my body. I shivered as I opened the bathroom door and the cool air from my room hit me.

"It's about time, you were in there for-"

I turned my blow dryer on and sufficiently drowned her out. When she realized what I had done she narrowed her eyes at me and I shot her a big grin. I hated everything about blow drying my hair but right now I enjoyed the quiet that it was bringing me. Once my hair was completely dry I moved to my vanity and Alice began curling it.

We talked freely about our families and what we had been up to this week. I left out my visit to Hannah trying to focus on something positive. I was doing good until Alice told me about her and Jasper deciding to try for another child. I tried like hell to keep my thoughts on her and not myself. I had decided that at some point I would probably want another baby but if I was being honest it scared the hell out of me. I knew what it was to lose a child and I didn't know if I would be strong enough to take that risk again.

Alice surprised me when she pulled out a pair of jeans for me to wear. Normally she would use any excuse to get me into a skirt. It was still warm out so I wore a blue satin tank top and a comfortable pair of open toed Steve Maddens with a small heel. We had just finished my make-up when I heard the front door open. I ran downstairs and smiled when I saw Edward.

He looked gorgeous in his dark jeans and black shirt. He looked gorgeous in whatever he wore but he had always been able to work a pair of jeans. He wrapped his arms around me and placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

"You look beautiful Bella." He whispered into my hair.

"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself." He laughed at my breathless sentence and tightened our embrace.

Seconds later Alice came bounding in behind us. She tossed her keys to Edward and he gave her his. She winked at me and left without another word.

"Ready to go, love?" Edward asked while taking my hand.

"Of course"

We drove towards the outskirts of town before I was no longer able to handle the suspense.

"Okay Edward, I have tried to let you surprise me but I have no clue where we're going. Can't you give me just a little hint?" I whined.

He laughed at my impatience just as he always has. "Nope." He said popping the p on the end.

I groaned audibly but knew that I would be fighting a losing battle if I argued. Edward would always refuse to tell me anything if he had something up his sleeve.

We continued to drive out of city limits and eventually we were on a bumpy gravel road. That gravel road turned into a dirt road and after a little while I wasn't even sure we were on a named street. I was aware of the fact that we had been heading up an incline for a little while now. The ground leveled off and Edward put the truck into park. I stepped out and was in awe. We were on the top of a cliff that overlooked the ocean.

"I'm surprised you didn't figure out where we were headed sooner." Edward smirked.

"I haven't been here in forever and it was dark, leave me alone." I laughed at myself.

I watched as Edward pulled a comforter and a basket out of the truck. I hadn't noticed anything in the backseat on the way up here. He climbed into the bed and spread the blanket out. I smiled eagerly at him as he patted the tailgate signaling for me to climb in. After kicking my shoes off I jumped into the bed with uncharacteristic grace.

"Are you hungry?"

I really was hungry but I didn't want us to have to leave. "No, I'll be fine" I lied.

"So are you telling me all this food is going to go to waste?" Edward said while holding up a tray of assorted fruits and cheeses.

"You know on second thought I could go for a bite." Edward sat the tray between us and pulled out a bottle of wine he had kept hidden along with two glasses.

He poured us both a glass and we picked at the food in silence. After a few minutes he finally spoke.

"Are you glad you came with me tonight?" he questioned studying my face.

"Absolutely, there is nowhere else I'd rather be. It's beautiful out here." I answered truthfully.

"That's not what I meant Bella." He said quietly

"I know what you meant. Again, absolutely there is no place I'd rather be." I spoke with conviction before he brought his lips to mine.

The kiss ended too soon and I was left wanting. I hid my disappointment quickly not wanting to ruin tonight.

"So what are we going to do out here out here?" I asked while popping a grape into my mouth. He didn't answer me. He simply grinned and moved further into the bed of the truck. I was unable to stop myself from staring at his biceps as he laid down on his back and put his hands beneath his head.

"Would you like your spot?" He questioned his gorgeous smile never faltering.

I knew instantly what he wanted, and I scooted back closer to him. I stretched out and rested my head on his chest near his shoulder, my spot.

"So was this your plan all along Mr. Cullen? Bring me out here so you could get me on my back in the bed of some truck? Shame on you."

"Shhh." He interrupted my lame attempt at a joke. "Look up, Bella"

I shifted my gaze toward the sky and sighed in awe. The sky was clear and the stars shined brighter than I ever recall seeing them. Washington's sky was usually cloudy obscuring any decent view of stars.

Not tonight. Tonight you could see each and every bright dot clearly.

"Wow…" I muttered.

"I thought you'd enjoy this." Edward said while staring at the stars himself.

"It's beautiful." I whispered trying not to disturb the peace that seemed to surround us.

"I've seen better." Edward lifted my chin up gently and shifted just enough so that his lips met mine.

He didn't break that kiss as quick as the first time. He only deepened it. We laid on the blanket making out like a couple of teenagers for over an hour. Actually this was nothing like how we were in our youth.

When we first started dating our kissing was a hungry, passionate, experience full of groping and lust. This had nothing to do with lust. This was about love. We stayed out under the stars kissing and reminiscing into the early hours of the morning.

"I think we had better get you home, you're going to be dead tomorrow." Edward said in a sigh.

"It was worth it." I whispered against his strong jaw line.

We cleaned up our mess and headed home. I must have fallen asleep on the way home because the next thing I remembered Edward was placing me gently into bed. I opened my eyes to see him move in and place a chaste kiss on my forehead.

"Sweet dreams, love. I love you." He whispered in the darkness.

He gracefully headed toward the door. Just before he reached for the knob I felt compelled to speak.

"Edward." I called quietly.

He turned and met my gaze.

"Stay."

**A/N: Okay now this is a cliffy. Sorry ; ) **

**I kind of have an idea of what I plan on having happen next, but I really want to know what you guys are hoping for. One of three ways to go here. **

**-Edward lets his head make a decision and goes home. **

**-He stays and literally sleeps with her. (as in zzzz)**

**-Or should we have a nice sour lemon.?**

**Like I said I have my plans but you guys tend to pursuade me more than I care to admit. So help me out and let me know what you think? OH and tell me what you thought of their date.**

**REVIEW...It keeps me writing.**


	20. Holding On

**A/N: Wow, you guys had me speechless with all the reviews last chapter (not an easy thing to do.) Thank you all for your kind words and fatastic opinions. I knew what I 'wanted' to see in this chapter, and some of you had the same wishes. However when I tried to write what I wanted it just felt...false. So I had to rewrite and be true to the story. I did try and find a middle ground. I know enough of this cryptic author's note, Enjoy this chapter. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things twilight.**

Chapter 20

Holding On

"Stay?" Did she just ask me to stay?

"Um…are you sure?" I questioned. _Please say yes._ I would give anything to stay with her.

My gorgeous wife gave me a small smile and I stared at the pink that colored her cheeks. After a moment of silence she spoke again granting me my unspoken wish.

"Yes."

I removed my pants and shirt slowly waiting for her to realize she wasn't ready for this and kick me out. Ready for what exactly, I wasn't sure but either way me staying here was a huge step no matter what would be happening tonight.

I silently slipped into bed and laid on my side facing the woman I had swore to be with for the rest of my life. I smiled to myself when I noticed my pillow smelt like Bella. She must have been using my pillows instead of her own. I tried to prevent my ego from telling me she did this because she missed me and longed for me like I did her. The thought floated around in my head and my smile grew in the darkness.

Bella rolled over and scooted next to me pressing her back into my chest. It felt so familiar, so right, and so…exhilarating. Being here with her like this, felt even better than I had remembered.  
I trailed my fingers gently up and down her arm savoring every moment of contact. She sighed in what I hope was contentment and I cautiously wrapped my arms around her beautiful body.

"Thank you, for tonight." She said quietly.

"It was entirely my pleasure love." I said kissing her hair.

I had no desire to push her into something she wasn't ready for, but I did possess desire. She shifted her body innocently, but the way she grinded against me in the process was nothing less than evil. I moved my hips a little further away from her so she wouldn't feel any pressure in any sense of the word.

I pushed all thoughts of what could happen out of my head. Tonight wasn't the night. We would get there soon but not tonight.

"I love you, Edward." She mumbled showing me how tired she really was.

"I love you too, my Bella." I whispered into her ear, the smell of her hair lingering in the air. I pulled her in close to me and placed a few soft kisses on her shoulder. The slight shudder she responded with let me know I needed to slow down, this couldn't happen. I closed my eyes and began thinking about the events that had led me to being here in my bed with my Bella.

I couldn't recall the last night we had shared like this. While we stared up at the stars I felt like for just a little while we were the only thing that mattered. We weren't dealing with our past or worrying about what we had to accomplish the next day, or any of the mundane tasks that now cluttered our lives. We were simply existing, in our protective bubble. For a brief time I was allowed to have my best friend back in my life.

The same girl I used to laugh with and joke with was finally mine to have again, if only for one night.

Bella's breathing had steadied and I knew she was now asleep. I would give anything to not have to sleep tonight. I didn't want to close my eyes and lose what I had here. No dream in the world could compare to real life when Bella was in my arms. I took notice of every part of her body.

Her head was resting next to mine, with her brown hair falling gently off her shoulders. Her hands were securely resting on top of mine that was placed gently on her toned stomach. Both her back and her legs followed the shape of my body not allowing us to have any more space between us. Her petite feet were intertwined with mine.

I remembered another night where we laid in the same position. It was one of the best days of my life and changed it forever…

"_Long day?" Bella questioned noticing my exhausted expression. _

"_The longest. This is so much more trying than I had expected." I had just started my new job and the effort I was putting in was killing me. I headed to upstairs to shower and wash the smell of hospital off. I got cleaned up quickly and headed back into my bedroom with a towel tied around my waist._

_Bella was sitting on our bed reading. When she saw me she shifted her body so she was on her knees sitting back on her feet. _

_It didn't matter how long we had been together the woman still had the ability to knock the breath out of me. Today was no exception. She sat there in a white lace camisole and matching boy cut shorts. Her beautiful brown waves cascaded down her back. I was speechless. She curled her index finger motioning me toward the bed, and like the good husband I am, I of course accepted her request. _

_To my surprise she grabbed a hold of my hand and pulled me to the bed so that I was sitting down facing away from her. I was about to protest when I felt her small hands grip my shoulders. She rubbed them silently kneading away any stress my day had caused. _

_Her hands slid down my back and I felt her parted lips press gently into the side of my neck. Her tongue followed their lead. Before I knew what she was doing she had brought her hands around my waist and undid he towel. She took her hand and wrapped it around my now fully hard length. She continued dragging her hand up and down with just the right amount of force. _

_I couldn't suppress the groan that escaped. Without thinking I turned and grabbed Bella's hips. I pushed her back until she was flat on her back waiting for me. I ran my mouth along her collar bones and ducked my head to place hungry kisses on the swell of her breasts that were spilling out of the top of her camisole. _

_I was rewarded with the sound of Bella sighing my name. I pulled her top over head and tossed it on the floor so I could worship her body the way it deserved. I took one of Bella's hardened nipples into my mouth. She arched her back towards me urging me on. I continued teasing her chest with my tongue while I slid my free hand down her stomach and into her panties. She was already wet and ready to go when I slid a finger into her warm sex. She gasped as I entered her and I began rubbing her clit with my thumb. _

_After a few minutes of listening to her moan my name I couldn't take it anymore. I scooted down and pulled her legs further apart as I thrust my painfully hard dick into her. I took a minute to just enjoy the feeling of being insider her, as she brought her hand to the back of my neck and pulled my head down crushing her lips to mine. _

"_I loved you" she breathed as she released the hair at the back of my head. _

_I began thrusting into her urgently and relishing in every feeling and sound she emitted. _

"_Oh god…Edward…I…I'm so close." She panted. The thin sheen of sweat caused her body to look even more radiant in the soft glow of the bedside lamp. _

"_Bella, you are so fucking amazing." I was able to get out as I felt her walls tighten around me. I basked in the sensation as I felt my own release come with hers. _

_I dropped my head to her stomach not bothering to move from our current position. We both stayed quiet for a moment catching our breath. _

_I rolled over onto my side of the bed and pulled Bella into my chest. I propped myself up on my elbow to kiss her cheek. Her back stayed firmly against my torso and she sighed in satisfaction. _

_I had just brought my head back down to go to sleep when I heard my angel whisper my name. _

"_Edward?"_

"_hmm…" I mumbled content. _

"_I'm pregnant." She said still whispering. I couldn't see her, but I could hear the smile in her voice. _

_I turned her over and kissed her with more joy than I had ever known. I was going to be a dad. I hadn't been able to sleep that night, a smile refusing to leave my face. _

My memories lulled me into a peaceful night of sleep that was cut short. I was awakened by the harsh ringing of a cell phone that wasn't mine. It was Bella's and it was five in the morning.

_What the hell?!_

I fumbled out of bed in a fatigue induced haze. I found Bella's phone on the dresser and read Emmett's name on the screen.

"Hello…" I mumbled.

"Edward? Where's Bella?" He asked in a rushed tone.

"She's asleep, what's up?" I was starting to get worried.

"Can you get her to the hospital? It's Rose. She's having the baby." He sputtered.

"We'll be there in twenty minutes." I quickly shut the phone and went to wake my sleeping beauty.

I sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook her shoulder.

"Bella, love you need to wake up." I said softly.

"You need to wake up." She mumbled in a grouchy tone.

"Bella you have to get up-"

"No, it's too early. Go back to sleep." She grumbled pulling the comforter over her head. I couldn't help but laugh at her always present stubborn streak.

I got up and headed toward the door. Before I left I turned back to the lump buried under blankets.

"I'm going to fix you a cup of coffee to go while you get dressed…unless your okay with not being there when Rose has her baby." I shut the door and heard her banging around in the room before I hit the second step.

I laughed too myself and went down to the kitchen.

We arrived at the hospital shortly after. Alice and Jasper were already there sitting in the waiting room. Alice was entirely to jovial for an early morning hospital trip.

"Bella! Thank God you made it!" Alice shrieked running into Bella's arms.

Bella looked stunned for a moment then remembered this was Alice we were dealing with. Her enthusiasm knew no time zone.

"Morning, to you to sunshine." Bella muttered clutching her coffee mug tightly.

"Rosalie wanted me to ask if you would be in the delivery room to help her through this." Alice said.

Bella cocked an eyebrow at her gave her a skeptical look.

"Okay actually she said 'Tell Bella she'd better have her ass in here before I start pushing or there will be hell to pay." Alice admitted.

We all laughed as Bella rolled her eyes.

"She's in room 203, and you'd better hurry the doctors said it shouldn't be long."

"Right okay, well I'll see you guys soon." Bella said turning to head down the hall, but not before giving me a simple peck on the cheek.

I took a seat next to Jasper who was calmly reading a medical journal while Alice paced. He took one look at my pensive expression and sat the book down.

"Are you alright man?" he questioned with sincere concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just nervous." I admitted.

"Child birth can be nerve wracking, but I'm sure Rosalie will handle it like a champ." He said with slight chuckle. I nodded at him but I had to correct his assumption.

"No Jazz that's not it. I know Rosalie will be fine. I'm worried about Bella." I said softly feeling extremely selfish for worrying about Bella when this was clearly someone else's day.

"How so?" Jasper asked with his doctor voice.

"I just don't know how she's going to handle this. Rosalie having this baby. I'm just a little nervous."

"Sorry man, I wish I could help, but only time will tell."

I knew he was right, and I was probably worrying for nothing. I was just afraid since this was the first time Bella would be around a baby or a birth since Hannah. I only hoped she would be alright. We were making too much progress to have a set back now.

**A/N: Just to clear up a few things...**

**- Yes, Rose's baby is a little early. That will be addressed next chapter. Don't worry all will be fine. Not even a scare. I hate giving things away but I'd rather avoid the worry and flames. lol.**

**-Incase it wasn't clear, that was a flashback in this chapter. Bella is not currently pregnant, that was when she found out about Ayden. **

**-I love you all and was so pumped to see all the reviews for last chapter. I was dying to update but my boss pulled an 'office space'...."um yeah, I'm going to need you to come in this weekend..." So I'm sorry for the delay but I've got rent that has to be paid. **

**Finally- Let's see if we can get 20 reviews for chapter 20! I know it's more than usual but I have faith in you guys so go ahead and review now. **

**-Robin**


	21. In With the New

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who have added ATHEA to your favorite stories or added me to your favorite authors. I really appreciate it. And extra appreciation to those of you who take the time to review. Even if I don't get to reply I read and love them all. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns things Twilight**

Chapter 21

In With the New

She was absolutely gorgeous. She had blonde hair and blue eyes the only thing she lacked was a name. She was a little small since she was a few weeks early but amazingly she was entirely healthy.

After an hour of labor we were now graced with the presence of the newest member of our family. I couldn't help but stare as Rosalie held her new daughter. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, because it wasn't. I did feel jealousy and resentment but the love and happiness I felt for my brother and his family overwhelmed everything else.

It wasn't fair and that thought did cross my mind more than once but how could I resent Rosalie for getting the daughter she tried so hard to have. It wasn't easy but once I held that little girl I was in love. I was a very proud aunt.

I had been there through the labor and I was in awe the entire time. Rosalie did amazingly well. We had been a little concerned when we didn't hear any cries, that only lasted a moment before she let out a wail and let us all know who's daughter she truly was.

"You have to come up with a name." I whispered trying not to disturb the newborn that was sleeping peacefully.

Rosalie gave Emmett a look and he nodded causing her to give the biggest smile she could in her exhausted state.

"I'm going to go grab a drink, you want anything Bells?" Emmett questioned as he headed toward the door. I placed my drink order and went to sit next to the new mommy.

"We have a name." she said quietly looking up from her baby to me.

"And…"I questioned impatiently.

"Kallie… Kallie Isabelle Swan." She said softly, not breaking eye contact.

"Wow, I'm honored you would use my name…but why?" I stuttered.

"Well I had been thinking about it a little, wanting her to have some type of family name but when I held her for the first time my mind was made up. I want her to have your part of your name and I only hope she has your strength. The way you've dealt with everything shows how strong you truly are."

I must have shot her a look of sheer confusion. "Rose exactly how much pain medication are you on?" I questioned honestly concerned.

"I maybe a lot of things but strong would not describe me. Hell you've been the one telling me over and over again to toughen up and deal with things. How can you admire my strength when you have been the one having to push me to move on?" I asked completely dumbfounded.

She smiled sadly at me.

"I wasn't a mother then. She's only been in my arms for a short while and already I don't think I could breathe if anything were to ever happen to her. I didn't know that kind of love before. Now having known what it is to have a child I'm amazed by what you've accomplished. I am sorry if I ever pushed you to hard or was unnecessarily cruel…I didn't know."

I felt my eyes well up with tears. I wasn't sure why I was crying. It could have been the undeserved compliment my friend gave me, or the mention of my loss, or maybe it was just the postpartum hormones rose was emitting, either way I couldn't restrain my tears. The toughest woman I had ever known was admiring my strength. It felt so unreal.

"Thank you." I mumbled

"And you might have been a little harsh but I don't know where I would be without you riding me the whole way." I said trying not to argue with her kind words about me. I gave Rose a tight hug being careful of niece and I swear I heard her sniffle just a little.

I released her and she cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter.

"Well all of this crap aside, don't think we won't be talking later about the fact that Emmett told me it was Edward who answered your phone this morning."

I couldn't help but laugh at her typical Rosalie behavior; she was never one to be sentimental for long. Before I had the chance to respond we were interrupted by a frantic knock on the door. I didn't make it to open the door before Alice came bounding into the room with the boys in tow.

"Oh she's beautiful Rose. Can I hold her?" Alice cried.

Rose begrudgingly handed over her daughter and she began making a circle around the room. Everyone gushed and cooed over our newest family member. I watched Edward intently as he held her. He held her so gently and I remembered how great he had been with Ayden when he was that little. I hoped that someday I would be able to give him that experience again.

We all spent a couple of hours in the room with Rose until Emmett stepped up and told us she needed her rest. I couldn't wait to see what kind of father my big brother would make. I knew he had been quietly hoping for a boy but it was clear that his little girl already had him wrapped around her finger.

Edward, Alice, Jasper and I, decided to go and have an early lunch before we went to pick up the kids from Esme and Carlisle. We all agreed on a little dinner near the hospital and headed that way. Throughout lunch I was unable to resist feeling Edward close to me. I started off just sitting close to him and eventually I had my hand on his knee. After a while Edward cautiously put his arm around the back of the booth until his hand was resting on my shoulder. I leaned in to him quickly resting my head on his chest.

Alice had the largest grin on her face all through lunch.

"So what's going on with the two of you?" She asked like she was going to burst any second if she didn't acknowledge our closeness soon.

"Alice." Jasper said in his warning voice.

"What? I can ask that can't I? They are my family." She pouted like a child who wasn't getting her way.

Edward and I looked to each other and both chuckled a little.

"I'm sure I don't have a clue what you're talking about Ally?" Edward said nonchalantly before winking at me.

"Yeah, what are you referring to Alice?" I said effectively irritating my sister in law to the point of combustion.

Jasper tried to hide his laugh, but Alice didn't miss it.

"Uh fine, I hate you all. Don't tell me anything I don't even care." She pouted, causing the rest of us to laugh even harder. Jasper leaned in and whispered something in her ear, replacing her frown with a shy grin. I didn't ask.

We left lunch and headed over to Edward's parent's to get our son. I missed him already and I knew he would be full of questions about his new baby cousin. We stuck around longer than planned telling Esme and Carlisle all the details people want to know when a new baby is born or maybe I just had to brag a little bit about my adorable niece. Either way we were there for a while. It was almost dinner time when we decided to head home.

The entire ride back to house was Kallie this and Kallie that. Ayden was more than a little eager to play with the new baby.

"I will share my toys with Kallie." Ayden said.

"That's very nice of you sweetie, I'm sure she'll love that some day." I told him full of pride. He was such a good kid.

"Kallie come play with my toys tomorrow." He asked hopefully.

"No Ayden. She's too little to play right now. Kallies just a baby" I tried to explain.

"Like sister?" he questioned barely above a whisper. I felt my throat close up and I couldn't force out any words. I was never quite sure how much he remembered about the whole ordeal, but clearly he understood a little more than I gave him credit for. Edward in his true fashion came to my rescue. He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before answering his son.

"Yes Ayden, she's a baby like your sister was. But Kallie is going to get big and one day she'll be big enough to play with you." He explained slowly.

Ayden seemed to accept this answer as good enough and went on to ramble about coloring and teaching Kallie to play with his blocks. I didn't remove my hand from Edward's. When he shifted his eyes from the road to me I mouthed a 'thank you' and he gave me a sad smile.

The ride home seemed to take forever and by the time we got in I was exhausted. I threw a few sandwiches together while Edward went upstairs to take a quick shower. Once he came back down we all sat at the table and ate together. Ayden talked to us about everything he did over at Esme and Carlisle's. Edward was not happy about learning what type of things our son got away with at his grandma and grandpa's. I don't think he was so much upset about what they allowed Ayden to do, more over the fact that he wasn't allowed to behave the same way when he was his age. It was quite comical to watch a grown man sulk about the fact that his son was allowed to build a fort in the living room and have candy before a meal.

It felt so natural to be discussing things like this and behaving like a normal family. It wouldn't have been obvious to an outside observer that anything was wrong with our relationship. We were simply a family discussing what was and wasn't appropriate for grandparent's to allow.

As the night wore on we went together and put Ayden to bed. Edward read him a book while I sat in awe of the two most important people in my life. I was dreading the end of Dr. Seuss' whimsical words, because that would mean it was time for Edward to go. I would have to return back to the ugly reality that I had created. If only _Green Eggs and Ham_ had an epilogue, then I could savor this moment for just a little longer.

I walked Edward to the door and it felt every bit as awkward as one would imagine.

"Um…I guess I'll talk to you later." I said blushing for reasons unknown to even me.

He surprised me by cupping my cheek and leaning in toward my lips. His kiss started off gentle but once I parted my lips he deepened it causing my breathing to hitch. He pulled away too soon but instead of straightening up he moved his lips to my ear.

"Sometime soon we're going to have to fix that shower. It's working properly, and we just can't have that can we Isabella?" He whispered in a husky voice. I couldn't find words to speak. He may have just crossed some imaginary line we had in place but, frankly I didn't give a damn.

He laughed a little at my silence and kissed my cheek quickly before turning and leaving.

_What a freakin tease!_

I shook my head to try and clear the cloudiness that now fogged my thoughts. I went upstairs to get ready for bed. I opened the drawer of my nightstand and pulled out the business card Esme had given me for the support group. I had made up my mind. This week I would make the changes I needed to get my life back together, and by god I would find a way to get that shower fixed in the process.

I fell asleep alone but excited for the possibilities that lay ahead of me. I knew I had a rough road to travel but the destination would be more than worth it.

**A/N: All right my lovely readers I have a favor or two to request. It seems most of the stories I keep on alert are either wrapping up or have been abandoned. I need some good reading material. Let me know if you have any great recommendations. I'm a sucker for AH, and I generally don't read anything besides E/B. Let me know if you know of a story that I should be reading. (already completed is a plus!)**

**Secondly, Review....a little reward for reviews??? hmmm....**

**ok If I get 15 reviews I'll update withing 24 hours!!! (otherwise it'll be thursday). I know not that big of a jump but hey let me know what you thought anyway.**


	22. Possibilities

**A/N: You guys are Awesome! You hit the 15 mark so as promised here is the update within 24 hours. Since I did have to get it out so quick I didn't have a lot of time for proof reading so sorry about any mistakes you find. Enjoy.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I don't.**

Chapter 22

Possibilities

Why did we ever decide that everyone needed a telephone? This was what I was pondering wide awake at eight in the morning on a Saturday. I had just hung up on Alice who felt it necessary to wake me at this hour to let me know we wouldn't be having our Sunday dinner tomorrow. Seeing as how I already was aware of the fact I knew she was just calling to pry information out of me.

Ever since we all started having babies it was Alice's rule that no family dinner was required the first week after someone had a kid. It was just to straining to get out and enjoy a meal together when you had just given birth a few days prior. It was one of the few exceptions to the rule that her highness allowed, and we were all aware of it, and didn't need to be reminded this early in the morning the day before.

After informing me of the obvious cancellation she had not so subtlety asked about Edward. That was when I hung up. Bitch move, maybe but I hadn't even had a cup of coffee and It was far too early to be discussing matters such as that. I didn't feel too guilty about hanging up on one of my best friends because I knew she'd be calling back in three…two…

"Hello" I mumbled after answering on the first ring.

"I'm going to assume that we just got disconnected and you didn't intentionally end our call." She spoke quickly.

"Assume away." I said rolling my eyes even though she couldn't see me.

"So are we going to talk about what is going on between you and my brother or are you going to completely leave me in the dark?"

"Alice give me a break, I just woke up. Do we really have to get into this right now?" I yawned.

"No." she sighed heavily, causing me to sign in relief.

"I'm coming over in a few hours and we are going to go to lunch where you will tell me everything." She chirped. She actually chirped on a Saturday, at eight in the morning.

She truly is relentless.

"Fine, I'll see you then. Are you bringing Rosalyn?"

"Of course, silly. We'll go somewhere kid friendly. See you at noon." She sang as before hanging up.

I really didn't want to have to discuss everything today. I was actually pretty happy with the way things were going. I knew if I looked at it much deeper I'd have to see how much work was still left to do. I preferred to just ignore that and focus on the brighter side for the time being.

I stumbled to the kitchen and got a pot of coffee going. No way would I be ready for lunch date with Alice without a little caffeine boost. That woman could tire out a humming bird.

I was just filling up my second cup of addiction when I heard the pitter patter of little feet on the kitchen tile. Ayden came walking up behind me and wrapped his arms around me leg. I turned and picked him up and sat down with him at the table. He didn't say much but surprisingly enough he began to doze back off in my lap.

I sat there enjoying one of the only peaceful moments I would be allowed today. He must have slept right there for a good hour before my phone went off startling him. I picked up my phone as my son hopped out of my lap and went into the living room.

_Do you still want to go out tonight like we planned? –E_

In all honesty with everything going on I had forgotten that Saturday was our original plan for date night. I really wanted to be with Edward but I felt like I hadn't seen my son in days. We had been so busy with everything lately that I really just wanted to be near him. I hoped he wouldn't be too annoyed if I changed our plans.

_I really want to see you but what if we just hung out here tonight? –B_

He responded quickly and I should have known not to worry about him being upset.

_Sounds perfect, I can't wait to see both of you. I should be off around six. –E_

I was extremely giddy about having Edward here tonight. I loved spending time with him alone but there was something about being together as a family that made me completely at ease.

The rest of the morning passed fairly quickly and before I knew it Alice was tapping at my door.

We decided to do something for the kids today and bit the bullet and went to chucke-cheese. Not really my idea of a good time but that's what being an adult is about. Doing things you don't really want to do. Despite the obnoxious noise level and the mediocre food it really wasn't that bad.

Alice and I sat at a table near the games for little kids so we could keep an eye on Rosalyn and Ayden. I was watching them laughing in the ball pit when Alice decided it was time to get down to business.

"So I heard Edward stayed the night with you the other night?" she said getting straight to the point.

"Yes, he did." I replied keeping my eyes focused on our children.

"And…."she was getting annoyed which only made me laugh.

"And what, Ally? We went out, we went home, and we slept. End of story."

Alice responded with a heavy sigh and shook her head.

"So you didn't…"

"No." I interrupted whatever innuendo she was going to use.

"Did you want to?" she questioned with a mischievous look.

"God, Alice. Do you really want to know the answer to something like that? He is your brother after all." Did she really have no shame?

"Bella, we've been over this time and time again. We are both adults. I don't want any gory details but I'm not embarrassed to talk about this with you." She said in an exasperated tone.

"Fine. Yes Alice. Yes. Have you seen Edward? Of course I wanted to. But we didn't so moving on."

Her expression changed to a more serious one before she spoke again.

"So do you think he'll be back in the house to stay soon?"

I really didn't know how to answer that. I guess it would kind of depend on your definition of soon. Oh who was I kidding, I had no clue either way. It was really in the air right now. I wasn't sure if Edward would want us to have completely fixed everything first of if making steps in the right direction would be good enough. I told Alice the only truth I had in this situation.

"I really don't know, Alice."

She seemed to sense the weight of the question and we moved on to much lighter topics. I remembered Rosalie would be home tonight and we decided we'd take the kids to go see the new baby tomorrow. Although we both came to the agreement to go at separate times so we didn't add any extra stress to Rose. Knowing her she would be pulling her hair out by then. She was not one to give up her beauty sleep easily.

We retold stories about when both of our children were that small, and laughed at the image of Emmett making some of the same mistakes Edward and Jasper had made when the kids were infants.

It felt good to sit and laugh with her like everything was normal. I knew that it would be eventually it would be. At this point I was only afraid of making the wrong choices and pushing our progress further behind. I wasn't scared of us not being together anymore because we had both made it clear that wasn't an option.

I did tell Alice about my plans to start going to the support group on Monday and she was beyond supportive. She said she had a feeling it would be great for me. That made me even more optimistic. Who was I to bet against Alice?

Once Rosalyn and Ayden were completely worn out we headed back to my place. Alice didn't stick around long and I put Ayden down for a nap. It was really a little late for him to nap but I wanted him to be awake this evening to spend some time with his daddy.

I decided to pick up the house a bit and get things ready for this evening. I couldn't contain my excitement about Edward coming over. What wife gets this excited about her husband coming home?

I really didn't care I was excited. It didn't matter that he had just been here yesterday. Tonight we would get to spend some time together as a family. My mind began to wonder and my thoughts drifted to the possibilities of Edward staying here tonight.

Who knows, maybe there could be some type of storm and I couldn't just let him drive back to his apartment in that could I? No, of course not, what type of person would I be. My mind began to roam with all the scenarios that could lead to him staying here and I felt ridiculous. I could simply ask him. I knew he'd say yes. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I had asked him to the other night. How was I supposed to know if he stayed because he wanted to or because he felt obligated.

No tonight he would have to let me know what he wanted. Call it pride or a stubborn streak but I had taken the first step after our last date, it would be his turn.

I tried like hell to not get my hopes up but clearly it didn't work because as my mind wondered I rushed up the stairs to shave my legs. I also changed clothes and put on something a bit more alluring.

_Way to not get your hopes up, Bella. _I scolded myself.

I was finishing up dinner while Ayden sat and colored when I heard the door open. I moved quickly and managed to get to Edward before I tripped on a toy car. Edward caught me just as I began my descent forward. I was overly aware of my chest pressed up against his and his arms around me.

"Well hello to you too." He smiled, but the look in his eyes said so much more than hello.

"Daddy!" Ayden yelled pulling Edward and I out of our staring contest.

Ayden quickly began talking his dad's ear off while I went to set the table.

It had felt so right in his arms; I was praying I would find myself there again before he left. I knew we were technically separated and sex wouldn't solve our problems but this wasn't just about emotion. This was about a carnal need. My body craved him. Emotionally yes I was longing to feel wanted again, but the physicality of the situation was far heavier than that.

I had strongly decided that this would be his choice. I wasn't going to throw myself at him and then wonder again what his motivations were. If things progressed to that level tonight I would know it was because he wanted it, not because I asked for it. He would be in charge of this situation.

Clearly that was the wrong thought to have because the double meaning caught me off guard and my breathing actually hitched as I thought about the possibilities.

"Are you alright love?" Edward questioned ending the amazing images that had been floating around in my head.

"What…oh yeah I'm fine. I was just… daydreaming." I said trying in vain not to blush.

Edward chuckled quietly. Clearly he knew me far too well.

"So are you ready?" he questioned.

"Completely." I breathed before I realized he was talking about dinner. My blush grew even stronger as I turned and headed toward the table. I was dying for it to be Ayden's bed time so I could find out what this night would hold.

**A/N: *hides behind chair to block the objects I'm sure you all want to throw at me.***

**Sorry I know that was cruel but you can find out what happens soon. You guys blew me away last time with your reviews. Also, Thanks to all those of you recommeded stories to read. I definetly now have plenty to get through. **

**20 Reviews gets you an update before tomorrow morning.**

**15 Reviews and I update by tomorrow night.**

**Below that and You'll have a review on Friday. Still not long to wait but let's hope we get one sooner. I'm anxious to hear what you thought of this chapter so let me know!!!**


	23. Reunions and Bad Dreams

**A/N: Have I told you guys how amazing you all are? Well you're amazing! We hit the 200 mark! I am extremely flattered and humbled. I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. My readers are the best. You all have VERY strong opinions of what these two need, and I love it! Enjoy and meet me at the bottom for another AN.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns all these charachters. **

Chapter 23

Reunions and Bad Dreams

We gathered around the table to sit down for dinner and ate in a comfortable silence. I couldn't stop myself from looking up at Edward every few minutes. I was surprised every time to see him matching my gaze. His eyes held a look that made my stomach erupt in butterflies. The man was beautiful almost to the point that it infuriated me. It wasn't fair that he was so gorgeous and I had to look at him without being able to act on it. I figured we should probably speak to one another while we had the chance so I decided to start a conversation. The only thing I really wanted to ask him right now was if his jeans had a zipper or were button fly, but I figured I should probably act like an adult.

"So how is therapy going?" I questioned breaking, our ongoing silence.

He looked surprised at my inquiry but smiled at me anyway. "It's going quite well, actually."

"Good, I'm proud of you. I've actually decided that on Monday I will try out that group that your mom recommended. I hope it'll be helpful." I said honestly.

"I'm sure it will be. I'm really glad that you've decided to do this." He said smiling at me with pride.

"So am I. It's time I deal with everything and put my life back together."

"Our life, Bella, _We_ need to put _our_ life back together." This isn't just you, we're in this together, remember.

"Of course, I didn't mean…" I tried to back track quickly.

"I know you didn't. I just don't want you to feel alone in this anymore. I'm here for you. I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Would you consider maybe going to therapy with me on Thursday?" He asked with hesitation.

"Um… I think that would be fine. Let me see how my own therapy goes and then I'll let you know, but I'm sure it'll be fine." I said even though every fiber of my being was screaming NO. I was fine with the idea of a group of women who had shared the same experience but going to a therapist was another thing all together. I knew I would probably get more help but I also pictured being confronted more and having to face things more directly. It would probably be a good idea, but damn if I didn't want to come up with some excuse to get out of it.

Edward must have sensed my hesitation because he spoke up quickly.

"Bella, if you're not ready, I'm not going to force you. I just think it would be a good idea." Edward said slowly.

"I know. We'll discuss it a later alright." He simply nodded and I felt my original hopes for this evening dwindling. I noticed Ayden playing with his food, indicating that he was done. I moved to get him out of his seat but Edward beat me to it.

"Don't worry I'll get him cleaned up and put him to bed." Edward said getting his son.

"Thanks" I said while picking up our plates.

"Just leave it love, I'll get it. Why don't you go take a bath and relax? I've got this." He said flashing me my favorite crooked grin.

"Are you still going to be here when I get out?" I asked truly wondering if he was going to leave right away. I didn't like that thought at all and the disappointment I felt had seeped through, in my voice.

Without breaking eye contact he sat Ayden down and stalked toward me. I stood still watching him as he moved in and ran his hand along the base of my neck. He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips against mine. The kiss was gentle, warm, and I fought with my knees to stay standing up right.

"I will not leave without saying goodbye, Isabella." He whispered.

I could only nod like a complete moron before he turned to pick up Ayden and get back to his previous task.

I made my way upstairs and began running water. I grabbed my iPod and a glass of wine before I lowered myself into the hot, bubble filled water. I was in a mo-town mood for whatever reason, so I turned on some Temptations and closed my eyes.

I would occasionally open my eyes and peek at the door knob willing it to turn and Edward to step in and join me. But that was just wishful thinking on my part because he never came in.

I got out of the bath before I turned into a prune and threw my bathrobe on. I towel dried my hair and brushed my teeth. I had been convinced he would join me in here after he got Ayden settled in but apparently I was wrong. I knew he was well aware of how he had been teasing me lately and had thought that maybe he had some intentions of backing up his empty words. Clearly I was mistaken.

Feeling completely snubbed I opened the door and headed into my bedroom. I saw Edward standing at the dresser looking over the countless pictures of us in eclectic frames. His eyes had settled on one and he picked it up. I moved quietly behind him to see which snap shot had him so enraptured.

It was from our college days when we had first started dating. We had been at a carnival with our friends. Edward was caring me on his back. I was looking at the camera grinning wildly and his head was turned looking up at me with an even bigger grin. The joy in my eyes and the love in his was captured perfectly by the simple photograph.

"You know, I think if it's possible you're even more beautiful now then you were then." Edward spoke causing me to jump. I was sure he didn't know I was here.

"Oh, please Edward I was nineteen there and I've had a child sense then." I laughed.

"You still don't see yourself clearly Bella. You're stunning. I don't know how many times I have to tell you before you'll be convinced. " He said in a serious tone.

I got lost in his eyes while he stared at me.

"So don't tell me tonight, show me." I whispered, surprising myself with my forwardness.

_So much for not putting yourself out there._ I thought bitterly while bracing for a level headed rejection. To my surprise he didn't speak. Instead he wrapped his arms around me and crushed his lips to mine. He had the same hunger I did, I could feel it in his kiss and the way his hands were moving up and down my back.

His hands moved lower and he gripped my ass with both hands. He lifted me up to his waist and I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist refusing to break contact with his lips.

I felt every full inch of his length pressing into the place I desired it most. I pressed into him tighter and felt him moan into my mouth, causing me to become even wetter than I already was.

I felt something hard hit the back of my legs before I realized he was sitting me down on the dresser. I faintly heard the clatter of picture frames clattering to the ground, but I couldn't focus on that because Edward's skill full hands were now parting my robe. He cupped my breasts and began stroking my painfully erect nipples with the pads of his thumbs.

"Oh god" I moaned, barely breaking our kiss. Edward's hand slid up my chest and around the back of my neck. I felt his fingers grip my hair tightly and pull just roughly enough for me to move my head back. His lips moved to my neck that was now completely exposed to him. He kissed and nipped all the way up before he took my earlobe between his teeth, biting down hard enough to cause me to gasp at the sensation. It was just painful enough to be pleasurable.

"Edward" I called out loudly.

"Bella, do you want this? He whispered in my ears.

"God, yes!" I moaned.

"Tell me what you want, Isabella." He whispered again.

"I want you, Edward. I want you." I managed to get out as his fingers found my clit. I cried out at the sensation of his fingers teasing me.

I forced my brain to function long enough for me to fumble with the zipper on his jeans. The second I had him unzipped I used my feet to work his pants down his toned legs. My eyes focused on his hard cock while he continued kissing and nipping at my neck. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them to the side.

His hands released me and I whimpered from the loss of contact but only for a second. My eyes trailed over his toned abs and chest as he brought his shirt over his head. Holy hell this man is gorgeous.

"I do believe you're staring, Mrs. Cullen." He said arching an eyebrow at me.

I didn't answer. Instead I wrapped my fingers around his hard-on and began pumping slowly.

He exhaled loudly and kissed me hungrily.

"Fuck me, Edward." I got out in gasps.

"What was that Isabella?" his voice dripping pure sex.

"Fuck me." I said louder in a heavy pant.

"I'm not going to fuck you on this dresser, love." Edward said meeting my confused gaze.

"What?" I stammered.

"I'm not going to fuck you on this dresser, not tonight anyways. Tonight I'm going to make love to you in our bed." Edward said before picking me up again. He carried me the few steps over to bed and laid me down gently.

The look in his eyes made me feel more wanted than I had in months. He trailed gentle kissing down my stomach teasing me mercilessly. His mouth finally reached my core and I let out a deep moan as his tongue ran over my clit. I lost myself as his mouth continued to ravish me.

"Oh Edward, please don't stop baby." I pleaded.

His tongue continued its ministrations keeping me on the brink of my release. I felt his fingers plunge into me within seconds my body was writhing with the strength of my orgasm.

Edward worked his way up my body until he was hovering over me. I ran my hands up and down his toned arms still reeling from the pleasure he had given me. I almost lost all control when I felt his dick enter me in one smooth motion.

"So tight." He moaned.

He began thrusting into me and I reveled in the sensation of him being buried deep inside me. My hips met his with each thrust and I couldn't stop the sounds that were coming out of my mouth. I knew I needed to be quiet but I couldn't find it in myself to do so.

Edward didn't seem to mind, with every moan and sigh I emitted he would thrust into me harder. We continued our over-due reunion until neither of us could hold on any longer.

"God baby, I'm so close." I whimpered.

"Come for me Isabella." He demanded. My body reacted instantly to his words and I granted his request. I felt myself lose control as he moaned deeply, his thrust becoming rapid. We came together and I didn't want to let him go.

Edward rolled over and pulled me in close to him. I didn't have to ask, I knew he would be staying here tonight. I wished I could freeze time right, but I knew that wouldn't solve anything.

"I love you." I said kissing him one more time.

"I love you more." He said before we both drifted off to sleep.

EPOV

I woke up early but refused to move. My mind replayed all the events of last night. I know it might not have been the right time or the best choice, but we both needed each other. I had almost forgotten just how amazing we were together. I couldn't regret the choices we made, last night had been amazing.

I glanced at the alarm clock and groaned realizing it was only five in the morning. I had almost fallen back to sleep when I heard a light tapping on the door. I quickly threw on my boxer briefs and pulled the covers back to see that at some point Bella had put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I moved to open the door to a sight that broke my heart.

Ayden was standing at the door in Scooby doo pajamas, rubbing his eyes that were filled with tears.

"Hey buddy what's a matter?" I questioned while scooping him up in my arms.

"I had bad dream daddy, the monsters were going to get me and mommy." He said sniffing. I sat down on the bed and held him tightly.

"Nobody's going to hurt you or mommy. I won't let that happen, okay." I tried to soothe him.

"You weren't there daddy." He mumbled through slowing tears.

My chest constricted at his words. It was a slap in the face. I wondered how much he really noticed. Was my not being here what caused this? Most likely no, kids have nightmares, but I couldn't help feeling guilty. Without knowing it Ayden had pointed out one of my greatest insecurities. I wasn't here to protect my family.

"I'm here buddy, Daddy's here." I said rocking him until he calmed down.

I really hoped we get everything worked out soon. All three of us deserved better than the situation we were in, especially Ayden.

I tucked Ayden into the bed between Bella and me. We had a general rule that Ayden had to sleep in his own bed, but tonight I couldn't consider the idea of making him go back to his own room.

Ayden snuggled into Bella's chest and she unconsciously wrapped her arm around him gently. I smiled to myself at the beautiful sight before me. I climbed under the covers and brought my arm around the two of them.

I drifted into one of the most peaceful sleeps I had ever experienced that night, knowing that everything that mattered in the world was tucked safely into this bed.

**A/N: Most of you got your wish with this chapter. These two still have some work ahead of them, I know it, you know it, and they know it. But this just felt right. I didn't honestly expect to have to update this soon, you guys blew me away when you hit the 20 mark. You're keeping me on my toes. I'm so anxious to read all of your reviews about this chapter. I try to reply to all of them. Some of you leave great reviews but I can't reply because they're anonymous. : (**

**20 Reviews gets you a review by Friday night**

**15 Reviews and a review will be up by Saturday. **

**Less than that and I promise a review by Monday. **

**Review and let me know what you think, love it or hate it.**


	24. Joy and Pain

**A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed. You guys are incredible!** **Epic author's note at bottom. **

**S. Meyer owns twilight.**

Chapter 24

Joy and Pain

BELLA'S POV

I woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of piano keys.

A smile that should have no business existing this early was plastered across my face immediately. As much as I wanted to rush downstairs to meet my family I didn't want my feet to hit the floor. Last night had been perfect and what ever happened today wouldn't compare. I forced myself about of bed with a groan and went to brush my teeth.

When I came back into my bedroom I smiled at the mess of photos littering my floor. I picked each one up in a memory induced haze. I had forgotten how much I truly missed Edward in the physical sense. I made my way downstairs coffee in hand. I was greeted by a blur running into my legs.

"Mommy, daddy teached me to play piano." Ayden said eagerly.

"Daddy _taught _you to play the piano." I corrected. "That's great; do you want to show me?" I asked cheerfully.

He didn't answer but grabbed my hand and drug me to the room that held Edward's piano. Edward was in a pair of sweat pants without a shirt. My eyes raked over his toned back as I listened to him play with complete ease. I recognized the song as the lullaby he had composed for before we were married.

He finished the song and turned to me with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. I didn't know what that was about but I chose to ignore it for now.

"I heard you were trying to turn our son into a musical prodigy." I smiled.

"He's getting there." He laughed half-heartedly.

"Mommy, can I show you?" Ayden questioned hopefully.

"Of course, as long as Daddy says it's okay. We don't touch the piano without asking." I said knowing Edward would appreciate it.

"Can I, Daddy?"

Edward didn't answer but smiled and picked him up to sit on his lap. I sat down next to Edward and watched as Ayden's tiny fingers slammed on the keys. Edward winced but didn't say a word. I wasn't sure if it was the sound that bothered him or the fact that his beloved piano wasn't exactly being treated gently. He never scolded Ayden though; he just let him continue beating on the instrument.

After Ayden had sufficiently ruined music for me for the day we all went into the kitchen for breakfast. We all ate together and spoke about unimportant matters. Conversation flowed freely enough but I was still curious as to what Edward had been morose about this morning.

"So…do you have plans today Bella?" Edward questioned nervously.

"I was going to go visit Rose and the baby." I said trying to sound enthusiastic.

"Oh." He said. _Oh? _I waited for him to say something else but he didn't speak.

"Was there a reason you asked?" I said feeling a little impatient.

Edward stared down at his cereal. He seemed to be having an internal debate. "So, you don't want to do anything today then, after you leave Rose's?"

"Well I figured you'd want to spend some time with Ayden, and I have a ton of papers to grade…so"

He didn't look up from his breakfast, he simply nodded. I don't know what his problem is. I knew Edward tended to second guess himself so I thought maybe he was having some regrets about last night. The thought broke my heart but I wasn't going to express it out loud.

After we finished breakfast I went to shower leaving Edward and Ayden playing in his room. I tried to keep my mind off Edward's strange behavior. I couldn't have been happier with the events of last night but clearly he didn't feel the same way. I shouldn't have pushed so hard.

I kept trying to ignore his sullen attitude as I got Ayden packed up for his day with dad. I handed Edward a bag with a few of Ayden's things and he gave me a simple nod in thanks. _What the hell? _

Just as they were about to leave Edward turned around and finally spoke a full sentence.

"Call me if you want to? He said quietly.

"Um…ok." I got out equally as quiet.

Choosing to simply ignore Edward's strange behavior I made my way over to Emmett's and Rose's house. I saw Alice's car in the driveway and walked right in. Rose noticed me and gave me my second smile of the day. Maybe she could sense my irritation at Edward.

She placed Kallie in Alice's arms and came and gave me a hug. "How are you doing?" she questioned softly.

"I'm fine…"

"I would have understood if you couldn't make it today." She said in an un-Rosalie like voice.

"Please and not get to see my beautiful niece. Where's the happy daddy anyway?" I questioned noticing the house was far too quiet.

"He had to get some things finished up at the office before he takes the next couple of weeks off." Rose said giving me an odd look.

After an hour of cooing over Kallie things began to feel more normal. Rose had me laughing hard as she ranted about the movie that was playing for Rosalyn.

"I can't believe you are letting your daughter watch this type of shit Alice!" Rose declared with a disgusted look on her face aimed at the television.

"What are you talking about? Beauty and the Beast is a classic. Isn't it Bella?

I nodded profusely looking at Rose like she was crazy. Who hates Beauty and the Beast?

"It may be considered a 'classic' but it is complete and utter crap!" Rose yelled, causing Rosalyn to shoot her an evil 'Alice' glare.

"How is it crap, Rose?" I questioned while laughing at her dead serious expression.

"It's ridiculous. What kind of message does this movie send to girls everywhere? I'll tell you what" She continued getting agitated at our lack of instant agreement.

"It says 'hey girls, if you find a man who is mean, aggressive, and border line abusive, don't worry about it. If you love him enough he'll change."

Her statement might have had a little validity but it wasn't enough to keep Alice and me from laughing and rolling our eyes at her rant.

"Laugh all you want to but Kallie will not be exposed to this type of shit as an example for life." Rose said irritated as she went to change her daughters diaper in the nursery.

Alice and I laughed even harder.

"Oh but throwing around the S-h-i-t word like confetti is that great of an example." Alice said through a giggle.

"I heard that!" Rose's yelled.

I got home several hours later and found Ayden and Edward had beaten me there. I walked in and saw the two of them taking a nap together on the couch. I covertly grabbed my digital camera and got a shot of the two of them cuddled up together. I couldn't wait until we got things all sorted out and I could see them together more often.

After taking one of the most beautiful pictures I've ever seen I headed toward my make-shift office to get started grading papers. I was way behind and spent several hours getting submersed in minds of adolescents. I must have lost track of time because before I knew it Edward was bringing me in a bowl of dinner he had cooked, if you can call making Frito pie cooking.

"I guess I'm going to go ahead and head out now, if you don't need me." He said in a questioning tone.

"I think I'm okay, is Ayden in bed?"

He nodded and moved in to kiss my forehead.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I said trying to convey my confusion through my eyes. Apparently I need a new set of eyes because he didn't say anything else.

I quickly finished up my grading and headed upstairs to bed. I was almost out when my phone rang.

"Hello, Alice." I mumbled.

"Bella, hey I was just calling to check on you. I know you seemed fine at Rosalie's but I didn't know if…maybe you might want to talk?" She said quietly.

I had had enough.

"What the hell is with everybody acting so damn weird today?" I demanded.

There was a long moment of silence before Alice spoke again.

"Bella, do you know what today is?"

"Yes, Alice it's the eleventh." I said slowly, because I was starting to think she had lost her mind. There was another long pause before she spoke again.

"No, sweetie it's not. Bella it's the thirteenth."

_Oh shit. _

I felt my chest tighten and the tears arrived almost immediately. I couldn't think strait. I don't know why this was so hard to hear. I knew this date would be approaching soon but I was thinking I still had a couple of days to prepare myself. Prepare myself how, I don't know, but fuck how could I have gotten my days mixed up.

Come watch Ayden? I begged forcing each syllable out of my mouth.

I heard her say something along the lines of 'on my way' before I hung up the phone. I quickly ran to the closet and through on some jeans and a t-shirt. I went into Ayden's room and took a second to just look at him and try to count my blessings before I had a melt-down. I hadn't known all year what I was going to do about this day. I knew it couldn't be celebrated like we had in the past and I knew I couldn't spend the whole day in bed either, but to not even realize it was already here felt like some type of deadly sin.

I paced around my living room looking through the blinds every five seconds begging Alice to hurry her ass up. She pulled into my drive way after what felt like an eternity. I grabbed my purse and was running for my car before she'd even reached the door.

I didn't know if I needed to escape the house and I wasn't sure what I would do when I got to my destination but I knew where I was going.

EDWARD'S POV

She _forgot_. _She_ forgot? She _fucking_ forgot!

The words wouldn't stop their assault on my mind all day. I had been bracing for this day for a long time. It had haunted me for months. What once had been a day to celebrate our love was now a marker of our loss. How do you handle that? It seemed wrong to ignore the fact that it was our anniversary but it seemed even more erroneous to celebrate it. So I had been baffled.  
I had expected my Bella to come downstairs a complete wreck if she even came down on her own free will. I had not expected her to be so…joyous this morning.

I had been angry, hurt, relieved, pissed, and jealous that she was so content on this day. At one point I had decided it was an act. I wasn't sure if perhaps she was trying to use avoidance to handle her grief or if she was just being strong since I was around.

After a while I came to the conclusion that she must not have remembered. It hurt less than to believe she was acting like there was no significance to this day on purpose.

I knew I had screwed up in more ways than one but, to think that even now after all the steps forward we were taking, she still wouldn't let me in was excruciating. The broken record played over in my mind repeating all the thoughts I hadn't been able to keep at bay.

I once believed I had known failure. I had failed tests before, I had made stupid mistakes, done things I shouldn't have done, lost patients that might have been able to be saved, but as a man to know that you failed your family is a pain unlike any other.

Today I should be taking my wife out to a romantic evening. She should be gliding into a room while I stand proud by her side. Both my children should be at my parent's house while Bella and I celebrate.

Bella was at home, I was…here, and my one son was sleeping in an incomplete home. All of this was happening because I had failed.

'Stop it.' I scolded myself out loud, then felt like an idiot for doing so.

I knew how counterproductive these thoughts of guilt apparently were. It had been heavily covered in my therapy, but today was a significant day and I could feel how I actually felt for one damn day. I honestly had been trying in therapy and I do believe it has helped but right now it's hard to apply what I've learned.

I was unable to sit still. I began messing with random things that didn't need to be messed with. I tried reorganizing my cd collection. That consisted of me moving one disc that was out of place, only to realize it had been in the correct spot to start with. I tried cooking before I realized I wasn't hungry, I had no food, and I didn't know how to cook. Finally I was frustrated enough that I grabbed my keys forcefully from the table and headed toward the door. I knew exactly where I was headed.

I headed down toward my car but was shocked to see Bella's vehicle come flying into the parking place and whipping into the spot beside me. She had never been one to drive fast and I knew the reason for her presence.

She got out of her car quickly tears streaked down her face. I rushed to her and pulled her into me tightly.

"I…I didn't know….eleventh…I thought it was the eleventh today….Oh god…it hurts. She said through gasps as she sobbed into my chest. I felt my own eyes moisten as I tried to soother her.

"Shhh…its okay love. Get in the car. I'll drive." I said into her hair.

She gripped me tighter.

I walked us around to the passenger side and opened the door. I sat Bella down in the seat and went to get on my side. She knew where we were going and she didn't object. I knew she wanted to go. We might have been distant for a while now but I still knew my wife better than anyone.

I was not happy to see my wife in pain. Her breaking down was heart wrenching for me and I would have given anything to stop her aching. However, I could not fight off the tiniest sense of relief that she had come to me. She could have gone out there by herself again. She could have simply closed herself off, but she didn't. She came to me as a partner. Someone who knew her pain, someone she was allowing to see her vulnerability. There had to be something positive in that fact.

I drove the familiar rode never releasing her hand. Her sobs had quieted a little bit by the time we arrived. I opened her door for her and pulled her protectively against my side. We walked to the grave site slowly. I knew tonight would be an important moment for us. I was just praying it would be in a good way. I ran through all the things I wanted to tell her and hoped she would be receptive to my thoughts.

**A/N: I know I had been dancing around the time line of a year but I never specifically said it had been exactly one year. So this was the anniversary. I also don't remember precisely how many hours it was between the accident and hannah's death so she she might have technically died the day after their anniversary, but for the sake of this story and my sanity it was the same day. **

**Oh and before you ask why Edward didn't tell her...He tried hinting at it several times but she didn't catch on. He didn't want to come right out and say it partly because he was hurt and partly because he didn't want to upset her if she knew and was trying to deal with it on her own. Dumb move on his part...kind of but he was somewhat overwhelmed. **

**I know the strenght of these two's grief may seem a bit...heavy considering it's been so long, but you have to understand that Bella is just now really starting to accept and deal with things so this is all very new and difficult for her. Again I promise things will start to be happy soon. Hey I did you guys a lemon last chapter, we had to have a little balance. **

**This was not my favorite chapter at all, probably my least in fact, so I don't expect a lot of positive feedback but you know you love me so please review. **

**15 reviews gets your next chapter to you by tomorrow night! **


	25. His Ugly Truth

**A/N: Wow, you guys are keeping me on my toes with your reviews, making me update almost daily. I haven't had any time to reply to reviews lately but I read them all and they are definetly appreciated. Well here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things twilight...boo**

Chapter 25

His Ugly Truth

Bella POV

My feet felt heavy with hesitation. They moved slowly and timidly toward my daughter's grave. Edward kept me close to him giving me the strength I craved. We finally reached the correct plot and Edward sat down in the grass. He pulled me down toward the cool grass and I sat down between his legs. My back pressed into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me lovingly. I had finally gained some control over my crying thanks to Edward.

After a few minutes I saw Edward's hand extend outward until his palm was flat against the top of the stone. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I didn't want to ask him, so I focused on the hard piece of rock.

My eyes trailed over the letters etched in stone and I felt the pressure from Edwards's lips on the top of my head. We sat in a pregnant silence for a while before my phone beeped causing us both to jump. I pulled it out of my pocket and read the text.

_I called J and told him I'm crashing on your couch, take all the time you need. I love you. _

I smiled as I read the message from Alice. She always seemed to know what I would need.

"Who was that?" Edward questioned in a tender tone.

"Alice, she's staying with Ayden." He didn't respond with words, but I felt his head nod against mine.

"Love, do you remember in college when we started our 'don't kill me conversations'? " Edward questioned slowly.

I laughed a bit through my slowing tears remembering the day Edward had initiated that lost tradition.

_(flashback)_

_I couldn't wait to get home. I had a great time with the girls on our three day weekend get-away but I was dying to get back to Edward. _

_I had called him when we were almost home and told him to meet me at my dorm. I had given him the key so he could take care of a few things while we were away. I sprinted to my room eager to be back in his arms. _

"_Edward!" I squealed. I jumped up to his stoic form wrapping my legs around his waist and crushed my lips to his. He responded after a moment and returned my kiss with the same longing I felt. _

_After a long moment we broke apart panting. Edward loosened my grip on him and set me down on my feet. _

"_Bella, we need to talk." He said staring at the floor as though there was a difficult math equation written on it. _

_I felt my stomach tie itself into knots. Nothing good came from those words. "Okay…" I responded trying to sound stronger than I was feeling. _

"_I really want you to listen to me. Don't say anything until I've gotten everything out, and please remember I love you. Can you do that?"_

_I nodded weakly, already fearing the worst. _

"_BellaIkilledyourgoldfish." Edward got out in one quick breath. _

"_Do what?" I asked trying to decipher the mess that just came out of his beautiful mouth. _

"_I killed flounder. I'm so, so sorry. His water needed to be changed and I knew you had to use some sort of particular water. I thought bottled water would do, I mean it's supposed to be clean, right? Well when I came in to feed him yesterday he was dead. I'm so sorry. You asked me to do one simple thing."_

_I burst out in laughter causing Edward's brow to furrow. _

"_Why are you laughing?" he asked clearly a little annoyed. _

"_It's a goldfish. I only had him because you won him for me at the fair anyway. You had me scared to death it was something terrible. Don't get me wrong it sucks that you killed flounder but I'm not heartbroken. I really think it's hilarious that 'Mr. pre-med' couldn't keep a fish alive for three days." I laughed even harder. _

_Edward narrowed his eyes at me before a wicked glint appeared in them and his fingers began assaulting my sides. He tickled my stomach until I was in tears. _

_(End flashback)_

Later that night Edward had told me he thought I was going to kill him, hence the 'don't kill me conversation'. What had started out as a simple way for Edward to tell me about the tragic murder of my fish turned into a vital tool in our relationship. Edward had used it to tell me about a girl coming on to him at school and I had used it to openly discuss Edward's issues with mine and Jacob's relationship. The rules had remained the same and utterly simple. You let the other say what they need to say before you respond, you really listen to them, and most importantly always remember they love you.

It might have been silly but it gave us both a chance to speak honestly without fear of judgment or misinterpretation.

We hadn't done that in a while. I can't remember when it stopped but I didn't need to be told why Edward would bring it up now.

"I'd like to talk to you, Bella…openly." He stated, although I knew he wanted an okay from me.

"I think I would like that." I said trying to keep my nerves at bay.

"Bella, I want to tell you I'm sorry. Hell sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. Every day I wake up I wish I could go back and change one of a million things. I'm sorry I took that page and went to work. I'm sorry I didn't tell Tanya to back off a second sooner. I'm sorry I didn't chase after just a bit harder. Hannah's not here because of the decisions I made and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am." He said his voice growing increasingly strained.

I sat in shock knowing it was my turn to listen. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Edward blamed himself. He thought the accident was his fault. How could that be? All this time I was convinced he felt I was to blame. My broke at the realization and I felt my heart break for him. I knew the guilt he felt and I knew it well.

I heard him take in a deep breath and continue. "Bella I understand why you kept me at a distance and I can't say I blame you. It had to be hard to be near me knowing I caused that pain for you."  
My jaw dropped at this revelation. He thought I avoided him because I was upset with him?

"I do wish I would have fought harder for us. I was wrong in so many ways. I'm sorry I never told you all the details about the conversation you overheard between me and Tanya after Hannah died. I let you believe a lie because I was angry. I wasn't going to her for help. I broke down and was venting to myself out loud. I wasn't confiding or seeking comfort in her. I felt so…powerless after the accident. I had lost my daughter and I was losing you. I was angry at you also." He spoke softly.

I sucked in a sharp knowing that he was going to be completely honest and not knowing if I could take it.

"You left me." He said quietly.

"I…" I began to interrupt before I caught myself. I had never left him. He is the one who left me.

"You left me before I left you Bella." He spoke as though he had heard my thoughts.

"You shut me out. I had to deal with everything. I had to handle everything involving Hannah while trying to take care of Ayden, while my wife shut the world out. I thought if I gave you your space you'd come around and we'd be us again. It might have been naïve thinking but I kept expecting to get my wife back." His tone didn't hold any anger or resentment, just sadness and regret.

He paused a moment before beginning again. "I know it may seem selfish of me but I needed you Bella. I needed you to be there for me. I needed you to allow me to be there for you." I could hear his frustrations growing, but he fought to stay calm knowing that was the two of us would get anything resolved.

"It had always been me and you in everything together, but when I needed you the most you weren't there. In retrospect I can see now how that probably worked both ways. I just wish you could have given me a chance to share your pain. I made excuses for you that first month but damn it Bella, She was my daughter too. Hannah was my child too!" His voice cracked and I knew he was trying to hold back his tears.

I turned around and faced him. I sat on lap and straddled his waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he brought his head down to my neck. We clung to each other tightly. I was having a hard time processing everything I was being told. It all seemed so…obvious.

I should have known Edward would blame himself. I should have realized how I was making him feel. How could I have been so ignorant to his loss? On the surface I recognized he had lost a child but I don't think I ever gave it much validity. I just assumed that he wasn't hurting as bad as I was since he hadn't carried her, felt her move inside of him. I was her mother so I gave my pain precedence over his? Who the hell thinks things like that? How could I have been so selfish?

My stubborn streak was eager to rebuttal every statement and defend myself, but that would have been pointless. Almost everything he said had been true. Even if I disagreed with a few things I could at least see where he was coming from.

If this was how he felt then its how he felt. I would get my turn to tell him how I felt.

"I'm not telling you any of this to hurt you, love." He murmured against my shoulder. I nodded to let him know I understood. "I'm just so fucking sick of so much going unsaid. Today, for a minute, I thought you knew the date but just refused to talk to me about it. That really scared me. I know I have screwed up in epic proportions but I'm trying." He pulled away from me a bit so that his eyes were locked with mine.

"I love you so much. Last night was the happiest I have been in a long time. I know we both still have some things to work out, but I want us to start talking about me moving back soon. I have no idea if it's the right thing to do, but being away from you doesn't feel right at all. I miss you. I miss Ayden. I want us back." He said with conviction.

My eyes must have been huge with shock. I wasn't expecting him to approach the subject so soon. Truthfully it scared me. I had made so many mistakes in regard to my marriage that I was terrified to risk another one. The worst part was I didn't know what would be a mistake, for him to come home to soon and us to fall back in to our familiar rut, or, for me not to seize the chance to have him back.

I kept waiting for some grand moment that would let me know for sure that we were on the right track and we were ready for him to come home. I guess life isn't about huge signs where you instantly know what to do. Perhaps life is about making decisions based on your gut to create your own grand moments.

So does that mean I know how to respond to talks of Edward's homecoming…nope.

Edward ran his thumb along the apple of my cheek wiping away what was left of my tears. His eyes bore into mine and the emotions they held were overwhelming. He nodded his head at me not breaking eye contact.

It was my turn and I had no idea where to even start. I had a year's worth of feelings that I had never shared with him. Where was I supposed to even begin?

**A/N: Finally we get some honest feelings between these two. Is everything Edward said 100% accurate or fair. Not neccesarily but it's how he feels. We'll hear from Bella next. You all seem to be loving EPOV so you'll get that next chapter! **

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	26. Her Ugly Truth

**A/N: Thank you so much to all of you who take the time to review. I really appreciate it. We hit the 20 mark but it wan't until about midnight last night. I tried like...heck...to get the chapter up then but I couldn't keep my eyes open. SO you get it this morning. I hope you enjoy it. See you at the bottom.**

**S. Meyer owns Twilight...**

Chapter 26

Her Ugly Truth

I had done it.

I had laid everything I felt out on the table. Now I sat staring in to the eyes of my love knowing that whatever she said would affect our lives from here on out. I was more nervous than I had been in a long time. I was terrified beyond belief, but I knew that no matter what happened next I had finally been completely honest with her. I had no more secrets, no more built up emotions. Everything was out. It was equally liberating and crippling to find myself so exposed.

Men weren't supposed to talk about emotions or show weakness, but I had done both. Now I sat here on hallowed ground with the only woman I have ever loved. She currently, as she always has, held the key to my happiness.

She sat quietly in my lap not speaking.

"Bella…" I said trying to draw her attention.

"I know. "She breathed. I turned her head toward the sky and closed her eyes. She drew in a deep breath as though she was summoning all her strength.

She shifted slightly so that her head was resting securely on my shoulder. "Okay, I'm ready." She began.

"I want you to listen to me and listen closely Edward Cullen. The accident was not your fault." She said in a tone I rarely heard her use. Her body was stiff and she lifted her head, tugging my chin until our eyes were locked.

"It was not your fault. I was driving; if we are placing blame then it lies with me. I'm sorry if I let you believe otherwise. It was my fault." I ached to contradict her but knew I had to pay her the same respect she had shown me. She tucked her head under my chin and gripped my torso tightly.

"I did shut you out unfairly, and I have been paying for that mistake since I made it. I'm not entirely sure why I did it. Part of me thought you hated me for what happened. I felt so guilt. I feel so guilty." I felt her body shaking a little from tears.

"I don't think I ever put myself in your shoes. That was wrong, and I can't tell you how much I regret it." I felt a physical compulsion to let her know that it was okay but I fought against it. She deserved her chance to tell me how she felt without me arguing with her.

I felt her body stiffen noticeably as she continued expressing her thoughts. "When I saw you with Tanya the first time I was hurt. But I should have had more faith in you. I did realize after I ran out that I knew deep down there was nothing to worry about it. Unfortunately the truth came to me too late."

She drew in a ragged breath and continued. "But the second time I saw you with her. I was destroyed. I felt so fucking in adequate. It confirmed so many things I was feeling. I'm not sure how to explain what I felt. It was unbearable. I had come to finally talk to you, I needed you…and you were confiding in this woman. This woman wasn't me. She wasn't the mother of your child. She didn't know anything about what we had experienced and you chose to go to her instead of me. At least that's what I thought at the time. " Guilt flooded over me in waves at hearing her revelation.

"I think I took a lot of my anger out on you when I really felt it toward myself. I was angry at you for being with her like that, but I knew it was my fault." She said, her voice was dripping with regret and remorse.

I was even more ashamed then I had been. Why did I let things get so screwed up. Bella had came to my work twice and found me too close to another woman. A woman who couldn't hold a candle to my girl made her feel inadequate. I had allowed that to happen.

Bella didn't speak for a minute but she didn't move away from me either. I assumed she was gathering her thoughts and I let her.

"I'm not sure how to get over everything, how to move on, but I want to try. I'm going to need your help. I want us to work through this together. I don't have a clue what I'm doing but I know now that without you I can't even think of becoming me again." I nodded silently, because I felt the same way.

"This past year has been the hardest of my life. Losing her was hard enough but I made everything so much worse. If I could change things I would, but it's too late now. What's done is done. All I can do now is try to not make the same mistakes again. I won't push you away anymore. I want you back in our home whenever you're ready."

My heart wanted to fly from chest. She was willing to welcome me back in to her life. I wasn't naïve enough to believe we were in the clear completely, but damn if I didn't feel like we had finally won a huge battle.

It wasn't until I saw the questioning expression on her face that I realized she was waiting for a response. I hugged her fiercely and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I'm more than ready to be back home. I've been so miserable being away from my family. I'm never leaving again." I said simply.

"We still have a lot to work through, we're not done." She said in a sad yet decisive voice.

"I know." I whispered before pressing my lips to her forehead once more.

Bella's attention shifted from me to Hannah's grave stone. She squirmed out of my lap and sat back on her feet beside the polished rock.

"Why?" She whispered trailing her fingers slowly down the edges of the marker. I wasn't sure if she was wanting an answer or not.

I moved closer to her and placed my hand on top of hers. "I don't know." I told her honestly. I had always believed everything happened for a reason, but what could possibly be the reasoning behind losing a child. I don't see anything that could justify that.

We stayed at the cemetery for another hour we didn't talk about our marriage anymore that night. We grieved for the daughter we would never know and we found some comfort in being able to do that together.

Bella fell asleep as I drove her home. I headed to our home instead of my apartment that night. I didn't care that I had all my clothes there. I didn't care that Bella's car was still at my place. I didn't want to be apart from her tonight. We needed each other and we finally were on the same page in knowing that.

I pulled in to the driveway and noticed it was after one in the morning. I really hoped Alice was fine with staying this late. I went around and picked Bella up and headed toward the door. I could have easily woke her up let her walk, but my greed was strong tonight and I didn't want to miss a minute of contact with her.

I skillfully placed the key in the lock and let us in to our house. I carried my wife upstairs and placed her gently in to our bed. She squirmed a little but went right back to sleep. I went back downstairs and turned off the television that Ally must have fallen asleep watching. I covered her up with a throw blanket and sent Jazz a text letting him know I was just going to let her sleep, unless he wanted otherwise.

I was finally able to make my way to Ayden's room. The door squeaked a little as I pushed it open. I sat on the edge of the bed and felt the overwhelming pride I always do when I'm near him.

"Everything's going to be okay, little man. Daddy's home now, and I'm not leaving again." I promised before I kissed his forehead and left the room.

I went back to the place I had been missing for weeks now. I changed out of my clothes and sank into our bed. I was debating on whether or not Bella would want to be held tonight but she answered my unspoken question as I thought it. She scooted close to me so that her head was on my chest. She intertwined her legs with mine and I held on to her that night for dear life. She was my life.

Morning broke too soon and I hated that we would have to get out of bed and move on with our day. Clearly Bella didn't share my same hesitation she was bouncing in the kitchen making French toast as I came downstairs. I stood silently just watching her. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she was wearing pajamas she must have put on in the middle of the night. She was making funny faces at Ayden who was sitting in a chair looking up at her just as mesmerized as I was.

This was my life, my family, my home.

"Ayden, how long do you think Daddy is going to stare at us before he comes in?" She questioned in her 'kid friendly' voice.

"Busted" I mumbled.

She walked towards me and wrapped her arms around me spatula still in hand. I returned the gesture and placed a timid kiss on her lips.

"Thank you." She whispered into my chest. I wasn't sure what she was thanking me for so I just nodded. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table to talk with my son. He talked my ear off for a good twenty minutes before breakfast was ready. We all ate together before we would have to go our separate ways.

"So you're coming home tonight right?" Bella asked not looking up from Ayden's shoes, that she was fighting to get on his feet.

"Of course. I just want to run to the apartment after work and pick up a few things to bring back over here. I figure next weekend we can start actually moving everything back. That is if this is all okay with you."

"Absolutely" she said staring up at me. "I want you back home as soon as possible." She answered truthfully but there was a hint of fear in her voice that only I would be able to notice.

I knelt down next to her and took her face in my hands.

"Everything will be worked out. We will be fine. I love you and this is going to work." I said in a caring but firm voice.

She nodded her head and I leaned in to take one more kiss from her before I left. I brushed my lips across hers gently and she responded softly.

Bella and Ayden followed me out and we all got in my car. We stopped by Rosalie and Emmett's house on the way to my apartment to drop off Ayden.

Rose smiled at me but her eyes were full of questions that I knew she would be trying to get out of Bella later.

The ride back to my apartment to get Bella's car was silent. I think we were both still processing everything that had been said last night. As I pulled up beside Bella's car she broke the silence.

"What time can you be by the house tonight?" She asked as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"I should be there around seven."

"Well I'm giving that group a try tonight and was hoping maybe you could stay with Ayden. It starts at seven thirty." She said sounding nervous. I wasn't sure if it was because of the meeting itself or because she was worried about my response.

"I'll be there." I said mustering up a smile.

"Great I'll see you at home." She said smiling beautifully. She was about to shut the car door when she suddenly climbed across the passenger seat and sat on the center console. Her lips met mine in an instant and she kissed me with every bit of passion she possessed.

I pulled her off the console and on to my lap. Our lips moved together in perfect synchronization. Our tongues battled for dominance as her fingers ran through my hair. We broke apart after a minute gasping for breath. I wasn't sure what came over her but I was far from complaining.

"I have to get to work." She grumbled wiping around her lips. She crawled back across my seats and got out of the car. We said a quick 'I love you' and headed on our separate destinations knowing we'd be together at the end of the day.

**A/N: I know Bella's rant wasn't quite as long or detailed as Edwards's but she hasn't been getting the same professional help that he has. She's not in the same place. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think. **

**By the way sorry about any and all mistakes. I'm actually an English major. I just can't proof my own writing because I read it how it was 'supposed' to read. Strange, yeah I know.**

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	27. Baby Steps

**A/N: Alright we fell a little shy of our goal on reviews, but the quality of the reviews you guys leave is always unbeatable. So Thank you! This chapter might seem like filler to some but we had to set some things up.**

**S. Meyer owns Twilight. Not me.**

Ch. 27

Baby Steps

I left for work wracked with a million emotions I couldn't separate. I was both elated and terrified. I had slept better than I had in a long time but I was emotionally drained and it wasn't even eight yet. This day was sure to be endless.

I made my way through my morning classes, which served as distraction from everything that was swirling around in my mind. I decided I needed to vent and headed toward Emmett's and Rosalie's on my lunch hour.

I knocked on the door and it opened at the same time.

"I figured you'd be here. Come on I ordered take out." Rosalie skipped all pleasantries.

I followed her into her oversized and underused kitchen and went to fix a plate. "Thanks Rose." I mumbled before sitting down with my plate of Chinese food.

"So do you want to tell me what's going on?" She questioned eagerly.

"Yeah I just don't know where to start. Where's Ayden?" I deflected.

"All the kids are taking a nap. Now start talking." She said cutting to the chase. I came here to talk yet I couldn't quite decide what I needed to talk about.

"I'll start looking into daycares soon. You really must have your hands full with Kallie right now. It's not fair to you to…"

"Oh my God! It's fine Bella! Now please, I'm not pushing you because I'm nosy. I know you came here for a reason now let's hear it." Rose demanded, in an exasperated breath.

"Well, I spent last night with Edward at Hannah's gravesite. We talked about a lot of things. We talked about how we were affected by losing her and the events leading up to it. Then…we decided it would be a good idea for him to move back in." I managed to get out staring at my plate.

Rose was quiet for a minute until I looked up at her. "Well…" She said slowly. "Isn't that a good thing?"

I understood her confusion, my tone did not match the joy of the situation. I tried to articulate my jumbled emotions.

"It is. I just…I don't know. I mean I'm happy and heaven knows how much I've missed him. I'm just so scared I'm going to screw everything up again."

"Then don't" she replied simply. I groaned in frustration. This was why I loved Rosalie and why I wanted to push her out of a moving vehicle. Anyone else would have told me everything would be fine and give me positive reassurance. Not Rose.

"Look, I know you're scared. I get it. But you're acting as though you don't have any control over what happens. It's a cheap excuse and you know it. You know what mistakes you made before, don't allow yourself to repeat them." She said

"It's not that simple, Rosalie" I said shaking my head.

"Yeah Bella it actually is. When everything happened you felt how you felt and you acted accordingly, without any thought. I can't judge you for that. I can't begin to imagine how much pain you were in." she paused briefly and I could tell she was trying to figure out how to phrase her next thought. "But now you have a bit more perspective. If you can see all the things you did wrong before then you can prevent yourself from falling into the same destructive pattern. As long as Edward does the same you should be fine, in time."

I arched an eyebrow at her. Never once in any of the conversations we've had about losing Hannah had she ever even hinted at the idea of Edward being at fault for our problems.

"Don't look at me like that." She rolled her eyes.

"Did you really believe that in a year of watching you two's relationship fall apart that I hadn't spoken to him? Of course I think Edward made a lot of mistakes, arguably as many as you did."

I continued eating but stared at her urging her with my eyes to continue. This was definitely news to me.

"Bella I was at your house almost daily during that first month, trying to talk to him into opening up to you or begging him to force you to open up. He has equal fault in the state of your relationship. I've never said otherwise. So aside from your fear how do you feel about him being home?"

I didn't respond right away searching for the proper word. I felt happy, relieved, nervous, excited…

"I feel…complete." I said finally placing a name to the overwhelming emotion.

Rose smiled at me but it wasn't a full blown grin.

"But…" she hedged. Damn it, she really could read me too well.

"But," I said rolling my eyes. "I feel almost…guilty for feeling that way." I said as though it was a question.

"How so?" she persisted.

"I don't know 'how so'!" I snapped. I was beginning to get frustrated, more at myself than Rose. Since the moment I woke up with my whole family together under one roof I had this nagging feeling of guilt. I couldn't describe it or explain it. It was just there, looming over me, and I couldn't shake it.

"Maybe that's something to think about." Rose said coolly.

"Gee, you think, Rose?" I said a little too loudly.

"Hey, don't get all pissy with me. I was just being honest." She said raising both hands up in surrender.

"I know, look I'm sorry. I'm…overwhelmed right now. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I had better get back to school." I said slowly.

"It's no big deal. I'll see you around four today right?" She spoke as though I hadn't just ripped her head off.

"Yeah I'll see you then. Thanks Rosalie." I gave her a quick hug and headed back to my car. The rest of the day drug on and I found myself hoping it would continue to do so. I was not as eager to attend this support group as I had been originally. To be honest I wasn't even that eager to begin with. Now I just wanted to go home and climb into bed preferably with two of my favorite guys. But unfortunately I was an adult, which meant I had to do things I didn't really want to do.

So when the school day had came to it's unavoidable end I headed over to Rosalie's house to pick up Ayden. I didn't chat for long because I had a lot to do before my group meeting tonight.

I made it home in no time at all and started getting dinner ready. I threw a few ingredients together in casserole form and tossed it in the oven. I didn't have time to fix anything overly elaborate.

I went ahead and gave Ayden an early bath so Edward wouldn't have to do it when he got home. Edward showed up just in time for me to be on time.

I grabbed my purse and walked over to my two favorite men. Edward had Ayden up on his hip and the two of them were laughing about something. I wrapped my arms around Edward's waist and he pressed his lips to mine. I gave Ayden a kiss and headed towards the door. I looked back to see them both standing in the door way.

Edward had Ayden's hand and was waving it wildly in an exaggerated goodbye. Ayden was giggling at his silly father. I smiled at the two as that guilty feeling washed over me in waves.

I swallowed it down and drove to the local community center that was housing these meetings. I was shocked to see so many women. I had expected maybe five or six, but there had to have been at least twenty-five mothers here.

I walked around exchanging half smiles with people for a few moments before the group was called to attention.

A woman with a soft smile and aged eyes took a stand behind the podium.

"Alright ladies, I want to thank you all for coming today. I also would like to welcome any new people here with us. If this is your first time, be sure to sign the paper that's going around. My name is Barbara by the way. Now we're going to get started. Molly, who many of you met last week, will be sharing her story with us today.

A few people clapped while I sat trying to take everything in. I felt like the new student at high school. It was awkward to say the least.

Molly was a beautiful women, who couldn't have been older than me. She had long brown hair and bright blue eyes. I could almost feel the nerves rolling off of her as she walked behind the podium.

I listened intently for the next twenty minutes as Molly shared her story. It was heartbreaking and she told the story in a way that made you painfully aware that she hadn't told the whole story before. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she told us about the loss of her son. He had been two and it was also a car accident. They had been hit by a drunk driver, he died on impact. I felt my heartbreaking for this woman. I also felt a strange sense of unity with her.

She was open and honest and spoke of her pain truthfully. The accident was six months ago. I couldn't think about Hannah at six months let alone share her story with a group.

After Molly finished her story everyone got up and moved their chairs around into what a appeared to be a circle. I tried not to roll my eyes at the cheesiness and followed suit.

The next half hour was filled with open conversations. The women debated and discussed and listened. I felt like an outsider intruding on a family occasion. I didn't say much while everyone was talking I just listened and tried to take everything in. It amazed me in a way to know that my pain really wasn't that unique. I wasn't the only one who had been through something like this. Obviously I knew that I wasn't the only one to have ever lost a child, but to hear others share what they felt when it happened to them made me feel less alone.

After the conversation began to die down, Barbara stood up and announced that it was almost nine. Everyone slowly began gathering their things and saying their goodbyes. I was almost out the door when I felt a light hand on my shoulder.

"Bella." Barbara said.

"Yes?"

"Will you be coming back next week, dear?"

I thought about it and decide that if I was going to give this a shot it would take more than one visit.

"Yes ma'am, I think I will." I said with a smile.

"Please call me Barb, and I look forward to hearing your story next week." She said in a happy yet subdued tone.

"My story?" I questioned. Surely she didn't mean that I …

"Yes dear, You'll be sharing with us next week as Molly did today." She spoke as though this was common sense.

"Um…do I…Do I have to?" I stammered.

Barbara gave me a look that barely masked her disappointment. "Well, I guess you technically don't have to, it is strongly encouraged. We will understand if you're not ready quite yet, but I hope you'll think about it. You know what, take this week think things through. I'm sure we'll see you next Monday." She said before walking away.

I quickly exited the building and climbed into my car. The drive home took entirely to long. I was so anxious to get home. I knew Ayden would be asleep, or he should be at least, but I was really anxious to get into Edward's arms. Today had been trying and I was truly thankful that he was at home right now and not at some apartment across town. I drug my tired feet up the walk way toward my front door.

I took a deep breath trying to release all the stress from my day. The last thing I wanted to do was walk inside and take my frustrations out on him.

I opened the door to darkness. All the lights were shut off, the only way to see was from the tiny flames of all the candles. Their glow was beautiful as they littered every surface of the living room. I saw a tall figure coming down the hall and recognized the silhouette of Edward's sex hair.

"Edward… what the he-"

"Shhhh…" he cut me off. He grasped my hand tightly and pulled me into the living room. I noticed that the coffee table was no longer there. Edward reached toward our entertainment center and the room filled with sound.

"Dance with me?" he questioned kissing my jaw line.

"mmhmm." I hummed. I got lost in the music while Edward pushed me around our living room.

_It__'__s amazing how you can speak right to my heart  
Without saying a word you can light up the dark  
Try as I may I could never explain  
What I hear when you don__'__t say a thing_

Edward pulled me in tight to him and I rested my head in his comforting chest. _'__s a truth in your eyes sayin__' __you__'__ll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you__'__ll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all  
_

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There

"I thought you might need this tonight. I hope it's not too cheesy." I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke into my hair.

"Eh, it's a little cheesy." I teased before he silenced me with a gentle and loving kiss.

_  
All day long I can hear people talking out loud  
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd  
Old mr. webster could never define  
What__'__s being said between your heart and mine_

We twirled around the home that we created and I finally felt myself relax for the first time today. I was able to push everything else away and simply focus on the feeling of being wrapped up in Edward. _'__s a truth in your eyes sayin__'__ you__'__ll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you__'__ll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all_

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There

"I love you Bella. I know we still have a rough road ahead of us but I want you to know I'm here for you. And I will fight for us." Edward said softly. _'__s a truth in your eyes sayin__g __you__'__ll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you__'__ll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all_

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There

"I love you too, and you won't be fighting alone. I'm not going to let us go back to how things were." I told him hoping my voice conveyed my conviction.

**A/N: Alrigh guys let me know what you think. Oh and a sincere thanks to gracecullen94, for help with the song choice.**

**Okay review, you guys and I might have a chapter for everyone tonight! We'll see.**


	28. You're Wrong

**A/N: Alright my lovely readers I want to thank those of you who took the time to review the last chapter. We dipped quite a bit but we hit the 300 mark so I can't complain. I would have had this chapter out a few days ago but this website we all love seemed to have other plans. **

**Am I the only one who couldn't log in or was it everyone? I'm assuming everyone since I didn't get any story alerts this weekend. Anyways now that we're up and running we'll continue on our journey. Meet me at the bottom for an long AN. I know sry. **

**Guess what... Stephanie Meyer doesn't have to worry about silly fanfiction bugs because she owns Twilight. **

**EPOV (hey it's what the public wants)**

Chapter 28

You're Wrong

My evening could not have gone better. I was able to spend some time with my son. I also had the opportunity to make my love smile while I pushed her around our homemade dance floor. After we danced Bella and I had camped out on the couch and I listened to her tell me about her first support group session. I was so proud of her for finally doing something to help her deal with all of her emotions.

A part of me thought that perhaps I should have tried a little harder to get her into a program sooner, but there was nothing I could do about that now. I had spent too much time I didn't have going over all of the things I should have done differently. I've thought out everything I could have changed and beat myself up over it. I couldn't keep doing that and look toward the future at the same time.

Bella had fallen asleep on the couch and I reveled in the act of caring her to bed. After I wrapped the blanket around her I came downstairs to clean up the living room.

With each candle I blew out I became more and more eager to get to bed. I was aching to just hold her in my arms again. I didn't live in the apartment for long but we hadn't been…close in so long. Up until this last week I had felt like we had lost a connection that had been uniquely our own.

I finished putting the furniture in its correct spot before I headed upstairs. Bella was sleeping soundly as I gently made my way into the bed. I slowly curled up behind her and fell asleep to the feeling of her body pressed against mine.

Morning came too soon and I woke up annoyed that I had to go to work and be a productive member of society. I decided to go to the gym this morning since I had been seriously neglecting my work out routine. I stumbled down stairs with a yawn and put on a pot of coffee.

I went to my room to get dressed and kept glancing at my wife's sleeping form. She was stunning, everything about her was tempting me to call in sick and climb back into the down heaven that she was tucked in to. Though I loved the plan I knew Bella wouldn't call in sick with me so there was no point in trying.

I kissed her forehead, did the same to Ayden and then went to the gym. I got in a better work out than I had in weeks. Normally my mind was a jumbled mess of irritation and helplessness. Before this week I wouldn't be able to focus on what I was doing I would only be thinking of all the mistakes I had made. Today I felt renewed.

Work went by slowly but calmly. I was surprised when my father called me into his office.

I hesitantly followed him and sat down in the chair opposite him.

"Relax Edward, this isn't the principal's office." He said laughing at my nervous expression. My dad rarely had me come into his office in the middle of the day.

I noticeable relaxed, and he continued talking.

"I wanted to see how you and Bella are doing. That is if I'm not overstepping any boundaries? He asked cautiously.

"No, it's fine. We're doing really well…finally. I'm back at home and we are finally talking again. Things are as perfect as they could be considering what we've been dealing with lately. We've finally gotten to where we need to be." I couldn't hide the smile when I thought about last night.

"Well I'm glad to hear that son…" his sentence trailed off and I knew there was more he wanted to say.

I met his eyes and urged him to continue. "But…" I said knowing there was one coming.

"But…I just want you to be careful. Once your mother and I got back together things-"

"Wait, What? When were you and mom not together?" I questioned feeling seriously out of the loop.

"After we lost our first child…" I looked at him with complete shock.

"Esme was pregnant before you. He…didn't make it." Carlisle said suddenly captivated by his desk.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Dad?!" I yelled a little too loud with a look of frustration and confusion on my face.

"Watch your mouth, Edward." He said harshly.

"I know we should have told you about it sooner. Esme felt it would be best if Bella worked through things with you instead of leaning on her. I don't think we made the right decision but what's done is done. I assumed Bella had told you about our loss and consequent separation. Apparently I was wrong. I'll tell you about it someday if you wish, but I'd rather not discuss the details of it here and now, if it's all the same to you." He spoke in a serious tone that made me feel like a twelve year old again.

"Yes sir." I responded lamely.

"Thank you. Now what I was going to say was after Esme and I reconciled I had been convinced that our troubles were over. I was wrong. Just because we were working on things together didn't mean we were out of the woods."He had returned to the gentle tone I was familiar with.

I nodded in understanding.

"I'm not saying every situation is the same. You and Bella could be fine. I just want you to be aware that there is the possibility that things might not go as planned. I know how you handle events that you can't control or aren't prepared for." He said giving me a knowing look.

"I hear you, dad." I mumbled eager to get out of his office.

"Do you Edward? I want to make sure you practice patience where Bella is concerned." He warned.

"Yeah Dad, I understand. I do, however, think you're worrying for nothing. We've made vast improvements lately and I have no reason to think we won't continue to do so."

"I hope your right son. Now get back to work before I have to fire you." He smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, you couldn't run this place without me old man." I laughed before heading back to work. The work day continued on as it had began, slow and steady. I was finally able to make my escape only to enter another obligation. Well it wasn't anything I was forced to do, but right now therapy was keeping me from being home with my Bella.

Dr. Brown had slowly begun pushing me more and more. Today was no different. I told her about what had transpired recently and she asked me multiple questions I didn't know the answers to.

She was very adamant about the idea of Bella and me coming to therapy together so that we could 'openly and safely' communicate. I was really starting to get annoyed with the general population. Was nobody listening to what I was saying! Bella and I had been communicating lately. This was a huge, monumental, positive moment and it seemed everyone was belittling it. I felt compelled to let the good doctor know just that.

"Dr. Brown I don't understand what I'm missing here. I just told you about everything my wife and I discussed. Clearly things are moving forward. She has let me in and I have done the same. How can you question our communication when we've been more honest with one another in the past week then we have in the last year? I tried like hell to keep the frustration out of my voice but I'm pretty sure it came across despite my best efforts.

Dr. Brown took off her glasses and sat them on her desk slowly before looking me in the eye.

"Edward I am in no way taking away from the steps the two of you have taken. I am merely concerned with the extent of what has been discussed." She said calmly.

I began to protest before she silenced me with look only women posses. The look that lets you know it's not your turn to speak yet.

"Does it make sense to you that a year worth of issues can be resolved in a couple of conversations? There is also the fact that in situations like this people don't know what exactly it is they feel or how to put it in to words. That is where I believe therapy would serve you and Bella best. Both of you probably have frustrations you can't place, or pain you can't identify yet. You still have things to work on."

_Oh, I was able to place a name to my frustrations…Dr. Brown. _

I kept my snarky comment to myself and agreed to talk to Bella about coming to therapy with me on Thursday. I left feeling like a child who had his balloon popped by a team of bullies. Between my doctor and my father my happy go lucky mood had taken a hit.

My sullen attitude was washed away the instant I opened the door to my house.

Bella was lying on her back on the living room floor. She had her knees tucked up to her chest and Ayden was resting on her shins. His chubby little fingers wrapped around hers as she bounced her legs up and down. He giggled relentlessly and in turn she laughed with him.

It wasn't until I closed the door that Bella noticed my presence. She turned her head and gave me a beautiful smile before continuing to play her little airplane game with our son. I headed toward the couch and relaxed while I watched the two most important people in my world completely happy. As a man I felt a great sense of pride in my family. I had a beautiful, smart, funny, sexy wife who took amazing care of our happy and healthy son. Sometimes it's nice to be able to focus on the simple joys in life.

The two continued to play for several minutes before Bella put him down and he ran and jumped on my lap. I put him on my knee and kissed his head while Bella came and sat down on my other knee. The scene must have appeared so nineteen fifties but I could care less. I was completely content.

We said our hello's before Bella went to pull dinner out of the oven. As I always am I was mesmerized by every facet of her being. The way she hummed when she cooked, the stray hairs that had fallen out of the neatly manicured twist her hair was in, how she smiled to herself as she tasted her cooking, the curve of her ass as she bent down to the oven, all these things had me completely entranced until I noticed Ayden tugging on my hair trying to get my attention.

"Don't pull Daddy's hair baby, its one of my favorite things about him." I heard my wife call from the kitchen, with a little laugh.

Oh yes, and her ability to see everything that was going on even if I thought she wasn't paying attention.

I got Ayden off the couch and went into the kitchen to see if I could help Bella.

"Is there anything I can do for you love?" I questioned sincerely.

She turned slowly and arched a perfect eyebrow. "There's a few things you could do for me Mr. Cullen." She purred.

Oh, it was going to be that kind of evening. I could play along. I moved closer to her and brought my lips within inches of her.

"And what exactly is it you need my help with Isabella?" I questioned trying to sound as sexy as she did.

I must have succeeded because her eyes fluttered close and she drew in a heavy breath.

"Mommy, I'm hungry." Ayden yelled, running into the kitchen.

Bella quickly composed herself. "Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes. Why don't you go ahead and climb into your chair." She said cheerfully. She was amazing; devilish sex kitten one moment, devoted mother the next.

I smiled to myself and went to help Ayden get set up at the table. We all gathered around the table and dug in to a delicious meal. We talked about our day and laughed as Ayden did his best to tell us about his.

After dinner I cleaned up the kitchen and told Bella to go ahead and put in a movie and relax. I chuckled a little as I heard the opening song to the movie and the sound of shattering glass. She was so predictable.

I finished cleaning and crept into the living room and listened as Bella quoted the lines along with the movie.

"Just ignore him. He's just doing it to get a rise out of you." She mumbled not looking away from the television.

"Sweets." I called out, making her jump. "You couldn't ignore me if you tried." I said trying to sound as cool as John Bender.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Don't say a word, you just told me to pick a movie, and this is a classic." She said defensively.

I plopped down on the couch next to her and laid my head on her lap. "I didn't say anything. I love The Breakfast Club. You've just seen it too many times." I teased poking her in the ribs.

She laughed before telling me to shut up. We watched the rest of the movie and quoted it until we were both laughing at ourselves. Before the film ended I heard Bella's shallow breathing. I got up and carried her to bed.

I quickly undressed and fell into the place I had been longing to be since I left the house.

I was about to move closer to the beautiful woman beside me before I felt her shift and move herself on top of me.

"I thought you were asleep?" I asked with a smirk.

"I was, but now I'm wide awake. If only there was something we could do that would tire me out so I could fall asleep. If I don't get some rest soon I don't know how I'll be able to go to work tomorrow." She said seductively before kissing my neck.

"I would hate for you to lose…your job…because you couldn't… sleep" I gasped out.

"mmmhmm." Her lips hummed against my collar bone.

I managed to regain my bearings and flipped her over. I made love to Bella that night and tried my best to pour everything I could into our union. She didn't have to express it with words I felt everything she wanted me to know.

I felt her love for me in the passionate kisses we shared.

I felt her anticipation in the way she shivered as I worshiped her body with my mouth.

I felt her desire as her nails drug down my back with just the right amount of pressure.

I felt her need as she moaned my name begging for me to be inside of her.

I felt her excitement as it dripped from her and onto me.

I felt her lust as she dug her heels into my ass.

I felt her excitement as her walls tightened around my cock.

I felt her release as she pulled me over the edge with her.

We broke apart panting in complete bliss. I curled up in the blankets as she went to shower against my unspoken wishes. As I drifted off to sleep I was now convinced that everyone had been wrong about the two of us today. I knew my wife. I knew my relationship. I knew that Bella and I would be fine.

I spent the rest of the night holding the love of my life, convinced we would be just fine.

**A/N: Yes, I had to have a John Hughes tribute in my story. The Breakfast Club is semi-cheesy, 80's cult classic-perfection, and one of my all time favorite movies! John Hughes was a legend. I love his work. **

**So what do you think is Edward right in his faith, or is he blinded by hope?**

**Okay let's make a deal...**

**20 Reviews and I will update before Tuesday morning...Fanfiction permitting**

**15 Reviews and I will update by Wednesday morning. **

**So hit the green button and let me know your thoughts!**


	29. What's Wrong Now?

**A/N: It's official Fanfiction is on my crap list right now. I'm able to update but it wouldn't let me reply to any of the reviews.**

** Everytime I'd get an email alert from one of you kind readers, I'd hit the reply button and fanfiction would give me this nice little message. It said I couldn't reply because either A.) The review does not exist. (WTF?) or B) I'm not the author of the story. LOL **

**So according to I'm either seeing things that aren't there or I'm not the one who has written all 29 chapters of this little story. UGH so Frustrating. It also only saved two of your reviews so I have no idea how many we reached. Therefore I didn't want you to have to wait for a ch. because of fanfiction again.**

**Sorry to vent like that. lol. Thanks for letting me get that out. **

**Stephane Meyer owns Twilight. **

Chapter 29

What's Wrong Now?

It's amazing how things change. I had spent the twelve months in a dark fog with no light in sight, now after a couple of rough weeks things seemed to be looking up. I had found some small feeling of peace in the one thing that had been there all along. After a long and bumpy year I finally had sought solace in the place where I should have been looking all along.

The past few days had gone by beautifully and I couldn't have been more pleased with the progress we were making. He was home and we were speaking to each other like we had before we lost Hannah. I was just now starting to see how badly I had taken things for granted in the past. I had been with Edward so long that it was just second nature to have him with me all the time and just to have someone in general. I hadn't ever given it much thought since we had Ayden. It was just how things were.

My husband worked all day, came home to me at night. He told me he loved me and played with his son every evening. This was just how things were. I had never really valued it before. I mean I loved him but I think I took my life for granted. Despite how simple things could appear between us now, I knew I would never again think of my life as average or ordinary. The life I lived was an amazing gift and from now on I would treat it as such.

Edward being back at home was…euphoric…but I was still unable to shake this nagging feeling. I wasn't sure what it was but it lurked around every happy moment I had. I tried my best to bury it and focus on the joy but it wouldn't go away. I had known people who were only happy when they were miserable, but that had never been me. I couldn't explain why I couldn't enjoy everything around me fully.

I wanted badly to express these feelings to Edward. I had learned the hard way that keeping things bottled up only ended badly for us, and I did not want to make the same mistake again. I just couldn't figure out what I was supposed to tell him.

'Hey honey, things are great, but this happiness is giving me some kind of indefinable feeling, could we try being miserable for a bit and see if it goes away?' Yeah that would go over well. Besides not being able to explain what I was feeling, Edward being so joyful, was also making this conversation harder to begin.

So I tucked everything down until I was able to explain what my malfunction was now. Leave it to me to be unhappy when I'm happy. It makes no sense.

My day was going well despite this minor glitch and I started my classes feeling completely present in my work. I was enjoying every class period and my students were responding well.

I actually ventured in to the teacher's lounge for lunch. I hadn't ate in there with the other faculty members in a long time. Some days when I wasn't with Rosalie at lunch I would simply hide out in my class room with some yogurt.

Everyone got quiet when I walked in and I felt extremely awkward. I hadn't realized how much I had withdrawn myself from everyday life. Angela came to my rescue and motioned for me to come sit down with her. The multiple conversations continued while I enjoyed my lunch with my coworkers.

Someone made a funny yet inappropriate joke about the obnoxious parents of one of the students and the entire room erupted in laughter, myself included. When I finally calmed down from my laughing I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me uneasy again. I actually felt bad for laughing at the joke, though I couldn't place why.

I tried to ignore it and joined back into the flowing conversation with my peers. I had forgotten how much I actually missed hanging out with all of them. After lunch my classes flew by and I was at my brother's house picking up Ayden.

I sat for a few minutes and held Kallie so Rose could have time to enjoy a shower. I stared at the sleeping beauty in my arms and wondered when I would want that again. A part of me wanted it now, but it wasn't one-hundred percent. There was so much fear associated with having another child for me to consider it right now. I had a few things left to work through before I could seriously consider it. I didn't want to bring a child in to a marriage that wasn't healed.

After about an hour of cooing over my niece I took Ayden and headed home. Edward had told me he would be working late tonight so my son and I went ahead and ate dinner on our own. The house felt so empty without him. He hadn't been back for long but I had already gotten used to it.

I went to bed alone and not in the best mood, but at least I had managed to shake the irritating emotion that had been haunting me.

It was nearly midnight when I felt the other side of the bed sink down. Edward wrapped his arms around me and I felt completely safe.

"I missed you." He whispered before kissing my cheek.

"I missed you too." I replied. We said our 'I love you's and went to sleep.

The sun broke way too early and I drug myself out of bed and into the shower. I let the hot water wake my senses and made my way back into the bedroom. I started to panic when I realized that Edward as still asleep.

"Edward, wake up! It's almost seven; you're going to be late." I said perhaps a little too frantically as I shook his shoulder. I had expected him to spring out of bed in a hurry. I was completely shocked when he leaned back and wrapped a strong arm around my waist. He flipped me over his hip and onto the bed.

He pulled me in tight to his chest and held on to me tightly.

"I don't have to work today. I had switched shifts to help out another doctor, hence, me having to work all night."

"Oh, I see." I said.

"You know, you could stay here with me." He said raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah you're funny. No I've got to go to work. Do you have any big plans today?" I questioned.

"The Mariners have an early game today. I was thinking about taking Ayden to his first baseball game." He said happily.

"You know he's three, right?" I questioned.

"Hey, he loves baseball. He'll have a great time." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Are you going to back in time to make your therapy session?" I questioned.

He nodded before looking at me with a nervous expression. "Are you going to go with me today?"

I gave him the best smile I could manage and nodded my head back at him. He had a huge smile on his face when he gave me a kiss. I forced myself to continue getting ready and avoided his whining about me staying with him.

I was downstairs drinking a cup of coffee when I heard Ayden come slowly walking into the kitchen. He climbed up and sat in my lap without saying a word. He was still sleepy.

"Good morning, baby. How are you?" I asked softly.

"I'm tired, mommy. Time to go to Aunt Rosy? He asked while rubbing his eyes.

"No, you're not going to Rosalie's today. You're going to hang out with your daddy, while I go to work. I think he has something fun planned for you." Ayden looked as excited as he could for having just woken up.

"C'mon why don't you go hop in bed with daddy while I finish getting ready. I'll come say bye before I leave."

"Okay." He mumbled as he climbed off the chair we were sharing.

I fumbled around the house taking care of a few last minute things for school before I made my way upstairs to say goodbye. When I got upstairs though I realized I was a little too late.

Ayden was laying curled up into Edward's side, with his head tucked under his chin. Both were sleeping soundly. I kissed them both on the head and got into my car to start my day.

I called Rosalie as I was driving to let her know that Ayden would be with Edward today. I then called Alice because she was going to keep Ayden at her house tonight while me and Edward went to therapy and I was going to have Rosalyn over Friday night. I confirmed all these plans and finally got to work.

I knew this afternoon would be important to Edward and I, and I truly hoped everything would turn out well. I wasn't sure I could handle anything else going wrong between the two of us. I knew in the long run we would make it through anything, I was just hoping to avoid the bigger bumps along the way.

**A/N: I know this chapter is short but the next one I'm working on is going to be the longest one yet. A few things just had to be covered before I could get that one out to you. I know some of you will call me on this being filler, but I had to get some of Bella's emotions out before we move on. Besides with this story we've got to take the fluff when we can get it. **

**I'll TRY to have the next chapter to you late tonight. If it's not up by tomorrow then it might be several days. : (**

**REVIEW , please....3**


	30. The Big Bang

**A/N: Alright guys here it is. Thanks to all those of you who review. Although your reviews did force me to stay up till two a.m. finishing this chapter for you, I appreciate you anyway. lol. The language in this chapter gets a little crass, but this story is rated M. If it offends, sorry. Well go ahead get to it. **

**S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

Chapter 30

The Big Bang

The ride to Edward's doctor's office was pleasant. He told me all about how excited Ayden had been at his first major league game. His own excitement shined through when he spoke about Ayden's reactions. I was really happy that they had gotten some male bonding time.

We arrived at the office ten minutes early. I felt my stomach begin to knot as I sat waiting to be called into the room. Edward could sense my hesitation and held my hand while we waited.

"It'll be fine, Bella." He whispered. "This will probably just be a meet and greet type session."

I gave him a timid smile. I felt a little more relaxed but my knee continued to bounce with anticipation. I was awakened from my deep breathing when a friendly looking woman came into the waiting room.

"Edward, could I speak to you for a moment please." Edward looked a little confused, but the woman who I'm assuming was the doctor gave me a sincere smile and I relaxed a little more. I watched Edward stand and follow her into what I figured was her office.

I sat nervously and tried to ignore the questioning stare from the receptionist. I had been with Edward long enough to know not to trouble myself over those types of looks. It was the classic 'Is she really with him?' expression.

_Yeah, honey I am. Move along. _

It wasn't long before Edward came back out and looked extremely nervous, if not terribly afraid.

"Bella." He called, motioning for me to follow him.

I hesitantly stepped into the warmly decorated office and sat down as gracefully as possible on the large plush love seat. Edward sat next to me. He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I took notice of the various degrees and photographs lining the wall as the doctor got settled in the oversized chair in front of us.

"So Bella, I'm Dr. Brown. It's a pleasure to meet you." She smiled and shook my hand.

"It's my pleasure doctor." I said feeling a little too shy for my age.

"So I've heard a lot about your situation from Edward but I was hoping to talk to you a little more about it. Is that alright?"

"Sure." I responded. What was I going to say? If I said no then I was wasting all our time by being here.

"Thank you. So let's go ahead and get started shall we. I understand you lost Hannah about a year ago, is that correct?" She asked staring at a legal pad.

"Yes ma'am." I said politely, though it did irritate me the tiniest bet to hear her talk about Hannah so freely. She didn't know my daughter and this was the first time anyone besides our friends or family had addressed her to me. I put on my big girl panties, as Rose would say, and decided to suck it up.

"I'm very sorry for your loss Bella." She spoke with warmth that matched her office.

I couldn't respond. I never knew what to say when people said that to me, so I simply nodded and Edward tightened his grip on my hand.

"Now, I understand that you and Edward have had some trouble with your marriage because of Hannah's death…"

I winced at her words and she took notice.

"I'm sorry Bella, did I say something wrong." She asked in what I assumed was concern.

"I just don't like hearing you phrase it that way." I answered honestly.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"What I mean is, when you say it that way, it sounds like the blame lies on her. She didn't cause this. Edward and I have had problems in our marriage because of how we've both dealt with our loss. Not because of her." I corrected slowly.

"Bella, I don't think Dr. Brown meant to-"

"No Edward. She's right. I did phrase that poorly, and what you said was very insightful Bella." She said giving me a nod and scratching something down in her notepad.

"Since, you brought it up; do you believe the two of you made mistakes in dealing with Hannah's death?"

I bit back the humorless laugh that threatened to escape but I couldn't rein in the scoff.

"Um, yes."

"Do you feel comfortable talking about those mistakes today?" She asked maintaining eye contact.

"I can do that." I said though I really didn't want to. I knew I needed to get out everything I had done wrong but I really didn't want to. I felt like a child who jumps around in line eager to get on a rollercoaster, then begs to get off when it begins to move.

"Alright Bella, Why don't you tell me about the mistakes Edward made by you after Hannah's death."

My eyes widened and I felt Edward stiffen beside me.

"What? Um…wouldn't you rather have Edward tells you what he would have done differently, rather than me pointing it out."

"Actually Bella, I'd like to know how you feel about things, and I think Edward might need to hear this also. Please feel free to speak truthfully. There is no point in keeping things hidden. Why don't you start from the beginning; Edward told me the two of you didn't fare so well the month after the accident. We can start there."

I took a deep breath and looked up at Edward. His eyes looked tense but he nodded his head urging me to begin.

I looked back at Dr. Brown who was again writing something in her notepad.

"Well…wow, I'm not sure how to start. Okay I guess when I went into my…depression." I began sounding like I was asking a question. Dr. Brown nodded at me again.

I took both my hand from Edward and rubbed my face with my palms trying to make my mind process all my thoughts.

"When I was at my worst, it was bad. I didn't get out of bed, I didn't take care of my son, and I didn't do anything. That was my reaction to things. I messed up. Edward did as well but in a different way. When I was bad, he started avoiding me. He tried helping me at first but he gave up quickly, too quickly." I finally got out.

Dr. Brown gave me a smile and asked me to continue while Edward stroked my knee and stared at his hand.

"He poured himself into everything he could. He took care of Ayden, he took care of all the household stuff and he shut me out. He seemed to handle everything so damn easy, and to be honest it pissed me off." As I took myself back to that place mentally I began to feel the anger I was unable to express then.

"I felt like I was going to die, literally. I didn't think someone would be able to survive the type of pain I felt, and here he is getting on with life like it's nothing. He didn't show any signs of grief. I saw anger. I saw that he blamed me but-"

Edward's head snapped up and his eyes jerked toward mine.

"Bella I never-"he said in a harsh voice before Dr. Brown cut him off.

"Edward, Bella is free to express her feelings completely. You will have your turn to say your piece but she is allowed to feel how she does. Let her finish then you can talk." She scolded, sounding a little like Esme.

"Thank you" I mumbled, refusing to look at Edward in fear of what I might see.

"I had never felt so alone. I felt like I was the only one that was hurting. I understand now that I was seriously wrong, but that's how he made me feel. I felt like he went on with life and left me behind."

"After a while, I realized that I had also shut him out. It was childish but I felt like he didn't need me to help him so I couldn't go to him. We weren't a team anymore. When I finally got around to attempting to speak to him I found him telling our personal, private, business to tramp. That was excruciating."

I took a deep breath to calm myself before I began again. I was starting to wonder if this hour and a half session would be long enough for me to express everything I was now feeling. I had spent the past week with Edward slowly opening the flood gates but now I had just released them with full force.

"I couldn't understand…" I said through clenched teeth, fighting back tears.

"How could he act like everything was fine for so long, like he wasn't hurting. I was lying in bed miserable and he didn't talk to me, he talked to someone else, when all I wanted was to not feel so alone. I've learned a few things sense then, and I understand that what I thought I saw wasn't entirely accurate, but the fact that he felt those things period and hadn't talked to me about them felt like a betrayal. I had been dealing with this grief on my own, thinking…no, knowing I was alone, only to find out that way, that he was feeling the same." I said through traitorous tears.

"Basically it was several months of the same feeling of isolation. Then he moved out. Now we're here." I could have gone into more detail but I really didn't want to. My point had come across.

The room fell silent for a moment with the exception of Edward's labored breathing and Dr. Brown's pen now moving furiously across paper.

"Can I speak now?" Edward said while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Edward, take a deep breath. I want you to try and understand what Bella has told you then you can respond." Dr. Brown said in a calm tone, despite the tension.

Edward took a few deep breaths then turned to look at me. I couldn't decipher the look in his eyes, yet I wanted to look down from the force of it.

"Bella, I have never, ever blamed you for what happened to Hannah. If anything I blamed myself." His voice began to steady but I was irritated anyway.

"Please, Edward don't try and deny the fact that-"

"It's my turn to talk now, Bella. Isn't it my turn to talk doctor?" Edward asked like a snot nose child tattling to the teacher.

Dr. Brown nodded and I swear I could almost see her roll her eyes, but perhaps that was just wishful thinking.

"Look, don't tell me who I blame. It's not you. Again, I have never blamed you for the accident. I am surprised to hear how callously you believe I shut you out. You were the one who barricaded yourself from the rest of the world. You left me. You left me to be the adult and to keep our lives in tact while you got to mourn like you were the only one affected."

I started to interrupt before I decided against it. Instead I focused on him and took the same verbal abuse I had so easily doled out myself.

"We had a son Bella; we couldn't both stay camped away from real life. One of us had to take care of him." He almost sneered.

I forgot all my reasons for keeping my mouth shut. "Don't you dare fucking throw Ayden in my face. He's my son. I would never do anything to harm him." I yelled with venom saturating my voice.

I saw a flicker of remorse in Edward's eyes before he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"That's not how I meant… I shouldn't have said that. Look what I meant is that, there were things that I could do to help us keep going. Things that needed to be done, things I could…deal with." He said in an exasperated voice.

"You couldn't deal with me?" I questioned quietly. I expected a slap on the wrist from Dr. pot-stirrer but none came.

"No. I couldn't." Edward said in what, I could have been sure was defeat.

"I didn't know how. You were so broken. I had tried to talk to you that night. I tried to touch you. You pulled away from me. You weren't the girl, the women, I knew anymore. I didn't recognize you. I wanted so badly to help but I had no clue what to do. I tried at first but nothing helped. Then I thought maybe you wanted space, so that's what I gave you. I resented you for wanting that." Edward said looking ashamed.

"Bella, you're my wife. When we got married I swore that day to keep you happy and safe for the rest of my life. You were so destroyed and I couldn't do a damn thing to help you. I felt like I had failed you. I have one job that matters in this whole world, only one. My job is to protect my family, and I couldn't do that. I couldn't help you. I hated myself for that."

His eyes were filling with unshed tears and I felt all my anger weakening.

"I…I…" I sputtered like an idiot. I didn't know what to say. He had taken so much on his shoulders. I should have realized, it's so typical of him, but I never thought that deeply into it. I didn't know what to say so I reached for his hand hoping he wouldn't pull away. He didn't.

"Bella, I'm assuming this is the first time you have heard all this." Dr. Brown questioned gently.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I've heard bits and pieces but…not the whole story." I said before taking a tissue from the coffee table.

"Edward what about you, is this the first time you've heard some of the things Bella said?"

He nodded without taking his eyes off the ceiling. I knew he was trying to compose himself.

"Bella, I'm assuming you haven't had this much clarity regarding your feelings in a while?"

"Not really, truthfully I didn't even know I felt certain things until they came out of my mouth this evening." I muttered feeling ridiculous.

"That's quite normal. It seems like when you shut Edward out you also shut out a part of yourself. One thing I want you to do is start a journal. Write in it as often as you can. You can write about the past year or about present day events, but try and put something on paper daily. The only guideline is you have to be honest with yourself in what you write. Would you consider doing this?"

I agreed instantly. I was a literature major; writing had always come easy to me. Truthfully I'm surprised I hadn't already done this. In high school I would write poetry and short stories to help me deal with a lot of things. Maybe I had avoided even the idea of writing because I couldn't face anything yet.

"Edward you're a musician correct?" Dr. Brown asked.

"Hardly, I play but…" Edward said with just the tiniest resemblance of a smile playing on his lips.

"He's being modest. He's a great pianist and a wonderful composer." I spoke for him. I had always been so proud of his musical ability.

"Do you believe one can pour their emotions into music?" Dr. Brown questioned with a knowing look.

"Completely" Edward answered knowing where this was going.

"Good answer. I want you to start using that as your way to let things out, again be honest with how you're feeling." Dr. Brown paused and looked at us both.

"Now you two don't have to share these tools with each other, if you would prefer not to. I do, however, believe that it could only help to share, as long as you both go keep an open mind where one another's perspective is concerned.

The session carried on nicely for a while. Dr. Brown was interested to hear about what we had accomplished lately. She congratulated us on the steps we had taken and I felt myself feeling extremely comfortable around her. I blushed scarlet and Edward grinned widely when she asked if we had been intimate. Things were flowing smoothly and I found that I was actually enjoying this stranger's advice, until she brought up the accident itself.

Edward tensed noticeably when she asked me to tell her about that day. I retold the memory that was forever burned in my mind with clarity. I had to pause a few time to keep my tears under control. Edward never let go of my hand. He just sat with his fingers laced with mind, stroking the top of my hand with his thumb.

After I retold my story I waited to hear what Dr. Brown had to say she surprised me a great deal.

"Huh?" she said like she was considering what I just told her, as though it was up for debate or speculation.

"So I don't understand. You got behind the wheel when you were upset and then you wrecked?"

I nodded shamefully.

"So you just decided you didn't need to pay attention while driving?" She questioned sounding almost irritated. My head shot up instantly.

"N..No. I didn't decide not to pay attention. I was but, I just…I didn't see the other car. He must have been in my blind spot, but I looked and…I didn't see them." I stammered in shock that she would think I was so completely careless.

"Bella, I want you to tell me the truth had you been drinking when you left the hospital?" My jaw dropped at her audacity.

I felt anger rolling off Edward in waves. I rushed to clear my name with him but realized by the glare he was shooting Dr. Brown that he wasn't angry with me.

"I think that is entirely uncalled for doctor." He said in a scary cold tone.

"I'm simply asking a question. Bella had you been drinking, when you decided to drive?" She questioned again in a firmer tone.

"Of course not!" I all but screeched. "How dare you presume that I was drunk. I was pregnant. I would never, ever endanger my child intentionally." I said in anger.

"So you were completely sober and paying attention. So there was absolutely no way you could've avoided a collision. You couldn't swerve, you couldn't brake, and there was nothing you could have done?" She questioned and I felt like a defendant before the best prosecution in the state.

"NO! I couldn't swerve, or brake, I never saw them until it was too late. Don't you think I would have done something if there were anything that would have prevented it? How fucking dare you imply that I just let this happen. Like the safety of my unborn child wasn't a big, god damn, deal to me!" I was fuming; I couldn't even place words to my anger. All my emotions were boiling fiercely and angry tears blurred the evil stare I was directing toward the doctor.

"That is enough!" Edward yelled taking my hand and heading toward the door.

"I'm just trying to figure out why Bella allowed this to happen to Hannah?" The doctor persisted.

I jerked hard from Edward's grasp and stomped toward her. I was ready to swing. Any previous thoughts of a woman needing to have class, were thrown out the window, when she accused me of simply letting this happen.

I think Edward could sense I was about to hurt this women because he grabbed my arms from behind and pulled me toward his chest.

"Let me tell you this once, and only once." I said, ignoring the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

"I was sober, I was paying attention! There was not a damn thing I could have done. It was a fucking accident! I didn't kill her. I would do anything to take that day back. It was an accident! It's not my fault she's gone! I screamed as I fought against the sobs threatening to overtake me.

I stared her down as she set down that damn legal pad and pen and looked me in the eye.

"Bella, why don't you take a seat." She said, returning to her gentle Esme-like voice.

I felt my jaw drop, and a new type of anger pulse through me. I had just gotten played.

She had played me. I didn't know what to think but I knew what I felt; anger, resentment, and confusion at my newest revelation. Before I could respond Edward spoke.

"No, she's not sitting down. We're leaving. This is bullshit." Edward yelled. I rarely heard him speak like that to women and I was a little astounded.

"Edward please, calm down. I know-"

"No, I will not calm down. You said you were going to push her you didn't say you were going to tear her apart." He said angrily.

_What?_

"You knew…you knew she was going to do this?" I spat, with what voice I had left. "Did you think it would be fun to watch me get blindsided and attacked? Did you think this was going to end well?! How could you?"

"No, Bella. I didn't-" he stammered, his expression pleading.

"You know what Edward, Fuck you. I'm out of here!" I grabbed my purse and stormed out the door. My mind was a complete whirlwind of anger and expletives.

I was almost to the car when I heard Edward running after me. I knew a lot of my anger was probably being seriously displaced but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I felt like I had been set up.

"Bella, wait!" Edward called running toward me. I paused before I stuck the key in the lock of my car.

"What? What do you have to say?" I questioned giving him a chance to speak his peace.

"We rode together." He said without emotion.

That was it. Something like a growl came from deep inside me and I threw myself into the car and started it up.

"Call a cab!" I yelled out the window as I drove off.

EPOV

We rode together? We rode together? Really was that the best thing I could think to say. God, seriously, am I really that stupid?

"Damn it!" I yelled, as I kicked the brick building that had just screwed me over. I was pretty sure I broke one of my toes but I really could care less.

I sat down next to the office building and dropped my head into my hands. I had screwed up…again. I should have never agreed to allow Dr. Brown to talk to her that way.

When she had called me into to her office she had told me she was going to push Bella out of her comfort zone. She said I needed to just let things happen, that it would be hard for Bella, but in the long run it would help her. Of course I had no idea that she was going to blame her for Hannah's death. I would've never allowed that.

I felt footsteps approach me, but I didn't look up.

"What do you want?" I hissed.

"Edward it will be okay." She said calmly; the nerve of this woman.

"It'll be okay?" I repeated with disdain. "She left. I don't know where to, but she's not here. You had no right to jump all over her like that! If I would have known this was how things were going to happen I never would have brought her!"

"You have to have more faith in her. She's a big girl. She'll be fine. She's on emotional overload right now. Give her some time to let everything sink in. I don't think you're looking at what happened from the right angle." Dr. Brown said sitting down beside me.

"You know, maybe I'm not. I wonder what angle Bella is looking at it from. Would you like to ask her? Oh wait, she's not here." I said icily.

"Edward I expected Bella to react strongly. I pushed her too. She might be upset but she finally admitted out loud that she's not to blame for Hannah's death. I couldn't coddle her into believing that. It may not seem like it now, but this is a positive moment."

I sat and processed what she said for a few moments. I could see her point but I still wasn't pleased with what had happened. Did she have to force her to take in so much on her first visit?

"Did you have to do this all in one session? Couldn't you have given her a little time to get comfortable with therapy first?" I asked truly confused by the need to rush.

"It wouldn't have made much sense for me to harp on the accident a month down the road, would it? Besides Bella's spent a year soaking in blame, I couldn't hold her hand and tip-toe around the subject. She needed to accept that things weren't her fault. And she will accept that, probably sooner than you think. I am expecting to see you both in therapy on Tuesday." She said with confidence that only comes with experience.

"Don't you think you're a little optimistic, there doctor?" I grumbled.

"Nope, Bella won't quit. From what I've seen, I'm betting she's too stubborn to allow me to think she can't handle my sessions."

I almost smiled to myself because if anything would keep Bella coming back it would be her stubborn nature. As Dr. Brown got up to leave I realized something else I was wanting answered.

"Dr. Brown, I do have one more question for you. When I first started coming here, you knew I blamed myself for what had happened, but you never pulled a stunt like that with me. Why is that?"

She turned and faced me.

"That's simple Edward. Bella truly believed she was responsible for her daughter's death. You don't really believe you're responsible…"

She paused and took a deep breath.

"Deep down you know it wasn't your fault, but it's easier for you to blame yourself, than to accept that sometimes in life, things happen that you can't control." And with that she turned and went back into her office.

Infuriating wench.

After a few minutes I figured Bella wouldn't be coming back up here so I called a cab and went home to an empty house.

BPOV

I had no idea where I was headed until I pulled up into my brother's driveway. It was almost dark by the time I got there but their lights were still on so I figured someone must be up. I could have went to Alice's she probably would be a tad nicer than Rose would be, but Ayden was there and I didn't want him seeing me upset.

I checked my face in the mirror but realized there was no hope in fixing it, so I went ahead and knocked on the door.

Rose answered looking disgustingly perfect despite her pajamas and messy bun.

She wrapped her arms around me tightly after studying my face for a split second.

"Are you alright?" She questioned out of concern.

I shook my head no, because I knew if I tried to get words out I would break down and cry. She pulled me into the house and led me to the couch.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She questioned graciously trying not to force me into a conversation.

I took a deep breath and tried to get a sentence out.

"Not tonight, I just want to go to bed. Can I crash here?" I pleaded.

"Of course. You know where the guest room is."

I thanked her and headed down the hall to the guest room. As I tossed and turned I tried to sort out my thoughts. I wasn't upset simply because of what Dr. Brown had done, or the fact that Edward had known about it. I was upset about more things than I could count. I kept replaying some of the things Edward had said in the beginning of our session. I guess it's true what they say, the truth hurts.

I did feel bad about running off the way I did. It was immature and bratty. I was so overwhelmed that I just had to get out. I went about it the wrong way. Our entire problem was based on communication and what did I do when things got rough? I took off. I could have stayed and talked to him but I didn't.

I laid in the dark crying for a while before I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Bells?" Emmett's voice called from the dark.

"Yeah Em?" I mumbled. He flipped on the lamp before jumping into the bed.

"Are you doing alright?" He asked. He pulled me up to where I was sitting and pulled me into a massive hug.

"I guess." I mumbled.

"You know that I love you, right little sister?" he questioned. I nodded the best I could.

"I'd do anything for you. I'll always be here for you." He whispered before tugging on my chin so I was looking him in the eyes.

"But right now…You need to get the hell out of my house." He said gently.

I felt shocked and hurt.

"What…but Rose said…" I mumbled.

"Bella, I know what Rose said, but this has got to stop. You're upset with Edward, then guess who you need to go talk to? You need to let him in." he continued.

"But you don't understand…"

"Do you love him?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, but answered him honestly. "Of course I love him."

"Then that's all I need to understand. Now grab your things, suck it up, and go deal with your problems. You need to handle this like adults. Talk to each other." He stated seriously.

I did what he said because I knew he was right. Before I walked out of the guest room I turned and gave him a hug. "Thanks, I needed that."

"No problem, but uh…don't tell Rosalie I kicked you out." He whispered.

"Oh Mr. handle this like adults, and talk to each other, is afraid of his wife." I teased.

"Get out of here." He said shoving me with a laugh.

I headed out to my car and began the drive hoping Edward would be home when I got there.

EPOV

I had paced every square inch of this house that I had now decided was far too small. I had tried to call Bella only to hear her phone ring from her nightstand.

I was sitting at my piano, aimlessly tapping on the keys, debating myself on whether or not I should start calling people to try and find her. I couldn't go search for her because I had left my keys in her car. I was screwed.

In a moment of pure frustration I slammed my fist down on the piano keys. I instantly regretted it, but didn't have time to process the damage before I heard a timid voice speak from the doorway.

"Are you imagining that piano is me?" I turned to see Bella giving me a sad smile. I jumped off the piano bench and ran to her lifting her feet off the floor I held her close to me. I was so glad she was home safe. I had been so nervous. She had ran off and left me without so much as an "I'll be home soon". She had left me without a way home. She had stormed off because she got mad.

"What the hell, Bella?" I questioned angrily once my relief had worn off.

That had launched our fight. We argued and yelled at each other for probably an hour, both giving as good as we got.

Once we couldn't yell anymore we talked.

We sat on the patio and talked for hours. We spoke frankly and harshly about everything that had happened over the past twelve months. We didn't leave a single stone unturned and we certainly didn't tip toe around one another's feeling. We laid together on the patio lounge and opened up to one another.

We spoke honestly with each other until the sun came up. I realized as we went to bed that the happy bubble I had been living in the past week wasn't real. This was real. It wasn't pretty. It was messy and painful but we both finally grasped what the other was saying and tried like hell to put ourselves in their shoes.

I went to sleep not thinking that everything was perfect like I had been lately, but knowing that no matter what we had to face we were finally on the same team again.

**A/N: I am dying to hear what you guys think. This chapter was major for these two. It was harsh and cruel and I get that, but at least I didn't leave you with a cliffy. **

**I'm always surprised by how you guys feel about this story and I expect this chapter will be no different. By the way I want to go on record as saying I do not believe any one charachter in my story to be completely right. I believe they are all flawed. **

**Now if this chapter doesn't get you to review then I don't know what will. SO click on the little green button and let me hear your thoughts. Good, bad, or otherwise.**


	31. Enough

**A/N: Alright guys I owe you an apology for the delay on this chapter. I swear I tried and tried to write but that evil wench, writer's block, drained all my ideas for this chapter, and tried to replace them with ideas for other stories and smut filled one-shots. It was a long, hard fought battle but I eventually won out. I tried to give y'all a longer chapter than normal, and a really fun scene to make up for it, so please forgive me for my tardiness. **

**I have to give a HUGE thank you to Darcy13, without whom this chapter would have been deleted just like all the other ones I tried to write. Thank you so much!**

**I also want to thank all of you who have reviewed, you're support has kept this story going. I know I haven't been so great about replying lately but that will change. So enjoy this chapter. We're getting close to the end now. **

**Stephanie Meyer won't hand over the Twilight charachters, but she did graciously give me an incurable obsession with them. **

Chapter 31

Enough

The idea of talking to the one you love until sunrise is a beautifully poetic idea….in real life, not so much. I was fighting to keep my eyes open in my last class of the day, while I clutched tightly to oversized travel mug of coffee that I had refilled countless times. This day did not want to end.

It wasn't simply the lack of a decent night's sleep that was leaving me beyond sluggish. This entire week, especially yesterday, had left me physically and emotionally drained. However with as exhausted as I was there was also a part of me that felt lighter.

Edward and I had covered nearly every aspect of our relationship and current situation last night. We each had been honest with the other and spoke in detail about our mistakes and our progress.

I was surprised to find out how much I didn't know. There were several events over the last year that I had either ignored or misinterpreted.

We hadn't agreed with each other on everything. There were a few moments when we would get upset with the other, but we were able to talk it out. We were both hesitant to begin the talk, but after a little while we found ourselves sharing openly with one another.

I hadn't been this relaxed in a long time. It was as though physical tension had plagued me for a year and now I could feel my entire being unwind. Of course this new state of release did absolutely nothing for my attempts to stay awake.

Finally the last bell rang, and I was pulled out of my exhaustion-induced, mental whining. The fresh air allowed me to catch a second wind, and I drove the short route to Rosalie's.

I made my way inside to find Rosalie, Ayden, and Rosalyn sitting around the kitchen table drawing with crayons. Ayden noticed my entrance first and ran towards me slamming into my leg.

"Mommy, come look what I draw!" he said with enthusiasm.

"Alright baby." I answered with as much gusto as I could force.

As I walked toward the table Rose took in my appearance and quirked an eyebrow at me. "Rough night?" she questioned with a smirk. I shot her a glare and moved to see what my little artist had created.

Ayden raised his picture with a prideful smile and showed me what he had drawn. Although he was holding it upside down I was able to make out the three stick figures that I assumed were supposed to be Edward, Ayden and me.

"Wow, good job Ayden. Who are those people?"

"It's us mommy." He said with a big grin, reminiscent of his father's. "That's daddy, and you, and me."

I took the colorful page from him and studied it for a moment. There was the Edward style figure that appeared to be holding my hand, while I held the smallest figure's hand. All three wore big crooked smiles. It really was a beautiful picture.

"It's beautiful, baby" I said and found myself tearing up. I was getting way too emotional over a drawing, but it was nice to see the three of us being together and completely happy even if it was just through a mess of lines and circles.

"Alright you two, why don't you go and pick up the toys in the play room before it's time for Bella to go." Rose said as I wiped away a couple of sneaky tears from my cheek

"So do you want to tell me why you're crying over this Picasso or do I have to guess." She said as soon as the kids left the room.

"Ugh, I don't know. I'm just…So much has happened. I think they're happy tears. It's just so much right now, but in a good way." I said although I sounded like I was asking question.

"So, are you going to tell me why Emmett kicked you out last night?" She said with a smirk.

"Uh, he didn't really kick me out I just needed to go and talk to Edward."I spoke quickly trying to save my brother's butt.

Rosalie just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Please Bella, Emmett's not nearly as sneaky as he thinks he is, besides I kind of overheard the conversation." She said looking mildly ashamed.

"Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?" she hedged.

I honestly had been looking forward to bouncing a few things off of my sister-in-law but right now I just wasn't up for it. I was ready to get home.

"Can we talk tomorrow? Maybe you, Alice, and I can go do something. Let the guys take care of the kids for a few hours." I said hoping this would suffice for now. I was hoping I would get a chance to just enjoy some girl time now that my mood was lifting.

"Sure, I'll call Alice and set something up." She said now almost bouncing in excitement as though she was channeling Alice.

"Whoa, a little overzealous there aren't we?" I questioned.

"You have no idea how ready I am to get out of this house for just a little while. I love my daughter, but these walls are closing in on me." She laughed.

Normally when Rose would complain about being pregnant I would feel a manageable pain of resentment, but I took notice that I didn't really feel that now. I wasn't sure if it was because I loved my niece so much, or if it was because I was dealing with things. I was hoping for the latter.

I told her to take care of things with Alice and I hollered down the hall for my son. Ayden and Rosalyn came down the hall. To my surprise Rosalyn was dragging her pink zebra print suitcase behind her. The wheels rolling quickly to keep up with her break neck pace.

"I'm ready to go aunt Bella!" Rosalyn cheered exuberantly.

"That's great sweetie…but your mom's not here yet." I said

"No silly, mommy said I'm going home with you today?" she said as though I was the child and she was the adult.

I suppressed the mental curse word that ran through my head in fear of hurting her feelings and gave my best forced smile. I had completely forgotten I was babysitting tonight. It's not that I didn't want to spend time with Rosalyn, but I had already been debating on how to convince Ayden his new bed time was six thirty, with these two together a peaceful night was out of the question. It was too late now to do anything besides grin and bear it.

"Oh that's right, I forgot. Okay well let's get going."

I shot Rose an evil glance in a vain attempt to stifle her giggling at the expression on my face.

I got the kids set up in the car and headed home. They spent the entire ride telling me about their day, and what they usually did at Aunt Rosie's. I was surprised to see Edward's car in the driveway when I got home. He shouldn't be here for several more hours. We headed into the house, and the kids rushed off to Ayden's room to play.

I walked quickly upstairs and towards my bedroom. I opened the door and found Edward sprawled out on the bed, still in scrubs and a lab coat, on top of the covers.

I suppressed the slight jealousy that was making me want to shake him awake, simply because I had to be, and let him rest. I changed into a pair of yoga pants and an old t-shirt before heading down to make dinner. After several minutes of looking through my refrigerator I realized I possessed half the ingredients to make a million different things. Take out it is.

I ordered a few pizzas and played candy land with the kids while I waited for dinner to arrive.

After about twenty minutes I heard a knock on the door. I moved to get up to get the pizza but was startled when I heard the door open. I looked over to see Edward paying for the pizza, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a wife beater.

"Where did you come from?" I asked him after he had closed the door.

"I've been down here for a few minutes, actually." He said giving me a smile.

I blushed a little at my lack of alertness. "Sorry, I didn't notice you; I was playing with the kids."

"I know, apparently it was a pretty intense game." He said laughing softly.

"What can I say when I play Candyland I don't mess around. I was in the zone." I responded, enjoying the playful tone of our conversation.

He grinned at me before he called the kids into the kitchen. We all sat down to eat and Edward got to hear the same stories I had heard on the way over. I didn't miss how he kept glancing over at me while interacting with them. His eyes seemed to be searching for something within me.

"So why are you here?" I asked once the kids had quieted down.

He looked a little taken aback by my question and he smirked.

"What I mean is, you're not usually home this early?" I clarified after realizing how crass I had sounded.

"I went to work for a few hours, but then Dad told me I looked like shit and to go home."

"Ohm, Uncle Eddie said a bad word." Rosalyn scolded in a sing song voice. Ayden and her giggled at Edward's lack of filter.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"So you got to go home early because you were tired." I said in a pouty voice that you would only speak to a baby in.

He narrowed his eyes at me, but I figured I could push just a little more. It had been so long since we were able to play around with each other.

"It must be nice to work for daddy, the rest of us have to go to work whether we got our eight hours or not." I teased.

Edward narrowed his eyes further and gave me a look that dared me to continue.

Who am I to back down from a dare?

"Do all the hospital's employees get to go home for naptime, or is that just a special brand of nepotism?" I questioned trying like hell to keep my voice sounding seriously curious, and fight back my laughter.

Edward gave me an evil smirk and shook his head slowly.

"Ayden?" he said turning his head toward our son. "What happens when you're bad?" Edward shot me a look _from beneath his lashes_.

"I go to time out." Ayden answered. He was clearly proud of knowing the answer.

"That's right. Mommy's not being very nice right now, but I think she may be too big to go to time out, don't you?"

Ayden nodded and kept eating his pizza.

"Maybe mommy needs a spanking." Edward whispered looking firmly at my eyes from across the table.

The kids were thankfully no longer paying attention and I bit my lip, looking around, trying to plan my next move.

"It's too late to get out of this Isabella; you will pay later." He whispered seductively.

"All done!" Rosalyn and Ayden both chimed seconds apart, pulling us out of our adult conversation.

I was done eating, so I got up to clean them up and take care of their plates.

"Don't worry about it Bella, I got it." Edward said while taking the plates out of my hand.

"It's really not a big deal…" I started.

"No, go take a bath and get some rest. You must be beat. I can take care of everything else." He kissed my cheek. He went from sexual charged man to loving husband and father in an instant. I had always loved that about Edward. He truly was the whole package.

I didn't have to be told again, and I went upstairs. After my shower I slipped into bed and let the sounds of Edward laughing with our son and niece lull me to sleep.

EPOV

It was nearly midnight by the time I made it to bed. After I had gotten Rosalyn and Ayden down for the night I had spent some time with my piano, trying to follow Dr. Brown's suggestion. I also spent a little extra time cleaning the downstairs to help lighten Bella's load.

Bella was fast asleep, her damp hair flowing down her back. I made quick work of showering and brushing my teeth before I was finally able to climb into the bed where my angel was dreaming.

My previous plans for tonight would have to wait. I couldn't bear the thought of waking her simply to fulfill some caveman desires I had. She needed her rest.

I laid down beside her and took in her beauty. After last night I had a renewed since of respect for not only Bella but our marriage as a whole. There were so many things she told me about during our conversation that I had never looked at from her point of view.

So many times that I had thought I was protecting her when really I had only made things worse. I was surprised when she said she felt the same. We weren't there for one another in what was the hardest time in both of our lives. It's truly a testament to either our stubbornness or our love that we were able to try and work through this after a year of hurt and silence.

After opening up to each other we realized that was one of our biggest problems, silence. We both felt we knew what the other was thinking and feeling. We never asked why the other behaved a certain way or said a certain thing. We simply assumed we knew each other so perfectly that it wasn't necessary.

Bella confided in me that she believed I was disgusted with her for being responsible for the accident and for being weak. Neither could have been farther from the truth. I'm still unsure as to how she could have felt that I thought she was weak. Well I guess I understand how she could have concluded that based upon my behavior but I never believed such.

She was grieving the loss of her daughter just in a different way than I was. Neither one of us grieved properly of course but I never felt that she was weak because it was hard on her. If she had been open and honest with me, I could have attempted to make her see reason. Of course that could go both ways.

If I had simply told her why I was behaving the way I was she could have understood and talked to me about everything.

We are now both painfully aware of these things and have let everything out of our matrimonial closet. The thing now is where to go from here. Our feelings and mistakes were out in the open, no longer clouded by assumptions and blame; we just had to figure out how to maintain this level of communication.

We failed each other in the past. I hope now that we can find out how to prevent anything from coming between us again. Bella has said she's considering going back to therapy and I really hope she does. I want to know that the next time we hit a slump we can move forward instead of reverting back to our bad habits.

Hannah will always be a part of our lives, and that won't change. We will always be parents who lost a child. Hopefully we will have learned a better way to cope with that pain.

I slid a lock of Bella's hair behind her ear to gain a better view of her face. Being back home now reminded me of how much I had missed my wife. I hadn't only been without her for the weeks I was away, I had been without her for a year. I wish I could get that year back. Unfortunately there is no way for us to turn back time and fix our mistakes, we can only look forward.

As I stared at my beautiful wife my mind drifted back to an old patient I had had my first year of residency.

She was sixty-five and had been undergoing rigorous treatment for breast cancer. After her last round of chemo-therapy I had the heart wrenching job of telling her that the cancer had spread and we didn't have many options left.

This was my first time to have to deliver this type of news, and it was to a woman I had grown very attached to. I was straining to get the words out when she told me that it was okay and this was God's plan for her.

I was astounded by her faith and her acceptance of the news. I was also aggravated. We had fought so hard, and it had all been in vain. I'm sure Dr. Brown would say that it was my need to control that caused me to take the lost battle so hard.

When I asked her how she could have so much faith when she had suffered so much she looked at me and, with gentle eyes, told me that suffering is a part of life, and without some suffering the world wouldn't know compassion.

I had held on to those words tightly and repeated them to myself when I got word that she had passed away a month later. It gave me a slight sense of clarity at the time and helped me to deal with losing her a little better.

After I lost Hannah I forgot those words. If suffering was meant to breed compassion then this should have happened to someone else, not Bella. She had more compassion then anyone I had ever known. If suffering is a tool to teach us compassion then someone who had less consideration for others should have to experience true pain, not Bella. Although I would never wish this type of torture on anyone.

I spent some time, in the beginning trying to discern a reason for this devastation but I couldn't. I couldn't see a moral or some greater good in this. After talking with Bella I realized that I needed to let my attempts at solving this mystery go.

I wrapped my arms around my best friend and wife, and let her gentle breathing lull me to sleep.

I was rudely awakened by my alarm clock before the sun came up. Against my better judgment I forced myself out of bed and began to get ready for what would surely prove to be a long day at work.

I woke up to an empty bed and groaned at the vacancy. I knew Edward had to work today as he does most Saturdays, but I was annoyed none the less.

I had gotten both Rosalyn and Ayden fed, dressed, and ready to go before I got a call from Rosalie.

She told me we were all meeting at her place and then we girls were off to do whatever we wanted. I pretty much assumed that by 'whatever we wanted 'she meant 'whatever Rosalie and Alice wanted'. I was positive I would end up at a mall at some point today.

I was still excited though and eagerly got the kids loaded into the car and headed to Rosalie's.

Alice and Jasper were already there and Rosalyn dived for her mom as soon as she saw her.

"Were you good for Aunt Bella?" Alice questioned while were kissing her cheeks.

"Of course, mommy." She rolled her eyes like the little prima donna she was. "But Aunt Bella was bad." She tattled.

"Oh really?" Alice said giving me a questioning look.

"Uh huh, Uncle Eddie said he was going to give her a spanking." She whispered in Alice's ear, but unfortunately it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Oh god" I groaned. I could have sworn she didn't hear that. I looked at my family who were all trying and failing to hold in their laughter_._

"Did you get spanked last night Bella?" Alice questioned in a motherly scolding tone, before winking at me.

I blushed scarlet. "On that note, I'm going to go throw myself off a cliff; you guys have fun today." I said causing everyone to laugh at me again.

"Don't be so dramatic, Bella." Emmet said. "Where is my brother- in- law anyway? I know he doesn't think he's getting out of watching these three with me and Jasper?"

"He's at work, Emmett." I answered happy for the subject change.

"Well, call him and tell him that as soon as he's done we need him over here. We're out numbered." He whined.

I laughed at his fear of staying with two small children and an infant but went to call Edward anyway. His phone went straight to voicemail. Typical, of him to not have it charged. When I told Emmett I couldn't get a hold of him he begged us to stop by the hospital and leave a note for him.

I felt this was serious over kill but I also felt like I owed him after he set me straight the other night so I begrudgingly agreed.

On the ride to the hospital Rose and Alice complained about having to make an extra stop, but they went in with me anyway.

I was almost to the nurse's station when I saw him standing against it alone filling out some chart. I was about to walk toward him when I spotted the bane of my existence walking toward him with an evil glint in her eye.

I froze behind the wall that blocked his view of me, which caused Alice and Rose to bump into me.

"What's going on Bella?" Alice asked.

"Be quiet. Look." I whispered gesturing around the wall. Both girls leaned their heads around the partition and saw Tanya approaching my husband.

"Oh hell no!" Rose declared, and went to move from our covert spot. I blocked her with my arm and she gave me a curious look.

"Just wait." I whispered.

I stared as Tanya walked up and stood entirely too close to my husband. I forced my feet to stand in place. I was sure this would prove to be an entirely masochistic choice, but I had to see this.

"Edward, you're looking good today." Tanya purred stepping even closer to my husband.

"I'm busy Tanya, what do you need?"Edward questioned not looking up from his file. I was a little relieved to hear his cold tone, but I wanted more.

"You're so tense lately Edward. I think you could use a good neck rub." She said in her shrill voice.

I felt my blood boil when I saw her bring her hands to his shoulders. That's it. I went to make my move, but I felt a small hand pull me back.

"Give him a chance, see what happens." Alice whispered. I was just about to protest when I heard Edward's voice even louder.

"Get your hands off of me Tanya." He said loud and clear.

"Eddie, c'mon. I'm only trying to help out a friend." She pouted.

I watched Edward grab her wrist and push her hands away. He released her as soon as she had let go and turned to face her.

"Frankly Tanya, I've had enough. I don't need any help from you and you're not my friend." He sneered.

I could tell he was beyond frustrated, but I was getting some sick type of enjoyment I finally witnessing some sort of anger from him towards her.

"Edward get serious. You don't have to play games with me. We're both adults, we both know what we want from each other. Why fight it anymore?" she said leaning in close to him. Again I found myself fighting with my feet to stay still.

'This bitch is getting really close to an ass beating.' I whispered to my girls. They seemed shocked at my words but nodded enthusiastically. While I returned to watch this train wreck unfold.

"Tanya the only thing I want is for you to accept the fact that I am a happily married man and have no interest in you. To be entirely honest with you, even if I was single we wouldn't be together. You're not my type. You're pushy, you're rude, you're apparently dense, and to tell you the truth I prefer brunettes. I prefer a women whose outer beauty shines but pales in comparison to her inner beauty. A women who is gentle and caring, and would blush at the idea of being as forward as you're being right now, that is my type. You're not that girl Tanya, not by a long shot."

"I have that woman. I married her. You could never compare to my wife and I'll be damned if I'll let you're misplaced feelings for me hurt her again in any way." He was yelling now and I was trying my best to keep the grin off of my face.

"She doesn't have to know, Edward. I'm sure I could do things that she would never-"

Tanya was interrupted by Edward slamming his fist down on the nurse's station.

"Damnit Tanya! This will stop now! I'm not going to tell you again. I have no interest in you, at all. I'm married! I have everything I could possible want in a woman at home. This will end now or it will end one of two ways. I'll either see what I can do about getting you transferred to a different hospital or I will press sexual harassment charges. I swear to god Tanya…leave me alone!" he demanded.

"But Eddie…" She whined. I watched Edward run his fingers through his hair roughly. He was about to snap and so was I.

"Is there a problem here?" I questioned loudly stepping out from behind the wall.

Edward took a quick step even further away from Tanya. "Bella I swear to you I was just-" Edward tried to get out before I raised my hand up to stop his rambling.

"Can I help you?" Tanya sneered while her eyes swept over me with disdain.

"Yes, as a matter of fact you can…I want you to listen to me closely Tina…" I said.

"It's Tan-" she began to interrupt.

"I don't care." I told her in a breezy tone. I knew the home wrecker's name. "I want to explain something to you woman to woman." I said calmly while stepping closer to her. She placed her hands on her hips and looked at me in defiance.

"I've grown very tired, of your games. What you fail to understand Tammy is that Dr. Cullen is a married man. He is my husband, the father of my child, I have invested way too much of my life in him to allow you to come by and make some pathetic attempt at taking what's not yours." I said with a big antagonizing smile.

"Listen lady, I don't know who you think you are talking-" she began.

"No you listen to me, and you listen well. Edward is mine, not yours. He will always be mine. He will come home to me at night. He will tuck our son into bed, and when he comes to bed at night it will be my name rolling off his lips, not yours. So I suggest you back off, work on finding some self respect and a man who isn't in love with someone else. Do we understand one another yet Teri?" I asked enjoying the edge that my voice had taken.

I stood in satisfaction watching Tanya open and close her mouth repeatedly.

"excuse me-" she finally stammered.

"Okay let me try and make this as simple as possible for you princess." I said in a harsh tone.

I slapped my hand against Edward hard chest. "He's mine" I said, while pressing my other palm into my chest.

I hadn't noticed that we had accumulated an audience until I heard applause and cheers. Apparently I wasn't the only one with a disdain for the wench.

Tanya looked around frantically taking in the mob of nurse's and patients who had gathered to witness her public humiliation before she shoved though the group and ran off down the hall.

I stood in some type of shock until I heard Rosalie let out a loud whistle and Alice cheer 'go Bella'. It was then that the gravity of what had just happened hit me. Shit. Edward's going to be livid. I had probably just humiliated him in front of his coworkers. I slowly turned to look him in the eye afraid of what I might see there. I was expecting rage and fury but instead he had a glazed over expression with a goofy grin.

"I'm…I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me…I just"

I wasn't able to get anymore out before he crushed his lips to mine earning us a few more applause from the remaining bystanders. I got lost in our kiss for a long moment before he pulled away.

"Don't apologize, Bella. There was something really…sexy, about watching you be so…possessive."

I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. I felt almost…liberated.

"Dang Bella, I didn't know you had it in you?" Alice laughed coming up to stand beside me.

"I did." Rose called, while joining us. "I taught her everything she knows. Of course I would have had to throat punch that skank at the end to seal the deal." Rose said looking both proud and amused.

The girls laughed while Edward gave me one more chaste kiss before Alice started rambling about clothes not buying themselves. I was pulled away by my friends while yelling out to Edward the message from Emmett.

I walked out of the hospital feeling embarrassed yet extremely smug. I couldn't wait until I tonight when I could see Edward again.

**A/N: Alright my beautiful, forgiving readers, I know after that long of a wait between chapters I have no right to ask for reviews, but I'd really love it if you would let me know what you think anyway. I mean Tanya getting told off deserves to be commented on don't you think! : )**


	32. Makeup and Make out

**A/N: FINALLY! I have been trying to upload this chapter for two days, but had other plans. So frustrating! Anyway sorry about the delay.**

**Thanks so much for sticking with this story thus far. Alright, this chapter isn't quite as long as the ones I've gotten you used to lately, but I had to stop somewhere. Alright well that's all read on!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all that goes with it. **

Chapter 32

Make-up and Make out

BPOV

I spent the rest of the afternoon shopping around town with Rosalie and Alice. I couldn't wipe the smug smirk off my face. Now I understood why Rosalie was always so ballsy; it was a lot more fun than getting walked on.

The little extra bounce in my step may have also been from the fact that Edward seemed so taken with my outburst and found me sexy. I was overcome with a pre-teen giddiness as we moved from store to store.

"So things between you and Edward seem to be going well." Alice said with a knowing smirk.

"Yep." I said nonchalantly, knowing it would driver her insane.

Rose groaned audibly. "Seriously Bella, you said you would talk to us when we we're all together. Now I'm not trying to get all in your business but seriously what's going on. You seem so different."

"I'm happy, I think." I said stupidly. "I mean, things aren't perfect but we're getting there."

"That's great!" Alice said squeezing my hand.

"So what happened after you left my house the other night?" Rosalie questioned while rifling through a rack of overpriced shirts.

"Well we fought for a while, really, really bad fighting. I think I might have told him he was a callous and insensitive bastard and he called me something along the lines of a selfish self-absorbed shrew." I laughed as I noticed the girl's mouths hanging open.

"What, we were fighting? After a year of keeping everything bottled up we may have took it a little too far." I mumbled.

"You should never name call when you're fighting Bella. It's not healthy." Alice said in a gentle tone.

Rose scoffed loudly causing Alice to roll her eyes.

"What? You're not; there are rules to fighting fair." Alice said defiantly.

"Yeah okay, well back on planet Earth, shit happens. So anyway after you fought…?" Rose said, wiggling her eyebrows like Emmett does.

"Sorry to disappoint ladies, we talked." I said honestly.

Rose pouted while Alice urged me to continue with her eyes.

"We talked for hours about everything. He explained to me how he felt that I had shut him out and I told him how much I resented the fact that he seemed to handle everything so easily." I spoke in a shaky voice.

"That's what you thought?" Alice said while setting down the dress she had been eyeing.

"Yeah, I mean, I know now that I seriously misjudged his behavior, but he seemed to just float along like nothing had ever happened, as though his biggest problem was my weakness."

"What did he say when you told him that?" Rose questioned softly.

"He apologized for not being honest with me about what he was going through. He told me he screwed up and that he thought he was doing the right thing by being strong for us."

"Men are stupid." Rose muttered.

"He went on about how from now on he was going to try to be more open with me, even if he thinks it might be hard on me. I told him that I planned on letting him in more also." I said. With each word I felt a little lighter. I forgot how cathartic it could be talking with these two.

We walked through the mall and I told them more about our conversation. I told them about the different things that had been misconstrued through the year.

When the day had come that should have been my baby shower Edward had taken Ayden out for the day. They had spent the entire day out having fun. I had been insulted thinking that he had just wanted to get away from me when I was facing such a difficult milestone.

I felt abandoned, and again I felt like the day didn't matter to him at all because he could so easily run around town with our son.

I found out during our conversation that because of how withdrawn I had been Edward thought that I would have wanted to be by myself and deal with things on my own. He hadn't known what to say to me. He was scared that I would react badly if he brought it up. He told me he spent the day watching Ayden play and fighting back tears for everything that was wrong.

He was so wrong for making his assumptions, and I was wrong for setting a precedent of not talking to him when things were rough. This was just one of the many mistakes we covered.

We had both screwed up so badly. We both had been so afraid of the other one giving up on us, yet neither of us voiced these concerns until everything came to a head.

I talked to the girls for a while about everything that had happened since then and finally we decided to make our way back to the Rose and Emmett's. On the ride home our conversation continued.

"So do you think you're going to try and have another baby?" Alice questioned gently.

"Alice." Rose said in a warning tone.

"No Rose its fine. We discussed it a little and decided not to make any decisions right away. Edward said that he's ready whenever I am but he doesn't want to rush me. We decided we'll leave it alone for a few months and discuss it then. I just want to be sure that I'm ready to do this again. I want to have dealt with Hannah's loss as thoroughly as possible before bringing another child into the mix. Edward and I also need to work on our relationship a little more. Things are going well now, but I want to make sure that we are…solid, I guess, before I consider getting pregnant. I'm still on the pill and plan to be, until we both feel ready."

The girls seemed to accept my answer without many questions and our conversations moved on to other topics.

We were laughing about the whole Tanya debacle when we walked into the house.

The first thing I saw was Jasper. He was bent over in silent laughter. When he saw us he put his finger up to his lips to gesture us to be quiet.

As I scanned the room I saw my son sitting on his Uncle Emmett's chest. Emmett was snoring on the couch while Ayden sat and gently shoved cheerios up his nose.

Rosalyn was sleeping on the recliner that Edward was stretched out in putting make-up on him from her pretty princess make-up set.

I know it was wrong to laugh when I should be scolding my child but I really couldn't help it. It was a sight to behold.

"Jasper!" Rose yelled yet whispered. I could tell she was trying not to laugh as well. "You didn't feel the need to stop these two?"

"I thought about it, but really, would either of them have stopped this disaster if I had been the one to pass out?" He said, daring us to contradict him.

"Fair enough." I said, going to pick up my little trouble maker.

"You don't put cereal in your uncle's nose, Ayden." I said. There's a sentence I never expected to say.

He gave me that damn grin that always got his dad out of trouble and I couldn't contain my laughter.

Alice had gotten Rosalyn off of Edward and I could hear her lecturing her daughter.

"Sweetie, what you did was very wrong. Uncle Edward is a winter. You can't use that color of blush on his skin tone." She said seriously.

We all laughed and watched as Rose went to wake up Emmett.

"Emmett, wake up honey we're home." She spoke in a sugary tone.

"What the hell…" Emmett grumbled scrunching up his nose.

With no prompting at all, he put one finger against one nostril and blew hard through his nose, shooting two cheerios onto his lap. He repeated the procedure on the other nostril while Rose looked on appalled.

"Done this before have you?" Rose questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe once or twice." Emmett said with a shrug.

"Don't let him lie to you Rose; Emmett would stick everything up his nose as a child. Remember the rubber band you got lodged up there and we had to go to the emergency room to have it removed." I asked Emmett through my laughter.

"He told our mom he did it because he couldn't find the trash can." I got out while holding my side.

"Do you really want to compare hospital visits, baby sister?" Edward questioned effectively shutting me up.

"Hey, leave my clumsy wife alone, you big oaf." Edward grumbled, finally awake.

Emmett laughed loudly finally getting a look at Edward's painted face.

"Uncle Eddie, you're the prettiest boy ever!" Rosalyn yelled causing everyone to laugh.

"Thank you, honey." Edward said sweetly, still oblivious to his make-over. "It's nice to know that all the ladies play for team Edward." He said smugly.

"Yeah, but what team do you play for Edward?" Jasper barely got out between laughs.

"What's so funny?" Edward yawned.

"Why don't you go check your face, princess?" Emmett laughed.

After Edward got cleaned up and we all had a few more laughs at the guys expense we decided to head home.

I had just finished putting Ayden to bed and changing into night close. I was sitting at my computer grading homework when I felt a familiar hand brush my hair off my neck.

"Hey baby, I'm almost done just give me ten more minutes." I said absent mindedly as I turned to the next page in my stack.

I dropped my red pen as I felt Edward's lips press into my neck.

"mm-mmm" he murmured while he drug his lips to the top of my shoulder.

My head fell back against his chest without my permission. I felt my body and will power turn to jelly as his fingers trailed across my collar bones.

Edward took the deep sigh that I emitted as my surrender and scooped me up into his strong arms. He carried me up the stairs toward our bedroom.

I tried to protest but he cut off my words by kissing me as fiercely as possible. Once he was sure I was done trying to argue his lips and tongue took on a gentle rhythm and I felt myself melting into him.

He laid me down on our bed and I involuntarily whimpered at the loss of contact. Edward smirked and climbed onto our bed. At some point his shirt had came off and I watched the muscles in his body flex as he stalked closer to me with an expression that can only be described as predatory.

I bit down on my lip as I took in every inch of his skin and the dangerous glint in his eyes. He settled in between my legs and looked me up and down. He licked his lips slowly while his fingers ran from my ankles up to my sides causing me to quiver, and him to smirk.

"Take off your shirt Bella." He demanded. I did as he said without hesitation, and laid back down. His eyes zeroed in on my bare breasts and I heard him inhale quickly.

"Beautiful." He mumbled before bringing his lips to my stomach. He kissed gently up my torso leaving goose bumps in his wake. I fought to keep my body still when his mouth reached my waiting breast. His tongue circled my nipple causing me to squirm beneath him.

He pressed his body roughly to mine to keep me in place. I moaned loudly as I felt his hard cock pressed tightly against my core, the thin layer of his pajama pants leaving little to the imagination.

My moans spurred him on and he took my other breast in his hand massaging it firmly. He pinched my firm nipple tightly between his fingers and I cried out from the pleasure filled pain.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you are Isabella?" He whispered against my chest.

I moaned in response.

"Tell me what you want love. Whatever you desire is yours." He purred.

I lost the ability to form words as his hand moved inside my panties and found my clit.

"I…I wan…" I breathed.

"What do you want Isabella?" He demanded.

"Y…you…I want you Edward." I sputtered.

"Me? Do you want me to make love to you? Do you want me to show you, slowly and gently, how much I love you? Is that what you want from me, my love?" he smiled.

"No…I, I want…Oh god" I moaned as he slid two fingers inside of me.

His smile grew dramatically and he moved in close to whisper in my ear.

"Do you want me to fuck you so hard you can't walk straight Isabella?"

"Yes, Oh god yes!" I yelled.

He smirked and stood up to remove our remaining clothing. I drank him in and moved my fingers to where his had been simply to drive him crazy.

"Oh hell, love. You have no idea what you're doing to me?" he said slowly.

"Maybe I do." I said in a coy tone.

He growled and moved quickly back to his previous location.

He leaned over me and kissed me passionately while thrusting deep inside me. I moaned loudly into his mouth at the feeling of completion.

His movements continued as fiercely as he promised and every noise he made sent me closer to the edge. My hands ran up and down his back as I dangled on the brink of my climax.

"Cum for me Bella." He breathed against my hot skin. That was all it took for me to release. I rode out my orgasm while his thrusts gained speed.

"Oh Edward…that was…damn." I panted.

He laughed lightly. "Well thank you love, but I'm not done with you yet." His voice grew serious at the end.

Before I had time for his words to sink in, he flipped us over so that I was sitting on top of him.

I rocked my hips against him soaking up every feeling and movement.

Within minutes I could fill my second orgasm coming fast. The intensity of my impending release cost me the ability to hold my body upright.

I fell forward my hands resting on either side of Edward's head. He took the opportunity to taunt me more and began sucking on my neck, his teeth grazing my skin gently.

"I'm so close, Edward." I gasped.

I felt him smile against my before I felt a sharp sting on my ass and heard the loud pop.

I yelled out loudly at the sensation.

"I told you I was going to punish you Isabella. Now cum." He demanded.

He thrust into me hard, pushing me that much closer to the edge. Another 'smack' echoed through the room and my body was flooded with the feeling of euphoria.

"Oh shit." Edward moaned. He grabbed my hips tightly and filled me as I came.

I rolled off of him and laid flat trying to catch my breath.

Edward was asleep within minutes. I got up to hop in the shower before I lost what little energy I still possessed.

After getting cleaned up I slid into the sheets to go to sleep. Before I drifted off I felt Edward's arms wrap around me.

EPOV

I woke up on Sunday morning and new it was going to be a great day. Bella was lying next to me, on her stomach propped up on her elbows. She was writing in her journal that was lying down in front of her. Ayden was sitting on her lower back running a truck over her shoulder blades, while making engine noises.

"Manipulating the three year old into giving you a massage, are we? I said.

Bella laughed not looking up from her journal. "Hey, I get a massage he gets a track for his truck. It's a win-win situation."

"Daddy" Ayden squealed jumping off Bella and onto me.

"Oof! You're getting to big to be hopping on your old man like that." I teased.

Ayden giggled and snuggled up to me. "Daddy old." He laughed.

"Hey!" I declared in mock hurt.

Bella's beautiful laugh filled the room. "The kid's just calling it like he sees it."

I sat Ayden down on the bed and quickly pulled Bella onto me, causing her to squeal in surprise.

"I don't remember you thinking I was so old last night." I whispered into her ear. Her cheeks turned red and she buried her head in my chest.

I kissed the top of her head and then my phone rang pulling me out of my beautiful morning.

"Ugh" I groaned reaching for the evil device.

"Who is it?" Bella asked.

"My dad." I said before answering the call.

"Hey dad." I grumbled.

"Gee it's good to talk to you too, son." He said with a laugh.

"Sorry, what's up?" I questioned forcing my tone to sound more upbeat.

"This is actually a business call Edward. I hear my daughter-in-law has been running around the hospital terrorizing my staff." He said seriously.

"Listen Dad, about that, Bella had every right to-"

"I'm kidding Edward." He chuckled. "I don't know if I've ever been more proud of our Bella. I was wondering when you were going to grow a set and tell Tanya where she could go."

"Dad!" I said in shock.

"What? I know what goes on in my hospital. I also know what goes on in my family and this blow up with Tanya was long overdue. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that she ran into my office yesterday in hysterics begging for a transfer, to escape her humiliation. So she'll no longer be working with you." He said happily.

"Wow, that's great news. Thanks Dad. Was there anything else?" I said relieved.

"Oh yeah, your mother wanted me to know if it would be fine if we join all of you for your weekly dinner tonight. We have something we want to talk to you about."

"Um, sure. I'm sure Bella would love to have you. Dinner is at seven but everyone will probably be here around five." I said.

"Great, we'll be there. Knowing your mom we'll be there at five. I'll see you then."

"Alright see you then." I said before hanging up.

I tossed the phone back on my nightstand. Bella looked up at me and questioned me with her eyes.

"Tanya transferred to another hospital." I smiled. Bella kissed me as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Thank God!" she breathed.

"I know. Although I'm a little sad I won't get to witness you being so aggressive and possessive again." I teased.

"Well you never know, you are you after all. There is a good chance I'll have to put some young intern in her place one day." She laughed.

My smile faded. "No Bella. I will never put you in that position again. I should have had Tanya transferred or reported a long time ago. I won't make the same mistake again." I told her.

I hoped she could sense how serious I was about this.

She smiled slightly and kissed me again sweetly.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"For what?" I questioned.

"For everything." She replied.

"I'm the one who should be thanking you then. You are everything Bella." I told her honestly. She blushed again.

"Why don't I take this little man and we'll go fix breakfast so you can keep writing in your journal." I said trying to lighten the mood.

She blew out a huge gust of air. "No don't bother. I can hardly get anything down on paper anyway." She grumbled while gesturing to the wadded up sheets of paper that cluttered our floor.

I couldn't help but laugh at her a little.

"You're the only one I know who could have writer's block with a journal." I chuckled.

"It's not like that. I just feel ridiculous putting my own thoughts down on paper. I feel like I'm talking to myself, yet I have no idea what to tell me. Does that make sense?" She questioned.

"Not really, but if you're having trouble with you being your own reader than write it as if you were telling someone else what you feel, or write it in third person. I think as long as you get it out, then you're doing what you were told to do."

"Hmm…I might try that. Let's go out to eat for breakfast I want Belgian waffles." She hopped out of bed and took Ayden with her tickling him as they went.

"Hurry up and shower, so I can." She yelled from the hall a smile in her voice.

I grinned to myself at seeing the bouncy, vibrant woman I had feel in love with. Obviously we were always going to have problems, like any couple, but her smiles were becoming more frequent and more genuine, that in and of itself was a sign that we were getting there.

**A/N: There you have it! Oh and incase you don't have the outtakes story for this little tale on alert I added something too it. Just a goofy little version of why Tanya is such a witch. Go check it out if you want. **

**I've noticed a ton of new people have put this story on their favorites or alerts! I love it, and thank you. but do me a favor and hit that little review button so I know what you're thinking! C'mon don't be shy...**

**To the loyal reviewers, I appreciate your opinions so much!, now go on and do what you do...**


	33. The Baby Boom

**A/N: As always a collective thank you goes out to those who reviewed last chapter!**

**I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get out, real life can be a cruel mistress. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and remember Stephanie Meyer did all the real work and gets paid the real money!**

Chapter 33

The Baby Boom

Sunday morning was as close to perfect as we could hope to achieve.

After breakfast, Edward, Ayden, and I went to the park. I sat on the bench and watched the two throw a football back and forth. I sat writing in my journal while I watched them play, occasionally joining in.

Edward's suggestion of transforming the journal into something different had definitely helped get me writing. I must have written ten pages by the time we had to leave. I found myself fighting back tears as complete honesty cluttered the page. I wasn't crying out of sadness but more out of relief. The weight that was lifted as my pen drug across the stiff paper was something more than I had expected.

Edward's eyes would find mine occasionally and ask me if I was all right. I would give him a small smile and continue pouring myself into my writing.

I wrote feelings I wasn't even aware I had felt. During the past year my emotions had felt like a jumbled mess, but when I was forced to write them they became cataloged and open for my investigation.

Before I knew it, it was time for us to leave and get ready for the evening.

We got Ayden settled in his booster seat and I checked the straps multiple times, like always, before we headed home. Edward and I rode in comfortable silence while Ayden napped in the back.

Once we arrived home he carried our son into his room while I sat down to watch the news.

"So do I get to read what you've written?" Edward questioned eagerly, yet cautiously.

I hadn't really thought about it yet. Nothing that was written was a secret; we had pretty much discussed everything that I had written thus far. For some reason a part of me wanted to keep it private. It wasn't to block him out; I just wanted him to get the whole story at once instead of having to justify it or discuss it daily.

"Um could you maybe wait until I finish it?" I asked hopefully. His smile fell just a bit and I felt bad for causing it but for some reason I felt like I needed to do this.

This was about me working through my issues and I wanted him to see the whole transition I was making. So far I had only written about the beginning. I knew if he read that now I would have to answer to it. I knew he would pick it apart, ignoring the progress we've made. My outlook has changed greatly since everything first happened and I wanted him to see that also, instead of just reading the negative that was on the pages currently.

"I understand, and I can wait if you wish Bella, but…when is a journal ever finished?" he questioned gently.

"I don't know right now…but I'll know when it's finished." I told him honestly. I really wasn't even sure if journal was the appropriate word anymore, but I knew at some point this story would be complete.

"If that's what you want love." He said with a smile, but I could see he was still a little disappointed. I was extremely blessed. He was far more patient with me than he had any right to be.

The rest of the afternoon continued peacefully. Ayden woke up and the three of us played on the floor until it was almost four in the afternoon.

I had decided to make homemade pizzas for dinner. Rosalie was bringing the salad and Alice the dessert. I was sure we could count on Esme to bring a bottle of wine.

I was almost finished rolling out the last of the dough when Edward came into the kitchen with Ayden following right behind him.

"I wanna help!" Ayden declared.

"Sure sweetie." I said even though I knew I could probably get done faster without the help.

"Why don't you and Daddy get start putting the sauce on the dough I give you?" I said.

Edward and Ayden washed their hands before getting the sauce off the stove. They took the sauce, and crusts that were already formed, and sat them on the island.

I watched out of the corner of the eye as Edward showed Ayden how to smooth the modified marina around the dough in a circle. We all worked in silence before I heard Edward groan.

"Not cool, little man, not cool." My husband whined.

I looked over to see Ayden with his finger in his mouth and a messy letter 'A' smudged through the sauce on one of the pizzas.

I couldn't help but laugh at the two of them. Ayden was grinning widely while Edward looked like it was the end of the world.

"Get over it Edward, at least Rose has done a good job teaching him his letters." I laughed. "Besides, that can be Emmett's pizza." I said.

He seemed to lighten up a little and I went and pulled all the toppings I had prepped out of the refrigerator.

Topping the pizzas became more of a competition between Edward and me to see who could make our son laugh harder.

Edward would start by throwing pepperoni high into the air and moving the pizza around to catch them. I would counter by making it rain onions. We went on for a while acting completely ridiculous before I heard a knock on the front door.

"Mom"

"Esme" Edward and I both spoke at the same time. Our siblings would have just walked in.

I went to open the door while the boys trailed behind me.

"Bella, you look amazing" Esme said before anyone could get out a hello. I knew she was talking about more than my clothes or hair.

"Thanks, it's great to see you." I said giving her a tight hug. Carlisle." I smiled.

"Good to see you, Bella." He said quickly to me before moving to pick up his grandson.

Carlisle and Esme doted on Ayden while Edward and I went to finish up dinner. Edward turned the radio on and spun me around before the opening chords of a Van Morrison song rang out. I laughed a little because Edward had always said this song reminded him of me.

He pulled me in close to him and began our old routine of dancing in the kitchen.

"Edward we have company, we're being rude." I said only half serious.

"Love, I hate to break it to you, but those two could care less if we were even here right now. Sorry Bella but Ayden has definitely stolen your spot as my parent's favorite person." He laughed.

"O'well if I must pass the title on, I guess he can have it." I said in a serious tone. "Although I doubt that will be the case when Rose shows up with the new baby. I know how much your parents are going to-"

Edward cut off my ramble by pressing his lips to mine. I deepened the kiss and returned it with as much love and passion as I could produce. His hands gripped tightly around my waist and I felt his arousal pressing into my stomach. I couldn't help the small moan that escaped and it only encouraged his behavior.

A loud whistle cut off our mini make-out session.

"Damn Edward, get off my sister. You're going to make me lose my appetite." Emmett bellowed with a smile. He must have just gotten here.

Edward rolled his eyes. The thought of Emmett forgoing dinner was ridiculous

It wasn't long before Alice arrived and dinner was ready. We all gathered around the table. I took a few moments to take in my family as everyone passed around the salad and bread.

Emmett kept looking over at Kallie who was sleeping in her play pen. He was a great dad, and I had never seen something monopolize his attention when food was in front of him.

Rose was searching for the smallest slice of pizza. I rolled my eyes at the idea that her current body was any less envy inducing than her pre-baby body.

Carlisle was trying to 'steal' Rosalyn and Ayden's noses, despite the fact that they should be eating and not playing. Esme just sat shaking her head with a smile.

Surprisingly Alice seemed to be bouncing in her seat more than usual. She couldn't stop smiling and glancing toward Jasper. He was shaking his head no, in an unspoken battle. Eventually her eagerness won out and he sighed and nodded yes.

Alice stood up and cleared her throat. "Attention, family." She demanded in a sweet tone.

"I know mom and dad had something to share with us, but I was hoping I could go first." She batted her big eyelashes at Carlisle and he nodded for her to go ahead. Yeah, like he could deny her anything.

"Thank you. Okay I know this is a little unexpected but um…I'm pregnant!" she squealed. The dining room erupted in applause and congratulatory shouts. Before I could form any words I quickly glanced at Edward, unsure of how this news would affect him.

When I looked at him the corners of his lips were turned up in the biggest, brightest, complete bullshit smile I had ever seen. My heart broke a little as I watched him take huge strides around the table and engulf Alice in a tight hug.

"Congratulations Alice, I'm so happy for you." He whispered in her ear. A tear slid down her cheek and she smiled like he had just given her the world. Of course Alice would be worried about his reaction. She was overzealous and sometimes domineering, but she was still the most caring person I had ever known.

Edward nailed his part as the proud uncle with pin-point precision. We all took turns hugging and congratulating the happy couple. As we proceeded with dinner I tried to figure out how I felt about Alice's news.

I knew more than anything I was happy for my sister. She was a great mom, and she deserved this. I did feel a tiny bit more jealous than I had when Rose announced her pregnancy. I guess with Rose I didn't feel like she was gaining something I couldn't have. Rose was getting her first child. I already had Ayden. With Alice we both had one, but now she was moving on to something I just wasn't ready to have yet.

More than jealousy I felt irritation with myself. I felt upset that I didn't feel ready to have another baby. I felt selfish for not being able to give Edward what he truly wanted. Was I only thinking of myself? Shouldn't he have some say in this as well? I know he said he was fine with waiting but the fake smile he was keeping plastered above his chin said otherwise.

To pull myself out of my pathetic whiny inner monologue I brought the attention to Carlisle and Esme.

"So you guys had some news you wanted to share?" I questioned my In-laws.

"Oh, of course, Well obviously it's nothing compared to Alice and Jasper's news but we did have something we wanted to discuss with everyone." Esme began before signaling Carlisle to continue.

"We recently acquired a cabin in Colorado, and we were thinking with the holidays approaching in a couple months it might be a fun idea to spend Christmas up there with the whole family." Carlisle said hesitantly.

Everyone seemed to be fairly on board with the idea of getting away for a week together. I could tell both Edward and Jasper were apprehensive about leaving their practices for that long but I knew Alice would talk Jasper into it and Edward would follow suit.

The wine and conversation flowed freely; everyone enjoying Esme's bottle with the exception of Alice.

We talked about the possibilities of spending Christmas in Colorado. Alice was of course interested in the new shopping prospects while the boys talked about skiing.

After dinner everyone cleared out fairly early except for Carlisle and Esme. I put Ayden to bed then I made us coffee and we all went to sit in the living room. We talked for a while about their new cabin and about Edward getting time off work for the holidays.

Edward was quite through most of the conversations and seemed to be debating with himself about something. Finally, when there was a lull in our talk, he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders.

"I've wanted to discuss this with you for a while but it never seemed like the right time. I need to know why the two of you never told me about the fact that you lost a child. You've always seemed so eager to offer help and advice why didn't you do that when we lost Hannah?" I could tell after he spoke he felt like a weight had been lifted.

Esme and Carlisle looked at each other, communicating silently. Esme gave me a sad smile and I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Well" Esme began slowly. "When you were growing up I never spoke about it because it was easier that way. You'll learn it's never something you fully heal from. I'm sorry to say that but it's true. The loss you both experienced will always be a part of you. It was easy for me to act like it never happened once I had you." She paused but Edward's eyes must have urged her on.

"After a while, there just never seemed to be a good time or a real reason." She said looking down at her hands.

"You didn't think that me losing my own child was a good enough reason to share this story?" Edward demanded, his anger showing through. I tried to remember how many glasses of wine he had today, but I knew it couldn't have been many.

I ignored his use of the singular possessive and waited for a response.

"I thought about it but, like I told Bella, I wanted her to come to you for help. I didn't want to be the one she clung to." Esme stammered.

"That's bullshit, Mom."Edward declared loudly.

Carlisle's body tensed up as quickly as mine did.

"You will not speak to my wife… your mother like that. Do you understand me son?" Carlisle spoke in a firmer tone than I had ever heard him use.

"Sorry…" Edward mumbled, looking truly ashamed. "But seriously, fine…okay then, why didn't you say something to me, Dad? You had been in my position before, you knew what I was going through and you just sat by and watched."

"Edward, don't blame your father. It was me. He wanted to tell you, but I asked him not to." Esme said looking remorseful.

"Why mom? I know there is more than what you're telling me. Just tell me why." Edward begged.

I didn't know what to do. On one hand I shared my husband's annoyance with his parents. I knew it wasn't their responsibility to help us through everything life threw at us, but talking to someone who had been there might have helped. I did feel like it was a little selfish of the two of them to keep this from us.

On the other hand I felt some type of allegiance or camaraderie toward Esme. She had been through the same pain I had experienced and watching her be harassed for how she dealt with it made me want to come to her defense.

I wasn't sure at the moment how I felt so I simply kept my mouth shut and listened. Edward didn't seem to need any help with ammunition anyway.

"It was too hard." Esme mumbled. Carlisle put his arm around his wife in a protective manner.

"I know keeping this from you for so long was wrong, but it was just too hard. I thought I had dealt with it all but when I lost my granddaughter it was _almost_ as hard as when I lost my own child. I know how much you both miss Hannah, but you aren't the only ones. I loved her too. Before I ever met her, I loved her. When she died I felt like I was taken back in time to when I lost my own baby. It brought up a lot of things that were difficult for me to deal with." By the time she finished both Esme and my eyes were filled with unshed tears. She looked at me and I was finally able to really understand her reasoning.

Apparently Edward had run out of things to say and just sat there with his lips slightly parted.

"If I could change things I would. I'm honestly ashamed of how I handled things. I always believed that we go through difficult things in life so that we are able to help others, but I didn't practice what I preached. Can you forgive me?" She asked looking at Edward then me.

I nodded mutely while Edward got up and wrapped his arms around her. He apologized for being so harsh with her and she nodded.

A few minutes later we were able to navigate the subject to happier topics. I was getting sleepy quickly and apparently so was everyone else. Carlisle and Esme said they're goodbyes and Edward and I headed to bed.

I tried to fall asleep but Edward's incessant tossing and turning was keeping me from getting there. After about thirty minutes of his relentless shifting, my frustrations got the better of me.

"Is everything all right." I said. I sounded grumpier than I had intended to, but I was exhausted.

"Yes." He breathed.

"No, everything's not all right." He said a minute later.

"Well…" I urged.

"I'm not telling you this to upset you or try and sway opinion. I'm only telling you this because we've both spent to long protecting each other from how we feel and I don't want to make the same mistakes twice." He said sounding nervous.

"Okay." I said slowly.

"Bella, I know how you feel about us having another child and I understand your views…It's just that Alice's news hit me harder than I expected today. When Rose said she was pregnant I knew I wasn't ready for another child. Even though it was difficult it wasn't nearly as trying as today. I know I'm ready to be a dad again, I want to badly. We always talked about having a large family and I feel like our plans have been put on hold indefinitely. I'm not trying to rush you in to something you're not ready for. I just wanted to let you know how I was feeling." He said.

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to him. I was extremely happy he was being so honest but at the same time it was hard to hear. My heart was breaking for him and I was battling with how I felt. Would it be better to just give into him or stick to my guns and wait until I felt ready?

"Thank you for telling me that." I said seriously. "I know you want another child. I do too. I'll get there Edward I promise. I just need you to be patient for a bit longer. I'm sorry."

Edward wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed my forehead. "Bella I'll wait as long as it takes. I just wanted us to be completely truthful with one another."

"I love you, Isabella." He said with conviction.

"I love you too, goodnight."

After his emotional purge Edward fell asleep quickly. I was unable to even close my eyes now. My mind was reeling with a million different thoughts.

I was thinking about Alice how she'd be starting to show around Christmas time. I was thinking about Edward and his desire for more kids. I thought about everything Esme had said. I wondered if she was right; if we did go through trials so that we could help others. How was I supposed to help others with my loss?

My mind was going a hundred miles an hour so I picked up my notepad and continued putting my story on paper.

**A/N: I know this chapter is a little shorter than they have been lately, sorry about that. So did I throw you off the Alice scent with the promise of Carlisle/Esme news?**

**How do we feel about the E/B baby situation. Is Bella being selfish?/ Is Edward expecting too much too soon?**

**By the way I think I crammed more foreshadowing in this chapter than in the every other chapter combined. Anybody have any predictions about these two?**

**I have to ask you guys this...Do we collective hate the fluff??? I threw one sweet, relaxed, chapter at you and nobody reviews. Do you miss the angst? I have a few ideas for some more tragedy if that's what you guys are missing. I just assumed we wanted these two to find some peace. **

**Let me know what you think, and review please.  
**


	34. Getting Home

**A/N: Guess what...I want to thank those of you who reviewed! You guys keep me writing. You also keep me laughing. You all are split down the middle on who's wrong in this story. I would love to have all my reviewers in a room to debate Bella and Edward's faults. The few of you who are middle of the road can sit and moderate with me. lol. **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all these characters....well except Ayden, I guess he's mine. **

Chapter 34

Getting Home

The weeks following Alice's announcement had flown by quickly. It was almost a month ago that I had felt that jealousy. It had taken some time but I was now as happy for my sister as I should be.

That isn't to say that I still didn't want another child: I did. I wanted to be a dad again more than I could express. Bella and I hadn't broached the subject since then with the exception of once in therapy.

We had been regularly seeing Dr. Brown together and Bella was continuing her support group. I was extremely thankful that such a thing existed. Dr. Brown was great about pushing us outside of our comfort zones and working through problems but Bella's support group was there for when she just needed to be with women who understood what she had been through.

It was actually in her group that Bella was able to place a name to her feelings. One of the women in the group had discussed the survivor's guilt she had dealt with after losing her son and Bella made the connection. That had helped us immensely. We had discussed in therapy that maybe part of Bella's unwillingness to have another child was due to the fact that she didn't think she deserved another chance.

I could see how that would play a role in her hesitancy, but I think more than anything she was afraid. She was afraid of losing another baby, and she was afraid of replacing the one that we had lost.

I didn't broach the subject at home often because it wasn't really needed. We both knew where the other one stood. Until Bella decided that she was ready we would be at an impasse.

As much as I wanted another child, I would wait patiently until she was ready. I had my wife back, I had a beautiful son, and I was happy.

The holidays would be very soon and I was eager to get away from work for a while and focus on my family.

Life had gotten to be very routine, and after a year of chaos and turmoil, I couldn't have been more grateful for the predictability.

On nights when we didn't have therapy or a support group I would come home to find Bella playing and laughing with Ayden and we'd eat dinner together enjoying each other's company.

The spark in Bella, that I had fallen in love with, was slowly but surely returning. After dinner we'd spend time with Ayden then put him to bed.

Usually I'd retreat to my piano and play whatever came to mind, while Bella would lay on the floor behind me and write in her journal. She had become very dedicated to that notebook and although I longed to read it I gave her what she wished and waited patiently.

We always went to bed at the same time. Some nights we would stay up and make love, other nights I was completely content to just hold my angel in my arms. In these moments I knew that even if Ayden stayed an only child I would be happy with my life.

I was beyond blessed and no matter what happened in the future having my family back was enough to keep me content for a lifetime.

Work had been busy and date nights had been pushed to the side. I was looking forward to getting some alone time with my wife but I wasn't complaining about getting to spend time together as a family.

Today I was particularly eager to get back to my house. I hated working on Saturdays, knowing that Bella was off work and I wasn't at the house with her.

I finally made it home and walked into the house. I was a bit disappointed when I didn't hear any laughter or noise in the living room. Ayden didn't run to greet me like he usually did. Bella's car was in the drive way so I knew they should be here.

"Hello" I called out into the living room. Nobody answered. I was starting to worry that something was wrong as I made my way upstairs. The closer I got to the bedroom; I could hear music coming through the door.

I slowly opened it and saw Bella standing with her back to me. Her hair was down in loose curls and she was wearing a short black dress that hugged her curves perfectly. She bent down to pull on a pair of strappy heels and I felt myself grow hard at the sight of her. God she was beautiful.

She sang to herself quietly while I leaned back against the doorway watching her. After she had her shoes on she turned and jumped when she saw me smirking at her.

"Damn it Edward, you almost gave me a heart attack!" She said while catching her breath.

"You look amazing, love." I whispered as I walked toward her and kissed her gently.

I broke our kiss and pushed her away from me a little so that I could get a good look at her.

"You look absolutely stunning." I said truthfully.

"Thank you." Her blush covered her cheeks. "You should get in the shower, we have plans tonight." she said softly.

"What do you mean plans?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I'm taking my husband on a date. Alice is watching Ayden for the night and me and you are going out." She said confidently.

"Oh really, aren't I the one who is supposed to take you out?" I questioned before kissing her again.

"Not tonight. Tonight is about me thanking you for how great you've been with me. I'm taking a page from the Edward Cullen hand book and spoiling you." She laughed.

There was no need for her to spoil me, or thank me. I was tempted to argue but she seemed so proud of what she was doing I didn't want to upset her by fighting about my worthiness.

"I'd love to spend the evening with you Mrs. Cullen. But do we really need to go out? We have a very large bed right here." I said trying to sound seductive as I trailed kisses down her neck.

"Mmm" she moaned. I knew I had her. I picked her up and gently laid her on the bed without removing my lips from her soft skin.

I felt her hands grip my biceps tightly and I began teasing her earlobe with my lips and teeth. We wouldn't be going anywhere tonight. I was feeling a little smug at my ability to make her melt and went to went to slide down the zipper of her dress.

I didn't make the zipper move more than an inch when her hands pressed against my chest and pushed me up.

"No, no, no, you're not going to distract me that easily." She said, again trying to steady her breathing.

I let out a whiny noise and she laughed at me. I got up and went to take off my shoes.

"Hey, don't pout, you're an adult remember." She said laughing at me again.

"Fine." I mumbled like a child.

"You'll have a good time tonight, and I've made reservations for two with this bed later on tonight." She teased.

"I'll hold you to that." I warned her.

"Yeah, yeah, now go shower while I change." She said dismissively.

"No don't change; you look unbelievable in that dress." I begged.

She stalked toward me slowly and tugged on my collar, bringing my ear down to her lips.

"It's not my dress I have to change." She whispered and blushed.

A big grin plastered itself across my face; I was always pleased to know that I still had that effect on her after this many years.

I got showered and dressed quickly while Bella was doing something downstairs. When I made it down I watched her turn and look me up and down. She was really feeding into my ego tonight and I couldn't wait to get her back here.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked.

"Yep, so where are we going?" I asked.

For the millionth time tonight she was laughing at me.

"What is so damn funny?" I asked, only mildly irritated. I didn't like being laughed at for no reason but it was so amazing to see her laughing again. I would dress up as a jester and buy a rubber chicken if it would keep her smiling.

"Where are we going?" She repeated still chuckling.

I nodded furiously and looked at her like she was insane. "Yes, I don't see the humor in the situation Bella." I said seriously.

"Tell me Edward, tell me one time in our entire relationship where you have planned a special evening out and ever told me where we were going, please I'm begging you give me one instance." She got out through giggles.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, trying to keep a smile from showing through.

"That's what I thought. Now let's go."

We headed into the city and I tried to keep myself from groaning at the impossibly slow speed we were traveling at.

We kept driving until we were in the heart of Seattle. As we pulled into a valet stop I looked up and couldn't believe it.

"Bella, are we going to SkyCity?" I asked trying not to sound like a kid on Christmas.

She nodded and bit her bottom lip.

I tugged her lip from between her lips and kissed her fiercely.

SkyCity was one of the premier restaurants in Seattle and offered the best view in the city since it was located at the top of the needle. Bella had only let me bring her here once and that was the night I proposed. I loved the place, but Bella had always said it was 'too much'.

She hated for me to spoil her like that. I knew that, more than her bringing me here, her gift was allowing me to take her here. It might seem backwards but it made complete sense to me. I was elated.

We broke our kiss as we heard the valet clear his throat from outside our car. We laughed like teenagers who just got caught parking and made our way inside.

The host stared at Bella a little too long as she told him the reservations were under the name Cullen. It didn't miss my attention that his eyes were focused on the subtle cleavage that Bella's dress was accentuating. I cleared my throat loudly and wrapped my arm around Bella's waist.

"I'm sorry, what was the name again?" the boy stuttered.

"Edward and Bella Cullen" I said clearly, before I swept Bella's hair back and kissed her shoulder.

She looked up at me and rolled her eyes, but let it go.

We were led to our table which was right by the windows and ordered our wine.

"Thank you for this Bella." I said sincerely brushing my lips across the back of her hand.

"No thanks needed Edward. This is about me thanking me you. You have been so patient with me and so…amazing these last few months."

"You have no reason to thank me, love. I'm just so happy we've finally made it back to where we should be. The importance of anything else pales in comparison to having you and my family back with me."

She nodded and smiled sadly at me. After that we were able to pick up easy conversation. We talked about work and the past and everything in between.

"Did I tell you about what Ayden did yesterday when we were playing baseball?" I asked already laughing at the story before I told it.

"No, but do you think maybe you can tell me tomorrow?" She asked hesitantly.

I looked at her with complete confusion. If there was one thing Bella always wanted to talk about it was our son. She hung on every word he said.

"I just…I love Ayden more than life, but can tonight just be about me and you? Don't get me wrong I'm dying to talk about him, but I want tonight to be about us as a couple, we're more than just parents. Do you think maybe we can focus on you and me?" She questioned timidly.

"Of course." I said with a smile.

I was surprised but not at all disappointed. I adored the mother of my child, but I rarely got to see the girl I fell in love with. Life was busy with bed times, work, and hot wheels. It would be nice to spend an evening with the beautiful woman who had captured my heart.

Our conversations continued reminiscing about college and our first year of marriage. Occasionally one of us would begin to mention Ayden and stop ourselves. Of course we would laugh at that, it seemed he had a way of worming himself into most of our thoughts.

After dinner we headed down to the car. I opted to drive. Bella had drank a few glasses of wine so I figured it'd be safer, of course I also was not overly eager to ride in the passenger seat with her driving, sober or not.

"Head downtown." She said as she buckled her seatbelt.

We made our way downtown and parked before walking down the busy streets. We found the small jazz bar that Bella had been looking for and went in.

We ordered a round of drinks and listened to the music coming from the small stage. I was watching the band intently but couldn't help noticing Bella's eyes staying locked on me. She had a small smile on her lips and I pretended not to notice her ogling.

The band took a set break and I turned to face her.

"Did you like the band?" I asked.

"I loved them." She smiled. She leaned up against me in the small booth and rested her head against my shoulder.

"I love you." I told her softly.

"I love you." She said while running the tips of her fingers gently from my hip to my knee and back again.

I leaned down and kissed her hair as the music started back up.

"Bella" I whispered into her hair. "Would you be angry if I asked a favor of you?"

"Edward, please don't make me dance in front of all these people, in these heels." She begged.

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "No Bella, I'm not asking you to dance."

"Okay, well then name it." She said sounding relieved.

"I know you got dressed up, and you know I love showing off my beautiful wife, but right now, all I can think about is getting you home."

She didn't respond but she sat and looked around.

"Ma'am we're going to need to pay our tab, now." Bella called to the waitress who was walking by.

We paid our tab and left quickly. The drive home seemed to take longer than the drive there. That was saying something considering my lead foot.

We made it in the door before I pulled Bella tightly to me and pressed my lips to hers. She moaned in response and I kicked the door shut.

She pushed away from me a little and I almost whined, but then she turned so I could undo her zipper. I slid it down slowly taking in every inch of her bare back.

I reveled in watching that black dress hit the floor. I had wanted it there all night long. I turned Bella around to face me. I went in for a kiss but she only stepped further away from me.

I gave her a questioning look but she simply winked and took off running up the stairs. I ran after her amazed she made it up the stair in heels.

I caught her as soon as she stepped into our bedroom. She laughed when I wrapped my arms around her stomach and tossed her onto the bed.

She fumbled with the buttons on my shirt while I slid my fingers over her clit. Her moans drove me on and she became unable to focus on getting me shirt off. I quickly managed with one hand while I slid two fingers inside her. She drug her nails down my bare chest and let out a deep needy moan that nearly made me lose all control.

"Please, Edward" She moaned.

She didn't have to ask twice. I pulled my pants off and quickly replaced my fingers with my cock. We both inhaled sharply at the sensation.

"I love you." I said as I thrust deep inside her.

"I love you too." She managed to get out. Those were the only words we spoke that night we didn't need anything else. I made love to my wife and held her as we both fell asleep.

I woke up on Sunday to an empty bed. Well almost empty.

I rolled over to reach for Bella and became fully awake when I didn't feel her beside me. Instead my hand found something else.

I sat up and rubbed the sleep from eyes to get a better look at what had replaced my wife. There on her pillow were two notebooks and a note on top of them.

_Edward,_

_I went with the girls to take the kids out for day,_

_and run a few errands. Here are my notebooks_

_(apparently one wasn't big enough). Go ahead and read them,_

_we can talk about them in detail when I get home, if you want._

_I love you._

_Your Bella._

I eagerly picked up the first book and opened it, a little afraid of what I might find, but eager none the less.

****************************************************************************************************

BPOV

"So you just left them there for him to read alone." Alice asked for the second time.

"Yeah."

"Don't you want to be there with him, to answer any questions or talk about things as he goes through them?" Rosalie asked.

The three of us were sitting at the park watching the kids played. I had just finished telling them about mine and Edward's date and about my journals.

"No, I want him to be able to read them without interruption. I know if I was there I would be trying to explain everything in advance and apologize for things that might be hard to read. I want him to be able to read it all and feel how he needs to feel about everything. I plan on talking to him about it but I want to give him some time.

"You realize that makes absolutely no sense right?" Alice persisted.

"Yeah pretty much, but it's how I feel."

"Okay." Rosalie said, effectively closing the subject.

We let the kids burn off some more energy for a while before we were ready to leave.

"Do you guys mind running by Home Depot or Lowes?" I asked.

They both just gave me strange looks.

"There's some stuff I need to buy." I said confidently.

**A/N: Alright you guys already know I love you, but I'll love you even more if you'll take just a few quick moments to review! Please, and thank you. **

**(you think maybe someday I can get a message from sally struthers begging ya'll for reveiws for me. lol. ' for the time it takes to fix one cup of coffee you can help a writer feel like her silly piece of fanfic is being read. haha...ok maybe some of you are to young to know who sally struthers is, o'well review anyway. )**

**oh yeah incase anyone doesn't know, lowes and home depot are home hardware stores. What could Bella possibly need there?  
**


	35. Worries and Relief

**A/N: Lots of love to all of my reviewers, you guys are amazing! This chapter was really difficult for me to write for some reason, not sure why, but that's why it took just a little longer than anticipated. I hope you like it!**

**S. Meyer owns Twilight.  
**

Chapter 35

Worries and Relief

I had spent quite a bit of time at the hardware store. I had entered with confidence and conviction, but before I reached the proper isle my stomach was in knots about what I was purchasing. Despite the sick feeling in my stomach, I knew it was the right thing to do. This was my decision and it was time.

Well I guess, it wasn't entirely my decision. What if Edward wasn't happy about my plans? I had been convinced he would be…proud maybe, or at the very least content, but I had just realized that there was another possibility all together. What if this upset him, I really didn't want my actions to hurt him anymore than they already had. I was second guessing my plan.

After debating in the colorful isle I decided I would go ahead and buy what I had come for, and ask Edward how he felt about it. If he protested then I would respect his wishes.

Alice and Rose never questioned my purchase, which led me to believe they were fully aware of my intentions, and let me go about my shopping in relative peace. I was nervous as my purchase was rang up and we exited the store.

'You can do this.' I repeated to myself on the way home. I was sitting next to Ayden in the backseat while he played with my hair and giggled. Having my son around calmed my nerves to an extent, however, right now I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. So much of how today would go hung on Edward's reaction, not only regarding my new purchase but also my journals.

I had laid everything on the line. Edward knew about nearly everything I had written, we had been very open lately about our past, still the thought of everything hitting him all at once was enough to make me nauseous.

I tried to think whether or not there was anything I had written about that we hadn't discussed, but I couldn't think of anything; that made me feel a little proud. We're finally back to the open and honest relationship we had before we lost Hannah, well maybe not completely back, but

I tried like hell to push back the thoughts of Hannah and focus on Ayden for now. I was able to think of her more frequently these days but right now thoughts of her would make what I was going to do that much more difficult. It was already proving to be a long day and we still had our family dinner tonight.

We were almost home when I finally entered the conversation that was going on in Emmett's SUV. The girls were talking about Tonight's dinner and that was just one more thing added to my list of worries.

"Um, do you guys think maybe we can do dinner at one of your houses tonight? I just really don't feel like cooking tonight, would that be all right?" I asked hopefully.

They both stopped talking for a second, and I almost laughed. I could see the terror about cooking for the whole family in their expressions.

"Uh..Sure, Alice can cook tonight." Rosalie tossed out the second her shock wore off. I laughed despite myself and Alice flashed Rose a look that looked like Rose had just framed her for capital murder.

"What!" she declared in a tone that was both appalled and terrified.

"No Bella, please cook. Mommy's food doesn't taste as good." Rosalyn whispered to me. I couldn't help but laugh again. I loved how my in-laws could make me laugh, even in the worst of moods.

I interrupted Alice's sputtering about the center for disease control permitting her from large meal preparation and offered the obvious piece of advice.

"Okay, okay, how about we just pick up some take-out. Is Chinese fine with everyone?" I said, playing the peace keeper.

Both girls nodded enthusiastically, clearly no one wanted to eat what Alice prepared. Jasper had learned to cook as soon as they moved in together. It was a good thing too, I would have hated for them to starve to death.

By the time we worked out the Sunday dinner crisis of 2009 I was home. I had given the girls a quick goodbye. I grabbed my bags and my son and marched inside to meet my fate, summoning false confidence as I turned the door knob.

I glanced quickly at the clock as I entered my living room and realized it was only two o'clock, so I had plenty of time before we had to be at Alice's at seven for greasy egg rolls.

I didn't see Edward downstairs so I sent Ayden to play with his toys and headed upstairs find Edward. I opened our bedroom door and find Edward still in his pajamas and still in bed. He had my second notebook in his hands and it looked like he was toward the end.

His face was tensed in thought. His eyes moved rapidly back and forth along the lined pages. I was reminded of the intelligent, studious, co-ed I had known in my late teens. He was studying my writing with a look of complete focus.

He didn't notice my entrance until I sat down on the edge of the bed.

I bit my lip as he just looked at me for a moment. The silence hung heavily between us neither of us breaking eye contact while I chewed on my lower lip.

Before I had time to register his movements Edward's arms were wrapped tightly around me, my notebook tossed on the bed. We held each other in silence both of us needing the emotional and physical connection of the embrace.

After a few moments Edward released me and ran his thumb across my cheek.

"I don't…I have…I have no clue what to say. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I thought I knew how much pain you were in, I thought I understood, I was wrong and I'm sorry." Edward said, his green eyes boring in to mine, slightly red rimmed.

I couldn't find words. I was confused and a little shocked.

"You're not upset with me?" I asked nervously.

"Of course not love. I can't be mad at you about how you felt. I did that before and I was wrong." He spoke with such sincerity I almost didn't contradict him, almost.

"Edward, I made mistakes, quite possibly more than you. I had hoped you would realize that by now, especially after reading what I wrote." I spoke earnestly.

"I do realize that Bella, possibly now more than before, however that doesn't mean I can't apologize for my faults." He leaned in and gently kissed my lips.

Relief flooded through me at his words, or rather lack thereof. He hadn't been upset by my revelations and he didn't try to contradict my feelings.

"Okay, so let's agree no more apologies. We're done with sorrys. We both screwed up and it is done." I said in one breath. Edward smiled at me and nodded just a little; one bump down one more to go. I was about to tell Edward about my trip today, when he spoke first.

"There is one thing I would like to talk to you about, regarding your journals." He spoke in his professional tone and I was thrown off by the change in his demeanor.

"Yes?" I stuttered. I knew this had happened to easily. I should have been more prepared for the repercussions of my words.

"Bella, you took a journal and turned it into something different." His tone was still slightly guarded but his eyes shown something else.

I gave him a strange look and he shook his head at me.

"The journal is written in second person; your story telling is detailed, and follows a clear path." He said with an unreadable expression.

I still wore the same confused face, not sure what he was getting at. "You told me to approach it a different way. Are you disappointed it doesn't have a 'dear diary' feeling to it?" I asked carefully. For some reason I felt a little hurt by the fact that he was questioning the core of what I had written. It had been his idea for me to write it my way, now he was unhappy because it was written in second person.

He sighed exasperatedly and rolled his eyes at me.

"Bella, this isn't a journal. This is novel. It's a story about loss, and love, and rebuilding. It's heartfelt and honest. This deserves to be read." He said, looking strangely serious.

I laughed loudly and uncontrollably. I loved my husband. He was even better than Rose and Alice at getting me to smile when I was feeling troubled.

"Bella." Edward said, pretending to be annoyed.

I couldn't stop laughing and finally he turned my chin firm but gently to face him. He didn't look very happy. My giggles subsided quickly.

"Bella, I wasn't trying to be humorous. I'm serious. This could be published." He repeated his ridiculous sentiment only now I was concerned. I had never once questioned Edward's intelligence he was a doctor for God's sake, but he was starting to worry me.

"No, it couldn't. It's something I wrote to help myself it's not at all publishing caliber." I said honestly.

"Love, when I was reading this I found myself flipping quickly through the pages to see how this was going to work out…and I lived the story!" he declared loudly.

I sighed deeply trying to figure out how to make him let go of his ridiculous notion.

"Alright, let's just say, _theoretically_, that it could _possibly_ be published and a _few_ people _might_ read it. Who says I want anyone to read about the hardest part of my life. Those are my…our personal, private, experiences. I don't know if that is something I'd ever want to share with the world." I said sincerely trying to keep my patience.

Edward threaded his fingers between mine. "That's perfectly understandable love, it was just a thought. Of course these are your words and if you want them to stay between us, than that makes complete sense and I respect it. I just wanted to let you know that I think what you wrote has great potential." He kissed my forehead and I felt my previously tense body relax.

Our conversation turned to plans for the evening and Edward finally got himself out of our bed for the day.

Once he was out of the shower he came downstairs where I was getting Ayden settled in for a nap. He was completely beat after his day with his cousins and I didn't feel like dealing with a grouchy child at dinner because of his exhaustion.

After turning off his light I took Edward's hand and pulled him toward the couch. We sat down and I reached toward the bags on the floor.

"Um, I kind of bought us something today. I'm not sure how you'll feel about it so be honest with me." I said while handing the sacks to him.

He arched an eyebrow at me as he pulled out a large can of paint and a couple of brushes and rollers. "Uh, you shouldn't have?" he said looking confused. If the situation wasn't so serious I might have laughed at his cluelessness, but given the circumstances his lack of understanding made the tension that much more severe.

I took a deep breath. "It's for Hannah's room." I choked out.

He eyed me for a minute before nodding his head. "Are you sure." He asked gently.

I nodded once, not trusting myself to string letters into words.

"Bella, if you're not ready…We don't have to do this." Edward was stroking my arms softly.

"No, we need to. I'm ready, I promise. It's just going to be hard." I choked out.

"So when did you want to start this project?" he asked awkwardly. I knew this was more difficult for him than he was letting on.

I took a second to think of my answer.

"Today. I'm sure we won't be able to get everything done before dinner, but I would at least like to get started before I lose my nerve. Is that all right with you?"

He nodded in consent and understanding and without another word we picked up the bags and headed into Hannah's room. My hand hesitated on the door knob. This wouldn't be Hannah's room anymore. I'm not entirely sure how I felt about that.

"Bella, you know we're going to have to clean the room out first, don't you? I mean, I assume you don't want to paint and then keep everything in here as it is." Edward said in a careful tone.

We stood in the room together for a moment just taking it in one last time. Edward squeezed my hand tightly before going and getting boxes from the basement. While he was gone I went and picked up the wooden letters that had been flung around the room. I picked up the H and placed it on the dresser with Hannah's sonogram picture. I would keep both of those things. I was moving forward, but I wasn't going to pretend that my daughter hadn't existed.

Edward was back quickly and we began boxing up Hannah's clothes and various baby products. We decided to donate all of things to a local battered women and children shelter. The clothes would be used by people who needed them, so I didn't have to face the thought of actually tossing her things in the trash.

After about a half an hour we had nearly everything boxed up. We had been working quietly together and I found that this was a little easier than I had anticipated.

"What do you want to do with the crib?" Edward asked while running his hands along the smooth wood.

The weight of the question wasn't missed by me. His tone implied even more than his words did. Of course the idea of getting rid of the crib wasn't something I was going to entertain. We would have more children eventually and when we did, this would be there crib. It was also a family heirloom so tossing it wasn't an option.

"We're keeping it. It can go in the basement until…we need it."

He slid the crib over to the far wall of the room along with the rocking chair that I also wouldn't get rid of. I picked up the blanket my mother had made and went to set it in our bedroom so that it wouldn't get paint on it.

"We have to get ready for dinner in a couple hours, do you want to just wait and we'll start painting tomorrow?" Edward asked while covering the crib and chair with old sheets.

"Can we start now? I know we probably won't get it finished I just really want to keep going."

After taping off the windows and outlets, and protecting the floor. I dipped the paint roller in the off white liquid and took a deep breath. I could see Edward watching me as I pressed the roller to the wall. I glided the paint up and down effectively removing the pink and brown color scheme from the room.

I had been pleased with the ease of packing the clothes but this was different. My emotions were beginning to overwhelm me. I was overcome by the intensity of what I was actually doing.

To an outsider we were simply a couple painting a room, but this was so much more. This felt like our final goodbye to our past. It was scary and sad, depressing and liberating, it was torture and it was a release. Apparently the physical proof of my emotions was running down my cheeks, because Edward was at my side quickly, wiping away my tears.

He didn't question whether or not we needed to stop he just gave me a kiss and went back to his paint brush. We worked quickly side by side and it didn't take us nearly as long as we had thought it would. Although we did lose track of time and were now rushing out the door trying to make it to Alice's on time.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked taking my hand across the center console of the car.

"Yes, I think so." I said honestly. "I feel…like I'm at peace. Does that make sense?" I questioned, wondering if I made any sense at all.

"I understand completely. It's feels like a new start, a little painful, but a new start none the less." We arrived at Alice's quickly and everyone gathered in the fancy dining room to pass cardboard boxes of lo mein noodles and sesame chicken.

We all talked and laughed and enjoyed time with each other. On the car ride home I couldn't stop thinking about what Edward had said about my journals, could what I wrote really be published? Why would I want to publish something like that? I decided to file the thought away for a much later date as we pulled into our driveway.

After Edward and I tucked Ayden in, Edward headed up stairs while I stepped into the now empty room across from Ayden's and said a silent goodbye to my daughter, the past year, and the me that had existed in that year. I shut the door and went to get into bed with my husband. As I laid awake listening to Edward's steady breathing, something Esme had said to me last week kept playing in my head.

**A/N: So did anyone guess correctly about Bella's purchase?**

**We only have two chapters and an epilogue left as of right now. Part of me knows it's time for the story to end, the other part is kicking and screaming like a spoilt child at a wal-mart register. Any predictions for what will happen next?  
**

**Please review, and let me know what you think. Thanks!**


	36. Oops

**A/N: Thanks to those who took the time to review the last chapter! Remember owns Twilight**

Chapter 36

Oops

BPOV

It had been a couple of days since we painted, and Edward made his insane suggestion of publishing my journal. I had intended to ignore the idea completely but something kept nagging at me and I wasn't sure what.

Well that's not entirely accurate. I knew precisely what was nagging at me, Esme. She may not be here breathing down my neck about it, but her previous words were haunting most of my thoughts. Esme had told me that she believed we face challenges in our lives so that we have the capacity to help others.

I had agreed with her fervently when she had planted that ticking time bomb, but now that it was time to pay up I was scared to death. I tried to bury the logic and convince myself that perhaps Edward's mom had a drinking problem which caused her to utter nonsense that shouldn't be taken seriously. Unfortunately, I knew better.

That's how I've found myself here, sitting at my computer staring at a blank word document, while the curser taunting me with its flashing. I drum my finger nails along my desk debating with myself about what to do. I knew a decision didn't have to be made right now, but if I was going to start typing this up, there had to be a purpose behind it.

For me, once that first page was on the screen, there would be no going back. Strange maybe, but that was how I felt.

Not only was I afraid of having someone read my work, something that although fiction, was basically autobiographical, it also raised some moral issues for me. Was I really okay with the idea that I would basically be making money off of losing my daughter? Every literature major, at some point, entertains the idea of having their thoughts in print, but was this really the way I wanted that to happen?

Was it in anyway appropriate for me to open up about Edward's issues to perfect strangers? Our family didn't even have this much insight as to what had been happening with the two of us.

In the back of my head I knew that Edward was fine with it and would support me no matter what. I had already decided to change the names in the story just to avoid any issues there. I also decided that the majority of the money would go to the NICU that had helped Hannah, and I would donate a lot of it to the support group I attended. Seeing the money go to something positive would lessen the guilt I felt about earning it. It wasn't like we really needed it any way.

I had of course pondered all of this while I was adamantly rejecting the notion all together. I think part of me knew I would pursue this even as I battled against it, and honestly it felt more healing than any therapy session I had been to.

Esme's words were forcing my fingers to the keys. The realization that maybe, someday, my story could help one mother, in some tiny way; deal with a similar loss was the driving force behind that first click of the keys.

So I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I added and edited and cleaned up my journals into a debatably solid story. The only person who knew was Edward. He was proud and said he was impressed with the strength it took for me to take this risk.

He didn't understand that the strength I had was drawn from him. Without his support, faith, and determination to see us through I'm not sure where I would be.

I still had no idea whether or not anyone would want to publish this but I continued writing.

The weeks flew by in a blur. My time was filled with wrapping up the semester, writing, taking care of Ayden, and loving my husband in every sense of the word.

I was genuinely happier than I had been in a long time. Spending my days with my son and my nights with my husband made everything feel right. The idea of another baby still loomed somewhere in the back of my mind. I was coming around to the idea, but there was still a little fear there. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. I knew I was ready to love another child, but the idea of putting more strain on my marriage was terrifying. Although to be fair, it could be said that by not having a child I was putting some strain on my marriage. I just wish there could be some sign, something to let me know that it was the right time and everything would be all right.

Today was a Friday and I was sitting around wrapping presents while Ayden played with blocks. Christmas was approaching fast and I was eager to be with my family. Thanksgiving had been uneventful seeing as we had all split up. Since everyone would be together for Christmas; Alice and Jasper had went to see Jasper's family and Rose and Em had gone to see Rose's family.

Edward and I had went back to Forks to visit with my family. We had a loud, entertaining, Thanksgiving on the reservation.

I knew that this was going to be a particularly long weekend. Edward was at a medical conference in Los Angeles while I was here at home. Before Ayden, I would always travel with Edward to things like this but obviously with a small child that isn't exactly feasible.

I missed him like crazy and in an act of sheer boredom I called Alice to see if she wanted to go shopping. I was almost instantly regretting my decision as I listened to the ringing of her phone.

"Yes" She chirped before even a hello.

" Alice, I haven't even asked you anything yet." I said trying to sound annoyed.

"You want to shop right? I'm all for it because I desperately need to pick up a few more Christmas presents." She rambled.

"How did you know I was going to ask to go shopping?" I said with an eye roll she couldn't see.

"It's a gift."

"No seriously." I deadpanned.

"Ugh, fine. Edward's away, you're probably missing him and want to take your mind off him. Plus there is probably something you're wanting to get off your chest, otherwise you wouldn't subject yourself to something you claim to loathe. Let us not ignore the fact that it is almost Christmas, so must people need to shop." She said in one breath. Girl was good.

"All right, you're right, so do you want to go, or not?"

"Like you even need to ask, let me get Rosalyn ready and I'll be there in a few. You are bringing Ayden right?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah, Santa has already taken care of him. I just need to find something for Edward." I had been so consumed with spending time with my husband that I had forgotten to take time to shop for him.

"Sounds good, I'll see you in a few." She hung up as soon as the words left her mouth and I went to make myself look Alice-approved.

As I got dressed I contemplated calling Rosalie to tag along, but I decide on just having some Alice time. At some point in the past year Rose had become my confidant and a sort of rock for me, but I did miss Alice.

Alice knew how much I had confided in Rose when things were at their worst for me and Edward and she never complained or let it bother her. I think she understood why I needed Rose so badly. Rosalie wouldn't coddle me or tell me what I wanted to hear just for the sake of my feelings.

Alice had been fine with it but right now I wanted to spend some time with my original best friend. Besides, with Kallie being so young it wasn't always easy for Rose to get away.

Alice arrived quickly and we loaded up the kids and headed toward the mall.

"So what's your secret?" Alice asked cutting to the chase before we even made it to the highway.

"um… I'm kind of writing a book?" I said nervously.

Alice was silent for a moment. "Is it about Hannah?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, how did you…" I began.

"When you told me about the journals I started thinking about how it could help people to read about someone who has been in the same situation. I never thought about you publishing, but it seems…right, I guess."

"So, does that mean you think I'm doing the right thing?" I questioned, honestly wanting her opinion.

"Does it feel right to you?" She asked without looking away from the road.

I didn't answer right away. "Yes." I finally said with conviction.

"Then that's all you need to know. You know what is right, you don't need my opinion. But for what it's worth, yes, I think it's great." She answered seriously.

After that I conversation turned to more casual topics. We laughed as we listened to Rosalyn and Ayden chatter in the backseat about their dads. Both were comparing and contrasting Edward and Jasper.

"Well my daddy teaches me baseball." Ayden said proudly.

"My daddy plays the guitar." Rosalyn said with just as much pride.

Alice and I glanced at each other both feeling very blessed at the moment.

"My daddy plays piano and makes a funny fish face like this." Ayden said squishing his cheeks in so his lips puckered. I laughed at the memory of Edward being completely goofy.

"Eww, ew guess what I'm getting Ayden." Rosalyn cheered in pure delight.

Ayden's eyes went wide. "What?"

Alice's ears perked up and I could see the confused look on her face. I know she was wondering if Rosalyn had found her stash of presents.

"I'm getting a baby brother or sister!" Rosalyn said happily.

"Oh." was Ayden's only response. His tone was a little dismissive, so it was hard to tell exactly what he was feeling or how much he was thinking about this.

I took a deep breath through my nose as Alice shot me an apologetic look and turned the radio to a Disney station so the kids could sing along. I gave her a small smile back showing that I was okay.

I didn't feel the same agonizing ache as I did before when Ayden mentioned wanting a sister. I knew in my heart that at some point we would get there. He would have what he wanted. Until then we would just have to be patient.

We arrived at the mall and decided to hit the jewelry shop. I looked at a few watches for Edward, but with him being a doctor it wasn't the most practical of gift. He would frequently have to take it off. Alice picked out a pair of cuff links for Carlisle and then we moved on.

We shopped for what felt like an eternity and I was seriously considering bah-hum-bugging Christmas all together. I couldn't find anything that I felt was appropriate for Edward. He had been amazing lately and I wanted to get him an equally amazing gift. So far, I had no luck.

The kids were getting restless so we decided to stop by the food court and grab a couple of smoothies and watch them play in the kid's zone.

"Ayden is getting so big." Alice said as we watched the two play tag.

"Don't remind me, I swear he looks more like Edward every day." I said with a smile.

"Tell me about it. Edward could never deny that child." She laughed.

"How's Rosalyn been?" I asked, feeling like a crappy aunt for having spent so little time with her lately.

"She's good. She's so anxious for Christmas. It reminds me of how I felt about it when I was her age." Alice said with a look of far off nostalgia.

I had to laugh at her because I'm sure her holiday enthusiasm hadn't suffered with age.

"Can you believe how close it is, today is already the eighteenth." She was so excited I was thinking about releasing my Grinch tendencies.

"I know it's….wait today's the eighteenth?" I said a little too loud.

"Yeah, today's the eighteenth, tomorrow will be the nineteenth." She said like I was deranged. "You guys are going to drive to Colorado on the twenty-third right?"

"yeah" I muttered absently. My heart had stopped beating for a moment. How was I able to keep screwing up my dates. Well in all fairness I knew what today was I just hadn't really thought about it.

Alice went to grab the kids while I sat on the bench and stared blankly into space. My mind wasn't functioning due to the waves of thoughts and emotions that were crashing into it.

I barely heard Alice call my name as I got up and mindlessly followed. I couldn't quite make out my surroundings my feet just managed to move with the group.

It took about ten minutes for me to finally snap out of my conscious coma and rejoin the land of the living, just in time to catch the tail end of Alice's story.

"and I told her, there is no way I'm designing faux fur underwear-"

"Alice." I interrupted rudely. "I know what I'm going to buy Edward for Christmas. I'm going to swing over to another store real quick. Can you keep an eye on Ayden for me?" I asked. She said something equaling yes and I bolted out the door to see if I could find what I was looking for.

EPOV

God I hate L.A. Well that isn't technically true. I loved California when Bella and I came down here once during spring break. I loved the sunshine, and of course getting to see my then girlfriend in her bikini for an entire week definitely aided in the appeal of the city.

Right now, however, was not nearly as much fun. I was sitting in my hotel room alone thinking about what I was missing back home. Bella would probably be tucking in our son right now. Then she would be climbing in to an empty bed. Man I wished I was home.

I had made myself wait until it was ten before I called her. The minutes drug by slowly but I waited. I knew that by ten Ayden would be in a complete, deep sleep, and Bella would be in bed ready to watch either the news or Colbert depending on her mood. She told me before that she always slept with a T.V on when I wasn't home because the house felt to quiet or empty.

It was all her little quirks combined that made me love her even more.

I picked up my phone eagerly and dialed her number without ever looking at the keypad.

"I miss you." Her beautiful voice whispered on the first ring.

"I miss you too, love. California's no fun without you here." I told her honestly.

"Yeah well, Washington's not much better off without you." She said in a mumble.

"So what did you do this evening?" I said, trying to lighten whatever mood she was in.

"Went shopping with your sister." Ah, that explains the mood.

"Shopping, huh? Did you get anything for your husband? I've been very good you know." I said in a teasing tone, trying to make her smile.

"hmm…there might be something under the tree with your name on it." I could hear the smile in her voice and I felt relaxed.

"Oh really, you didn't by any chance get another one of those cute little Santa outfits you had a few years ago did you?"

My mind flew back to the memory of our first Christmas in our own home. Bella wore a little read super mini skirt with white fur around the edges and a barely their red bra with the same fur lining. The 'outfit' had come completely with a Santa Clause hat.

Bella knew I loved that thing. What she didn't realize was that what I truly remembered from that night was how she walked into the room looking shy. Her bottom lip pulled up between her teeth and her cheeks were nearly as red as the hat on her head. The outfit was supposed to be sexy, and it was, but Bella also made it look…cute and sweet. I figured my opinions on that piece might make me sound a bit like a women so I just told her she looked sexy as hell and then threw her on the bed. That was about the same time we decided to try for kids.

"No, Edward I didn't" she laughed.

"Dang, I was thinking that would be a fun way to practice making babies." As soon as the damn words left my mouth I hit myself in the forehead with my palm. I had been trying so hard to not bring up that subject while things were going so well, and here I had to go and push her. Idiot.

There was a silence on the phone, and I was scared she had hung up.

"Bella? Are you there love?" I asked anxiously. I wouldn't blame her for hanging up on me. I had promised to give her time and then I had to go and slip up, a Freudian slip maybe, but still it was a mistake.

"I'm here." a sad voice said.

"I'm sorry love. I shouldn't have said that. I just wasn't thinking. I don't want to pressure you, it just came out."

"Edward, can we not talk about this tonight, please?" she begged. I could hear her wanting to cry and I felt bad for causing it.

"Sure love, what did you want to talk about?" I asked eager for a change in subject.

"I'm kind of tired; do you care if we just call it a night?" She said and I could hear how anxious she was to get off the phone. She tried to hide a sniffle and my heart broke at hearing it.

"That's fine, love. Get some rest." I said even though I really didn't want to have to hang up the phone.

We said our goodbyes quickly and hung up. I couldn't fight off the feeling that Bella wasn't okay. She was so distant and vague during our conversation. I felt like she wasn't telling me something. When I spoke to her this morning she was cheerful and content, now she seemed to be so conflicted. I knew I shouldn't have mentioned another child after I promised to give her time but I don't think that was the only thing upsetting her.

I hoped I could get some answers when I got back to Washington.

**A/N: Okay first, I have a reason for everything I did in this chapter, I promise. I can't wait to hear what you all think is going on with these two.  
**

**The last chapter should be up soon, I'm almost done with it, it's just turning out to be really long. So review and I'll try and get the next chapter to you pronto. I love hearing what y'all think, So go on and hit the little lavender and green button now. **


	37. The End

**A/N: Okay by now you should know that if you took the time to review I am beyond grateful, but just in case Thank you, truly! **

**This is the final regular chapter. I'm not going to lie, I really didn't want to post it, I'm not ready to say goodbye but all things must end, right? Meet me at the bottom for a longer A/N.  
**

**Steph Meyer owns Twilight. Enjoy.  
**

Chapter 37

The End

EPOV

To say that coming home was a bittersweet experience was an understatement. From the second I walked in to the door I felt like I could breathe again. I was back home with my wife and son and I couldn't have been more grateful. The bitterness was from Bella. I hadn't brought up her sad disposition the other times we talked when I was in L.A. but I could feel it. It was all I could think about.

Something wasn't right. When I walked into our home she gave me hug and a kiss and tried to act like she was okay. She was different; she was keeping something from me. My heart broke at the thought of her relapsing in to her earlier depression, where she'd shut me out.

I asked her if everything was okay before we went to bed my first night home. She said everything was fine and her tone seemed honest enough, but her eyes and the way she bit her lip told me she was hiding something from me.

Unfortunately, she hadn't really done anything, so the pure anger I was feeling was unwarranted. But I was angry. I was mad that after so much work she could shut me out so quickly. I had no grounds to think she was lying to me except for that I knew my wife, and something was off. It ate at me for the next couple of days while we packed to head to Colorado. I had decided that it would be in my best interest to just be there for her and hope that she would come to me.

I thought that maybe she was just in need of a get-away. If things weren't back to normal by the time we made it back from the cabin then I would push her to be honest with me. So we went about our lives while preparing to leave and I pretended not to notice her odd behavior.

I acted like I didn't notice the way her bottom lip had marks from being bitten. I pretended not to pay attention to the fact that she would start sentences and then stop herself from finishing them. The scariest thing too was the fact that she was spending more time in bed than usual. That really worried me, it took me back to that first month after Hannah's death when she had set up a permanent residence between our sheets, but like everything else I let her think I didn't notice it.

Aside from her strange behavior Bella seemed fairly content. She wasn't angry she didn't seem depressed either, just off.

We ended up leaving the night of the twenty-second so that we could get to the cabin by tomorrow evening. It would be almost an eighteen hour drive and I was not looking forward to keeping a small child trapped in the car that long. Bella said she didn't want to have Ayden on a plane just yet, but really I thought she was just in love with the idea of a road trip. She had always loved driving to new places and checking out things along the way. I did too; I just wasn't so convinced our son would feel so eager after hour ten.

I had been sleeping all day in preparation for the drive and when I woke up Bella had already loaded all of our bags and presents into the car.

She was positively bouncing in eagerness. She was glowing in her cheer and I couldn't help but grin at how happy she seemed, even if her mood swings were giving me whiplash I loved seeing her so giddy.

She hadn't seen me come down the stairs as I watched her dance around the living room with Ayden on her hip. She was singing jingle bell rock while Ayden tried to sing along.

"Oh I see you've found a new dance partner." I teased.

She jumped a bit at the sound of my voice and then grinned widely at me. "What can I say the kid can cut a rug." She laughed. This all felt so familiar and so right. I loved how we were a family again.

I walked toward the loves of my life and pulled them both into a hug. I kissed Ayden on the forehead before my lips met Bella's. Ayden giggled and tried to push our faces apart as we kissed.

With everything already being loaded I went and got dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I threw on my coat and we were out the door quickly.

"Are you ready?" I asked Bella as we pulled out of the driveway.

"You have no idea." She mumbled while staring at the window. The first few hours of the trip went by quickly. Bella and I talked the whole time while Ayden slept. Bella had been up since five in the morning getting ready for today so she fell asleep fairly soon.

I rode for hours with the radio on quietly stealing the occasional glance at Bella. Even asleep she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

I drove until day break before pulling into a small dinner so we could grab some breakfast.

"Wake up beautiful." I whispered to Bella while moving her hair from her face and kissing her cheek.

"mmm." She moaned. "Do you always have to be so cheesy?" She laughed with her eyes still closed.

"You love me." I declared.

"Says you." She teased. I arched an eyebrow at her and she just smiled. I shook my head at my 'oh so funny' wife and got Ayden awake and unbuckled.

We sat down at a little booth in the corner and waited for the waitress to come take our orders.

"I'm going to take Ayden to wash his hands real quick. Will you get me an orange juice and him milk?" Bella asked as she got up from the table.

"Do you want a cup of coffee too?" I asked although I'm sure she would.

"No, that's okay, juice is fine." She said quickly. Well I wasn't expecting that. I ordered our drinks and Bella and Ayden returned shortly.

We talked about the drive and after a little debate we decided I would just drive the rest of the way. I was awake and I knew we would get there a lot faster with me driving.

The older, friendly looking, waitress returned and took our orders. She stuck around for a few extra minutes to gush over Ayden.

"Isn't he just the most gorgeous little thing I've ever seen." She smiled.

I nodded my head at Ayden and he smiled before pressing his fingers against his lips and blowing the waitress a kiss.

She chuckled and shook her head while my wife's jaw dropped nearly hitting the table. I couldn't hide a laugh and she tried to glare at me but I could see the amusement in her face.

"Tell me you didn't teach him to do that." Bella said still trying to sound annoyed.

"Um, okay I didn't teach him that." I said like a child.

"Did too, Daddy." Ayden said while playing with sugar packets.

"Narc. See if I teach you how to wink at girls next." I mumbled. Bella rolled her eyes at me and tried not to laugh. Our food arrived shortly and we ate in relative silence.

Bella stayed awake for the remainder of the ride to the cabin and I was grateful to have someone up, keeping me company. It was early evening when we finally made it down the long snow lined drive. Bella picked up a sleeping Ayden wrapping him in a heavy blanket before making the run inside. I headed toward the trunk to start unloading. By the time I got the first bags out Emmett and Jasper were there to help carry in all the gifts.

"How was the drive, man? Emmett asked as we lugged a ton of junk into the foyer of the cabin.

"Fine, how about yours?" I questioned. Emmett and Rose had also decided to drive up since Kallie was still so young.

He sighed heavily and shook his head. "I swear dude, it's amazing we both made it here alive. I was about ready to push her out of the car." Emmett laughed. I knew he would never seriously consider doing that to his wife, if for no other reason than he was too scared of an angry Rose.

I stumbled in to find my parents and the girls all in the kitchen. Bella already had a cup of coco in front of her and Kallie in her arms.

Everyone hugged me as I came in.

"How was the trip son?" My dad questioned.

"It was fine." I shrugged.

"We were just discussing sleeping arrangements." Mom mentioned.

"Okay so there are five bedrooms, we were thinking each of the couples gets a room and we can put Rosalyn and Ayden down in the other. Rose said that Kallie can stay in their room, that way she isn't waking up the other kids if she gets fussy in the middle of the night. Is everyone okay with that?" Alice asked excitedly.

I saw Emmett want to protest but Rose shot him a look and he dropped it. It wasn't hard to figure out what part of the arrangement he had a problem with.

Everyone nodded and the guys went into the living room to watch football while the girls sat in the kitchen, doing whatever it is females do when they all congregate in the kitchen.

"So you and Bella seem to be doing pretty well." Jasper said. Emmett never took his eyes off of the television.

"Yeah I guess, I mean things have been great for a while, but I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong. She's been happy today but with how she's been acting I feel like she's keeping something from me." I said, surprising myself with how open I was being with my brother-in-law.

"Man, I don't know what to tell you. All you can do is be there for her and hope that she'll come to you in her own time." Jasper said. Before I could respond we were cut off by a loud shriek coming from the kitchen.

"Alice." Jasper and I said at the same time. No telling what she was so keyed up about.

BPOV

It felt so good to be able to stretch my legs. My back had been killing me from the car ride. Almost instantly after arriving at the house the boys went to watch ESPN while we congregated around the island in the kitchen.

"This place is absolutely gorgeous Esme. You've really out done yourself with the decorating." I said.

"Thank you dear, we really should come up here more often." We all nodded as Esme poured her and Rose another glass of wine.

"Oh I'm sorry Bella; I didn't mean to leave you out." She rushed as she filled a third glass of beautiful wine.

"No, that's okay. I'm fine with the hot chocolate." I said a little too quickly.

"Nonsense dear, you have to try this. I've been saving this bottle for a special occasion. It's amazing." She said sliding my glass to me.

"It really is one of her best bottles." Rose said as she took another drink.

"I appreciate it, but I'll stick with what I have. You go ahead though." I said.

Before Esme could say anything else Alice let out an ear piercing shriek.

"Holy mother of God, Alice!" Rose yelled as she rubbed her ear that was probably now damaged.

"You're pregnant!" Alice declared, ignoring Rose completely.

Everyone's eyes went wide as they stared at my stomach.

"Shhh….I am not!" I said firmly.

"Then why aren't you drinking, Bella?" Rose asked suspiciously.

"Ugh, I'm not pregnant…I've just…I've decided that I want to start trying again and I figured better safe than sorry." I said in a surprisingly calm voice.

"Oh" Alice mumbled.

"Edward must be so thrilled." Esme said in a tone that sounded slightly sad.

"Um, he doesn't know yet. I wanted to tell him as a Christmas present…yeah I wanted to wait and surprise him with the news. Could the three of you please not say anything to him?" I begged.

"Of course" Rose spoke for the group.

The girls continued talking about babies and me having more. Esme just sat and occasionally I would catch her giving me a small smile. The woman had a way of being able to see in someone's soul with her eyes. It made me a little nervous some of the time.

The evening wore on and we all decided to watch a movie together. Which movie was a debate. The guys wanted to watch 'A Christmas Story' while the ladies wanted to watch 'It's a wonderful life'. Thanks to Emmett's pouting, and Edward getting Ayden and Rosalyn on their side we settled in to watch someone get their eye shot out.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the couch as were Alice and Jasper. Rose and Emmett had cuddled up on the oversized recliner while the kids were sprawled out on the floor in front of the television.

Edward and I were on the love seat. I was sitting on one end while he laid down with his head on my lap. His legs hung over the arm of the small couch but he swore he was comfortable. As we laughed and quoted the movie I ran my fingers through Edward's gorgeous hair. He sighed a little and it didn't take long before he was completely out.

Before the credits rolled I had dozed off myself.

I was rudely awakened by a blinding flash.

"Bitch" I muttered.

"That's what they tell me." Rosalie laughed putting the camera back in her case.

"I thought you might prefer to sleep in an actual bed, rather than here on this tiny couch. By the way you've got just a little bit of drool." She smiled motioning to her chin.

"I do not." I grumbled but rubbed my chin anyway.

I gently shook Edward until he was half awake. We decided to let the kids stay on their pallet on the floor tonight before we stumbled our way down the hall to our room. We both quietly climbed into bed and intertwined ourselves together without a word before falling asleep.

It was early in the morning when I felt the bed bouncing up and down from the weight of someone.

"I swear to God, I really hope that Jasper hasn't grown too attached to you. I would hate for him to miss you too much." I muttered without opening my eyes.

"Don't worry, love we can find him someone new, who understands the importance of sleep." Edward muttered into his pillow.

"Oh quit being so grumpy! It's Christmas Eve, and mom made cinnamon rolls." Alice squealed.

Alice bounced her happy self out of the room and I could feel Edward get out of the bed muttering something about bribery by pastries.

I heard the shower in our private bathroom running and it only took a seconds contemplation before I climbed out of bed and walked toward the bathroom.

I slid the curtain back and stepped into the water casually after removing my clothes.

"I was hoping you would join me." Edward said with a smirk.

"I can see that."I whispered while my eyes raked down his firm stomach to see that he was already ready to take me.

His lips pressed to my jaw line as his fingers wrapped themselves in my wet hair. He kissed down my neck and I moaned at the feeling. My hands moved on their own accord wrapping my fingers around his length and stroking firmly up and down.

He groaned in to my collar bone and began massaging my breasts urgently.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" A voice yelled as the bathroom door banged open against the wall. Edward stepped back quickly throwing his head back in frustration against the shower wall.

I took a deep breath to compose myself and stuck my head out of the shower curtain, being sure to keep myself covered.

"What is it Ayden." I said trying to steady my breathing.

"Uncle Emmett, said tell you, no bath time fun, it's a family day." He said looking proud he had remembered the entire message.

"Well you can tell your uncle Emmett…"I started, before I remembered I was speaking to a child.

"Tell him I'll be down in a minute." I sighed.

"Okay. Where's daddy?"

"Daddy had to take care of some things he'll be back soon." I said.

Apparently he took the answer as good enough because he turned out of the room yelling my message to Emmett as he made his way down the hallway.

"Next year, no vacations with our family." Edward growled. He gave me one more firm kiss before stepping out of the shower.

I finished washing my hair and body then got out to get dressed.

I threw on a pair of tights and a long sweater. With my hair pulled back from my face I headed downstairs.

Emmett chuckled when he saw the glare I was casting his way.

"What's wrong little sister?" He laughed.

I walked up behind him and smacked him upside the back of his head.

"Shit." He yelled. Rosalie gave me an approving nod.

"Watch your language son, there are kids around." Esme chided gently.

"Yes ma'am." Emmett mumbled looking ashamed.

It was amazing how Rosalie and Emmett had become just as much Carlisle and Esme's children as the rest of us were.

I sat down and took the biggest cinnamon role on the plate. After everyone had ate we all got bundled up and went outside.

Rosalyn and Ayden were getting a kick out of just walking in the snow. They would kick their feet getting it to fly up around them and then erupt in laughter every time it did.

Esme and Carlisle kept an eye on them and listened to the baby monitor. Esme kept the thing glued to her hand despite the fact that you could see Kallie sitting in her baby bouncer right on the other side of the glass door.

The rest of us had walked out into the woods a little ways for a snowball fight.

We all spread out and began finding hiding spots and forming the snow with our gloves. I think all of us felt like kids again. We attacked each other with snowballs until it eventually became an all out war of tackling people into the snow. Me and the girls had of course taken off running toward the house before we could be thrown into the coldest wrestling match in history. Normally I wouldn't mind rough housing with Edward but right now it just didn't sound like fun.

By the time Rosalie, Alice, and I had made it inside the house Rosalyn and Ayden were already inside coloring with Carlisle while Esme rocked Kallie in her arms.

The rest of the morning was spent lounging around just enjoying each other's company. I spent most of the day tucked in to Edward's side, taking pleasure in being close to him.

After lunch the men went to go hunt down a Christmas tree. Rosalie and Esme hung out in front of the fire while Alice and I sat untangling Christmas lights, and throwing out shattered fragments of ornaments from old boxes of Christmas decorations.

Once the tree arrived we all got started decorating. Jasper tried to strategically lay out a plan for ornament placement while Emmett stood and chunked gobs of tinsel on branches like he was throwing confetti. Esme was moving quickly around him trying to fix what he was doing. Eventually he was demoted to ornaments.

After about an hour the tree was finally finished and it looked beautiful. Everyone oohed and ahhed when Carlisle turned on the lights. After we had all had dinner everyone quickly went to bed eager to start the next day.

EPOV

It was five in the morning when I crept down the hall to deposit the presents that Santa had gotten for Ayden. I was sitting down by the tree trying to make everything fit when I heard footsteps behind me. Jasper was trying to see over the large stack of gifts in his arms as he headed in my direction.

"Need a hand?" I said quietly.

"Please." He grunted through the mountain of wrapped boxes. I got up and helped him to drop off Rosalyn's gifts next to Ayden's.

"Looks like Rosalyn made bank this year." I laughed.

"You think? Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, but when it comes to shopping for gifts you're so lucky you don't have a gir-" Jasper cut himself off but I already knew where he was going with that sentence.

"Oh shit man. I'm sorry really, I wasn't even thinking. Damn it, you'd expect Emmett to say something stupid like that not me. I really am sorry." He said quickly.

"Hey, it's all right. I'm good." I said trying to sound casual. It was Christmas and I wasn't about to let a little slip of the tongue ruin my day.

After we set up the presents Jasper and I went to make the coffee. We decided to avoid making breakfast. We didn't want to be responsible for ruining this Christmas. Or maybe we were just lazy. Either way my mom was the first one up besides us and came straight into the kitchen to start on a big breakfast.

The three of us sat up and talked for a while before Rosalie joined us with Kallie. I offered to hold her while Rose fixed herself a cup of coffee. She really was beautiful. I remembered being so captivated by Ayden when he was her age. I wondered about getting the chance to feel that again. I knew that even if we never had another child I would be happy with my life. I really did want to have another baby but if Bella was never ready I would accept that. I had her and Ayden; I was blessed beyond what I deserved.

My Christmas present to Bella was meant to reflect just that. I had gotten her a necklace. The pendent on it had our three birthstones on it. I had also gotten her a few other things but this gift was supposed to show her that I was happy with our family no matter the size. I was really eager to give it to her.

After a couple hours the other slowly made their way in to the living room. Once everyone was gathered the Ayden and Rosalyn sat down by the tree. All the adults had fixed themselves a plate of food and decided to just let them open all their gifts first.

I sat on the floor my plate beside me helping Ayden sort through his gifts. These kids were as spoilt as could be. I was ready for a nap by the time they were done. Emmett opened all of his baby's presents while Kallie slept through her first Christmas.

Once the kids were done we got them set up with breakfast while Alice passed around all of her gifts.

Everyone was ripping into paper while Bella looked at me gesturing for me to open my gifts. She had gotten me a couple of dress shirts with a note promising her to let me take her out to some place inappropriately nice. I laughed at my wife and opened the next gift she had gotten for me.

It was a picture of Ayden and me playing baseball. I was smiling at him and he had a proud look on his face. The picture was snapped right before the ball I tossed landed inside his glove. The frame said 'Father and Son' on it. I loved it.

"Thank you, beautiful. I love my gifts." I told her honestly. "Now come on open yours."

She ripped into one of the packages and found a picture of an elegant new desk and top of the line office chair. She looked at me a little confused.

"They'll be delivered next week. I figured since you were spending so much time writing you'd need a better desk and chair. Her face lit up and I knew she was happy with my choice. It was rare for her to take an expensive gift lightly so the fact that she didn't protest spoke volumes.

When she picked up her next gift my heart started to race. Her delicate fingers pulled the chain out of the box and held it up.

"Wow, its beautiful Edward." She whispered.

"It's our-" I started

"I know. Thank you." She smiled at me but before she turned her head I saw the slightest bit of a frown.

I tried to ignore that feeling that she wasn't okay as we moved on to opening up our gifts from the family. Everyone seemed to be happy with what they received but my mom blew us all out of the water when she opened her second gift from Alice.

"Holy shit!" She yelled.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and a room wide silence occurred. My mom rarely cursed and never yelled while doing so.

"What, what is it?" Carlisle questioned urgently.

Mom ignored him and moved to Alice pulling her in to a tight hug.

"Tell them." Alice urged. Mom looked at her questioningly. Alice nodded and Mom held up the black and white photo in her hand. The bright blue words at the top surprised me.

"Twin boys!" she cheered.

Everyone was up hugging Alice while Emmett and I shook Jasper's hand. He looked so proud, and relieved to no longer have to hold on to their secret any longer.

Everyone was cleaning up wrapping paper when Bella came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Can you come to the room with me for a minute?"

"Of course, love. Is everything alright?" I asked nervously. She seemed to have the weight of the world on her shoulders as she moved to look me in the eye.

"Yes, everything is fine. I just have a present I'd like to give you in private." She said quietly. Although, apparently not quietly enough because Emmett heard her and made a gagging noise. Bella rolled her eyes and pulled me by my hand down the hall.

As we stepped inside the room she shut the door quietly and we sat on the bed. I watched nervously as she reached in to the nightstand and pulled out a wrapped box.

"This is for you. Merry Christmas." She said exhaling loudly.

I took the box from her and noticed the sticker on it.

"Um, Bella…This says to Ayden on it…"

"I know, but I wanted you to open it for him." She said confidently. I had no idea why I was stealing presents from a child but I went ahead and tore open the paper anyway.

Inside was a small blue shirt with writing on it. I pulled it out to get a better look at it. My heart seemed to stop and speed up at the same time as I read the words printed on the front: '_World's Greatest Big Brother' _was written causing me to lose the ability to think straight.

"Are you…is this…are you ready to try?" I questioned, hoping to hell we could start trying right now.

Bella looked at me confused for a moment while I waited holding my breath. Finally she smiled brilliantly at me.

"I don't think you understand Edward. There is no trying, I'm pregnant." She said laughing.

I was on my feet in an instant pulling her to me tightly. I picked her up and spun her around our lips pressed securely together. Bella laughed as we kissed and I felt beyond happy.

"I'm sorry about the necklace; it won't exactly be current now." She said when we finally broke apart. Truth be told she didn't seem all that sorry, and neither was I.

"I don't care; I'll get you a new one." I smiled.

I pulled her out of the bedroom calling to my son.

"Ayden, Ayden…come here buddy." When Ayden finally reached us we went back into our bedroom to talk to him.

I looked at Bella as we were walking down the hall and things started to click. Obviously I'm an idiot and should have realized sooner, but she hadn't been sick or anything and I didn't even think it was a possibility.

"Bella, when did you find out?" I asked.

"When you were in California" She whispered nervously.

"Why didn't you-"

"I'm sorry I know I should have told you earlier I just wanted it to be special. I wanted to do this right. After everything I just wanted this to be something happy."

"Love I could not be any happier. Not that I'm complaining at all but…how? Weren't we careful?"

"Apparently not careful enough" She laughed.

I smiled and pulled Ayden up onto the bed.

"Ayden, Mommy and I need to talk to you. You're going to have a new little brother or sister. Does that sound good?" I asked nervous about his reaction.

Ayden looked back and forth between Bella and me before speaking.

"Is she going to grow big like Kallie?" he asked.

Bella stroked his hair and looked him in the eye. "Yes sweetie whatever this baby is will get bigger and you can play with them and share your toys. Would you like that?" She asked with a smile.

His entire face lit up with a huge smile as he barreled down the hall.

"Rosalyn, Rosalyn, guess what…" Ayden yelled as he ran.

"Oh crap" Bella said as we got up chasing after him. By the time we made it to the living room he had already broke the news.

Everyone had either a look of shock or joy, with the exception of Alice who just looked pissed.

"Liar!" she declared loudly staring Bella down.

"Alice calm down. Yeah I lied to you, but I had to make sure Edward was the first to know. Surely you can understand that." Bella said in her best persuasive tone.

"I guess" Alice said grumpily. Once the gravity of the situation registered with her she threw herself at Bella rambling about them being pregnant together.

Everyone said their congratulations and the rest of the night was spent talking about how the family was growing.

It was still early when Bella decided she was ready to go to bed. I wasn't that tired but followed her anyway just to be near her. Ayden trailed behind me saying he wanted to be with his mommy.

I helped him change into his pajamas and decided that I'd break the rules just this one other time and let him climb into bed with me and Bella.

She was asleep by the time Ayden and I were under the blankets. Ayden snuggled in close to her. He too was asleep within minutes.

As I watched them sleep I thought back to earlier in the year. It wasn't so long ago that I was in a one bedroom apartment, estranged from my wife and not being there for my son. Now I had everything I could possibly want right here with me. I had a beautiful loving wife, a great son, and a new baby on the way. Life doesn't get much better than this.

As I began to fall asleep I found peace in two things. One, everything that truly mattered in life was right here in this bed. Two, no matter what challenges Bella and I encountered in the future we would make it through them together and come out stronger in the end.

**A/N:I'm going to leave out all my sentimental whining about this story ending. (for now, it'll probably show up in the epilogue. yeah i'm a big baby.)  
**

**Wow this is probably the most nervous I've ever been after a chapter. I realize that some of you might have had different ideas as to how you wanted this to end, I hope I didn't dissapoint you to badly though. This felt right. **

**Oh and if anyone feels that it was cheesy, or overly mushy well....you're right, but after an entire story of heartfail, these two deserved a little bit of cheese. The epi should be up within a week or so, I'm wondering if anyone notices something from early in the story that still needs to be...fixed? well if you do know what I'm talking about you'll get that in the epi, i promise.  
**

**Okay if you've been reviewing, don't stop now!!! If you've been reading and hopefully enjoying this story, but haven't reviewed, then now is the perfect time to let me hear what you think. **

**Please review, I can't wait to hear your opinions. **


	38. Epilogue Happily Ever After

**A/N at the end**

**S. Meyer owns all these characters. But this plot was all me, so please don't take it. **

Epilogue

Happily Ever After

BPOV

It was early afternoon when I pulled into my driveway and I could not have been happier to be home. I had just finished up the last leg of my book tour and I ached to get inside the house to my family.

I had spent the last few months bouncing from city to city doing book signings and readings. I had fought with my publishers tooth and nail to do as little traveling as possible. I knew promoting a book was important but what was at home waiting for me far surpassed that importance.

Even though I had negotiated the deal to ensure that I was never gone for more than a week at a time it was still excruciatingly painful every time I had to leave. When I went to my first reading I couldn't have been more nervous. Despite the constant encouragement from Edward the idea of people questioning me on what I had written terrified me.

I did my first signing for the support group that had played an important part in my healing. Any qualms I had about my book being open to the public were put to rest that day. I shared my story with them and just like the rest of my signings the people were beyond receptive.

At every stop I'd end up in tears at some point, not necessarily because of losing Hannah, and nearly losing my marriage but because of the stories that these women, and some men, would share with me.

I think they viewed me as someone who had fought the same battle they had. Since I had shared so openly they felt they could do the same. It really was an amazing experience, and an extremely therapeutic one. Still, with every day I was away I longed to be home.

I quickly shut off my car and nearly ran to the door, not caring that I had left my bags in the trunk. I opened the door and was greeted with complete silence. I searched the house and found no signs of life. I was about to call Edward and see where he was when I heard laughter coming from outside.

I quietly stepped out onto the patio and stood silently for a moment taking in the beauty that was my life. Edward was playing catch with Ayden while my beautiful daughter, Lilly Faith Cullen, sat on a blanket in the grass watching them and giggling every time the ball went into the air.

Lilly was a little over a year old and my little terror. She had her father's hair, just like Ayden, but she had my eyes. She was beautiful. She was adorable, loving, smart beyond her age, and way too much like our family. At one she already had a set personality that kept us on our toes. My angel had Alice's energy, Rose's attitude at times, and she had Emmett's childhood mischievous streak. Luckily for her she had a pout and blush that combo that made it incredibly hard to scold her. Not that Edward would ever be able to anyway, she was his princess.

Ayden had taken to Lilly instantly. He decided from day one that he was her protector. A couple of months ago Emmett had been tossing Lilly up in the air and she loved it. She let out a loud squeal that Ayden had taken as a scream. He charged up to Emmett and demanded that he put his baby sister down that second. Emmett laughed and Ayden's face got red as he started slowly counting to three.

We all burst out laughing at him acting like a little adult and Edward had to have a talk with him about who he needed to protect his sister from. Uncle Emmett couldn't have been more proud of his nephew then he was right then.

I was pulled out of my reminiscing when Lilly noticed me and started bouncing and calling for me. I ran and scooped up my baby girl and walked toward my boys.

Edward turned to see me and his face broke out into a wide grin. Ayden slammed into my legs at full speed and wrapped his arms around my thigh in a death grip.

I laughed as I leaned down to kiss him on the head. Edward dropped the ball and closed our distance in two smooth strides. He wrapped his arms around me tightly being careful of Lilly and Ayden. He smiled at me once more before pressing his lips to mine. One hand moved to caress the side of my face as he deepened our kiss. The only good thing about leaving was coming home.

"You're never writing another book." He whispered against my lips.

"If I recall it was your idea Edward." I replied before pecking his lips once more.

"It was a stupid idea; don't ever listen to me again."

I knew he was teasing. Edward had been nothing but supportive through the entire process. When I was away for more than three or four days at a time I would call whining about wanting to come home and he would be there to give me a pep talk and refocus me.

I carried Lilly inside while Ayden rode on Edward's back. It wouldn't be too long before he would be in school, and I was not at all ready for that.

"Anything in particular you want to do today love?" Edward asked as he sat Ayden down.

"There are a lot of things I want to do today, but most of them will have to wait until tonight." I said quietly.

"You're killing me, you know that don't you?" He said in a sigh.

I just laughed and walked into the living room. I had entirely too much fun teasing him, but he knew when it came down to it I would be able to back up my talk.

"Honestly I just want to sit around and be with you and the kids and not worry about anything. Is that okay, or was there something you'd rather do?" I wasn't sure if he had planned anything or not.

"That's perfect. It is Sunday, but everyone won't be over until later." He reminded me.

Sunday's had become even more hectic than they were in the past. We now had three new little ones demanding our attention. Alice hadn't been happy with the fact that I had to miss a couple of Sunday's occasionally to work on the book, but she got over it fairly easy. I think it just annoyed her that her or Rose had to prepare a meal on those days when I was away.

"That's fine, we have plenty of time." I sighed, sitting down on the couch.

"The school called today, they wanted to know when and if you're coming back." Edward laughed.

I pulled Ayden onto my lap as Edward took Lilly. "Ugh do I have to?" I groaned.

Edward laughed and blew on Lilly's stomach making her giggle loudly.

"Nope." He smiled not looking away from his daughter. "You don't if you don't want to."

I sighed deeply. "I want to. I miss being in a classroom. I miss having students, but I would love to be able to stay at home too." I looked at Ayden who was curled into my chest looking completely content and peaceful to just be in my arms. I knew it wouldn't be too long before he wouldn't want to let me love on him this way. Having to constantly leave for travel had made me much more appreciative of what I had and I didn't want to miss another moment of it.

"You don't have to decide anything right now; your position is being held until the end of the year. Take a couple weeks and think it through. I'm fine with whatever you decide. It's not like you won't have to take another sabbatical soon anyway."

"You're right. I think that's what I'll do. Thank you, Edward." I said smiling at him.

He smiled back and stood up with Lilly while she rubbed her eyes with her tiny fists.

"I'm going to put her down for a nap." He said as he started to walk out of the living room. "Do you want Ayden to…" he started before I cut him off.

"In a bit, I'd really like to just hold him for a while. Soon I won't be able to." I told him quietly because Ayden was already starting to drift off, apparently they had been playing hard. Ayden rarely slept during the day anymore, much to Rose's dismay him and Rosalyn had both outgrown naps.

Edward gave me a big smile as he carried our daughter to her room.

I sat staring at my son and thinking about how things had changed in the past couple of years. Edward and I still went to therapy occasionally, not that we had any serious problems but we weren't perfect and we were both still learning.

I still felt an ache when I thought of Hannah but I had made my peace with that loss, with our loss. On our living room wall among the sea of pictures of our in-laws, ourselves, and Ayden and Lilly, hung a shadow box frame that had Hannah's sonogram picture, the picture taken of her when she was born and the letter 'H' that had been above her crib.

Edward had put it together for me for mother's day when I was pregnant with Lilly. Neither of us found it the least bit odd to have it hanging on our wall. She was a part of us that couldn't be replaced or forgotten.

"She's out like a light." Edward sighed as he came back into the room.

"So is he. I'm going to go put him in bed. It can't be comfortable to sleep in this position."

Edward frowned and lifted Ayden off my lap effortlessly. "You will do no such thing." He frowned as he carried him off to put him in his room.

I rolled my eyes at his constant over-protective nature. It didn't really bother me it was just how he was.

"I know you rolled your eyes at me when I left the room." Edward whispered in my ear from behind the couch, causing me to jump, then tingle from his warm breath on my neck.

"I did no such thing." I stuttered.

"Promise?" he mumbled while kissing my shoulder.

"Um, maybe there was a little eye rolling." I breathed.

He clicked his tongue at me and stood up straight walking around the couch.

I whimpered at the loss of contact from his lips. He just smiled as he set down on the couch next to me.

"See…I could be covering every inch of you in kisses but you had to go and act like a brat…now who am I supposed to kiss?" He teased, looking thoughtful.

I moved a little further away from him just so I could lay back and rest my head on his lap.

"I love you." I said reaching up to run my fingers along his angular jaw.

"I love you." He replied not taking his eyes off of me. His capable hands began gently sweeping my hair out of my face and before I knew it I was falling asleep.

EPOV

I sat watching Bella sleep and basking in the peaceful silence. I'm surprised she had made it this long before passing out.

She was always exhausted when she had to go and promote her book. I was beyond proud of all she had done, she worked hard, and was deserving of every bit of praise she received.

The book had done very well and I was impressed by how well Bella took both the compliments and the criticism that come with writing anything.

Bella and I had followed through with her plan to donate a great deal of the revenue from the book to the NICU that had tried to save Hannah, and to the support group that had helped Bella. I think it made Bella feel less guilty about making money from the tragedy we had endured.

Things were not always easy but we made it through. When Bella was pregnant with Lilly we hit a few snags.

We were so excited when the doctor told us we were having a girl, but after about thirty seconds of elation the guilt and fear set in. We were able to talk about it with one another and use each other for support.

We didn't let things build up anymore. We still had the occasional fight or disagreement but we didn't walk away from it. Everything that had nearly driven us apart in the past ended up bringing us closer together than we had ever been. I was exceptionally proud of what we had accomplished. Ayden and Lilly were happy and healthy and Bella and I had a better relationship than we ever had before.

I ran my fingers along my wife's stomach, trailing the barely there baby bump that she had recently developed. I couldn't wait for our newest addition to arrive and join the family. As my fingers moved toward Bella's hip my mind drifted to the night we had conceived our currently un-met child. Well, it might not have been the actual night it happened but I liked to think so.

_The hot water eased my muscles as I stood in the shower washing away the hospital scent. Bella and I were having a night to ourselves, the first in longer than I care to admit. Rosalie was taking the kids for us tonight and we would return the favor for her and Emmett tomorrow night. _

_I noticed the house had gotten unusually quiet, which could only mean that the kids had been picked up and it was just Bella and I for one amazing night. I couldn't wait to hurry and get out of the shower to see what my wife had planned for us tonight. Bella had decided she wanted to plan this date night since I had apparently planned the last one. _

_I had just started to wash my hair when I heard the bathroom door click opened and I smiled to myself. _

_The shower curtain was pulled open and I was greeted with one of my favorite sights in the world. Bella stepped into the shower, her long brown hair flowing gracefully down over her shoulders. I lost myself in my stare before she cleared her throat._

"_Are you just going to let me freeze?" She asked with a smile. _

_Without a word I pulled her in front of me by her hips trying to watch each droplet of water as it rolled over her beautifully toned body. Her head was tilted back into the water her hands ran over her hair. _

"_Beautiful" I murmured to myself. _

_She was a vision. I couldn't help myself as stepped closer to her. My arms wrapped around her on their own accord as my hands ran their way down to her lower back. She sighed softly and the sound made me even harder than I was._

_My lips found refuge on her collar bone and she moaned at the contact. _

"_You shouldn't have come in her Mrs. Cullen. We're never going to get to where ever it is we're going on time." I whispered against her skin._

_Her fingers found my jaw as she raised my head until my eyes met her's. _

"_We're not going anywhere." She said quietly._

"_I've planned a full evening for us right here at home." She said with a small smirk. I wasn't sure if more beautiful words had ever been spoken._

_My lips instantly fused to hers and her hands entrenched themselves in my hair. _

"_Make love to me." She commanded softly barely letting her lips leave mine._

"_Your wish, my command" I smiled and so did she. I kissed her fiercely enjoying ever whimper and moan that came from her._

_There were no more words passed simply the sound of our pleasure and the drops of water beating around us. _

_I released a throaty moan as her hands slid down my neck to my chest and continued to descend to my hard cock. My hands explored every inch of her body while I attempted to keep my sanity as her fingers slid up and down my shaft._

_I wrapped my hand around the back of her knee and hitched her leg around me entering her in one smooth motion. I didn't stop kissing her instead swallowing the deep moan she emitted when I filled her. _

_I leaned back against the shower wall not allowing an inch of space between our wet bodies. The only coherent thought that flashed through my mind while I dove deeper and deeper inside her was how perfect this moment with her was. _

_I felt Bella's breathing grow rapid and I moved my mouth to her earlobe, biting it just hard enough to make her scream out in pleasure. I pumped harder and faster until I felt her walls clench down around me, sending us both over the edge. She cried out and I pulled her close to me as we came down from our physical high._

"_I love you." Bella sighed as we slowly separated._

"_and I you" I replied with what little air I had left._

_We cleaned up quickly and stepped out of the warmth of the shower into the cold air. I noticed Bella trying not to pout as I ran a towel through my wet hair._

"_What's wrong love?" I questioned concerned. _

"_It's not a big deal." She said with a timid smile._

"_Bella." I chided gently._

_She sighed heavily before answering me. "We didn't break anything this time." She mumbled. "I think maybe we're losing our touch." She finished with a dramatic pout._

_I knew she was kidding but that didn't stop me from ripping the towel from her body, grabbing her by the waist and carrying her back into that shower. _

_We were going to do this right!_

Needless to say, we once again have a loose shower knob, but I couldn't be happier about it.

I was pulled out of my little trip down memory lane by the sound of Ayden's door opening in the hall behind me. Before I could call him to come into the living room I heard him run in to Lilly's room and wake her up.

"Damn it." I muttered. I was relieved Bella was asleep so I wouldn't be lectured about my language with the kids in the house. I gently lifted her up off of my lap and went to take care of my kids.

BPOV

I awoke to the sounds of 'Twinkle, Twinkle' being played on the piano, a few shades shy of perfect. I smiled to myself as I made my down the hall. When I opened the door to the spare room I was greeted with another one of the favorite moments in my life. Edward and Ayden both sat at the piano bench; Lilly perched on Edward's knee. He was playing patty-cake with her hands. I'm sure that was just to keep her from interrupting Ayden's lesson by banging on the keys.

Ayden sat with a look of sheer concentration while Edward smiled at him encouragingly. Ayden missed the final note and sighed dramatically and hung his head.

"You're getting a lot better Ayden, really you are." Edward said honestly.

"I thought it was great, sweetie." I hoped he'd smile but he just grunted and went to walk away from the piano."

"Son, come back here." Edward said in a calm yet serious tone.

Ayden sighed but turned back to Edward. His sad, green eyes broke my heart.

"Dad, I can't do it." He mumbled.

"Hey, I don't want to hear you use that word. Now come sit back down for a second." Edward said in an encouraging tone. I moved to pick up Lilly so that she wouldn't be in their way.

"Buddy, if you don't like playing the piano, that's fine with me. You don't have to if you don't want to. But, I want you to understand something; you can't give up when things get hard. Anything worth having takes work, and if you want something bad enough the work you put into it is always worth it in the end."

Ayden nodded his head slowly then looked up at me.

"He's right." I said, thinking about how long it had taken Edward and me to learn that very lesson.

"Do you want to try again?" Edward asked.

Ayden nodded and I watched as Edward leaned down to whisper something in his ear. Ayden smiled widely and shook his head up and down emphatically.

As 'Twinkle Twinkle' started to play again Edward got up from the bench and smirked at me. Without a word, he walked toward me smoothly and took my hand.

He pulled me as close as he could, with Lilly on my hip, and began moving us to the not quite gentle sounds of the piano. I couldn't help but laugh to myself as I rested my head on his chest.

"What's funny? He's not that bad." Edward whispered in my ear.

"It's not that." I said looking up at him. I told Edward about how bizarrely… right this felt. When we would dance together, when it was just the two of us, it was such a romantic, private thing. Now after going through both hell and high water we were still here. The only difference was now we had a toddler attached to us, one on the way between us, and our son playing the music we were dancing to.

We were still us, the two people who believed all we needed was each other and everything else would work itself out. We were still the same two people who had believed in a happily ever after. We were just a smarter version of that couple now and we had both learned knew that 'happy' doesn't necessarily mean perfect.

Later that evening our home was filled with family.

Alice, Rosalie, and I were in the kitchen making the side dishes for dinner and Rosalyn was helping. She was starting to take on more and more of her mother's characteristics. We were talking about our kids while the guys were outside manning the grill.

"I still can't get over how much Jackson looks like Jasper; he is the spitting image of him." Rosalie said.

It was true, Jasper couldn't deny that boy if he wanted to. Alex looked more like a blend between the two, but was equally as gorgeous.

"Yeah, yeah, so when are you going to get around to having another little one?" Alice bugged Rose, like she did every week. Rose had always said that right now she was completely content with Kallie.

"Eh, I think she's good right now with the two she has." I laughed. Rose shot me a confused look and I motioned out the window to Emmett. He was walking though the yard like a monster while the kids hung off of him like leaves on a tree. We all snickered at the sight of my childlike brother.

Edward and Jasper stood on the patio, laughing and talking animatedly with one another. It was still great to see Edward laugh, even after all this time.

A short while later the rain started and everyone came inside and packed the dining room where we ate.

I took in the sight of our large family talking and laughing with each other and felt abundantly blessed. Dinner continued without a hitch and it wasn't long before everyone headed home to get some rest.

After the kids were down for the night, Edward and I made our way to our room. We slid in to bed and he wrapped his strong arms around me pulling me to where my head rested on his chest. We told each other goodnight and told each other we loved them like we did every night. The sounds of his deep restful breathing filled the room within minutes.

This was my happily ever after. There weren't any rides into the sunsets, or horse drawn carriages. There were arguments, scraped knees, PTA meetings, 'I'm sorrys', late nights, kids crying, and grocery shopping. There was happiness and tragedy, love and anger, and misunderstandings and forgiveness. It might not be a story book ending but this was my fairy tale and I felt lucky to have it.

**A/N: Wow, I really wasn't expecting to be this bummed about this story ending. I'm probably going to tear up when I hit that 'complete' button. It took me forever to post this epi and I'm sorry about that. It just kept feeling wrong. Thanks to Gracecullen94 for helping me out with it. **

**To all of you have read this story, I want to sincerely say thank you for sticking with me, even with things for these two were....um...unpleasant. : )**

**To my reviewers, you ladies are amazing! If it weren't for you this story would not have been what it is. I mean that quite litteraly considering I had zero intention of ever doing an EPOV until you all nagged (and i say that with love) me to death about it. Thank you for that and for being so supportive of this my little story. I'm really sad this tale is over but it was time. I'm about 70% sure their won't be a sequel but I never say never so who knows. **

**I will occasionaly post some outtakes from their lives just for my own amusment. Those will be in the 'extras' story so be sure to put that on alert. If there is anything you really want to see let me know and I might be able to work something out. **

**I have a couple ideas on what I want to write next but I haven't narrowed it down yet. Go take the poll on my page and help me decide, please.**

**Well ladies, I believe that is all. I really hoped that you enjoyed this epilogue and the story as a whole. Now one last time, go ahead and review for me, you know you want to.**

**Thanks so much for reading,**

**Robin**


	39. AN

A/N

Hey guys. I wanted to let you know that I just posted the first of a series of post epilogue outtakes for ATHEA. It's in the 'Extras' story so if you haven't checked that out yet you should.

This is the only one of these little notifications I will do, so be sure you put the 'Extras' story on your alerts.

Thanks,

Robin


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